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GalladeIceMan
December 22nd, 2007, 03:11 PM
I'd do anything to hold you in my arms,

and as you quit, I will think there's no charms.

You won't break my heart, much less as reach despair,

just go ahead and say "au contraire," you won't believe me but i'm there.

Pop all of my interesting baloons of fun, and turn it upside down,

well, you really don't know how to frown.

That's why I want to stay with you,

and keep me from reaching blue.

Velco, lace, and thread will sew back my strewn apart bed.

Try to get in my head, you will find nothing except the flare and dead.

Please stay with me, hence my soul will be at rest.

It's just a test. Don't wind up like a crest.

I'm just 11, my first poem, please, i'm not good at this stuff.
All critisicm is encouraged.

Romance Hero
December 23rd, 2007, 05:43 PM
It's sort of messy, but not bad. Not that I encourage untidy writing, I do it a lot as well, but I think it's fine. I like how you used French in there, adds a little originality. Well, you definitely write better than average 11 year olds. Good job and be sure to improve on it. :)

GalladeIceMan
December 23rd, 2007, 06:28 PM
thanks Romance Hero. I'm in gifted and talented, we're doing the poetry unit, so I figured i'd give it a shot.

Romance Hero
December 23rd, 2007, 06:31 PM
thanks Romance Hero. I'm in gifted and talented, we're doing the poetry unit, so I figured i'd give it a shot.

Gift and Talented ... as a class? That's quite interesting! Kind of like, Arista or Archon, in my school, for a bit more intellectual students. Very Nice~

GalladeIceMan
December 23rd, 2007, 06:32 PM
thanks again. you're not so bad yourself Romance Hero.