View Full Version : PKX Adventure Series
February 12th, 2008, 07:09 PM
what's up everybody. Today I'm going to start with my PKX Adventure Series. Basically it's a PG-13 intense story about 18 year old Curtis who is the son of two former Pokemon trainers who sets out on a journey to win the badges and conquer all the leagues in Kanto, Johto, Hoenn, Sinnoh and the fictional Dokkhan which will be based on my ideas for gyms and new pokemon. In addition to new pokemon I've also a added a lot of new moves to which I will post a move dex for later. If wanna know anything else about the series just ask me. Or if you have any criticism i'll be glad to take it. Before I post the first episode I will post the character bio which will be revised as I add on new characters to the story.
Oh yea and another thing to note is that this story is set in the future and will have some connection to characters in the Anime.
Emerald- Father of the main character Curtis. He is currently employed at PokeSpace Station as a regular astronaut. He also does research in on outer space pokemon. Later Curtis finds out that his father is the leader of the secret 8th gym, in which he uses the rare Space-type pokemon.
-He has a Blaziken, which is the father of Curtis’ starter pokemon Riolu. Early in Curtis’ adventure, he finds out that Riolu can learn Blaze Kick.
-He ranked top 5 in the Hoenn league
Ritanique- Mother of the main character Curtis. She is currently a cook at Pallet Town Dining. She used to be a Pokemon trainer, she made it to the Hoenn league, but was defeated by her future husband Emerald in the finals.
-She has a Lucario, which is the mother of Curtis’ starter pokemon Riolu.
-She also has a Blissey which helps her with cooking, and was one of her top battling Pokemon in the Hoenn league.
Curtis- Curtis is the main character of PKX. He decides to start his new Pokemon adventure off without any of the traditional starters. He uses his Riolu, which he got from an Egg his parents gave him for his birthday.
Curtis’ goal in PKX is to compete in all of the 5 Pokemon League Land Divisions (Kanto, Johto, Hoenn, Sinnoh, Dokhan), each with it’s own Pokemon League Tournament. Curtis must get all 40 Badges, and compete in all 5 tournaments to be eligible for the World Championship League, in which if he prevails, he will be an OFFICIAL world renowned Pokemon Master.
Herbert- Herbert is Curtis’ best friend. He starts his journey with Curtis with Charmander as his starter Pokemon. He is a fan of Fire types, and hopes that one day he can work in the Cinnibar Island Gym, under the training of Blaine III. So throught journey he only searches to capture the best fire-type Pokemon.
Shirley- Shirley is an aspiring Pokemon Coordinater. She meets Curtis and Herbert on Route 1 before they reach Viridian City. She picks Squirtle as her starter and only searches for the best Pokemon which can help her compete in Pokemon contests.
Team Hades- Team Hades is an evil organization stationed in all the 5 PLLD’s. They always preach about serving the Devil. They plan to do that by taking over the world and claiming it in the name of the Devil, on the belief that they will have eternal life. Two of the main characters, Donald & Jane, follow the Protagonists around to try to steal their Pokemon, particularly Riolu, since it displayed amazing battle skills when they first meet in Viridian City.
Team Heaven- Team Heaven is Team Hades’ sworn rivals. There mission is to foil any of Team Hades’ evil plans for world domination. But when they are not doing that, they are stationed in churches across the 5 PLLD’s, where they worshipped the Pokemon God Pearla.
Prof. Gary Oak- Prof. Gary Oak is the Professor in charge of the Pokemon Laboratory in Pallet town; he registers the Protagonists for the massive 5 PLLD adventure that is ahead of them. He will also hold any extra Pokemon that either of them catch, and provide supportive advice throughout their journey.
February 12th, 2008, 10:50 PM
There are two points of advice:
First: It's kind of a good idea to start your thread with some part of your story. Character bios don't fall under that. Sorry.
Second: Character bios aren't really needed or, one could say, wanted. You can easily fit in this information in the story itself. Character bios are useful for the author so you can keep the characters straight. But for the readers, they're boring. It's more interesting to read about the characters in the story, as if they are real people.
Good luck on the first chapter!
February 13th, 2008, 05:34 PM
thanks man i'll post the first episode/chapter...later on.
February 13th, 2008, 05:40 PM
hey everybody, this is the first episode of the PKX adventure series....this is PG-13 rated, although there is only one swear in this first episode the other ones will have more strong language. hope you enjoy!!
PKX Episode 1
Our story starts off in the familiar setting of Pallet town. Curtis has just graduated from Pallet Town High and is figuring out what his next step in life is. One day while watching his TV he sees an advertisement for the 5 PLLD challenge, a challenge which includes traveling to five different regions of the world, earning 8 badges in each and competing in a Pokemon League for each, once all that is accomplished, the trainer will be eligible to compete in the World Championship Battle Tournament, where the battle for the OFFICIAL Pokemon Master will take place. Curtis gets motivated by this challenge, since his parents were former league competitors. But his parents only competed in the Hoenn league when they used to live there. If he could beat the 5 PLLD challenge, then he could top both of his parent’s accomplishments, as well as have one big one of his own.
At Dinner time, Curtis brings up his decision to his parents. His father states that competing in one league was tough for him. “I remember back in the day, I had to rematch gym leaders three or four times before I could get a badge. Battles are not easy these days son, especially for the title of Pokemon Master.” His mother added, “Your father’s right. I remember when I and he teamed up for a tag battle with Tate & Liza, because we couldn’t take them down separately, even then we almost lost.” “I understand, I understand. I know it will be tough.” Curtis replied. But I figured out that this would be a good way to guarantee that I’m financially secured for the rest of my life, it’s a better chance than going to college.” “Bullshit!”…Emerald yelled. College doesn’t require you travel through rough terrain, with dangerous monsters and blood thirsty trainers. College is the more civilized approach to financial security. You’re crazy if you think the PLLD challenge will be easier than college.” “I’m not saying it will be easier Dad.” said Curtis. “I’m just saying the pay off will be much greater than College, and who knows I might actually be more happy being a Pokemon trainer.” “(sigh)…well I guess he made up his mind… no use in trying to stop him.” His mother said to his father. “Yeah, I guess you’re right honey. Alright Curtis you go and do what you want, but remember you have a home and college applications to come back to, so if this doesn’t work out…” “It will work Dad” Curtis interrupted. “It’s gonna work ‘cause I’m not a quitter. I’m gonna become the world’s greatest trainer and nothing is going to get in my way!” And with that determined statement, Curtis left the table and went to his room to start planning the long journey ahead of him.
When he got to his room, he looked around…”This place is a Goddamn mess. Riolu! Come here?!” After he yelled, a Riolu appeared from under his bed. It looked like Riolu had been sleeping. “Dammit. You’re always sleeping. You’ve been getting lazy these last couple of weeks. Well I’m here to tell you that you’re laziness won’t be tolerated anymore ‘cause we’re going on a journey.” “Rio??…” Riolu said looking puzzled. “You’re gonna join me on my journey to become a Pokemon Master. Every trainer needs a starter Pokemon you know” Curtis said. “Riooo!!” Riolu exclaimed seeming eager to get his own journey started. “And so we start out journey….In the morning!!” Curtis said before knocking out on his Bed. Riolu decided to go in the kitchen to get his dinner. While he was trying to get a box of PokeBits…he looked outside the back door to see two young siblings battling in their backyard. “Mime Jr. use Confusion!!” One sibling said. The Mime Jr. gathered what looked like blue kinetic energy and launched it at the opponent in a quick and violent manner. “Bonsly, dodge and use Mimic!!...The opposing Bonsly dodged the blue energy and launched a Confusion attack of it’s own using it’s Mimic technique. The attack hit Mime Jr. directly, knocking Mime Jr. to the ground thus causing extra damage. The Mime Jr. Trainer yelled “Get up!!” to the Pokemon. Mime Jr. got up, but it seemed to have lost its coordination. “Oh no, Mime Jr. is confused!!” said the trainer. The battle continued as Riolu watched in amazement as he had never seen a real battle before, or had the chance to use any of its attacks. This made Riolu even more amped up for the journey.
