PDA

View Full Version : Ashes against a Winter Sky


oni flygon
August 27th, 2007, 07:14 AM
I appreciate comments and critiques. They're always welcome.

Ashes against a Winter Sky

Winter, a season indifferent to the status of the Earth,
Will continue to blanket this soft and muddy dirt…

Sullen ashes of the burning sky falling from above;
Floating softly, like the withered wings of a butterfly—

The wind echoes a lullaby that skips through the ebbs of time;
Dreamily sings and lazily brings a melancholy and elegant song:
It reverberates through the halls of history, continuous and ever present,
Like the billowing mist that hung over the corpses of men after the war…
Unwary of their children playing with the ashes that came from the sky
During the eternal winter when the ashes never cease to fall…
_




If you haven't quite figured out what this poem is about, it's about Nuclear Winter.

Careful With That Axe, Pichu!
August 29th, 2007, 03:30 PM
Great rhythm, ironically. XD It flowed really well. Diction is out of discussion, and as I know the source of your inspiration I can say you've worded it very fluently and eloquently here. Great work.

music17
September 1st, 2007, 07:30 PM
That was really good. The flow was nice and I must say you are very talented!

Oddly enough all I could think of was the scene in Schindler's List were the kids were playing in the ashes of the burned prisoners of the concentration camps.

Careful With That Axe, Pichu!
September 1st, 2007, 07:32 PM
Oddly enough all I could think of was the scene in Schindler's List were the kids were playing in the ashes of the burned prisoners of the concentration camps.

Which tells us that Oni employs imagery with great ease and effectiveness.