View Full Version : The Best Kept Secrets

February 4th, 2008, 9:26 AM
Hi everyone, this is my first proper writing thing, so any comments and constructive criticism would be wamrly welcomed. So here we go, Chapter One:

The bell rang in his ears as loud as it usually did. Even though it resembles a cat being tortured, it was the most relieving sound that he had heard all day. This was mainly because he was finally out of school, and he didn’t have to listen to that teacher anymore. It wasn’t that he didn’t like him, but an old man talking in a thick Welsh accent starts to burrow into you after only a few minutes. Compiled with the fact he hated school in general and that he had the whole weekend in front of him to do anything he wanted, Alex breathed a massive sigh of relief and contentment. He looked around him, there were only a few people really paying attention, four at the back playing with their phones, and a girl at the front who had been staring in his direction for the last ten minutes. As usual the teacher was barking the homework out, but also as usual, nobody was listening, let alone coming close to understanding what the old man had to say.

He had to run from the classroom because he had to catch a short train from inside the town centre, and then walk about half a mile to his house. Well first, he had to groom himself, and make sure he was looking as he could, so he made a quick detour to the toilets. It wasn’t that Alex was obsessed with his appearance, but it was so he could impress that girl that always sat on the train opposite him. He finished changing into his black shirt and royal blue jeans, and tied up his shoes, cursing as he tripped over his shoelaces. He got up quickly, dusted himself down, and brushed his long black hair into a sweep that stopped just over his left eye, straightened his black jacket, threw his bag over his arm and ran as fast as he could into town.

Running down the road, dodging as many people as he could, Alex was constantly thinking of her. He had been in love before, but he knew that he loved Holly more than anyone. Her dark brown hair came down just below her shoulders, she always had it straightened, and she knew he loved it. She always wore a small amount of makeup that brought out her hazel eyes perfectly, and she always had her heart shaped pendant around her neck. This was all that Alex knew of her, not only because he got off the train first, but the only other thing he could see of Holly was her black and white chequered shoes. They always spoke to each other, even though they never met up or talked on the phone. They both looked forward to their meeting on the train every morning and evening; even if Holly would never admit it.

It was one of those funny situations you sometimes see on television where both of the main characters are in love with each other but are frightened to death to tell the other, so they leave it to themselves in the vain hope they can forget about it, and they always get with another person but deep down they always want the original person. It was exactly the same here: Alex was madly in love with Holly and he wanted to be with her for the rest of his life; and secretly Holly was in love with him too, but the pitfall with her being so beautiful was that every guy in a twenty mile area liked her and kept asking her out. She always politely declined, citing that she wasn’t ready for a long relationship or to be messed around with the self centred jocks that seemed to be all over the place. Holly always knew that deep inside, Alex was the most caring person she could ever know, and it was that that she loved him for.

Alex carried on running; all of that time spent trying to do his belt meant he would be lucky to catch the train, and then he would miss Holly. That thought made him speed up, and as he ran through a relatively quiet precinct he had to dive to avoid a little old lady with a basket. Thankfully he was a freefall master so executed a forward roll and carried on sprinting. He knew that if he missed Holly she would be mad at him for days, and that was the last thing he wanted when his real plan was to impress her and ideally win her heart. Alex knew that that would be a rather tall order, but he knew that if you want something badly, then you will stop at nothing to get it. So while he was sprinting like a cheetah on energy drinks, Holly was calmly sitting on the platform, sipping a coffee, one of her legs crossed over the other.

Holly was trying to impress Alex as well today; she knew that it was him that she wanted, but she was too nervous to utter as much as a word on the subject. Today she was wearing a black t-shirt and a matching skirt that came to just above her knees. Holly was always having random moments, and the fact that she was wearing rainbow striped tights and black boots showed that today was one of those days. She was also aware of two guys on the other side of the platform. They were you’re typical geek stereotype: thick glasses, lots of acne, and wearing the type of clothes that you would normally only see on your grandfather if he had only been half awake when he dressed. They were staring in her direction from the other platform, laughing amongst them and winking suggestively at her. Holly was starting to feel uncomfortable, she threw them a look that would have put a serial stalker off, and silently wished that Alex would come soon.

