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Craig²
October 22nd, 2007, 11:48 PM
Love Blossoms From Pain

I see you look at me,
From out of the corner of my eye,
And I see the melancholy behind those vibrant emerald orbs,
Crying out to me,
Screaming my name,
Pleading for help...

But as reality would have it,
Our lives spiral downward as one,
Indifferent; clasping onto eachother in hopes of finding peace and love between us,
And even though we may try to hide it,
There is no mistaking the terrible pain that connects us,
There is no confusing the bleeding in our hearts.

I try to forget myself,
I try to live my life for you,
But my heart just cant take it.

Everytime I look at you,
I feel your pain rushing through my veins,
Entertwining and mixing with mixing with my own,
And together they break down my heart,
Killing me slowly from the inside out.

Late at night,
As I stare up into the light of the midnight stars,
You drift into my mind,
Your bright eyes appear in the skies,
And as I gaze into them,
Longing to say, "I love you," one last time before you go,
Tears blossom from love and pain,
And I let them fall effortlessly into the ground,
And with each tear I surpress a scream,
And with each tear I feel you bleed.

And I know you hear me apologize for not being there,
But I know that it hurts you every time,
But you don't know how much I love you,
How often I think of you,
How many tears I cry for you.
You'll never know the pain of watching you cry,
You'll never know the pain of seeing you die inside.

You should know, though,
That whenever I look at myself in the mirror,
I see your pain reflect in my eyes,
And I realize that we are the same,
And I wish you would too,
So that maybe you wouldn't feel so alone,
So that maybe we could have eachother's hand to hold,
When we're gasping for breath in the midst of the reality that chokes us,
When we're facing death and praying for eachother as we ascend into heaven.


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Written about my friend Craig. =)

Careful With That Axe, Pichu!
October 24th, 2007, 06:33 PM
Rhythm is gone. Is this actually prose purposedly turned into horribly metered verses?

Hinamori_Momo
October 24th, 2007, 07:08 PM
I thought it was pretty good CWTAP.

Careful With That Axe, Pichu!
October 24th, 2007, 07:23 PM
There's a nice choice of words and description (let by length) has its place, so diction is fine.

So what? Rhythm is hideous.

A poem without metric or a definite structure is like playing soccer with a pineapple. Still soccer, but you don't get the standard nor the best experience out of it.

Vanguardism? Ignorance?

Besides, nowadays, if you're gonna write love you have to be careful. It may result in clichéd words or phrases like our friend employed here.