The next morning after breakfast, Curtis and Riolu started training at the Pallet Town Park. Curtis decided to start his training by having Riolu execute its four starting attacks. Curtis would tell Riolu the name of the attack and ask Riolu if he could execute it. The first attack was Riolu’s Quick Attack. “Riolu, Quick Attack!!” Curtis yelled. Something triggered in Riolu’s brain that cause it to speedily dash around hitting nothing but air. Riolu was thrilled. This was its first time executing an attack. Curtis then decided to test Riolu’s strength. “Alright, Riolu. Now use Quick Attack on that tree!!” Riolu locked on to a near by tree and quickly smashed into it. The tree shook dropping some berries in the process. Curtis collected the berries, and said “If you continue doing a good job you can have some of these.” This gave Riolu even more determination.
The next attack was Endure. This was going to be a tough attack to execute. To see if Riolu knew how to use the attack, it would have to be hit with an attack that would knock it out in one hit, while executing Endure to keep it from fainting. Curtis asked his Dad if he could his Blaziken to test out Riolu’s Endure attack. His dad agreed and gave Blaziken’s pokeball to Curtis. Curtis released Blaziken and commanded it to use Blaze Kick on his own child. Blaziken looked at Curtis skeptically. Curtis said “Don’t worry, I’m just trying to see if it could use Endure. If anything, there is a Pokemon Center across the street.” Blaziken shook his head in agreement and looked at his son, and Riolu looked at his father, preparing to Endure his Blaze Kick. “Now Blaziken and Riolu!! Blaze Kick and Endure!!” Curtis commanded. Blaziken jumped up and aimed a fiery kick at Riolu. Riolu, looking a little scared prepared to block the attack by making an X with its arms and lighting itself up with red energy. The Blaze Kick hit Riolu straight on. The power of the attack sent Riolu flying over 50 feet across the park. Blaziken and Curtis rushed to see if Riolu was okay. Riolu was pretty banged up when they got to him, but it seemed to have Endured the Blaze Kick and wasn’t totally knocked out like it should have been. Curtis picked up Riolu and it was rushed to Pokemon Center for treatment.
After lunch and a little rest, Riolu and Curtis were back at it again. This time Riolu tried to do its Foresight attack, but for some reason it was unable to execute the attack. Clueless as to why he couldn’t do it, Curtis decided to move on to Riolu’s fourth attack, which was Mach Punch. When Curtis commanded the attack, Riolu balled its fist tight. Its fist started to turn into a blue ball of energy, and then it quickly launched a fast punch at the same tree from earlier. This time Riolu was able to break the tree in half. Curtis was proud to find out that Mach Punch would be Riolu’s strongest attack of the moment.
After a couple of more hours of training Curtis got a call on his cell phone. It was his best friend Herbert saying that Prof. Oak was registering trainers for the 5 PLLD challenge. Curtis got excited and said “I’ll be there tonight. Once I’m registered we can start traveling together tomorrow morning.” “Alright, that sounds like a plan” Herbert said before he hung up the phone. Curtis and Riolu quickly went home to pack for the journey. (Side Note: In Curtis’ time items are compacted into small pokeballs, to make more room in the trainer’s backpack). After Curtis was done packing he got a ride to the laboratory from his father driving one of his custom PokeSpace SUVs. Emerald said “Don’t be long son; me and your mother have some “business” to attend to tonight.” “Alright Dad” Curtis replied.
Curtis entered the laboratory and was quickly greeted by Herbert and Prof. Oak. “Well it looks like I don’t have to worry about looking for anybody.” Curtis joked. Everybody laughed and Prof. Oak showed Curtis to the Trainer Registration room. In this room Prof. Oak explained further rules of the 5 PLLD challenge. “You already know the standard rules, 6 Pokemon max, Pokedex required for ID, no stealing other trainer’s Pokemon…etc.” said Prof. Oak. “Yeah, of course. My parents used to be trainers after all.” Curtis replied. “Good then.” Said Prof. Oak. “Now for the additional rules. Each region has its own set of gyms and own league tournaments. You must earn 8 badges in each of these regions to be able to compete in the Pokemon league in that region. You must place in the Top 8 of each of the tournaments to be eligible to move on to the next generation. Understand?” “Yes sir, I completely understand” Curtis said. “Oh, and one more important rule…” Prof. Oak added. “Before you start in a new region you have to deposit 5 of your Pokemon and re-register for that region. You’re required to change your team up for every region. But that doesn’t mean the Pokemon will get any weaker, it will still be a challenge.” “Alright, well I don’t mind it. I actually like a challenge” Curtis said. “Well I guess you two are ready then, Herbert has already registered and picked Charmander as his starter, you can pick Bulbasaur as your starter since Squirtle has already been taken.” Prof. Oak said. “It’s alright; I’ll start off with my Riolu.” Curtis released it from its Pokeball. “See. It already knows Quick Attack, Endure, and Mach Punch. Those are good starting moves right?” Curtis asked. “Well, I guess so. There is nothing in the rules against it so I guess it’s alright.” Prof. Oak said. “Yes!! I can already see us winning our first badge and competing in our first Pokemon League tournament” Curtis excitedly said. “Yeah and you know what I see, Curtis?” Herbert asked. “What?” Curtis said. “My bed!!...let’s go get some sleep and we’ll start winning badges and competing in tournaments in the morning.” Herbert said, eager to get some sleep and start his adventure in them morning. Curtis agreed and both young trainers left the laboratory to get some sleep for the big day ahead of them in the morning.
February 13th, 2008, 08:06 PM
I'm merging this with your other thread. No need to create new threads to post new chapters. Just keep it all in one thread.
And hit the Enter button twice to make a new paragraph, which you do whenever someone speaks.
February 13th, 2008, 09:26 PM
thanks for the tip...and oh yea since u merged them together then i'll need to change the title if dats possible....
February 14th, 2008, 06:15 PM
Here's the second episode. I'll try to change my writing style for the next episodes so it will suit wat the mods want.
PKX Episode 2
The morning came and Curtis was eager than ever to start his adventure. He didn’t hesitate to get up, eat breakfast, brush his teeth, shower, and get dressed. When he was ready, his father commented that not even a Jolteon using Agility three times could have gotten ready as fast as he did. With all his stuff packed up and ready to go Curtis stepped out of his house to get one last good look at it. He then let Riolu out of its Poke Ball to say goodbye to its parents Blaziken and Lucario. After all the goodbyes were exchanged Curtis hopped into his father’s SUV and his father drove him to the park where Curtis and Herbert agreed to meet up to start the adventure.
