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hotmokie2526
January 12th, 2008, 07:46 PM
Tell me if you like the story or not. Please leave a comment for me. Also if you can give me some ideas for some more character names I'd really appreciate it!

Chapter 1

A young trainer dashed through the vast meadows. Today was 1 of the best days of her life. She had earned 5 ribbons and was going to compete in the Grand Festival. She was extremely anxious. Then this young trainer grabbed 5 pokeballs from her backpack and yelled "come on out everyone!". She stopped and looked at her pokemon with a big smile.

The girls name was Autum. She had light brown hair that reached her shoulders. She had the prettiest jade eyes in the world. Along with short light brown hair and jade eyes was a small nose and mouth. Though her mouth was small she had a smile so big it was worth a million dollars. Autum wore tan sandals, khaki capris, a black tank-top, a poketch, and a solid gold locket. Inside the locket was a picture of her father.

Standing before Autum was her 5 pokemon. Ninetails, Skitty, Lapras, Pachirrisu, and her very first pokemon Umbreon. Umbreon wasnt actually her first pokemon. Her first pokemon was actually an Eevee which later evloved into an Umbreon.

"We're going to take a break for now and then we're back on the road so we can get to Eterna City by 7. Mom is going to be there and I think dad is coming too."Autum announced. Usually her dad wouldn't have been able to make it but he was supposed to be coming because it was her first time in the Grand Festival. Yes, her dad was the 4th Elite Four memeber. He had light brown hair and jade eyes just like his daughter.He rarely saw Autum and was glad he was going to her 1st time in the Grand Festival.

Autum was right. They arrived in Eterna just before 7. Autum was walking up to the pokemon center but then........

hotmokie2526
January 14th, 2008, 05:18 PM
i got bored of waiting for replies so here chapter 2

Chapter 2

Autum was walking up to the pokemon but she was startled when she heard her name being called. "Autum!" shouted another young trainer. Autum looked over at where the voice was coming from and cold see a figure coming closer and closer. At first she was unsure of who it was but then she realized it was her best friend Melody.

Melody had started her adventure the same time as Autum. they were really close and had a lot in common. Melody however had the prettiest cerulean eyes, short black hair, and wore a sky blue hat with a violet and sky blue pokeball pom-pom hanging of the tip. The hat had a single strip that was violet. Melody wore a violet shirt, sky blue sweat pants(went to her ankles not like most that are like capris), and some violet vans that had a sky blue V on the side.

"Wow, your outfit consits(dont know if thats how its spelt or not) of a lot of violet and sky blue" Autum said. Then quickly thought of something else to say not trying to hurt her best friends feelings. "But it's great to see you!" was all she could think of. "Same here" Melody said. "What are you doing here Melody? I'm here for the Grand Festival! i got all 5 ribbons like I said I would!" Autum said. "Really? That's great Autum! I'm here for the same reason as you! I've collected 5 ribbons and I'm entering the Grand Festival" Melody replied.

Autum suddenly felt uneasy. 'if I go against Melody I really want to beat her but exactly how tough is she? And is she good at performing combos like me?' Autum thought. Autum knew she would probably do good in the fighting portion but she absolutely knew she would be 1 of the best in the first portion (couldnt remember what it was called). "Hey Melody, lets go register for the Grand festival, then I have to go find my parents. They said they'd be coming. BOTH of them."Autum said. "Sounds like a plan" was all Melody had to say.

iLike2EatPiez
January 15th, 2008, 05:05 PM
Be sure to spell out numbers (for example, instead of "1 of the best days", put "one of the best days").

Umbreon wasnt actually her first pokemon. Her first pokemon was actually an Eevee which later evloved into an Umbreon.
But Umbreon was still her first Pokemon, all the same. If it was her first Pokemon, a reader could guess that a beginning trainer would start with an Eevee and evolve it rather than manage to control an evolved Pokemon that requires great trust. It's implied that it was an Eevee in the beginning, therefore there is no need to state it.

Wow, your outfit consits(dont know if thats how its spelt or not) of a lot of violet and sky blue"
Don't include that you aren't sure of the spelling within the fic. You can say you were uncertain at the end of a chapter, but parentheses inside a fic are used to give reasonable and relating side info that's part of the story, not an author's not.

To be honest, it could use some work... But your start seems okay. (BTW, I believe the word is spelt "consists", since you said you weren't sure.)

hotmokie2526
January 15th, 2008, 05:17 PM
okay thnxs. i'll leave those as a note of what not to do.