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Black Pendulum Rayquaza
August 19th, 2007, 11:02 PM
Chapter One: The First Day

One Day,It Was Sombodys Birthday.Her Name Was Marissa.She Was Now Ten.After The Party She Ran To Professer Rowans Lab To Get Her First Pokemon.She Was Very Excited And Was At The Lab In No Time At All.Marissa Greeted Professer Rowan And Looked At The Pokeballs.There Were Nine Pokeballs."Each One Contains A Different Pokemon." Said Professer Rowan Unexpectantly.He Named The Pokemon In The Pokeballs.
"The First One Is Piplup,The Second One Is Chimchar,The Third One Is Turtwig,The Fourth One Is Mudkip,The Fifth One Is Torchic,The Sixth One Is Treeko,The Seventh One Is Squirtle,The Eighth One Is Charmander And The Nineth One Is Bulbasaur.".Marissa Had A Hard Time Deciding,But She Asked Him To Send Them Out."As You Wish." Said Professer Rowan. He Sent The Pokemon Out One-By-One.Marissa Looked At Them All,And She Decided To Choose Torchic. "Good Luck On Your Journey." Said Professer Rowan.Just
Then Torchic And Marissa Took Off.

Too Be Continued...

Calypso.
August 19th, 2007, 11:03 PM
this looks to rushed to me, the moderator'll probably say the same thing

Careful With That Axe, Pichu!
August 19th, 2007, 11:15 PM
Lacks spacing, proper punctuation and length. Grammar is hideous and the brief plot is sloppy. In other words, rushed. Read the rules and if you have time a couple of guides on fan fiction writing.

closed