Super Dawn ? (PG-13)

[Crystal Hikari]

Chapter 1--Super Dawn !

Ash, Dawn and Brock were traveling through Sinnoh. Ash had already recieved four Badges. With Pikachu at his side, his other Pokemon were Staraptor, Grotle and Ambipom. Dawn had won 3 Ribbons and had 4 Pokemon as well, Prinplup, Lopunny, Pachirisu and Buziel. Brock, who knows a lot of breeding, has traveled with Ash every region he went (except the Orange Islands). Brock's team is Sudowoodo, Croagunk and Happiny. They reached Snowpoint Town and rested at the Pokemon Center

"Well, all your Pokemon are fully healed" Nurse Joy said and smiled
"Thank you Nurse Joy !" Ash and Dawn both said
"At last my dear, we meet ! I know I'm traveling with kids, but if you said the magic words, I'll leave them and stay with yo !"
Brock said as Croakgunk used Poison Jab and walked away
"Boy Brock ! Will he ever learn ?" Dawn questioned

Dawn and Ash left looking for Croakgunk and Brock. But, suddenly it turned dark and it started to rain.
"Ah ! It's raining !" Dawn whined
"Dawn, stop whining !" Ash replied. The two entered a building and the found several figures walking around in the dark. Ash clicked on the lgiht and there were several Mismajius !
"Ah ! Mismajius !" they both screamed. They tried to escape, but they were trapped. Suddenly, the Mismajius's gleamed a bright light. It suddenly envopled Dawn and blew Ash away
"Ash, what's happening ?" Dawn said, worried. Dawn suddenl started to grow
"No, the Mismajius must be creating another super Pokemon, except this time, they're using a Trainer instead of a Pokemon !" Ash thought to himself. Brock woke up and was walking when he heard a rumbling
"Earthquake ?" Brock questioned
"Croak ?" Croakgunk turned it's head a little. Suddenl Dawn's body began to break through the roof. Brock's mouth was wide open as he saw what was happening to Dawn. Suddenly Dawn stopped as she was taller then the city's skyline. People were running around as Dawn looked around, very freaked out.
"Ah ! I'm a gaint !" Dawn jumped up and down. This thus caused a massive earthquake and plunged the city into the river. Ash and Brock now find themselves clutched in Dawn's hands
"Where are we going ?" Ash questioned
"I don't know, but Dawn seems to know the way to go" Brock replied
"We're going to visit the Fix-Up Magician on Full Moon Island. Hopefully he can fix me and make me return to normal" Dawn stated
"I hope he can, Dawn" Ash said

I hope you enjoyed the first chapter

[Careful With That Axe, Pichu!]

Missing punctuation after dialogues, weak narration; spelling is not okay. Some idioms just are not so necessary.

Argh... You can do better with diction. Als the plot is kinda sloppy due to the lack of proper narration.

So yeah, this fic doesn't meet the section's standards. Hope you improve, or I'll have to close it.

[Crystal Hikari]

I'm not very good at making fan-fics, I just need to brainstorm a little

[Astinus]

You can take all the time in the world to brainstorm ideas for your fanfic. There's no need to rush when writing. Take your time to make this work the best that you can.

Just as a general thing, you should mark your fanfiction as having spoilers for the anime. The Mismagius episode hasn't been dubbed yet, so those who only watch the dub would be spoiled if they read your story...like I was. :/ It's just a courtesy to your readers.

Another courtesy is having good grammar and spelling. This makes your story easy to read. You need to correctly punctuate sentences, having ending punctuation marks. Also, there aren't spaces before the ending punctuation mark. It's done the way that I or CWTA,P did it.

Also make sure that there aren't any spelling errors in your fic. A word processing program like Microsoft Word or OpenOffice comes with a spell-checker that corrects your words. But it doesn't know Pokemon names. There are ways to check to make sure you have those correct, by using any one of the various Pokedexes found online. Right now, I can tell you that it's "Mismagius" and "Croagunk".

Check out the Writing Guide (http://www.pkmncommunity.com/showthread.php?t=29844) and the PFF Rules (http://www.pkmncommunity.com/showthread.php?t=91449).

Like I said, writing takes time and work. Just keep practicing, and soon you'll get it.

[RocketMemberMichael]

This fanfic is too unorginal, its just a copy of the anime and the puntuation and spelling is not very good, just try it again and take your time.

[Googlebug]

OK. I havnt seen the anime but the plot seems a bit over the top IMO. I've noticed just a few silly mistakes such as...

lgight, suddenl Which could have easily been fixed through a word processor ike the others said. Maybe the chapters could be a little longer but I suppose that's really up to you. Have fun and keep writing. I hope I've helped. - Googlebug.