After his Dad dropped him off, he reminded Curtis once again that if things get too tough he can always come back home, to which Curtis replied “I can handle it Dad, the next time I come home your going to see a Pokemon League Trophy in my hand.” “That’s the spirit son.” His father said. “I look forward to hearing about your victories. See you later and be safe.” His father said before he drove off. Curtis looked around and there was no sign of Herbert. He called Herbert on his cell phone. Herbert picked up sounding like he was half asleep. “Hello” he yawned. “Herbert! Where the hell are you?!” Curtis yelled. “….In my bed.” Herbert yawned. “What! Herbert you better get your fat ass over to the park quick!! I don’t have all day!!” Curtis exclaimed. “Alright, Alright. Keep your pants on and lemme put mines on and I’ll met you there in 30 minutes.” Herbert said. “Thirty minutes. With your fat ass it’ll probably take a whole hour.” Curtis joked. “Whatever man, at least I’m gonna have enough fat to keep me up for the whole adventure. I don’t know about you. You might be too skinny to handle Kanto’s rough terrain.” Herbert came back with. “Shut up, dude. Just get over here ASAP.” Curtis hung up the phone and sat down to wait for Herbert. He let Riolu out of it’s Poke Ball for it to get some clean park air. “So this is how our adventure starts Riolu, me waiting for a fat ass” Curtis said sarcastically. Curtis looked around the park and what happened to catch his eye was a beautiful girl with a Togepi in her arms. Curtis was intrigued by her and decided to walk over and introduce himself. “Excuse me miss. My name is Curtis, in case you don’t know. But you should know since I’m…you know…me.” Curtis gamed. The girl laughed and said “You men are all the same. You use the same corny ass lines, and yours was just extra corn straight from the fields.” “Ouch” Curtis said. “Well, since I’m already here can I ask what your name is?” he continued. “Sure, you look cute, even though you have no game. My name is Mystical, but my friends call me Mys, so that means you have to call me Mystical.” “Damn. Shut down” Curtis said. “Who’s that with you?” Mystical said after she noticed his Riolu. “Oh this is my friend Riolu. You can call him that whether you’re his friend or not.” Curtis answered. Mystical laughed “I bet your Riolu couldn’t win in a battle against my Togepi.” “What!” Curtis said with a challenger’s excitement. “My buddy will cream that little spike ball you call a Pokemon.” “Oh yea. Wanna put money on it?!” Mystical said. “No problem. How does three hundred sound?” Curtis said. “Three hundred what? Three hundred dollars or three hundred pennies, cause you look like a broke little man.” Mystical replied. “Oh so you’re a little joker huh. Let’s bet three hundred dollars. One round winner takes all. Is that a deal Myssy? Curtis said confident that he wouldn’t have to give up a cent. “It’s a deal. Let’s do this.” Mystical said.
Curtis and Mystical moved to a special battle area of the park. “You know this is going to be my Riolu’s first battle. It’s nice to know that it will end up being an easy win” Curtis said. “Ha! We’ll see who’s gonna get the easy win. Togepi Go!!” Togepi steps into the battlefield looking cute although ready to battle. “Alright then, let’s do this Riolu!!” Riolu stepped into the battlefield as well. “Alright Riolu, let’s end this quick! Mach Punch!!” Riolu launched its attack at Togepi. Togepi managed to dodge the attack by moving backwards three feet. “Ah ****! You missed!” Curtis exclaimed. “Togepi use your Metronome!!” Togepi began to wave its little hands in the air back and forth a few times. Riolu just stood there looking clueless, as so did Curtis. “Shit!! If I remember right Metronome causes the opponent to use any attack known in the Pokemon world. That means this could turn to be a really unpredictable battle….” Curtis thought to himself….Togepi stopped waving its fingers. In a split second energy started to appear around Togepi in the form of visible cold air. “Riolu, get ready to dodge whatever Togepi sends at you!!” Togepi, then unleashed the cold air energy towards Riolu. Riolu tried to get out of the way but it seems that the attack was unavoidable and Riolu got hit and knocked back. “Riolu!!” Curtis screamed. “What the hell was that attack Mystical?!” “It’s Cold Front, an attack that never misses its target. Wow who would have thought hahahahaha!!?” Mystical said with a sinister grin on her face. “Riolu get up!!” Curtis commanded. Riolu got up looking like it took quite a bit of damage from that Cold Front attack. “Riolu, use Quick Attack!!” Riolu dashed quickly towards Togepi and once again Togepi stepped back. “Now Togepi, use Sweet Kiss!!” Togepi blew what seems to be red heart shaped energy at Riolu. It hit Riolu causing it to become instantly confused. “Riolu!! Nooo!!” Curtis screamed as Riolu stumbled around the battlefield. Now Togepi use your Metronome again!! Togepi used the attack again and this time it started to cringe itself into a ball and glow red. “Oh ****. Don’t tell me your about to use Explosion Togepi!! Mystical said worriedly. “Explosion!! Oh no, Riolu return!!” Curtis recalled Riolu back to its Poke Ball and ran. Mystical ran too as Togepi Exploded. “Damn, well I guess I won that battle, too bad I can’t stick around for my payment.” Curtis said while running.
When Curtis decided he was far enough to not get hurt from the Explosion (and from Mystical), he stopped and saw Herbert heading to the park. “Herbert!!” He yelled as he ran too him, then ran passed him. “Where are you going?” Herbert asked, confused as to why Curtis is running. “I’m going to get this adventure started!!” Curtis yelled back. “Oh! Well wait for me man!” Herbert yelled as he tried to catch up with Curtis.
Curtis kept running until he noticed something terrible. Some little kids were being held hostage in a playground by two older bullies. One of the bullies had a Murkrow while the other one had a Sneasel. They were both using their Pokemon to intimidate the Kids into giving them all their candy and toys. Herbert managed to catch up to Curtis and noticed something was up. “What’s up with you, dude?” He asked. “Look over there.” Curtis said. “Those two punks are holding up these kids with their Pokemon and stealing their stuff. We gotta do something.” “Whoa. Hold up man.” Herbert said in disagreement. “We don’t know if they might have guns or knives…or even worse…Slim Fast.” “Herb, if they had guns and knives they wouldn’t be using their Pokemon. All we have to do is battle and defeat them and then we’ll give the kids their stuff back. Now are you with me?” “Fine.” Herbert said reluctantly. “But if any one of them pulls out a Slim Fast I’m heading for the hills.”
“Hey!!” Curtis yelled to get the bullies’ attention. “What the hell do you guys think your doing?” “You must be blind” one of the bullies said. “We’re obviously robbing these little rascals for all of their stuff. Sheesh man get some glasses” “I don’t need glasses to see that what your doing is f**ked up!! Give the kids back their stuff and beat it!” Curtis demanded. “Hey you must not know who we are. Sneasel and Murkrow, let’s give these guys a formal introduction” The bully said. “No problem, me and my friend Herbert will give you guys a formal good-bye…or should I say goodnight. Go Riolu!!” Curtis yelled while releasing the already damaged Riolu from it’s Poke Ball. “Riolu I know you’re tired but we have to teach these cowards a lesson” Riolu agreed despite its earlier encounter with a Cold Front that was not in its forecast. “Go Charmander!!” Herbert yelled sending out his starter Pokemon. While the four trainers got ready for battle. Curtis thought to himself....”Am I really ready for this kind of battling?”
The battle starts. “Riolu use Mach Punch on Sneasel!!” Curtis commanded. Riolu quickly charged at Sneasel ready to land a serious blow. “Sneasel use Quick Attack!!” its trainer commanded. Sneasel also quickly charged at Riolu. In a split second both Pokemon collided in a burst of energy that knocked Riolu back several feet. “Oh no!” Curtis said. “It looks like Sneasel overpowered Riolu in both speed and power.” Herbert added. “Murkrow use Peck!!” its trainer commanded. “Charmander!! Quick, use your Ember!!” At Herbert’s command Charmander quickly opens his mouth and shot little bits of fire at Murkrow and intercepted its Peck. “Sneasel use Scratch!!” Sneasel charged at Riolu with its claw ready to scratch it. “Riolu dodge!!” Curtis yelled. Riolu couldn’t even get an inch off the ground as Sneasel landed its attack on it. “Oh ****!! That looked like a critical hit!! This is not good!!” Curtis said, worrying about the outcome of the battle. “Charmander use Leer!!” Charmander’s eyes started to flash as it stared Murkrow down, lowering its defensive abilities. “Now use Scratch!!” Charmander ran quickly towards Murkrow and landed its feather slicing Scratch attack. “Riolu get up and use Mach Punch again!!” Riolu weakly got up and charged up its Mach Punch. “Déjà vu” The Sneasel trainer said. “Sneasel lets end this!! Super Scratch attack!!” Sneasel charged towards Riolu with its claw glowing red. Sneasel quickly slashed Riolu intercepting its Mach Punch and knocking it down for the count. “Riolu!!” Curtis yelled. “Now Sneasel, scratch the pants off that little punk just like you did his Riolu!!” Sneasel then aimed its claw at Curtis. Curtis gasped in fear. “Charmander!! Super Ember!!” Charmander opened its mouth and started spitting out extra little bits of fire at Sneasel. The little bits of fire connected together to become one big giant flame that hit burnt Sneasel to a crisp. “So you punks wanna play dirty huh!” Herbert said bravely. “You’re not the only one who knows a thing or two about Pokemon Street Fighting.” Just as he spoke, Murkrow stroked Charmander quick with its Astonish. Charmander was left in shock and unable to make his next move. “Now Murkrow, Peck!!” Murkrow began closing in on Charmander with its beak ready to strike. It looked like Charmander was going to take a hard hit, but out of no where a Growlithe appeared in the middle of the battle. “Growlithe, use Roar!!” Growlithe let out a heart trembling roar which scared Murkrow back into its Poke Ball. The bullies looked ahead and Curtis and Herbert looked behind them. It was Officer Jenny. “I heard a report of some mischief going on around here. You kids should know, no battling is allowed in this part of town.” “Yes we know officer, we were just showing these young children how a good old fashion Pokemon battle looks like” The Murkrow trainer said nicely. “No officer these guys were trying to rob these kids. And we tried to stop them…” Curtis said before getting interrupted by Jenny “That’s enough. You four get in the van, I’m taking you in for questioning” Jenny ordered. The four trainers entered an SUV-like law enforcement vehicle and were driven to Pallet Town Police Station.
