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IceDragon2439
January 20th, 2008, 09:11 AM
Hey guys, my name is CJ and this is my first FanFiction. It is a mix between the typical pokemon adventure but my character isn't striving to be a master, instead he is traveling for another reason, but i wont say what yet. My story takes place on the land of Wahokye, a place me and my friends made up. It has an awesome design, we have drawn it and made it in the game format. I really hope you like this story because I really enjoy writing. Comment me and help me out anyway you can. Thanx!



Introduction
An Icy Beginning


I walked out of my small house into the usual cold and snow that was always here. Oh how I loved where I lived so much. I felt around my waist to realize I only had one pokeball and it was my Treecko. I had just gotten my Treecko a few days earlier and had been training him everyday. It was still young but the experience was definitely helping. I turned around to go back inside and my dad was standing in the doorway smiling.

“Here’s the rest of your pokeballs son,” my dad said happily.

“I picked them up this morning.”

“Thanks dad,” I said in return. I was finally beginning my pokemon journey.

My name is Cstorm Santoff and I am sixteen years old. I know I’m a little bit older than usual to be starting my journey but my mom isn’t that in to pokemon. She didn’t want me traveling as a trainer so I couldn’t go for the past six years. Problem is, my dad is just as crazy as I am about pokemon and he finally convinced her a few weeks ago to let me go. He has a valued past as a trainer, coming second in the Indigo League and fourth at the Silver Conference in Johto. My dad is my hero and I have wanted to be just as good as he is for years. I also have two sisters who are both seven. Winter and Snow both loved pokemon and my dad got them each Snorunts that they don’t own but play with all the time.


I had trained at the small training center that Icy-Ridge Port had made when I was thirteen. I didn’t have any pokemon at that time; I just used the rentals they had. When my dad gave me my Treecko, it made me so happy. I had wanted a pokemon so badly for years but again, my mom wouldn't let me get one. It was a good thing she left to go visit my grandparents (her parents) for the next two weeks. They live in Snowpoint City and my mom visits them often.

I left the house to find one more pokemon to travel with. I looked around the snow wonderland and saw some Stantler and a few Snover but I didn’t want any of them. Then out of nowhere, I was forced down into the snow. I rolled onto my back and moved my icy blue hair out of my face to see a Luxio and it smiled at me.

“Hey Luxio, how are you doing today?” I asked.

"Lux-Luxio, Lux." This Luxio saved me from an Ursaring about four years earlier. I was walking through the forest and got hungry so I ate some berries from a tree. I had forgotten to look at the tree to see if any marks were on it. My dad had told me over and over again to check before eating. Of course, as I moved a branch, there was a slash mark on it. As I walked back a few steps, an Ursaring walked from behind the tree with a very angry look on its face. The look in it's eyes sent chills down my spine. It roared and knocked me over with its claws. I rolled down a small hill and was next to a small family of Luxio's. I felt my chest and my clothes were torn and I was bleeding a bit. The Ursaring slid down the hill towards me, when electricty flew from behind me. The Ursaring tried to fight it off but couldn't. It kept coming towards me however, still enraged from me taking some of its Pecha berries. Then a Luxio jumped onto the Ursaring a bit it and used another electric attack. The Ursaring fell over from the pain and the Luxio walked towards me. It had a smile on its face and I thanked it over and over again. The memory then made me relized that this Luxio and I had started a friendship since then. We went on many walks and I helped out it's family a few times.

"Luxio, do you want to go on my pokemon journey with me?"

"Lux!, Lux-Luxio," it said as it smiled at me.

"Awesome," I exclaimed happily. Luxio then got in a battling stance.

"So you want to battle and get captured?" I asked with a sly smile.

"Go Treecko, start off with pound." Luxio dodged by rolling to the left. He then went into a quick attack by pushing of a near by tree.

"Ok Treecko, use absorb." Treecko focused on Luxio's face and closed his eyes. Luxio was stopped in its tracks as some of his energy was pulled out of him. Luxio then used leer. Treecko was frozen still as he gazed into Luxio's red eyes. Luxio then used tackle and knocked Treecko backwards into the snow.

