PDA

View Full Version : I Remember You...


moody_cow_
November 30th, 2007, 03:07 PM
I wrote this poem not too long ago, I really liked it when I wrote it, but now I feel it a bit emoish and predictable, but I think I still like it! =) I wrote it for and about my boyfriend who I haven't seen in three months because we liven in different states.

Oh and by the way innuenduous is not a word! But I have poetic license so it's ok! =D

_____________________


I remember you
And your shy beautiful eyes,
Oh how their innocence pierced me,
As though they’d never seen anyone before.

I remember you
And your finger loving hair,
My hands ate up the feel when gliding through it,
Its softness now trapped on my skin.

I remember you
And your warming hands,
They caressed me with shameless affection
That healed the soul beneath the flesh.

I remember you
And your playful charming smiles,
An innuenduous grin dancing on your lips
Informed me of your mischievous plans.

I remember you
And your heart stopping kisses,
The way they always left me breathless,
Wanting to meld with you forever.

I remember you,
I’ve memorized your every part,
I know every corner, block and piece
That completes this jigsaw puzzle of you.

But I’ve forgotten me,
The happy girl that lovingly clung to your arm
Alone has faded from my recollection,
Eroded by distance and time.

I remember you though,
Losing myself is a small price to pay
For the endless comfort your existence brings,
But in return, will you please remember me?

melod.ii ous demyx~♪
November 30th, 2007, 03:54 PM
83 oh, oh, I always love your work, but this darn near made me cry~

Heh, it WAS predictable, but it's the sweetest form of prediction.

I really liked the repetition of the first lines in this, and thought it aimed well at the point.
I thought the switch at the end was beautifully done, when it goes from YOU to ME. Nice work with it~
I like the description throughout. The words you've chosen give it alot of feeling.

The comparison towards the jigsaw puzzle was my favorite, I thought it was clever.
Hmms, there's not a spec I can find to critisize! ^w^
I just thought this was a really powerful and moving piece.

Kudos Kudos! It's a favorite for me. ... I really want to use pieces of it in a story ... =x I'd let you know before I touched that subject though~ <3

Great Work! ^_^

moody_cow_
November 30th, 2007, 06:55 PM
You know what, you're the second person who I've nearly made cry with this piece! And to be honest, I haven't really read it again since I wrote it because I'm afraid that I'LL break down in tears! Lol...

Anyways, I'm really glad you like this poem and my other work (Yay, a FAN! *has a her own internal fit of overjoyed squeals*) I've actually noticed that I've started to trying to incorporate a certain repetition of the first line of stanzas in my more recent poems to help stress a certain point. It's new style I'm trying, I think I've only used it in three or four poems at the moments, but I'm glad that it's currently a success! =D

But erm yes yes, thank you so much for the comment, it made my day! =D

Oh yes and about using pieces of it in a story, well you can get back to me on that, but I see no problems with that as long as somewhere I'm given credit! =D

Maybe I shall start posting more of my work on here... Like start my poetry thread or something... I'll think about it. I'm on here everyday even if I don't post much! =D

Romance Hero
December 10th, 2007, 08:32 PM
I'm sorry to hear that you and your boyfriend have distance, he seems to overwhelm you, the feeling I get from this poem.
Not at all predictable, and I'd read it again and again, like a favorite poem I find in a collective of "best poems". It gives that aura.
*adding to favorites*

Now... where can I get this poet license? I require one for the inexplainable sentences I write. >.>

moody_cow_
December 12th, 2007, 08:44 PM
Romantic Hero, thank you so much for the comment! =) *hug*

And yeah, it really does suck that we live apart now, we didn't used to, it's because I moved, but anyways it really hurts, but i try not to let it get me down and am quite successful most of the time! Except for last night when I was watching RENT (was the first time I'd seen it) and the guy dies and they sing the song "I Die Without You". It was just too much for me!

Anyways, sorry, I'm babbling, that has nothing to with poetry and is therefore irrelevant! Lol! =D

Anyways, I'm really glad that you enjoyed it! I was quite proud of it after I wrote it as I keep trying to write him sweet romantic poetry (well not really for him, more like therapy for me but it's about him and inspired by him so pretty much for him...) but everytime I do it just comes out sad and depressing, and well this one isn't exactly happy... Ok so it's not really happy either but it's less sad than the other stuff! ... Oh my, you've got me on a babbling spree, sorry! But the point was thank you, I'm glad you liked it, because it's one of my better works I feel! =)

Yay a fave! =D Haha, it's like I'm back on deviantART again! =D Anyways...

There's a bit of an obstacle course when it come to getting your poetic license, first you to scramble about searching for some inspiration, but more often than not it'll find you, not the other way around! Then you have to use all your strength to muster up some motivation, then it's a test of the heart as you look inside yourself and pull all those emotions you've kept locked away for so long to the surface. At this point you're almost done, all you need now is a pen and paper in hand, some peace and quiet surrounding, to sit back and relax and let the words flow from you! =) Once you've achieved that state, no one cares if you make up words because they'll be so entranced they won't even notice that Webster hasn't declared it a word! Lol!

Lol, sorry for the long ramble nonsensical comment, I'm in an odd mood tonight! But then again, when am I not? =P

Anyhoodles, you take care of yourself and have a wonderful day! =D

Love,
~Sam~

♥~*Abby*~♥
December 13th, 2007, 12:17 PM
Aww... it's so cute... and not at all predictable.

moody_cow_
December 13th, 2007, 02:11 PM
Aw yay! I'm so glad you think so! After I wrote it and was rereading it, I really thought it was, but maybe I thought it was predictable because I wrote it so obviously I knew what was coming next! Lol!

But yes thank you for the comment! =) *hug*

Korey
December 15th, 2007, 11:48 AM
I like this poem, it stands out to me, I'm not sure why but it does, it's both sad and makes you think "awww.." x3
And it's not predictable at all o:

moody_cow_
December 16th, 2007, 06:21 PM
Thank you! I'm glad you lied it! And yes, to me I've always thought of it as a sweet romantic poem, which is rather silly because it's actually got a rather melancholic quality, especially at the end. But I guess that's a bit of reflection on my personal self, because generally I'm happy and nice and all that good stuff, but sometimes stuff just gets me down and underneath all the laughter I've kind of got this giant bottle of sadness! But erm yes, so it's sad but sweet I suppose. (Yar, sorry for the ramble, I tend to do that a bit! ^^ )

Anyhoodles, thank again for the comment, I'm glad you enjoyed it! =D And I suppose it's only predictable to me, or people ho think similarly to me! Which means utterly insane!! Yarr harr harr harr!! xD

Thank you come again! =D