View Full Version : Pokemon end of humanity(Working title)

February 8th, 2008, 10:52 AM
This is my story so far. I’m Planning on getting better at it as time goes on but it is my first fanfic. The prologue will be the shortest part don’t worry.

There was an evil Scyther left behind by Cipher in their first Shadow Factory. He was not a Shadow Pokemon he was a Pokemon that hated all Humans for all the abuse he took.
He watched the monitors set on Team Aqua who had just awakened Kyogre. The Kyogre yelled in pain.
"They are all the same"
He lifted his left arm and sliced the screen. He then knew what he was going to do. He was going to turn all the people of the world into pokemon, or at least write down the research he conducted and pass it on to his descendents. It would take years to develop.
After that he had another idea to brainwash them all. His ideals were carried out one hundred years after his death and finally it was done.
The Great Grandson of this Scyther gathered an army he planned not only to brainwash the Human-Pokemon but all Pokemon who did not show up.
“Gastly, Natu come here help me make this disc work”

Chapter 1:The hero!
Mario Queso was excited. It was his First day of the trainer school that had just opened in Pewter City and he was getting a Togepi! The day went well for the most part until the last class where he felt exhausted and he fell asleep. Then he was told to stay after class.

“Mario, You can’t do this to yourself. You will not learn anything!”

Just then a black light appeared and hit Mario. He fell into a deep sleep. He thought that he would not fall asleep. He wondered why the teacher did not wake him up. Then he saw two big eyes that looked like they belonged to a Pokemon except they had a purple glow.

“Obey me, destroy the school. Then come to Mossdeep City.”

He then woke up. He looked around and he felt smaller. There were no signs of his teacher instead he saw a female Nidoran. He went to the hall and saw none of the kids or the teachers instead a bunch of rampaging Pokemon destroying the school. Then he noticed his hands were green, his stomach was red and he had a big green fluffy tail. Also He was a lot smaller and had an uncanny desire to put a twig in his mouth. He found a twig and did so.

“I’m a Treeko!”

Careful With That Axe, Pichu!
February 8th, 2008, 2:28 PM
This will be better off in the Revision Bin. Separate paragraphs/dialogue by hitting the space bar twice; and next time have a whole chapter instead of a prologue before you post it.


February 8th, 2008, 2:51 PM
What do I do now if I revise it?

February 8th, 2008, 7:28 PM
Then you get moved back to the regular fanfiction forum.

Honestly, to me, you improved in grammar enough to get your story booted back. Other areas need improvement (description for one thing. You need more of it), but you won't get help in the Bin, where ninety-nine percent of the allowed reviewers are too busy to review.

So, congratulations, you get sent back to the regular forum. If you would like a review, just ask in the Fanfiction Announcement Thread. Or you could send a PM to someone willing. o.o