"Use pound again." Treecko pushed off the ground and in mid air, Treecko spun its body and struck Luxio with its tail. Luxio was then thrown back and landed with a thud. I threw my pokeball and it shook twice and stopped.

"Yes, Luxio is mine," I shouted happily.

I quickly ran back to my house to show my dad my newly caught Luxio. He was in his chair looking at the weather channel to see today's climbing conditions. "Dad, look what I caught," I said trying to hold back my excitement. He took off his glasses and looked towards me, his eyes full of curiosity. I threw the pokeball up and Luxio came bursting out.

“Lux," it said proudly.

“That is great Cstorm,” he said excitedly. Winter and Snow ran into the living room and when they saw Luxio, stopped in amazement.

“A Luxio!” Winter shouted.

“Can we pet it Cstorm?” Snow asked curiously.

“Of course Snow, go ahead, Luxio won’t mind,” I said with a smile.

“Are you going to head out Cstorm?” my dad asked.

“Yeah, I am dad,” I said in return.

“I’m ready to begin my journey."

Grovyle42(Griff8416)
January 20th, 2008, 10:02 AM
You get an extra point for having a Treecko in it. :P Interesting choice in using 1st person; it is tougher to pull off. Be sure to start a new paragraph after quotes. Also, it's kind of lacking in description. During the battle you should describes the attacks and actions.

IceDragon2439
January 20th, 2008, 10:10 AM
Well thanks, one, for reading and two for giving me some help. Yes, I like Treecko alot, he's my favorite starter. When you mean start a new paragraph for each quote do you mean like this right?:

"Here's the rest of your pokeballs son," my dad said happily.
"I picked them up this morning."
"Thanks dad," I said in return.

And I will definetly get some more description, I have a little difficulty with that, but I will work it out.

Grovyle42(Griff8416)
January 20th, 2008, 10:14 AM
Yeah, like that except with an extra space inbetween.

"Like."

"This."

IceDragon2439
January 20th, 2008, 10:18 AM
All right, I'll get to it!

iLike2EatPiez
January 20th, 2008, 11:03 AM
Faily good. There's still a few things I noticed trhough, like:

My name is Cstorm Santoff and I am sixteen; tall and slender with long, crazy icy blue hair. I know I’m a little bit older than usual to be starting my journey but my mom isn’t that in to pokemon. She didn’t want me traveling as a trainer so I couldn’t go for the past six years. Problem is, my dad is just as crazy as I am about pokemon and he finally convinced her a few weeks ago to let me go. He has a valued past as a trainer, coming second in the Indigo League and fourth at the Silver Conference in Johto. My dad is my hero and we look almost exactly alike. He is a little bit taller than me with glasses and blue hair. I also have two sisters who are both seven. Winter and Snow look exactly alike, with brown hair, blue eyes and are about four foot three. They both loved pokemon and my dad got them each Snorunts that they don’t own but play with all the time.

In bold are the descriptions of the characters. Why? Well, this is kind of stopping your story to tell us what they look like. The reader normally would be interested in hearing more about Cstorm's life beforehand, and how he came to begin his journey, as you included in this paragraph. But on the mention of a name, you don't have to tell the readers what that person looks like. They should learn it as it goes, for example, Cstorm could run his hand over his "long, crazy icy bule hair", or see an excited glint in his dad's eyes through his glasses. Working around having to tell all about the character's appearances just in the middle of a perfectly good paragraph makes the fic flow better, and not seem so choppy. Also, this may just be me, but readers probably can enjoy and remember a detail better if you merge it with the action than if you just give it away in a few sentences.

“Hey Luxio, how are you doing today?” I asked.

"Lux-Luxio, Lux." This Luxio had saved me from an Ursaring about four years earlier. Then it hit me.

"Luxio, do you want to go on my pokemon journey with me?"

"Lux!, Lux-Luxio," it said as it smiled at me

Just because it saved Cstorm means it wants to join him? I don't know on this. It's just not that convincing. Why would Luxio save him in the first place? And, if it was four years ago, why would it even clearly remember Cstorm (unless Cstorm sees it often and they are somewhat of friends)?