This is not how Curtis wanted to start his adventure. He lost his first real battle and now he is arrested. “Damn. This Pokemon trainer **** is getting tough already. I didn’t even leave town yet…” Curtis thought.
February 15th, 2008, 08:14 PM
Okay, as a heads up, I skimmed through the first post because, frankly, character profile posts aren't part of the story, and therefore, I tend to think they don't matter whatsoever. This is mostly because I expect the author to have the skill to tell me within the story what his characters are like, rather than rely on an extra source.
Also, I abuse the quote tags and am prone to MSTing because I'm snarky. If I offend you at any point, I apologize in advance.
Our story starts off in the familiar setting of Pallet town.
First off, don't fall into the trap of attempting to rope the audience into the story. You're the storyteller. We're the audience. Unless you're using first person POV, don't start off the story by claiming that it belongs to us. In fact, it's a bad idea to claim that it belongs to you, as it tends to be fairly tacky. (No published work starts off that way. Neither should yours.)
Second, capitalize the T in Town. Grammar nitpick, but the names of places are considered proper nouns and should therefore be capitalized. Because "town" is actually part of the name "Pallet Town," to not capitalize it would be like not capitalizing your last name.
Curtis has just graduated from Pallet Town High and is figuring out what his next step in life is.
Um... That's all we get as of character description within the fanfiction? No physical description? No setting description?
Remember that the first paragraph of your work is meant to pull your reader in, so you need to focus a lot on detail. That is, make us see what's going on, rather than introduce your characters as if you're the narrator of a 50's public service program. ("Grooming and You!" "This is Cindy. She's an ordinary girl in high school, but she has some grooming problems. Don't you, Cindy?")
One day while watching his TV he sees an advertisement for the 5 PLLD challenge, a challenge which includes traveling to five different regions of the world, earning 8 badges in each and competing in a Pokemon League for each, once all that is accomplished, the trainer will be eligible to compete in the World Championship Battle Tournament, where the battle for the OFFICIAL Pokemon Master will take place.
By now, your reader may have just tl;dr'ed this sentence. While this is all vital information, you may want to present it in a way that doesn't form a run-on sentence that lasts for five lines. A good way to do this is possibly to show us what the commercial is. Get us as excited about this challenge as Curtis. Detail to us what he sees. Is it a shot of a Pokemon trainer duking it out with Brock? Is there flashy text and a booming voice over that explains what the challenge is about? Show us that instead of just telling us information because if you just tell us information, you're more likely to lose reader interest.
Curtis gets motivated by this challenge,
Yes, we can just see the excitement.
If he could beat the 5 PLLD challenge, then he could top both of his parent’s accomplishments, as well as have one big one of his own.
Because Kanto > Hoenn? You didn't even really make it clear what the difference between this league and the Pokemon League Kanto already has actually is.
At Dinner time,
I'm not quite sure why "dinner" is capitalized here. It's a common noun in this case.
Also, you still haven't gone into too much detail, so the audience still can't see what's going on. Think of it like this: you have a blank canvas and a really great idea for a story playing through your mind. You may have the images of the characters and the setting mapped out perfectly, with as much detail as you can shake a stick at, but we, the audience, unfortunately do not possess telepathy. Therefore, to help us see what you see, you need to add a ton of detail to see your picture as close to perfectly as possible. Stick figures and rush jobs just won't do it when it comes to writing effectively. You need to take the time to be careful and paint as much of the picture in your head as possible.
Battles are not easy these days son, especially for the title of Pokemon Master.
This is actually a direct address, so you need to insert a comma after "days." You can tell because he's speaking directly to his son, rather than including "son" in his actual statement.
Or, if you're confused by that explanation, just add in a comma before or after a name if the person is speaking directly to them, rather than about them.
Also, why is it harder these days than years ago when his parents were trainers? Otherwise, this comment seems rather random.
Lastly, you seem to have trouble with dialogue. As Hanako pointed out, you need to start a new paragraph whenever you switch speakers. This means hitting the enter button twice before even thinking about pressing the quotation mark key. To make this clearer, this is what your dialogue should look like:
His mother added, “Your father’s right. I remember when I and he teamed up for a tag battle with Tate & Liza, because we couldn’t take them down separately, even then we almost lost.”
“I understand, I understand. I know it will be tough.” Curtis replied. "But I figured out that this would be a good way to guarantee that I’m financially secured for the rest of my life, it’s a better chance than going to college.”
As a note, there's also a few problems with the above.
1. He and I. You always put yourself after the other person unless the character doesn't know any better (e.g. a child saying "me and him"). I assume Curtis' mother is educated enough to know which pronoun goes first.
2. Drop the comma after "Liza." This isn't a compound sentence, so you really don't need it.
3. Also, drop the ampersand (&) and go for a straight and. Don't be lazy when it comes to writing and try to write things out as much as possible (except with things like titles).
4. Move the comma after "separately" to just after "even" and put a period where it once was. The reasons why are because this is a run-on if you leave it alone (as in, those are two sentences and therefore need to be punctuated as such), and "even then" is an introduction phrase that needs a comma.
5. Drop the period after "tough" and replace it with a comma to lead into the dialogue tag. In general, if a dialogue tag follows the piece of dialogue it's associated with, you'll need a comma, not a period. Also, it's because you're still continuing the sentence. Chances are, the dialogue tag (such as "said Curtis") is not a sentence unto itself, so you need to attach it to something.
6. I don't know what your penchant for run-ons is about, but you need a period after "life," not a comma. Try this trick whenever writing a sentence you intend on putting a comma into:
Cover up the part after the comma and read it aloud. If it's a sentence by itself, move your hand to cover that part up and read the part after the comma aloud. If both parts are sentences on their own, you're dealing with a run-on. You'll need to either insert a conjunction (and, but, or, for, nor, yet, so) or a period in order to make it work.
...Why is there an ellipsis in here?
Also, given that you haven't mentioned that Curtis' father is named Emerald within the fic, you've just confused your readers with having a seemingly new character burst out from nowhere. (Again, ignoring the character profiles from earlier.)
Lastly, I'm not sure why you don't put quotation marks before continuing someone's dialogue, but you really need to in order to avoid confusing the readers. That is, quotation marks before "college."
and blood thirsty trainers.
Because trainers normally kill their opponents?
(Jax should definitely talk after happily killing off a number of trainers in her own fic, but she's trying to be close to canon here.)
Incidentally, because you make a lot of the above mistakes more than once, I won't point them out again after this spot (unless it's significant) and will assume that you'll be able to figure out the rest.
