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Pokemon Island: Lockdown

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Kecleonfan666

Is better than you
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NOTE: This fanfic is based off of a RP in another forum, and it wa sone of the best, the characters were created by other people, save for my own characters.

NOTE: The first chapter is almost up, it just needs to be proofreaded.

The Main cast

Swirls
Kecleon
Red coloration, black zig zag
Swirls along with his brother Swirly were two of the many main characters in the story who truly had an edge and effect on the storyline, Swirls is a bit of slob, yet he is always prepared in a situation. He does however carry too much things with him, sometimes slowing down the group, other times hassling the group to get their butts moving, not that he has a say in such things. He is naturally dazed, and often confused, but is a good fellow, a bit annoying though.

Swirly
Kecleon
Blue Coloration, white zig zag.
Swirly is the more straighter and intelligent of the two brothers. Whereas Swirls always maintains a seemingly drunken state, Swirly is always focusing on logic over over headstrong, unlike Swirls. He is organized, but like Swirls, his intelligence and seemingly incapability of enjoying himself, he usually never looks on the bright side, Swirly often smites his brother whenever he blurts crazy things out to strangers, which often results in Swirls being made a fool of. Nonetheless, he is not very calm, and often worrys himself.

More characters will be introduced through time, and some will be killed through time, but it is all the same for everyone, power players on Pokemon Island.

_______________________________

Prolouge

In the world today, there is a dominant race among all other races, humans, who dominate Pokemon and sit at the top of the world, on top of Pokemon so they believe, humans are called invasive of the true rulers of the world, Pokemon, yet many Pokemon have came to befriend Human Life and come to think of them as partners, friends, and comrads, and same way many humans fell for Pokemon, but some humans have dark goals and dark persons, cruelly using and treating Pokemon like dirt is not what is approved by anyone, but people and Pokemon fight back. And that is what knits the two races so closely together, balance allowing them to live in a world together. Pokemon and humans side by side is said to be one of the dominant forces of the world, friendship and love which conquers all, in other words, positivity. That is what is said to make the bind between two races so powerful.

However, humans do not know nearly as much about this world as the Pokemon do, and they're knowledge is what some humans treasure. Nonetheless, Pokemon live in every corner of the world, anywhere, humans confining themselves into comfortable places, there are many places in the world a human being has never set foot, although a large island is usually not the case, one island in the world is an exception, a mysterious force is what isolates it from humans and pretty much the whole rest of the world, this mysterious force is a special breed of balance, the kind that channels and flows all over the world, keeping it at peace, but over anywhere in the world, humans break balance. Here, is where balance is most concentrated, as well as the beings that keep balance a staple part of life. That is what makes Pokemon Island and the surrounding area so pure and untainted. Pokemon live here in harmony, and without their human majors, have themselves advanced, taking the place of humans in their own little world. Pokemon Island is where the most intelligent Pokemon of the world reside, any Pokemon.

However, nowhere is a perfect sanctuary, a haven for anything to just settle down and live forever without conflict. Wild Pokemon are still running around this island, but something disturbing, something more has struck here. Pokemon that have strange coloration, often becoming green ,there eyes filled with hatred. Large and small Pokemon Villages are keeping them at bay, but as well numbers fall, their numbers increase, it is called a disease, a plague on the perfect sanctuary of Pokemon Island. People say it was never a sanctuary at all, as rabid Pokemon were never in their zeros, but just recently has it escalated to immense amounts of diseased Pokemon ravaging and hunting, anywhere outside of a village is unsafe, and yet, they grow stronger, it is an enigma to most Pokemon, and remains so. It is said that any open wound of wound touched or inflicted damage by a rabid Pokemon, the victim will eventually join the infected, persuading village to kill their wounded. It is treason, but this is what has come of the island, and several Pokemon have became involved in this deadly affair with destiny, but not just like is on their side, light guides them in their fight for freedom.