Over all, I'd say this one's pretty good. You've got some good ideas, and hopefully they'll get soemwhere.

IceDragon2439
January 20th, 2008, 11:13 AM
Well, I like your opinion. I'm getting use to writing better and this is definetly helping. The Luxio part has more of a story to it and I should explain a little more. The idea came from another story of mine. Thanks a whole lot and I will go to editing =)

IceDragon2439
January 22nd, 2008, 06:59 PM
I rewrote this chapter because I didn't like the first version. I really hope you guys enjoy this newer version of it. I also hope you guys comment on it as well. Enjoy the first chapter!


http://i29.tinypic.com/2yuyhdy.png

Chapter One
Fang Peak Explosion




As I turned for one final time I could just barely see the images of my father and two sisters waving goodbye to me. I then waved one final time before turning back onto the path that lie ahead of me. Like usual the snow was calmly falling and landed on my head. Treecko was walking beside me and had already gotten use to the cold weather that we had here.

Icy-Ridge Port is the northernmost city in Wahokye and it is never warm. It is a small port and is pretty busy most of the day. Now it doesn't compare to Pelipper Port but we get a good amount of travelers that pass through here to get to the Pokemon League. To the south of here, and where I was heading, was Fang Peak. The city got its name for the tall jagged mountains that looked like fangs that circled the summit. The final gym was there and one of the most valued trainers in Wahokye is the leader. CJ Mountaine was a dragon/ice trainer and not many people have ever beaten him. I had been to the city a few times because my dad was a mountain climbing instructor there and he was good friends with CJ. It was an amazing city and I was happy I was going to be seeing it again.


"Treecko, how are you doing down there?" I asked curiously.



"Tree, Treecko, Tree," he said, his teeth chattering a little.


"Why don't you come into my hoodie to stay warm?" I mentioned with a smile.


Treecko crawled up my legs and up my chest and buried himself into my hoodie with his head sticking out of the top. He looked up and smiled. We had been walking for a little over an hour and finally made it to the back gates of Fang Peak.

At that moment, I heard an explosion and ran to see where it took place. I looked around the corner towards the gym and smoke was piling into the air. When it cleared, I saw five figures at the iron door that was the entrance to the gym.


"Come on out CJ Mountaine," a raspy voice said.


"We know you know the whereabouts' of the legendary Kyogre, another voice said angrily.


"Open the door, or we'll just blow it down," the raspy voice said banging on the door.


I didn't know what to do. No one else was around so I decided to see who they were. I ran behind the fountain of a Dragonite, which was located in the center of the city, without them seeing me. They all had uniforms with a strange marking on them.


“That’s it, another explosive,” the tallest figure said.

At that another explosion shook the ground but the door didn’t budge. I then got up and called out Luxio.


“Luxio, use thundershock on the closest figure,” I said quietly.
Electricity began to charge and flow throughout Luxio’s coat and then it burst out towards the member. He convulsed as the electricity went through his body and then he fell limp onto the frozen ground. The group turned around but saw nothing.


“Tyler, go see what that was,” the raspy voiced man said.


“And Jimmy, pick up Lance and take him to the medic on the ship.

“Yes sir,” they both said in unison.


Tyler headed straight for me so I got Treecko ready for an attack. As he neared the fountain, I told Treecko to swing his tail onto Tyler’s head. Treecko jumped up and violently swung down on the tope of the boy’s head. He fell unconscious to the ground and his face showed that he was no older than I was. Then a hand covered my mouth and moved me from behind the fountain. I returned Luxio but I couldn’t get Treecko in time. He climbed up the fountain and hid in the Dragonite’s mouth.


"Boss, I found this kid," the guy who grabbed me.


“So this is the little troublemaker?” the raspy voiced man exclaimed in anger.


“You took out two of my men and one is in really bad shape,” he continued.



“Why would you do this?”


“Because you’re up to no good,” I answered somewhat in fear.

A smirk fell onto his face and he pulled out a pokeball from his pocket.


