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MollyHaleIsMyFriend
September 25th, 2007, 11:31 PM
The Holiday Talent Show

There's going to be a holiday talent show at Pallet Town Elementary School; Ash, Molly and his other friends sign up for the talent show.

"I can't believe it's that time again" said Ash.

"What is your talent, Ash?" asked Brock.

"Dunno" Ash replied.

They arrive at Pallet Town Elementary School; and Ash's teacher Mr. Shatner is hosting the talent show.

"What's up, Ash?" said Mr. Shatner

"Nuttin much" Ash replied.

"Ready for the talent show?" Me. Shatner asked

"We all are" Ash replied

"I just met your teacher Mr. Shatner, Ash" said Mrs. Ketchum

"Cool, Mom" Ash replied

Mr. Shatner and the staff of Pallet Town Elementary School prepare for the talent show.

Mrs. Ketchum Professor Oak and Ash;s relatives and friends' relatives sit in the audience

"Good Evening, and welcome to our school holiday talent show" said Mr. Shatner

team rocket steals the talent show crops

"Team Rocket!"

"Prepare for trouble" said Jessy

"And Make it double!" said James

"To protect the world from devastaion" said Jessy

"To unite all people within our nation" said James

"To denounce the evil of truth and love" said Jessy

"To extend our reach to the stars of above" said James

"Jessy!" said Jessy

"James!" said James

"Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light!" said Jessy

"Surrender now or prepare to fight!" said James

"Meowth, Thats Right!" said Meowth

"We will not let you ruin our holiday talent show" yelled Ash

Ash and his friends use their pokemon to battle Team Rocket

"Poison sting attack" yelled Jessy

Ekans uses his poison sting and Pikachu jumps over it

"Koffing, sludge attack" James ordered

Koffing uses his sludge attack and pikachu uses his agility

"Go, Charmander!" said ash!

"Charmander, Ember!" yelled ash

Charmander uses his ember

"Pikachu, Thundershock!" yelled ash

Pikachu uses his thundershock and team rocket is defeated

"Team Rocket is blasting off again!" yelled Team Rocket

Mr. Shatner and the staff set up for the talent show

Mrs. Ketchum Professor Oak and Ash;s relatives and friends' relatives sit in the audience

"Good Evening, and welcome to our school holiday talent show" said Mr. Shatner

"Our first talent show contestant is Molly Hale!" said Mr. Shatner

Molly Hale plays diffrent christmas songs on the piano.

Audience applauds wildly

"Our 2nd talent show contestant is Misty Waterstun!" said Mr. Shatner

Misty uses her chemistry to make Vinegar into Saltwater, Then Saltwater Into Freshwater.

Audience applauds wildly

"Our 3rd talent show contestant is Richie!" said Mr. Shatner

Richie sings christmas songs with Molly on the piano

Audience applauds wildly

"Our 4th talent show contestant is Brock!" said Mr. Shatner

Brock breeds pokemon and feeds them and sings them to sleep

Audience applauds wildly

"Our 5th and final talent show contestant is Tracey Scetchit!" said Mr. Shatner

Tracey sketches pokemon and watches them while he scetches

Audience applauds wildly

"I want to thank all of our talent show performers; and I also want to thank out talent show scout; Ash Ketchum!" said Mr. Shatner

Audience applauds

Ash Ketchum eats some yummy strawberries

they stop by the place for dinner

Ash Ketchum eats a cheeseburger with Onions, sweet relish and mustard with friens plain

Molly Hale eats chicken fingers.

they go home to bed after they had their baths, and ice cream

THE END

The Infinite Devil Machine
September 26th, 2007, 06:42 AM
You desperately need 40ccs of description. You skip over the most interesting parts of your fic and the narrative jumps all over the place. Try to improve. Seriously, you put more description into Ash's hamburger than you did into the talent show and battle.