Chapters

PART 1

Gathering The Collection​
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Kecleonfan666

Is better than you
14
Posts
16
Years
Chapter 1: Gathering the collection

The Jungle of the Vast Pokemon Island stretched very far across the Island, it was a portion, however, as many jungles existed on Pokemon Island. The Village of Root was nearby, and this was the southernmost part of the Island, northward were two paths, one to the Rock Village,a huge stronghold where the people are old but friendly, and tough not to mention, the other way was a more newer village, the Branch Village, it was a masterpiece, many house suspended on poles to protect against floods which occurred constantly, the middle of it was Root, a large yet peaceful Village that was powerful as well, the entire southern tip of the island was allied with each other, with ash Village literally on Mt. Smog which was in the center of this trade route got it's name a from a smoggy top of the mountain, it covered the peak of the mountain, and a huge dragon was said to have guarded the peak.

Today, two enthusiastic fellows were playing in the jungle, well rather hunting, The virus that caused rabidness in Pokemon, given the virus was a Pokemon itself, the two Pokemon, Swirls the Kecleon, and Swirly the Kecleon, two twin brothers but with opposite colorations, they were closely knit, but often bickered with each other, and kept a distance between aggravated people who protected their ears to stop the flow of incoherent babbling between the two, Swirls was holding an authentic laser gun, which unknownst to him, was a bee bee gun. Swirly had tried explaining to Swirls it was fake, and he was ripped off, but as usual did not listen and really thought he could go hunting the Virususu, the causer of rabidness in Pokemon that attacked other Pokemon, Swirls was enthusiastic to kill them. He claims many strange things Swirly will usually just shrug off.

"Tell me again WHY exactly I'm here with you in this damp dirty jungle?" Swirly impatiently demanded from Swirls.

"Because, I want these danged "diseased" things off this my island? Got it!?"

Swirly was only annoyed at Swirls again, because he thought Swirls did all of the most unnecessary things a Kecleon could do in their life in only 15 minutes by Swirls, while Swirly was the one who didn't exactly take t taking risks, especially one as big as this. Though they weren't very small anymore, and their parents had moved on, and they were old enough to live on their own, Swirly thought less of Swirls, and often had to keep him from annoying people anymore than he does himself.

"Since when did this island become yours?" Swirly questioned with sarcastic disbelief.

"It's my birthright!" Swirls answered with enthusiasm. The truly sad part about all of this is that Swirls never really realized Swirly was ever being sarcastic unless he told Swirls, but did not. Ever.

Swirls and Swirly were in the safest part of the Jungle, but certainly was not safe. It was the Safari Zone, a sun shine showered place, usually shining by the sun reflecting off the morning dew, there were a few streams here, but the only true large waterway was the Waterfall between Branch Village and Root Village, pillars rising from it's ground, it extended into platforms which had buildings and homes, add at least 3 dozen of them, all varied sizes, and you have the ancient ruins of Waterfall Village. Some time ago, it was a powerful village with a grip on all of the souther tip, two rebellion groups Root Village and Branch Village joined together to end the grimace rule of Waterfall, destroying much of it and leaving what is left of it today. It's leader died, and so did many of it's people, but descendants of the ancestor sof the time of it's rule still inhabit the ruins today. That is why Waterfall is usually stayed away from, people who cross the cliff must use the bridge near the end of it or cross and navigate Waterfall Ruins. Not many people have come to do that, and most people have not planned for it.

Meanwhile, Swirly and Swirls were heading back to the village, Swirly having it with this "joyride", insisting Swirls cease and head back, Swirls had yet to find his fun today, so he decided to go back to Root and annoy his friend Robert the Swampert, who was not too tolerant of Swirls himself, was more of a friend of Swirly then Swirls, but the two had no bad blood, so they might as well be good friends, and so they are. Swirls and Swirly had returned to the village and had began walking through the streets, walking up to the northern edge of town, where the foot of the volcano was, and walked up the stairs to Robert's house, ironic location for a Water Pokemon, but was still half Ground. As expected, Swirls unnecessarily pounded on the door, screaming "ROBERT!". It was annoying the heck out of Swirls after the first three seconds, Robert finally opened the door, and Swirls ran in, getting comfortable on the sofa.

"Hey Robert, nice you place you got here!" Swirls said as he lapped down, his hands on the back of his head, sitting comfortably, he saw a few videos on the floor and the TV on, he looked at Robert.

"Watcha doing!?"