"Good work Gyru, take Tyler to the medic," the raspy voiced guy said


“Lets teach you a lesson when you intervene in Team Omega’s plans,” he said with a sinister laugh.


“Come out Arcanine,” he said.

The large dog looking pokemon appeared and howled into the air and shook his back to straighten his coat. Little embers flew off and melted the snow beneath him.


“Use flamethrower,” he said grinning.

As Cstorm gazed into the fire growing inside of the dog’s mouth, and in my head I said to myself, "I'm on my journey for not even a day and I'm going to die."

At that, Luxio jumped out of his pokeball and shot an electric bolt at the Arcanine. He shook it off but Luxio wasn't finished and jumped on top of the dog and bit him. This infuriated Arcanine and he released flames from his body and Luxio fell off. As this was going on, CJ Mountaine had come out of his gym and saw me. He didn't want to show himself until the right moment. This, however, was the right moment. He had his two Gyarados's use dragon rage and blue flames engulfed Arcanine. The large dog fell to the icy, cold ground, unconscious.


“What was that?” the raspy man yelled angrily.


“A lesson on picking on a person smaller than you,” a voice said from above them.


I looked over to see two Gyarados’s and a person standing on top of one of them. He jumped down and I saw that it was CJ Mountaine

"Just who we had been looking for," the raspy voice said with a sly grin.


"So, Captain Igneous, still searching for Kyogre" CJ said shaking his head.


"I told you, I don't know and if I did, I wouldn't tell you," he continued.


"Fine, I'll just have to force it out of you," Igneous said angrily.

By now I had moved back behind the fountain and watched the two guys talk. I could tell that Igneous was agitated and was going to do something drastic. Treecko joined me and sat on my shoulder and Luxio had gotten up and stood beside me.


"Go ahead and try Igneous, you won't get anything out of me," CJ exclaimed.

"Ok, lets get him Gyru," Igneous yelled.

The tall guy to fight walked from behind and stood beside him. He sent out a Torkoal. The fire turtle stood in front of the two guys, ready for battle. Igneous then sent out a Ninetails. The fox looking pokemon walked up beside Torkoal, she too ready for battle.

"Alright, lets go Kingler; Fang," CJ yelled throwing a pokeball in the air.

A large crab appeared and one of his Gyarados's hovered beside him, opposite of the two fire pokemon they were about to fight. They three battlers looked across at each other, passion in there eyes. This was a battle I wasn't going to miss.

IceDragon2439
January 23rd, 2008, 07:21 PM
Here's the second chapter. I hope you guys are enjoying this. Replies are needed, I want to hear what you guys think. I'll probably spend a little more time on the next few chapters. I believe this is where the direction of my story will start to form. I hope you guys enjoy!


http://i29.tinypic.com/2yuyhdy.png



Chapter Two
A Battle I'll Never Forget


"Kingler, start off with crabhammer," Cstorm said, with a point of his finger.

Kingler raised up his large, powerful claw and slammed it to the ground. The ground shattered in front of the large crab and the intense attack headed straight for Ninetails.


“Torkoal, use iron defense in front of Ninetails, Gyru yelled to protect his boss’ pokemon.

The fire turtle hid himself inside of his shell and his shell turned into a metallic shield.


“Fang, use hydro pump to knock Torkoal out of the way,” CJ said calmly.

The large serpent breathed in and then shot a powerful blast of water at the turtle. Torkoal went flying and hit the ground hard.


“Huh...what?” Gyru stood shocked.


“Kingler, now use crabhammer again,” CJ said with a sly smile.


“Ninetails, flamethrower” Igneous yelled.

The fox pokemon shot a large beam of fire at CJ’s two pokemon. CJ didn’t miss a beat however, in ordering and attack.


“Fang, shoot a hydro pump at Kingler to propel him through the fire towards Ninetails,” CJ exclaimed.

Kingler prepared to be hit and as the water shot at his back he was ready to attack. The two Omega members were in shock of the combination.


“T...Torkoal use iron defense again,” Gyru stammered to say.

