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Lady Nicole
November 10th, 2007, 04:03 AM
WARNING: I SUCK AT POETRY D:

I decided to post something because:paranoid:…everyone else was doing it! XD
I wrote this for homework once back in the days when I used to do Classical Civilization at school =D


Alexandria was the greatest of cities,
Its glory was known far and near.
Alexander the Great
Built a wonderful state,
And on his death was shed many a tear.

King Ptolemy followed as ruler –
A successful and prosperous king.
On land and on sea,
Victorious was he,
And a mighty nation did spring.

A Greek and a Roman were in love:
Cleopatra and Caesar they were.
He was stabbed with a knife
And was robbed of his life
By a treacherous, murderous pair.

They were known as Brutus and Cassius,
That stabbed the great Caesar to death.
But alas for these two,
If they only knew
They were about to draw their last breath.

Lepidus, Augustus and Mark Antony,
Supporters of Caesar, were they,
Did fight in a war
And all of them saw
The merciless two stabbed that day.

Mark Antony espied Cleopatra,
The beautiful queen he adored.
He divorced his own wife
To start a new life,
But Augustus, this idea, he abhorred.

Augustus’ sister was jilted.
Augustus looked for revenge
On Cleopatra and lover,
But the ex-wife’s brother
Wanted his sister avenged.

Mark Antony met with his doom
On his way back home to his dear.
For Cleopatra to discover
The death of her lover,
Made her grief turn from tear to fear.

Augustus sought his revenge,
And wanted her hated by all.
When she heard of his plot,
To shame her, she got
An asp smuggled into her hall.

She lay all alone on her bed,
The sorrowful tears were all shed.
The snake took a bite
And put out her light,
And Augustus found she was dead.


Lol. That’s just about the only poem I’ve ever written in my entire life. You can’t say I didn’t warn you I suck…XD

Lumine
November 10th, 2007, 06:16 AM
You call this suck? seriously you need to know your own levels of intelligence Nikki -__-, I personally think this is one of the most dramatic and sensational poem I've ever seen, keep up the good work hey.

Romance Hero
November 10th, 2007, 07:37 AM
Personally, I love history, and I love poetry, so I love your poem! :D Okay, time for seriousness. It may be possible that you overused "they were" and "were they" in that tense, not that's not illegal in writing poetry, but it may have watered down the piece. I'm not sure if you wanted to make the transaction from 'Alexander the Great' to 'The Life of Julius Caesar' so that was a bit confusing. Well, if you never write poems, then this is a good start! I'm eager to see more from you, I think they will be interesting. When you look at someone's poem, you can see how that person thinks, and writes. Like... Oni Pichu for example. He's too formal, so he sounds like a robot in his poems. My poems particularly are to be voiced and expressed.

All in all, I think this was a great poem. Don't quit on poetry, and try to continue creative writing! :D

Lady Nicole
November 10th, 2007, 09:05 AM
Personally, I love history, and I love poetry, so I love your poem! :D Okay, time for seriousness. It may be possible that you overused "they were" and "were they" in that tense, not that's not illegal in writing poetry, but it may have watered down the piece. I'm not sure if you wanted to make the transaction from 'Alexander the Great' to 'The Life of Julius Caesar' so that was a bit confusing. Well, if you never write poems, then this is a good start! I'm eager to see more from you, I think they will be interesting. When you look at someone's poem, you can see how that person thinks, and writes. Like... Oni Pichu for example. He's too formal, so he sounds like a robot in his poems. My poems particularly are to be voiced and expressed.

All in all, I think this was a great poem. Don't quit on poetry, and try to continue creative writing! :D

You're right! You're right about the subject of the poem wandering too much, and you're right about overusing certain words; I think I overused the word "stabbed" too XD But I don't really write poetry, that's my first poem. I did another one but I can't find it >.< Poetry's not really my strong point, I must say.