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View Full Version : {Just a sneak peek} Jason Chaos the camera kid's adventures


Chaos_Record
December 14th, 2007, 06:42 PM
"Erghhhhhh" Yawned young Jason as he sat up from his bed.

He grasped his camcorder on his desk and watched the video he filmed yesterday, it was pokemon trainers red and green battling in his town, jubilife, where he lived since he was little, he then peeked at his little partner pikachu on his bed sleeping like a log. Jason turned his and walked out the room for the little pikachu to open its eyes and follow him out, today was jason's tenth birthday, where he would go to rowan to become one of his assistant's, because he was hand selected as one of three talented trainers from the pokemon academy to help rowan, so he would become a famous trainer around the whole of sinnoh.

Scytheteen
December 14th, 2007, 06:50 PM
"Erghhhhhh" Yawned young Jason as he sat up from his bed.

He grasped his camcorder on his desk and watched the video he filmed yesterday, it was pokemon trainers red and green battling in his town, jubilife, where he lived since he was little, he then peeked at his little partner pikachu on his bed sleeping like a log. Jason turned his and walked out the room for the little pikachu to open its eyes and follow him out, today was jason's tenth birthday, where he would go to rowan to become one of his assistant's, because he was hand selected as one of three talented trainers from the pokemon academy to help rowan, so he would become a famous trainer around the whole of sinnoh.

Erm...you didn't give us much to read...but it's just a preview. I'll point out a few things.

it was pokemon trainers red and green battling in his town, jubilife

Jubilife needs to be capitalized.

Jason turned his and walked out the room for the little pikachu to open its eyes and follow him out. Today was Jason's tenth birthday, where he would go to Rowan to become one of his assistants. He was hand selected as one of the three talented trainers from the pokemon academy to help Rowan so he would be a famous trainer around the whole of Sinnoh.


First of all, this is a run-on sentence. Between out and today, put a period and cap today. The j is Jason's needs to be cap also. The R in Rown needs cap. Put a period after assistants (no apostrophe) and ditch because. Capitalize the h in he, cap Rown and Cap Sinnoh ( I think) I bolded it all for you.