It was too late and CJ had Kingler use guillotine on Ninetails and the fox didn’t stand a chance. The crab clamped the neck of Ninetails and squeezed tightly. He then quickly released and the fox laid there motionless. CJ wasn’t about harming pokemon, even if they were on the wrong side of balance.


“Kingler, use harden and Fang, finish these fools off with Hyper Beam,” he said blankly.

The Gyarados generated a lot of energy inside of it’s mouth and fired it towards the Torkoal and the men. The explosion was huge and it sent the two Omega members flying into the air and crashing hard into their ship. The two men struggled and gasped for air. The ship slowly rose into the air and flew off into the horizon.
I watched the entire fight and when the final move was called I jumped up and couldn’t believe what I just witnessed. Not only did CJ outmaneuver the two members, he completely controlled the battle.


“CJ, that was amazing,” I said full of happiness.


“It was nothing, just glad to have them off of this sacred land I call home,” CJ said with a smile.


“It’s amazing how persistent team Omega is,” he continued.


“This is the third attack this week and I had the city leave until they stop.”


“Do you know where Kyogre really is, CJ?” I asked curiously.


“I do, but I can’t tell you at this time,” he said with seriousness in his voice.


“I don’t want to put you into harms way until you are ready,” he explained.


“I understand completely,” I said in return.


“Well this is good bye until our path’s cross again,” he said a little down.


“Good bye CJ,” I said waving.

I watched him head into his gym and sat beside the fountain for a moment with Treecko in my lap.


“Treeck, Tree, Treecko, Tree,” he said looking up at me.


“Yeah, he did seem distracted Treecko,” I said pondering inside what I had witnessed.

I thought to my self for a second and the CJ Mountaine I knew a few years ago, wasn’t the same now. He showed no enthusiasm and battled just to get rid of evil. He didn’t even looked interested and it almost seemed like he was not all the way there. I hope one day I could restore that thrill inside him that must‘ve been lost over the years. I hope I can give him a battle he’ll never forget.
I then got up and walked out of the front gates, to continue my journey through the now heavily falling snow. I disappeared into the distance.

IceDragon2439
January 27th, 2008, 10:19 PM
Here's the third chapter guys. I hope you guys are enjoying it. If not thats okay too, I'm learning. Anyways, comments are welcomed. Here is chapter three.


http://i29.tinypic.com/2yuyhdy.png



Chapter Three
Vital Information



The snow was calming down and visibility improved over the past few days. I continued to walk without stopping after I left Fang Peak to get to a cave that I could rest in. It took me awhile to find it through the heavily falling snow but I did indeed locate it. Once I got there I sent out my party of two and started a small fire with sticks. The light showed the cave a bit and I saw a few boulders here and there and Treecko found a few more sticks to continue the small flame we used to keep warm. Luxio curled up beside me and fell asleep, while Treecko sat in my lap, he too asleep. I thought to myself a bit what CJ Mountaine had said to me earlier that day.


“It’s amazing how persistent team Omega is,” he continued.

“This is the third attack this week and I had the city leave until they stop.”

“Do you know where Kyogre really is, CJ?” I asked curiously.

“I do, but I can’t tell you at this time,” he said with seriousness in his voice.

“I don’t want to put you into harms way until you are ready,” he explained.


The memory was still vivid in my head. I poked the fire a bit to keep it ablaze and I remembered something else from a few years ago. There was this trainer who had come to Icy-Ridge Port to get to the Pokemon League. He was resting in the Pokemon Center and I wanted to see what pokemon he had. I don't remember how we got on the subject but he started talking about Team Omega.


"This Team Omega is amazing from what I have heard," he began.

"They say they are out to control the world, the same reason that Team Galactic came about.

"Team Galactic signed a treaty with Team Rocket to team up together and this then led to Team Magma, Team Aqua and Team Sandstorm to join forces to take over the world. Right now they aren't showing themselves but in a few years, I believe our world will be twisted upside down by this Team Omega."

"Are the leaders the same?" I asked curiously.

