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Gummy
October 24th, 2007, 07:13 PM
I'm not really a poem person but I wrote a few while going through one of my phases. If I can find the rest, I'll post them.

Caught my eye

I saw you walkin’ down the street
And girl, you caught my eye
But I knew we couldn’t be together
But I continue to ask why

Your sweet and tender smile
The sound of your laughter
The brightness of your face
Shines like the rapture

Your name is beautiful
Just like your smile
We’re separated by a few feet
But it feels like a mile

I see that you’re with a boy
But I pay him no mind
To me he’s a spec of dust
Unrelated to human kind

But now it’s time to move on
In my heart, you can no longer fit
Girl you’ve caught my eye
And now it’s time to release it

Careful With That Axe, Pichu!
October 24th, 2007, 07:31 PM
Can you please tell us why is it really good, Momo? Sorry, I'm curious because you might just be posting for the heck of it.

Glaj, I really love the metaphors and motif, but the meter is sloppy. Maybe arrange the metric for it to flow real better?