Don't ever do this. Seriously. Unless your characters are actually saying the word "sigh," describe a character's actions outside of quotation marks. I'm only biting about this because I see it happen frequently, and it's a mark that the author has spent way too much time in a chatroom.
…well I guess he made up his mind…
Capitalize "well," as it's the beginning of a sentence. Also, a comma should be after that same word, as this is an introduction word.
no use in trying to stop him.”
Given that his father actually had valid points for not wanting to go, it's a little unusual that his mother would give up so easily. O_o
When he got to his room, he looked around…
First off, drop the ellipsis and go for a period. You'll want a definite end to that statement, as the narrator shouldn't be trailing off here. He either does or he doesn't look around. There is no uncertain note, which is what an ellipsis conveys.
Also, this would be a good time to describe the mess that Curtis sees. Are there papers everywhere? Clothes? Overturned furniture? Moldy food? If you want to pull in an audience and make them feel what your characters are feeling, you need to focus on describing what's happening.
”This place is a Goddamn mess.
Gratuitous swearing FTW!
Seriously, it's usually better to have your characters swear only sparingly. As in, when there's a need to emphasize a certain emotion or portray a character as being gritty or dirty. Otherwise, you make your readers think that your main characters are a little seedy.
This isn't a question.
His bed is named Bed? (i.e. Don't capitalize a common noun in the middle of a sentence.)
While he was trying to get a box of PokeBits…
Ellipses are not commas or periods. Don't use them unless you want to convey that you're uncertain or that your voice is trailing off. Given that this is the middle of a sentence (and a paragraph, no less) and that no one is speaking, you want the harder punctuation of a comma instead.
The Mime Jr. gathered what looked like blue kinetic energy and launched it at the opponent in a quick and violent manner.
How? While you're on the right track (by avoiding just saying "The Mime Jr. used Confusion"), you still would probably get more of a sense of suspense and action out of adding more to the description. That is, explain how it gathered that energy and how it launched it at the opponent.
“Bonsly, dodge and use Mimic!!...The opposing Bonsly dodged the blue energy and launched a Confusion attack of it’s own using it’s Mimic technique.
1. Unless the other trainer is telling the first one how their Bonsly is attacking, drop the ellipsis and opt for another quotation mark to close the dialogue.
2. See above for attack descriptions. Try to avoid stooping to "Pokemon A uses Attack A!" kinds of description and add as much detail as possible. This goes especially for the part about how hitting the ground caused extra damage. Rather than just stating it, describe what injuries Mime Jr. sustained and how it reacted.
3. It's = contraction for "it is."
Its = possessive pronoun.
You'll want the second option for both cases. It's a common mistake, but it's easily avoidable if you remember that no possessive pronoun has an apostrophe in it.
The Mime Jr. Trainer yelled “Get up!!” to the Pokemon.
This is a bit awkward. Rather than plop the dialogue in the middle of a sentence, put it at the beginning of the end. That is, try to rearrange this sentence so that the dialogue doesn't have to interrupt the flow of what you're trying to say. For example, try:
To his Pokémon, Mime Jr's trainer yelled, "Get up!!"
Alternatively, because you've already stated that you're talking about Mime Jr's trainer, it's implied that he's talking to Mime Jr anyway, so it's not entirely necessary.
“Oh no, Mime Jr. is confused!!”
You actually don't need to state this, as it is (or should be) implied from the action what's happened.
The battle continued as Riolu watched in amazement as he had never seen a real battle before, or had the chance to use any of its attacks.
Tip: Read everything you write aloud. You can catch a lot of awkward wording just by running it by your own ear.
In this case, first off, the use of two different "as" clauses just feels a little redundant. Drop one or maybe reword it a little. Second, you neutered Riolu at the end of the sentence. (He had never seen and its attacks?)
Also, drop the comma after "before." You really don't need it, as this isn't a compound sentence.
Curtis asked his Dad if he could his Blaziken
If he could what with his Blaziken? Use? Taunt? Or is "Blaziken" just a euphemism for something that would bump the rating of this fic up a notch?
Point is, proofreading is a very good idea, as if you leave things out like that, your readers have every right to jump to our own conclusions.
Curtis released Blaziken and commanded it to use Blaze Kick on his own child.
Is there any significant reason why you needed to make Blaziken attack its own child? I would assume that there's a bit more reservation about doing it than what it's showing than a couple of lines of hesitation followed by a sudden attack on its own child.
The power of the attack sent Riolu flying over 50 feet across the park. Blaziken and Curtis rushed to see if Riolu was okay. Riolu was pretty banged up when they got to him, but it seemed to have Endured the Blaze Kick and wasn’t totally knocked out like it should have been.
You know, given that it crashed fifty feet away from its starting point, I don't think Endure would really matter here. I mean, if you have the momentum to go fifty feet, chances are, even if you're not unconscious on impact, you've sustained some sort of injury that will ensure that you're going to be in a minute or two.
Not to mention, just curious, but I find it amazing that Riolu didn't, you know, hit anything on its way to its landing point.
Curtis picked up Riolu and it was rushed to Pokemon Center for treatment.
This is a compound sentence. Notice how both parts (before and after the "and") can stand on their own as two separate sentences? That signals to you that you need a comma.
Clueless as to why he couldn’t do it, Curtis decided to move on to Riolu’s fourth attack, which was Mach Punch.
Um, Riolu can't learn Mach Punch. At all. (Not even through breeding.)
This time Riolu was able to break the tree in half.
Considering the fact that Mach Punch is actually only slightly stronger than Tackle, somehow, I doubt it would succeed in breaking a tree in half unless it was executed by something along the lines of Machamp. I'm a little bit wary about how strong your Riolu is. It may lead to creating a Gary Stu trainer later on, especially if this practically hands Curtis wins after this point.
(Side Note: In Curtis’ time items are compacted into small pokeballs, to make more room in the trainer’s backpack).
And suddenly, I got flashbacks to Digimon 2: Return of Digimon (digimon2.ytmnd.com/). Seriously, rather than tell us in an author's note how your world works, tell us in the story. Don't be afraid to add in more description, even if just to explain small details like what Curtis does with those items.
Also, for the sake of consistency, you'll probably want to capitalize Pokémon, Poké Balls, and anything related to the franchise if you're going to capitalize things like Mime Jr. and Bonsly while they're serving as common nouns (as in, just random members of the species, rather than when they're being used as names).
Don’t be long son; me and your mother have some “business” to attend to tonight.
So much for that PG-13 rating.
Curtis entered the laboratory and was quickly greeted by Herbert
Again, don't rely on character bios to tell your story. If you're going to introduce characters in the narration, tell us who they are.
Everybody laughed and Prof. Oak showed Curtis to the Trainer Registration room.
Which, according to the amount of time spent describing it or the journey there, was apparently right there.
6 Pokemon max,
Somehow, I don't think Professor Oak would say "max" instead of "maximum" – or, possibly, "you may only carry up to six Pokémon at a time."
Pokedex required for ID, no stealing other trainer’s Pokemon…etc.”
Hoo boy. Is this really Professor Oak? The old, eloquent man we all know and love and has written professional works that have made him famous throughout the world of Pokémon?
Seriously, I'm not sure if Professor Oak would speak in choppy, incomplete sentences outside of the bad haiku the anime version sometimes attempts.
Also, because "trainers" is presumably plural (as Oak is not talking about any particular trainer), you should move the apostrophe after the S.
“Before you start in a new region you have to deposit 5 of your Pokemon and re-register for that region. You’re required to change your team up for every region.
I assume this is attempting to justify why Ash always deposits everyone except Pikachu, but then, I'll have to turn your attention to both Richie (who uses the exact same Pokémon in every region) and Gary (who essentially uses the same Pokémon, although he rotates his team frequently and has since he first began as a trainer, if the presence of his Eevee and Blastoise from Kanto indicate anything).
So, okay, after that hefty review, let's just cut to the chase, right?
You really need to proofread or at least brush up on a few basics. My advice would be to look up grammar rules (particularly for dialogue and commas) on Google, and yes, there's a ton of good sites out there that can explain things to you.