"No, they are headed by one," he replied.
His name is unknown but I've heard he is super strong and will do anything to excel in their plan.
They're also is five others who run under him and control all of the grunts. The unknown ruler selected the best person from each team to lead the plan. They're Gionii, Giovani's son, General Gato of Team Sandstorm, and Admiral Hydro, who replaced Archie after he failed to capture Kyogre. These three are the true forces in Team Omega. The other two, Captain Igneous, who replaced Maxie when failed to capture Groudon, and Lieutenant Gale haven’t shown much potential in Team Omega.

“I...why hasn’t anyone looked for them?” I asked surprised.

"They don't know where to look," he said in return.
They're a mysterious bunch and we don't know that much about them," he continued.
Anyways, I need to get on the ship heading for the Pokemon League, it's leaving in fifteen minutes."

"Okay, thanks...I never caught your name," I said to him.

"It's Roger, Roger Tritan, he said as he walked out of the two glass doors.
I just watched as they closed.

I came out of my thoughts to see the fire had gone out and it being very dark. It was silent except from the calm whisper of the wind outside. Luxio was still fast asleep but as I went to start another fire, my movement woke Treecko up.


"It's ok little buddy, I'm just trying to keep us warm," I said with a smile.

"Tre, Treecko, Tree," he said sleepily.

"Yeah, I'll make you a little something," I said in return as his belly rumbled.


I finished rekindling the fire and opened up my backpack. I found my mix of Treecko's pokemon food and took a pecha berry that I had picked before I left. I mixed them together in one of my small bowls and then gave it to Treecko. He smelled it and then smiled and hungrily ate it. I ate two cherri berries and sat back and watched the fire dance and twirl in the wind.


“Tree,” Treecko said with satisfaction in his lime green and sparkling eyes.

“Was that good Treecko?” I asked.

“Treecko, Tree,” he said shaking his head up and down.


He then fell back asleep in my lap. I too fell into a light sleep, trying to keep an eye open for any pokemon looking for food or a fight.

I woke up to the startling growl of Luxio. I looked around sleepily and indeed again the fire was out.

Luxio had woken up and heard a noise, like a rock being kicked, from the entrance of the cave. Since the Shinx evolution trio have well advanced eyes, he scanned the front of the cave and saw a figure of something coming his way. He then tried to scare away the figure by growling fiercely. It had no effect but it did wake me up.


"Hey Luxio, is something out there?” I asked squinting at the entrance.

“Lux, Luxio, Luxi,” he called, his body in a battle stance.

“Ok, use a quick attack, I yelled.


Luxio darted off quickly into the darkness of the cave and I heard a thud. Then I heard a sound piercing howl and it woke up Treecko.


“Okay Luxio, now use charge.”


I saw a flash of light around Luxio and could see his body covered in electric energy. The attacking pokemon ran into Luxio but was shot back by the spark’s surrounding him.


“With Luxio’s ability rivalry, his attack power is much stronger,” I remembered thinking to myself.

“Okay Luxio, finish it off with thunderbolt,” I said.


The energy that surrounded Luxio started to grow and come together and then was fired at the opposing pokemon. I heard a sharp cry of pain and then something hitting the ground.


“Go pokeball, I said sort of excitingly.


The ball flashed when it hit the unknown pokemon and then landed on the ground moving twice before stopping.


“I caught my third pokemon,” I yelled happily.

“Luxio, that was amazing power you showed there,” I said rubbing the course fur on his head.


Treecko ran up to him and gave him a pat on his back, celebrating his great battle. Treecko then jumped onto my shoulder as I began to walk to see my newly caught pokemon. I grabbed the pokeball and looked at it for a moment and then happily tossed it into the air. A flash of light came from it and a figure formed. When it came into view I saw my pokemon. It was a Houndour and it had a confused look on its face.


“Welcome to the team Houndour,” I said as I gave it one of my Razz berries.


He sniffed it, and then hungrily ate it. He looked up with his coal black eyes and smiled. We went back to the pile of wood and Luxio went straight to sleep. Treecko sat in my lap and I had Houndour use ember on the pile.


"Starting a fire will be so much easier for now on," I said to myself as I drifted off to sleep.