But before Robert had a chance to wag his head in a no gesture and tell Swirls to shut up and get out, Swirly walked next to Robert, Swirls immediately got up and left out the door, grabbing and dragging along Swirly, Robert closed the door with a rather annoyed look, Swirly looked at Swirls with a tired up and thrown around look on his face, since he was forced around by his younger yet stranger brother Swirls, Swirls then got a look of intrigue on his face, like he had something up his sleeve to annoy everyone around him even more, this was pretty much the normal day for Swirly. Swirls then finally let it out.

"Let's go back into the Safari!"

True the Safari has not seen any rabid attacks yet, there was no reason one would be coming any time soon, but Swirly just couldn't control Swirls, and after thinking to himself, he had realized Swirls ran off and quickly caught up ,the two walking through the forest, Swirls and Swirly walked through the trees and shrubs, some other undergrowth, Swirls startled a few Pokemon as he went along. Then, he saw a Pikachu, in the tree, it appeared to be a girl, and it was very laid back at the moment, comfortable and eating a Pecha Berry, she was oblivious to both of their presences. Swirls looked up at the Pokemon eating, Swirly looking at Swirls looking at the Pikachu eating, Swirls just continued looking, with his annoying stare. She opened her eyes to see the two down there. She threw her eaten Pecha Berry on the ground, what was left was the root of it, and yelled quite loudly.

"This place is SO boring!"

After she was done, she had a "I don't care" look, she did not care if the whole world heard her, her attention turned to the two Kecleon standing in front of her, and a smile entered her mouth, and her eyes looked like slits, she was thinking. "Maybe I can annoy them!". She then was much more happy, and looked at the two of them with a face ready to burst with laughter, she was giggling a bit. She was ready to make a fool out of them, but before they could begin, Swirls just began talking, and in his most possible annoying tone of voice he could muster.

"Watcha eating!?"

It echoed for a second, then ceased, and the Pikachu named Mist looked rather annoyed, that she had been smited before she could even begin, so she decided to have some fun and make the both look like idiots.

"Nothin'" She managed to shrug out, then she turned her eyes to SWirly, who looked surpised right after, and Mist regained an evil smile on her face, and was almost slipping when she began talking in a VERY annoying tone of voice.

"Where ya going? Eh? Two of you? Yucky! Double the ugliness!"

Swirly shut down at that moment, and with a blank face, simply stepped back behind Swirly with disqust, and turned the other way. Nobody had noticed that the bushes near the clearing where they were babbling on all about was moving, being brushed around by something moving through the undergrowth, streacks of blue fur as it walked, it's four paws lighlty padding the ground, making little snaps with fallen rotting leaves cracking as it moved, nobody had seemed to notice until the bushes right next to them began rumbling, and an Eevee with a shy but inviting face walked out, it's eyes were green, and it looked happy, and it was happy because it had found people, but Mist the Pikachu and Swirls were still at it.

"Hello!" The Eevee said witha happy attitude, but nobody had seemed to notice other than Swirly, who was not really listening to anyone, but heard another voice from the little Eevee. After Swirls was done staring, he looked at Mist and the little Eevee, still a blank face, but it was directed to Mist, not Sam the little Eevee. But even though that was true, the young Eevee seemed a little discouraged. Then SWirly began talking again, and his next words could not annoy Swirly anymore. He looked at Swirly again.

"Swirly, why exactly did I bring my laser into the Safari?" Swirly couldn't tell if Swirls was doing this just to annoy him or if he really was this stupid, and Swirly didn't have a good idea of either of them, maybe Swirls was just an annoying person.

"You brought your bee bee gun here to try and kill Virususu." Swirly said, annoyed, and seeming a little tired from today, Mist appeared to have grabbed another Pecha Berry and began eating. Swirls did the same thing, but then just as Swirly was calming down, again he had to aggravate Swirly's nerves. Swirls still had an irritated look, now directed to Swirly, and looked forward again.

"Of course! you ever see those little buggers around? I'm in game business here! They've been ruining my Island since they set foot here!" Swirly's face then went really pale, and he got a mad look at Swirls, as this has happened before, Swirly would have to correct Swirls yet again for being an idiot.

"Darn it Swirls! This is not YOUR island!" And to add to that, Swirly slapped Swirls sharply against the back of his head, making Swirls screech an ow, and rub the back of his head, and then Swirly turned his attention to the little Eevee, and began asking it questions. Further away, but still close by, another movement in the undergrowth started, streaks of red fur flashing across the green colored plants and brown rotten leaves and dead plants, he navigated to find anyone else here, he was not very liked, and was looking around for somebody.