Likewise, the ellipsis does not take the place of any other mark of punctuation. Please use it sparingly, especially in narration.
Finally, proofread. I can tell this was a bit rushed, possibly run through spell check only. Read your own work aloud if you have to, and take the time to really look at your own sentences. There were some places where the wording was a bit awkward, or the sentences were run-ons. You'd be able to see it too if you just read aloud, stopping only when appropriate (commas, periods, et cetera).
This is what really killed you (aside from the huge blocks of text where there should have been multiple paragraphs). You may have had a good idea, but you just didn't bother to describe anything. Right now, I don't know what Curtis looks like, I don't know how he feels, I don't know what his surroundings look like, and I can't see him do anything. Also, taking the lazy way out by inserting "(sigh)" into dialogue really is a bad sign. To make this a successful story, you need to really slow down and add more detail. Make us see everything that's in your head. Give us skin tones, props, expressions, thoughts, gestures, something other than dialogue and a short sentence to describe what's going on. Otherwise, we're completely in the dark, just like the viewers of that painting I told you about earlier.
Mmm. Sounds like the start of another new trainer story. While I'm not discouraging you from writing it (in fact, if you want to, by all means, go for it), it's just that the fandom's filled with them, so you'll probably want to know that you'll need to do something special to make your fic stand out. I like the detail of having Curtis just randomly decide to become a trainer because it was either that or college, though, and I do think you might have something here. I just don't see, though, what separates your league from every other league I've already read about, you know?
Also, be careful about your details. Exaggeration may lead to comical incidents where you want to be serious, like nailing Riolu and having it fly fifty feet through the air (which reminds me of a few anime shows I've seen where a girl nails a pervert and sends him flying an unrealistic distance).
Likewise, don't pull an Exploding Charizard: don't give your Pokémon moves they can't learn just because you can. I don't know if having Riolu learn Mach Punch was just a replacement for Counter or what, but look up the Pokémon you want to use in an online Pokédex before you use it. If I am right in my hunch (and you taught Riolu Mach Punch to avoid Counter), then you probably would have been better off just not having Riolu know Counter or using another Pokémon. (Yes, you don't have to give your main character your favorite Pokémon.) The reason why this is unacceptable is because it may come off as cheap or a violation to what little canon you're going on -- not to mention, as I've mentioned before, it may put you at more of a risk of creating a Gary Stu (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Sue) if you do it out of convenience.
Nitpicks aside, I really don't know what to say. There was so little detail here that I just wasn't pulled into the story, and you relied so much on the extra-narrative stuff (like character bios, which technically aren't actually part of the story) to tell us who's who. I feel like the concept of a college-age student setting out on a quest (because it's either that or college) is something new and promising, and the fact that the length shows you're trying to put some effort into it. However, you could probably deliver it to the reader much better if you sat down and really spent some more time on your chapters, not by adding dialogue and whatnot to them but just by filling in the details that we should be getting. Otherwise, you may not have many readers who are particularly motivated to keep reading.
I hope that's clear enough to give you an idea on how to improve.
February 15th, 2008, 09:03 PM
like the title says your review was really funny....i should make more of my episodes the same way so u can make fun of them...hahahahaha.....but there's jus some stuff u said i want to address...
1. This pokedex in this story is not ment to follow that of the real (gaming) world. That's why Riolu could learn Mach Punch. Personally, i think that my fakedex is better than the real one.
2. You were right i did rush this but jeez your worst than any english teacher i had in the past...take it easy, i'm not tryin to get my master's degree wit this writing or anything.
3. I do get lazy in putting in detail sometimes...but there's jus certain things that i don't think the reader needs to know about cuz they don't affect the story...for ex. whether his ugly or not is not gonna affect the story in any way.
4. You should review my episode three when i write it....keep the comedy up. lol
and that's it.....
February 15th, 2008, 09:53 PM
like the title says your review was really funny....
I could always make an MST3K version if you'd like, but that would just be going overboard.
1. This pokedex in this story is not ment to follow that of the real (gaming) world. That's why Riolu could learn Mach Punch. Personally, i think that my fakedex is better than the real one.
Um, just because your Pokedex is different doesn't mean that it automatically changes the biology of a Pokemon. If a Pokemon can't learn a move, it can't learn a move, and it's still an Exploding Charizard.
Points to you for offering an explanation I haven't heard yet, though.
2. You were right i did rush this but jeez your worst than any english teacher i had in the past...take it easy, i'm not tryin to get my master's degree wit this writing or anything.
Once you start writing, it's assumed that you're trying your best. You see, the language part -- the different rules and such -- are just as much a part of writing as what you want to say, and if you don't take the time and put effort into the art of literature, you might as well not do it. (I mean, it's a lot like trying to play football but just sort of walking around the field. If you're not going to actually burst out there, run across the field, and tackle the crap out of people, then why bother signing up for the team?)
Likewise, yes, you need to respect the basics. I have an example for that too, and it's fairly crude but gets the point across. That is, to not respect the basics of writing is a lot like trying to paint without, well, paint. So, in writing, you substitute a sub-par job and sparse details under the assumption that it won't matter, and that's like substituting your lack of paint with your own feces. The end result is still a picture, but would anyone actually enjoy looking at it?
To get the full effect of this analogy, look up the word "feces." I'm sure you'll find it amusing then. *thumbs up*
3. I do get lazy in putting in detail sometimes...but there's jus certain things that i don't think the reader needs to know about cuz they don't affect the story...for ex. whether his ugly or not is not gonna affect the story in any way.
Um, we do need to be able to picture things like what he looks like and what he's doing. Otherwise, it's just not enjoyable because we're not pulled into it. All you're doing is telling us what's going on, rather than allowing us to picture it in our minds, and even then, we most likely won't be able to picture exactly what you think.
Remember the painting analogy in my review? Point is, we're not psychic. Please don't assume we are and actually sit down to put effort into your descriptions.
February 16th, 2008, 06:52 PM
alright Jax lemme try to play it by your rules this time. I think you will love reviewing this....and by the way about the Exploding Charizard thing. I don't care about Pokemon biology, if a Pokemon looks like it can do an attack I'll give it to them. Gyrados can't learn water gun in the new generation but it can learn Hydro Pump so in the real world it would be able to power down and use water gun, jus like if Riolu can learn Bullet Punch, it can probably execute the same attack without the steel element...see where I'm coming from? anyways here is episode 3....
PKX Episode 3
The four suspects arrived at the police station where they were sent in a small room for questioning.
“We didn’t do anything!!” screamed Curtis. “It was those two bastards over there!!”
“Shut up!!” Officer Jenny responded. “Now it just so happens that we set up hidden security cameras in all of the playgrounds in Kanto. Our technician got a hold of the tape and is going to play it back to us. We will see who the real culprits are.”
The bullies got scared. They had a sinking expression on their faces, it was like they were about to be put in an electric chair.
The video was played. It managed to record from when Curtis noticed that the bullies were stealing from the children.
“Stop the tape right there. This is more than enough evidence.” Officer Jenny said.
“I guess you guys weren’t bullshitting, you can go now. We’ll take care of the real criminals.”
“What?!” Herbert exclaimed. “You mean you dragged us all the way to this station, falsely accused us of robbery, find out that we actually tried to help those kids, and now your just going to tell us to leave. That’s some bullshit.”
“Well kid, if you wanna argue about this you could do it behind bars.” Officer Jenny said showing Herbert a shiny pair of handcuffs.
“You win this round, but the next time you pigs slip up on us I’m suing your asses. Let’s go Curtis” Herbert said, leaving the officer with a dirty look.
Curtis and Herbert left the police station and went to a Pokemon Center to relax and heal their Pokemon. Curtis couldn’t relax because he kept thinking about his loss to that Sneasel.
“Damn. I can’t believe I got owned like that. Riolu didn’t even stand a chance.” Curtis said.
