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Craig²
August 14th, 2007, 01:30 PM
They act as if you never left,
As though your life was meaningless,
As though you were of no importance...
No longer am I aknowledged,
Just left alone in the corner of the room,
Wondering where you are,
Wondering why you left me to this fate...
The world has turned their back on me,
Left me without a hand to hold,
Without my driving flame..
Life seems pointless now,
But it's like you always said to me,
"Keep holding on."

Ugh..I haven't written poetry is a few years. :x
I didn't know I had gotten this bad. o.O
Ah well. I needed to get this off my chest.

Vavavoom ♣
August 14th, 2007, 04:27 PM
Aww... That's a nice poem, Stardust-Kumo. ^^ Are you talking about your own feelings?

Manaphy1128
August 14th, 2007, 05:52 PM
I kinda suck at reveiwing poetry, so don't critizize me for critizing you...

Now i like how it flows and such, but you need a new subject. I may have heard a song almost exactly like this since the concept you use is a little popunlar and over-used.

Good luck with your future writing.

Craig²
August 14th, 2007, 07:39 PM
I kinda suck at reveiwing poetry, so don't critizize me for critizing you...

Now i like how it flows and such, but you need a new subject. I may have heard a song almost exactly like this since the concept you use is a little popunlar and over-used.

Good luck with your future writing.

Yeah I know, but I just felt compelled to write this.

I'll make more unique subjects in the future, it's just that I haven't written in awhile and my writing skills (as far as poetry goes) have slipped away from me, and I want to get back into it by starting with something I can easily write. =D Thanks Manaphy!

And Vavavoom, thank you! Yeah, it actually does. I have this thing where, whenever I write something, I always pour my emotions into it. ^^;

Careful With That Axe, Pichu!
August 14th, 2007, 07:50 PM
I kinda suck at reveiwing poetry, so don't critizize me for critizing you...

Now i like how it flows and such, but you need a new subject. I may have heard a song almost exactly like this since the concept you use is a little popunlar and over-used.

No pun intended, but judging from your poetry thread I reckon you should try that yourself.

Now, Stardust, it seems like you manage metric and rhythm pretty well, you choice of words is general and rather monotone, which makes the poem be open to many interpretations; either you could lenghten it if you want to make it more clear. Either way it's still a good poem.

Also, 'aknowledged' should be 'acknowledged'

Manaphy1128
August 14th, 2007, 07:57 PM
No pun intended, but judging from your poetry thread I reckon you should try that yourself.

Now, Stardust, it seems like you manage metric and rhythm pretty well, you choice of words is general and rather monotone, which makes the poem be open to many interpretations; either you could lenghten it if you want to make it more clear. Either way it's still a good poem.

Also, 'aknowledged' should be 'acknowledged'

Ah ha ha. Not funny.

Sample Work:

"Just look at me
You're standing there
I'm lying here
I'm dying here

If I were you in this situation
I'd look away
From the bloody damn
Body there
Lying there
Don't look at me
As i'm trying here
Not to be dying there

Just look at me
You're standing there
I'm lying here
I'm dying here

Don't look at my
Damn corpse
Sprawled on the pavement
Just look away
Away from here
Start running now

Just look at me
You're standing there
I'm lying here
I'm dying here"

Thanks so much for that.

Craig²
August 14th, 2007, 07:59 PM
No pun intended, but judging from your poetry thread I reckon you should try that yourself.

Now, Stardust, it seems like you manage metric and rhythm pretty well, you choice of words is general and rather monotone, which makes the poem be open to many interpretations; either you could lenghten it if you want to make it more clear. Either way it's still a good poem.

Also, 'aknowledged' should be 'acknowledged'

Yeah Manaphy, your poetry is excellent. =D

Thanks. And I had a hard time coming up with anything descriptive for this poem which usually doesn't happen, but during summer my intellegence and vocabulary seem to slip away. ^^;

Oh whoops XD

Careful With That Axe, Pichu!
August 14th, 2007, 08:05 PM
Ah ha ha. Not funny.

Sample Work:

"Just look at me
You're standing there
I'm lying here
I'm dying here

If I were you in this situation
I'd look away
From the bloody damn
Body there
Lying there
Don't look at me
As i'm trying here
Not to be dying there

Just look at me
You're standing there
I'm lying here
I'm dying here

Don't look at my
Damn corpse
Sprawled on the pavement
Just look away
Away from here
Start running now

Just look at me
You're standing there
I'm lying here
I'm dying here"

Thanks so much for that.

Er... I wasn't trying to be funny. It was just a tip; I'm sorry if it sounded harsh or you felt I was attacking you.

Anyway, please try to stay on topic; I have seen people doing the exact same thing in your thread, I reckon you should know how it is.

.-'Infernal Hylian'-.
August 14th, 2007, 11:26 PM
Woah. cool poem.

I won the gold poetry award in school like three years back. I even think i put one up here actually i may have to look back at my previous posts. (^_^)

music17
September 1st, 2007, 07:38 PM
I really do like this poem, I think it could flow a little nicer though. But you do say your feelings very well with your words. Don't worry poetry isn't that much about practice as much as coming from the heart.