"Hmm, I wonder if anyone else is here." He said to himself. He continued to look around, meanwhile Swirly backed down to Sam and started asking questions about the lone Eevee, he appeared concerned, and knew it was not dangerous, he looked with intrigue.

"I've heard about a Blue Eevee that wasn't accepted among others, I saw a picture, but it was black and white, I never really believed them, are you that Eevee?" Swirly asked with curiosity, Sam's face turned a little gloom,y her ears flopping down a bit, her smile changing to a weak grin, she looked at Swirly, a little sad, but still maintaining herself, she turned to Swirly.

"Yes, and I don't have a friend either." The young Eevee was not liked by the other shunned, she was forced to wander the Safari, big as it was, there were no friendly souls to help her out in the time of need, she would often become sad, despite her cheerful disposition, the other thing she hated was when people had to point it out to her. At the same time, the face of a Red Eevee popped out of the brush and looked around at the Pokemon in sight, overhearing the conversation, he burst in and immediately joined it, sitting next to the Eevee.

"I don't have a home either, and I'm looking for a friend." He had a bit of an innocent face, and didn't seem to bright, but seemed like a nice fellow. Swirls overheard the conversation, spit out his Pecha Berry, and angrily looked at Swirly with anger in his eyes.

"You can stay with us if you want." Swirly's words seemed clear, and Swirls immediately turned red at Swirly, and was ready to burst, as he often did, he turned to Swirly, and began talking in an angry tone.

"Darn it Swirly! I'm the man of our house, you're simply the boy of it! I decide who stays or not, let me do the honors you jerk! You are free to stay with us you two." Swirls got his way, and Swirly seemed rather annoyed over Swirls yelling over such little thing,s he turned away and continued to mind himself, both Sam and Flame seemed less gloomy, but Flame still seemed sad,

"I don't have any friends, I'll never have on either..." Flame seemed rather negative, but Swirls quickly acted up in response to this, and happily told it to him.

"You can stay with us! It'll be like a sleepover, only it'll be forever! We'll have a blast!" Swirls stuck his tounge at Swirly, who tried to grab it, but missed, and Swirls was very satisfied with himself, the Pikachu having left, Swirls then looked at the two Eevees, their face shining with happiness, they apparently never experienced something like this before. Sam seemed the most joyful, Flame looking more content, but still happy, Sam cried out.

"Really? You mean it!? Thank you so much!" Flame wagged his head in a happy gesture, understanding, Swirls then began walking, signaling with his hand, urging that the two come along, Swirly then began to follow, keeping behind, knowing it was not perfectly safe, they realized that the sun was beginning to come down, but Swirls would probably stay up all night, playing around with his new roommates. Swirls was also very happy, Swirly still keeping a good look on his face, they headed toward the Village.

Next Time,
Chapter 2: Nightmares and Dreams!​
 
Astinus

Astinus

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This seems like it will be a good story. The one thing that throws me off is the constant run-on sentences. Like this one here:

But before Robert had a chance to wag his head in a no gesture and tell Swirls to shut up and get out, Swirly walked next to Robert, Swirls immediately got up and left out the door, grabbing and dragging along Swirly, Robert closed the door with a rather annoyed look, Swirly looked at Swirls with a tired up and thrown around look on his face, since he was forced around by his younger yet stranger brother Swirls, Swirls then got a look of intrigue on his face, like he had something up his sleeve to annoy everyone around him even more, this was pretty much the normal day for Swirly.
Click to expand...
There's a lot of information here in this one sentence. You should split it up into a few sentences, making it easier on your readers. Because when I read this, I got confused. Split your ideas into more sentences and add onto them.

There were a few small typos in your chapters, but they are small things.

The other thing that I wanted to mention was how you introduced Swirls and Swirly to the readers in profiles and not by showing their personalities in the story. You still did that, but it just was weird to read their profiles first.

Still, this looks to be like an interesting read. If you fix the run-on sentences (which there are more than just the one I pointed out) then it'll be easier for me to read, and I can tell you how well you did on other parts of the story. But the run-on sentences just throw me off. You don't really have any other problems except for those.

Good luck! ^^
 
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