“It’s alright man. Not everybody wins their first real battle, like I do” Herbert said braggingly.
“Well, that wasn’t actually my first battle.” Curtis said. “I battled this beautiful girl at the park where I was waiting for you and lemme tell you something; she’s a real ***** when it comes to battling. She had her Togepi use Metronome on me and it turned into an Explosion attack”
“Oh I hate when that happens.” Herbert said in agreement. “I remember I was watching a battle my Dad had last week at a Picnic. A Clefable used Metronome and it turned into Rain Dance so we had to cancel”
“Damn, that sucks.” Curtis said. “But not as much as that battle did. I wanna beat those guys so bad. That battle was not even fair.”
“Your right, it isn’t fair. Street battling isn’t supposed to be fair; it’s every man for himself.” Herbert said. “I know this so that’s why I asked Charmander to use that Super Ember attack. In street battling your Pokemon is pressured to put more energy into its attacks to make it more strong and effective. In official battles it’s not really necessary because you’re not trying to kill your opponents Pokemon.”
“So Pokemon can actually die in street battles?” Curtis asked.
“Yes, that’s why you have to be prepared. That Sneasel could have sliced your Riolu’s guts out if I haven’t had came to help” Herbert answered.
“Damn. My Dad was right this **** is going to be rough. I never thought that I would be risking my Pokemon’s life getting into this ****. Curtis said.
“It’s alright man, as long you got me as your partner no one can stop us.” Herbert said.
“Yeah! You’re right. We’re a team.” Curtis agreed. “Now let’s get out there and show the world how powerful teamwork is!”
The two young trainers collected their Pokemon and left the Pokemon Center with a new attitude about their upcoming journey.
They left Pallet Town without looking back. The next stop was to Viridian City, but they had to make it through Route 1. As they started out the route, it appeared that there was nothing special there except for Rattatas and Pidgeys living peacefully in there own groups.
“Oh I can’t stand it! I have to catch one of these Pokemon.” Curtis said anxiously.
“Go ahead man. To work as a team, first you have to get a team.” Herbert said.
With that said, Curtis closed in on a group of Pidgeys. He sent out his Poke Ball.
Riolu came out of its Poke Ball with a new determined look on its face, even after the whooping it got from Sneasel.
“Riolu, use Quick Attack on that group of Pidgeys.”
Riolu dashed at the flock of tiny bird Pokemon, causing all of them to fly away.
“Dammit!! I guess that wasn’t a good approach.” Curtis said.
All of a sudden a Pidgey came out of no where and Tackled Riolu from the back, sending it forward a few feet.
“Damn Riolu you sure love flying don’t you?” Curtis said while shaking his head, remembering the “Blaze Kick incident”.
Riolu was quickly agitated and launched a rocket style Mach Punch towards the Pidgey. Pidgey dodged it and while Riolu kept going up into the air; it closed in on it with another Tackle attack from the back. Riolu soared further into the air, landing in a nearby lake.
“Wow that Pidgey sure knows how to maneuver itself; it’s like its being controlled by a professional pilot.” Herbert commented.
“Pilot??? Herbert shut the hell up and help me out with this annoying bird.” Curtis said agitatedly.
“Alright, I’ll help you out but you owe me for this one. Go Charmander!!” Herbert said.
Charmander came out of its Poke Ball with a cooler demeanor than Riolu. It looked very relaxed and satisfied with its last performance.
The Pidgey noticed the new challenger on the field and didn’t hesitate to aim its Tackle towards it.
“Charmander use your Leer!!”
Charmander’s eyes glowed as it made eye contact with Pidgey. The attack had stopped Pidgey’s Tackle attack in mid-air and lowered its defense. On that moment Herbert commanded Charmander to charge at it and use Scratch. Charmander managed to quickly elevate itself to Pidgey’s altitude and land its Scratch attack right on the spot.
“Yeah!! Great job, Charmander!! Now use your Ember!!”
Charmander opened its mouth and speedily shot tiny bits of flame at the downed Pidgey, causing extra damage.
“Here, Curtis!” Herbert said as he handed him a Poke Ball. “It should be pretty weak by now, use this to catch it.”
Curtis agreed and threw the Poke Ball at the Pidgey. The Poke Ball let out a red light that covered Pidgey and trapped it inside the ball. The middle button on ball started flashing red and the ball was shaking.
“Oh no, Pidgey is gonna break free.” Curtis said
“No, wait.” Herbert said.
With a couple more movements the ball stopped shaking and the red light in the middle stopped flashing.
Curtis face lit up with excitement. “Yeah!! I caught a Pidgey!!”
“Yeah, and I helped you.” Herbert added.
“Yeah, thanks man. I definitely owe you one.” Curtis said
“I think you owe Charmander one too.” Herbert said, while giving it a pat on its shoulder.
Both trainers seemed happy to see what their teamwork had accomplished, but there was someone who was not a happy camper.
“Hey Curtis look over there.” Herbert said. “It’s Riolu.”
Riolu stood in the distance, soaked from its crash landing in a lake, and had an angry look in its face.
“Hey Riolu, what’s up. Sorry I didn’t check up on you earlier. I was so caught up in that battle.” Curtis said.
But there was no response from Riolu.
All of a sudden Riolu went into a blinded rage and aimed a Mach Punch towards Curtis at unbelievable speed. It doesn’t seem like Curtis will be able to escape on time.
Will he escape from the all out assault? Or will his own partner punch a hole through his stomach? Stay tuned for the next episode of PKX Adventures.
To Be Continued.
February 16th, 2008, 08:27 PM
alright Jax lemme try to play it by your rules this time.
They're not my rules. They're the rules of the English language and writing in genera. Yes, there are do's and don'ts when you sit down to right, just like there are certain boundaries in art that define the difference between good art and everything else. =/
I think you will love reviewing this....
Given that I have yet to review chapter two, I don't think I will for awhile.
and by the way about the Exploding Charizard thing. I don't care about Pokemon biology, if a Pokemon looks like it can do an attack I'll give it to them.
By this logic, you could give them a lot of things. For example, every Pokemon can swallow, so why can't every Pokemon use Swallow? Most Pokemon can pass gas, so what about Poison Gas? And how about Swords Dance, if most Pokemon have the ability to move in a dance? And what about the kick moves and Stomp with Pokemon that have legs?
See, there's reasons why Pokemon can't use certain moves, and that's mostly to limit the Pokemon's power. Otherwise, Pokemon could use whatever you want them to, which leads to an overpowered Pokemon. Besides, it's canon, and canon is just one of those things you really can't violate, as fanfiction is an act of showing your respect and love for the fandom (i.e. the canon). It's disrespecting the original work if you don't play by the rules of the original work.
That is, if you want to use a Pokemon with Mach Punch, don't make up the rules. Actually find a Pokemon with Mach Punch. It takes a bit more creativity on the part of the writer to go with the boundaries of canon, rather than violate them for the sake of their story.
Additionally, Bullet Punch =/= Mach Punch. Even if they're similar moves, the fact that they're different types actually says a lot. This is like assuming that Charizard can use Frenzy Plant, just because they're both typed Hyper Beams. There's a different sort of energy involved, something that Riolu may not be able to master.
Also, Gyarados can learn Water Gun... through TM12 in RBY. It may not be able to use it without outside aid because Gyarados are naturally prone to going all-out with their attacks. They're destructive Pokemon, so holding back would most likely be a foreign concept to them.
February 17th, 2008, 01:48 PM
I love this fanfic. Can't wait for the next chapter.
February 17th, 2008, 02:08 PM
I actually skipped the fic and read the reviews. Pretty funny, xD. I liked Chapter one though, but the lack spacing kind of gave me a headache.
February 17th, 2008, 07:15 PM
Alright Jax I'm a stop arguing with you....but that doesn't mean I'm going to change my fake attack dex. Just deal with it.
Anyways I would like to say thanks to everybody that has been reading. Hopefully the PKX Adventure Series has been providing you guys with enough suspense and humor to keep you entertained.
