Prepare 4 Trouble : PG - 13

[RocketMemberMichael]

PREPARE 4 TROUBLE - MAKE IT DOUBLE (SEQUAL TO A SPRITE COMIC)
GENRE- ACTION, ADVENTURE.
PROLOUGE- Michael Rocket a young boy from Goldenrod, Johto is in
Kanto and working for Giovanni Rocket. Giovanni entrust Michael
with a powerful theiving machine called the snag machine but it is
stolen from Michael by a man only known by KT, the Kyogre Trainer,
KT is the leader of Team Aqua. Giovanni then tells Michael that he
is his grandfather and Silon and Rei Rocket are his siblings but
this is a lie, later Michael finds out that these are all actors
and Michael`s real father was an amazing scientist with the power
to change people into pokemon, he turned himselve into Mewtwo
but this power was to much for him and killed him. When Michael
was born however he had powers, powers he was unaware of until now
this is why Team Rocket wanted to keep him, Michael then left
Kanto to live in Heonn with his freind Brendon Birch and his father
Professor Birch. Giovanni is unaware of Michael`s whereabouts however
and he has joined up with Team Magma and Aqua to kill Michael and snag
all the Pokemon in the world.

So that is the prolouge, to see it in more detail read the comic please
this story is set one year after Michael left Kanto.

Rating : PG-13

Enjoy!

Chapter 1: Bad Memories.

It was a sunny day in Heonn, Wingull and Taillow where weighlessly
gliding by, Michael X a young 14 year old boy with short black hair
was lying down in Littleroot Town stroking his Poochyena and staring
into the sky. His best freind Brendon Birch was with his father
on a trip to Sinnoh, all the professors from all over the world where
meeting up, apparently there had been a disturbance in Pokemon
behavour in Johto, May Roberts, Michael`s other best friend had moved
from Littleroot and was now living in Pewter City, Kanto so Michael
was alone with nobody to talk to but Brendon`s mother Julie.

It was getting dark and Michael decided to go indoors, Julie was asleep
and on the television there was a picture of a burning building, Michael
sat down next to Julie`s feet and turned on the news.
"Goodafternoon Heonn, I am Heather Stone and this is HA News." On the television
was a slim woman with bright blue eyes and glasses, she was sitting behind a desk
holding a sheet of paper. "There was an exposion in New Bark Town today that destroyed
all of the buildings including Professor Elm`s famous labratory, luckily Professor Elm
was not in New Bark at the time, nobody eles was harmed in the explosion, Wait, whats this!"
The woman on the screen looked confused, "There has just been a tsunami in Pallet Town! Apparently
caused apparently by a Kyogre, Professor Oak luckily was in Sinnoh just like Elm, everybody eles
in Pallet Town at the time died..." The woman looked down, "These look like assasination attempts on
the professors, if you are in a town with a pokemon lab leave now!" The television then fell and the
whole room starting rumbling, Julie woke up abruptly, it was an earthquake!

[Enperuto]

First of all, you're title needs to spell 'For' out right. No chatspeak, for the love of n00b kabobs!


PROLOUGE- Michael Rocket a young boy from Goldenrod, Johto is in
Kanto and working for Giovanni Rocket. Giovanni entrust Michael
with a powerful theiving machine called the snag machine but it is
stolen from Michael by a man only known by KT, the Kyogre Trainer,
KT is the leader of Team Aqua. Giovanni then tells Michael that he
is his grandfather and Silon and Rei Rocket are his siblings but
this is a lie, later Michael finds out that these are all actors
and Michael`s real father was an amazing scientist with the power
to change people into pokemon, he turned himselve into Mewtwo
but this power was to much for him and killed him. When Michael
was born however he had powers, powers he was unaware of until now
this is why Team Rocket wanted to keep him, Michael then left
Kanto to live in Heonn with his freind Brendon Birch and his father
Professor Birch. Giovanni is unaware of Michael`s whereabouts however
and he has joined up with Team Magma and Aqua to kill Michael and snag
all the Pokemon in the world.

This isn't a prologue... it's a summary. And can we please follow canon the leader of Aqua is Archie, not KT. Also, try to spell hOEnn, brendAn, as they are spelled in canon.



Chapter One: Bad Memories

It was a sunny day in Heonn, Wingull and Taillow where weighlessly
gliding by, Michael X a young 14 year old boy with short black hair
was lying down in Littleroot Town stroking his Poochyena and staring
into the sky. His best freind Brendon Birch was with his father
on a trip to Sinnoh, all the professors from all over the world where
meeting up, apparently there had been a disturbance in Pokemon
behavour in Johto, May Roberts, Michael`s other best friend had moved
from Littleroot and was now living in Pewter City, Kanto so Michael
was alone with nobody to talk to but Brendon`s mother Julie.


I thought Micheal's last name was Rocket... why is it X? You didn't explain it or anything. Also, when you're working on description, try not to just list things. For example, your first sentence would be better similar to this:

It was a sunny day in Hoenn, and the Taillow and Wingull weightlessly glided above the earth. Micheal Rocket awoke, yawning exhaustedly and rubbing his hand through his thick black hair, then reaching down to stroke his Poochyena's thick grey-black fur while looking up at the sky.

But really it was one long sentence, and you probably should have broken it up a bit. I guess this is a sequel to a comic, but most readers of fan fiction don't really read comics, so you might want to elaborate more.



It was getting dark and Michael decided to go indoors, Julie was asleep
and on the television there was a picture of a burning building, Michael
sat down next to Julie`s feet and turned on the news.
"Goodafternoon Heonn, I am Heather Stone and this is HA News." On the television
was a slim woman with bright blue eyes and glasses, she was sitting behind a desk
holding a sheet of paper. "There was an exposion in New Bark Town today that destroyed
all of the buildings including Professor Elm`s famous labratory, luckily Professor Elm
was not in New Bark at the time, nobody eles was harmed in the explosion, Wait, whats this!"
The woman on the screen looked confused, "There has just been a tsunami in Pallet Town! Apparently
caused apparently by a Kyogre, Professor Oak luckily was in Sinnoh just like Elm, everybody eles
in Pallet Town at the time died..." The woman looked down, "These look like assasination attempts on
the professors, if you are in a town with a pokemon lab leave now!" The television then fell and the
whole room starting rumbling, Julie woke up abruptly, it was an earthquake!

Sing it with me: unrealistic, *clap clap clap clap clap* unrealistic!

But seriously, news persons do not do scientific analyzation, especially basic anchorwomen, who don't really know fields more than in generalizations. And how in the world would anyone besides someone knowing about Aqua / Rocket / Magma activities figure out that they are connected? So yeah... it's not really realistic. 1. Anchorwomen aren't that smart / aren't supposed to analyze and make assumptions. They're supposed to report the news. The governor / president of Hoenn could issue a warning, but not an anchorwoman. 2. They likely would have had reporters near each of the cities, because that's how news on tv does things - they don't just tell you that there was a fire in California, they have a reporter from their company or an affiliate (NBC, ABC, CBS, FOX networks, for example) reporting live from the scene.

So yeah... there you go. Some things to work on.

Sorry for being blunt, I guess, but you need to work on those things.

[Careful With That Axe, Pichu!]

Your stories are rushed D: Please try not to accelerate the process of writing, it might result in a bad and very brief story that doesn't meet the rules of the section.

closed