Almost on cue Alex came sprinting into the station, and was dismayed to see that queue was longer than the line for pensions on a Friday. So to compensate he came up with a plan that he had wanted to try for ages. He stood by the ticket machine, and just as someone was about to walk up to the counter to get their ticket, he sprinted, slid under the ropes, slid his card along the desk as the machine came down to check the card, heard the acceptance bell and carried on running. I’d heard of queue cutting but that was just ridiculous. He then vaulted the barrier and ran towards the steps that would lead to the train he needed. Alex had been practising changing direction by jumping against a wall, and managed to pull the move off perfectly, and jumped about five steps, executed another barrel roll and ran over to Holly. That was when all of his fancy footwork stopped.

February 7th, 2008, 2:29 PM
come on guys, I need some opinion, even if you think it's the biggest pile of garbage you've ever read, it can only help me improve

February 10th, 2008, 9:11 AM
Chapter Two
He had known Holly for at least a year now, but this was the first time he had seen her without the obscurity of a plastic table. Holly had seen him fully all the time; he had to walk right past her to get off the train, so she was confused as to why he was staring. If this moment had been in an American cartoon, right now Alex would have about 4 pairs of eyes and his jaw would be rooted to the platform. Thankfully for him, he restrained himself from performing this little trick in front of about twenty people. He just stopped at the bottom of the stairs and stared at her, and she glanced in his direction, a pleading look in her eyes. This confused Alex, until he glanced in the direction of her eyes and noticed the two nerds and their antics. He could see that they were bothering her, so he walked up to Holly confidently and hugged her tightly, as if they had been going out for ages. That shut them up, and they promptly returned to their studies.

Holly realised that she felt so safe in his arms, even if she was still being withdrawn about it. All Alex got in response was a quiet “Thank you” from Holly, and as they parted, they grinned at each other. They knew that their little trick had worked, and as the train slowly pulled into the station, they were both left wondering what was going to happen next between them. The train came to a slow halt, and amazingly this was the first time Alex had seen this. Usually it was stationary for a few minutes before and after he arrived, and given Holly was always early, she would be sitting on the train, by the window, sipping at her coffee. He would join her, throw his bag to the floor and then they would talk about anything for the half an hour they had together.

As they sat down in their usual seats, Alex said, “What was that all about then?”
“Oh those guys were eyeing me up and it was making me nervous. I was so glad you came” She smiled sweetly, and it killed him. It always did; her smile was the one thing that would set him off, he wouldn’t be able to stop staring at her all the way home now. Alex didn’t know whether she knew that he secretly loved her smile, but if she did, she was planning on exploiting his weakness. Anyway, after Alex had finished being hypnotized by Holly, the train began to leave the station and the all too familiar surroundings of the countryside emerged from the distance. Alex tried to avert his gaze by rather literally tipping his schoolbag onto the table, its tattered contents filling the table and falling from its sides. Holly giggled at Alex’s untidiness, and he pretended not to notice, even though inside he was screaming.

The rest of the journey surprisingly went without incident, all Alex did was repack his bag, trying not to be caught staring at his friend, while Holly stared out of the window at the fields and trees she knew so well, although secretly she was staring at Alex’s reflection in the dirty window. Holly was always able to come up with ways and methods that were cunning and deceptive, that was one of her best attributes. Alex on the other hand was rather clumsier, although his stamina and determination were two things that shone out. Then, predictably at this time of the day, the overhead voice blared “Station at Burton Cross, please get ready for stopping” Alex had a disappointed look on his face; he usually did at this time, but it was more visible today given he had made a special effort for Holly. The train slowly and loudly made its way into the station and stopped with a large bang. As Alex stood on the platform, he waved to Holly, and she blew him her usual friendly kiss, although he prayed and she wished that it meant way more.

February 16th, 2008, 11:12 PM
I'm gonna be writing more soon, so any tips or criticisms would be welcomed