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View Full Version : Original song, lyrics+mp3- Don't Define Pain For Me


PunkerThanThou
January 15th, 2008, 05:17 PM
So, I really hope the title caught your eyes! This is the first song I have ever written, it seems to be quite a hit. (I've written many songs but apparently, people seem to like this one) Anyways, I'll post the poem version because this is, after all, the poetry section.

Don’t tread on the glass again
Don’t breathe in the lies you said…
‘cause they’re seeping through our hands…both alive and dead.
But I can’t let it pull me down…a thousandth time, because I’m already gone.

Bring out my rain again,
play with the raindrops as they fall between the cracks,
the bloody signatures of the past,
sign the contract and watch it turn to black.

So plea for me, honey, plead guilty for me, it must feel divine to know I’m breaking.
Cut the silence into pieces, hold it knowing nothing’s there...only the disasters that made you

Don’t play on the glass again
Don’t breathe in the lies you said…
‘cause they’re seeping through our hands…both alive and dead.
But I won’t let it pull me down…a thousandth time, because I’m already gone.

Create mistakes of what we bled,
The photographs of dread as we bask in innocence and laugh…
Stare at the smiles we never had,
the senseless hate that came long last…
The miracle that I never had to ask…for…

So plea for me, honey, plead guilty for me, it must be divine to watch me failing.
Cut the darkness into pieces, grasp it knowing no one’s there...only the shadows that created you…made you…and murdered you, into someone else…

Don’t play on the glass again
Don’t breathe in the lies you said…
‘cause they’re seeping through our hands…both alive and dead.
But I won’t let it pull me down…a thousandth time, because I’m already gone.

So where’s….your solution now? The puzzle’s broken shards and tatters aren’t healing so quickly…now, or forevermore.
Can’t seem to hope when all is dark, but it’s been sunny all along, so why can’t I see?
Blinded…eternally.

Don’t play on the glass again
Don’t breathe in the lies you said…
‘cause they’re seeping through our hands…both alive and dead.
But I won’t let it pull me down…a thousandth time, because I’m already gone.

But your hope can’t kill me anymore.


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This is the MP3...
http://media.putfile.com/02-Track-2-26-13

http://youtube.com/watch?v=M6iphmK2kt0 Video.

Let me know what you think!

Romance Hero
February 14th, 2008, 04:26 PM
Great vocals, kind of sounds like that of Lacuna Coil. :) I have so much trouble writing stuff lately, it's driving me crazy! Anyways, here's my criticism:

There is nothing wrong with it in my opinion, so there is nothing I would recommend working on, it seems great in every way. You do have a bit of short of breath, but I guess that's fine since you can control voice. You use a lot of reference to blood and pain, I would think this piece has a regretful mood, or a hateful one. Nevertheless, I enjoyed reading it, listening to it, and look forward to more! :)