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Gooberdued
January 19th, 2008, 07:57 PM
I wrote this... C+C appreciated... I'm going to go watch Sponge Bob now...

The Bridge and the Lake

The young boy’s reflection was curved and distorted as he looked at himself in the water. The water was especially clean today, he thought to himself. Was that the bottom? The boy had taken off his shoes and his bare feet were soaking in the lake water, he kicked his feet a few times, more out for something to do than anything else. It was quiet in the small town he lived in.

Sometimes the boy would imagine interesting things happening, something that would make the days each seem unique instead of blurred together in an endless and monotonous string of consciousness. In his imaginings, famous people would visit his town or his home even. They would ask him to come and travel with them, to explore places no one had ever been to before. But alas, these were merely imaginings, which was why the boy was so bored today.

The boy sighed and the bridge he was sitting on creaked and groaned underneath him, almost as if it was complaining about having to support the boy’s tiny weight. It was an old bridge and many people had sat on it before to soak their feet in the lake. People had walked back and forth across it for many years, but why, the boy found this peculiar, was the bridge complaining now?

The water was very clean today, the boy thought. He leaned further over the edge of the wooden bridge, trying to see as far down to the bottom of the lake as he could. He leaned even further over the edge, as far as he limbs would allow him, holding with his hands and bracing the back of his legs against the underside of the bridge. The weight of his body began to stretch at his fingers and hurt his feet. The boy was going to fall.

Water quickly surrounded his body, and the boy let out all the air in his lungs at the shock of being immersed in the cold liquid. He flapped his limbs around, struggling to climb out of the suffocation and into the air. He naturally floated upward until his head bummed against something, something hard, the underside of the bridge.

The young boy was panicking now; his splash had stirred up dirt at the bottom of the lake and had made the once pristine water opaque with the color of muddy brown. The boy was completely disoriented, and did not know which way to flap his arms. He moved his limbs one after the other, totally unsynchronized and taking him nowhere.

Determined to breathe again, his lungs sucked in whatever they could like a vacuum. The dirt and water filled his lungs. The boy was utterly terrified now, and he tried to scream. The water cruelly muffled his cries. His tears just melted away to become one with the water that was drowning him. The young boy fell deeper into the water, until he could finally see the bottom of the lake.

Melody
January 31st, 2008, 08:15 PM
Good work. The story is pretty detailed. The ending was a bit abrupt though. I was disappointed that you didnt describe his decent into the deeper water. That would have made it really interesting.

While it did lack the action I like to see it loses no standing with me. I'd give it a solid 7/10. I'm sorry I couldnt elaborate more and be helpful but I'm just now starting to review stuff. XD