And now I present you with Episode 4
PKX Episode 4
Riolu began charging its attack at Curtis. Riolu’s eyes were filled with a burning anger, while Curtis’ eyes were filled with fear and Herbert’s with shock as it seemed there wasn’t enough time to stop Riolu in its rage. Then all of a sudden a purple streak came out of no where and hit Riolu and knocked it of course from its target, which seemed to be Curtis’ vital body organs.
The two trainers stood there in even more amazement.
“Wh-Wh-What the hell just happened?” Curtis said, shaking in his Air Pikachu sneakers.
“Ummmm…..I think your Riolu tried to attack you and some purple thing came out of no where and stopped it.” Herbert answered, being equally as shocked as Curtis.
“I think that little purple thing came from me.” A female voice said.
The boys turned around in the direction of the voice, to find a beautiful young girl with a Rattata at her feet.
Curtis’ eyes bugged out. “Whoa man!! It’s Mystical!!” He said. “That’s the girl I was talking about earlier with the Togepi.”
Herbert’s eyes also bugged equally as much as Curtis’. “Whoa….she’s hot.”
“So are you guys just gonna stare at me all day or are you gonna check up on that Riolu.” Mystical said.
“Oh yea….I forgot.” Curtis said as he ran back to Riolu. “Riolu, are you alright buddy?”
Riolu was lying on its side, it seemed he was hurt pretty badly but what seemed to hurt it more was its pride.
“Riolu, I didn’t mean to forget about you like that. You know that you’re my priority” Curtis said.
“That’s a damn lie.” Mystical said, in disagreement. “If it was your priority you would have went off after it instead of trying to capture that Pidgey.”
“Wait, so you mean you were watching this whole battle?” Herbert asked.
“I sure was and from the looks of it you look like you know what you’re doing when it comes to battling, unlike this loser over there.” Mystical answered.
“Hey, F—k you!! You’re the ***** with the exploding Togepi, you have no right to criticize my battling skills!!” Curtis said angrily.
“Well excuse me Mr. Edgy, I was just having fun with you and my Togepi is still young so it doesn’t know any other offensive attacks. That’s why I caught this Rattata. I figured its Quick Attack could come in handy and it did so you should be thanking it instead of disrespecting me.” Mystical said.
“Whatever.” Curtis said as he turned back to Riolu. “I’m sorry buddy. I know we got off to a rough start but I promise we’ll get better.”
Riolu looked at Curtis with eyes full of tears, remembering how terrible his first battles turned out. It got up and quickly dashed into the grass.
“Riolu!! Come back!!” Curtis yelled.
“We better go after it.” Mystical said. “It’s heading into the more hostile part of Route 1.”
Mystical ran ahead and Curtis and Herbert followed. Riolu ran through the grass with its eyes too watery to for it to see what’s in front of it. It eventually tripped over a rock and flew (again) into a nearby tree. Mystical saw the injured Pokemon and decided to try to treat it.
“You look pretty messed up Riolu. Here, try a potion.” Mystical said.
Riolu looked at Mystical, finding it hard to accept anything from another trainer.
“It’s alright Mystical.” Curtis said. “I’ll give it some of my potions; after all it’s my fault he is even in this situation.”
Mystical agreed and backed off so Curtis could give Riolu the potion. Curtis tried to talk to Riolu again.
“Come on, Riolu. You can’t be running off on me like that. We’re still a team and as a team we have to have each other’s back. Now I know I didn’t have your back back there but everybody makes mistakes, especially beginners, and whether you like it or not that’s what we are; beginners. You can’t expect easy victories when you’re a beginner, that’s why you have to trust me and let me help you get stronger.” Curtis said
Riolu still looked skeptical.
“Riolu….you have two choices. You can both forgive me and help me make you stronger, or you can go back home to your parents and I’ll just have Pidgey help accomplish the goal that me and you are supposed to accomplish. It’s your choice man.” Curtis said as he looked at Riolu with seriousness in its eyes.
They stared at each other for a good 30 seconds until Riolu got up and stuck its hand out.
“Rio!!” It said.
“So, you’re saying you choose to forgive me and continue to train?” Curtis said.
“Rio!!” Riolu said in agreement.
“Alright then, now let’s get to it!!” Curtis said.
“Get into what??...don’t you even wanna analyze why you guys lost against that Pidgey?” Mystical said.
“Ummm…yeah, maybe that would be a good idea.” Curtis said.
“Yeah. You know what. I might be able to help you in your training.” Mystical said.
“How can you help? I hope it doesn’t involve any Exploding Togepi.” Curtis said.
“No, you smartass!! I could help by teaching Riolu a new attack. Since it ends up taking a lot of damage in battle, I know an attack that can be useful to it. Come on, let’s find a more spaced out area and show you.” Mystical said.
“Alright, sounds like a plan. You ready Riolu?” Curtis said.
“Luuuuu!!” Riolu said, excited to learn a new attack.
The gang walked to find a field perfect for training. Riolu got on one side of the field to face Mystical who was on the other side of the field.
“Go Rattata!!” She commanded. Rattata stepped into the battlefield. “Alright Riolu, now what I’m gonna try to teach you is called your Counter attack. I think that you could be more of a defensive type Pokemon than offensive so this attack would work perfect with you.”
“Rio!!” Riolu said.
“Now, I’m going to ask my Rattata to use its Quick Attack on you. I want you to take the damage head on, and then I want you to attack Rattata with double the amount of damage it gave you.” Mystical said.
“Wait a minute. How is that going to work?” Curtis said. “If Rattata’s Quick Attack is too strong it might knock Riolu back and send it flying and I think Riolu’s been flying around enough for today.”
“It’s alright, Rattata’s Quick Attack won’t knock back if Riolu is in attack and defense mode, which it needs to be to execute Counter the right way.” Mystical said. “Alright Riolu, you ready?!!”
“Rattata use Quick Attack!!”
Rattata began charging at Riolu; turning itself into a purple streak like it did earlier.
“Riolu, now use Counter!!” Mystical yelled.
As Riolu’s brain processed the command, its body started to become outlined in a glowy type of red.
Rattata’s attack hit Riolu, but Riolu stood its ground.
“Whoa it looks like that attack didn’t even move Riolu an inch.” Herbert said.
“Actually, Riolu is taking the damage, but its taking it more slowly.” Mystical said. “Riolu’s body has to prepare itself to double the damage, so it stalls the damage taken.”
“Whoa, that’s cool. Go Riolu!!” Curtis said.
Riolu took a little bit more damage from Rattata, then all of a sudden Rattata bounced off Riolu and got sent back flying back to Mystical’s feet.
“Well, Curtis.” Mystical said. “It looks like your Riolu can perform Counter with no problem.”
“Yeah!!” Curtis said as he ran to hug Riolu. “You know Counter!! I bet that Sneasel will think twice before trying to Scratch attack you now.”
“Sneasel??” Mystical questioned.
“Yeah, Herbert and I had a double battle with some punks that were trying to steal from some little kids at a playground. They used a Sneasel and a Murkrow, and Sneasel almost sliced Riolu in half.” Curtis said.
“What happened to them??” Mystical asked.
Before Curtis could answer Mystical his cell phone rang
“Hello” Curtis said.
“Hello, is this Curtis?” Someone said
“Yeah, this is him.” Curtis replied.
“Yeah, you little punk!! You thought you seen the last of us!!” The person said.
“Who the hell is this?!” Curtis said.
“Remember those trainers you and your fat ass friend fought in the playground? Well we escaped from jail and we have nothing in our minds but to tear both your little asses to shreds!! I suggest you don’t come around Viridian City if you know what’s good for you!!”
The person hanged up. Curtis had an angry expression on his face.
“Who was that Curtis?” Herbert asked.
Curtis was silent for a few seconds until he said “Guys, let’s head to Viridian City, right now.”
He started to walk north, with Herbert and Mystical walking behind him clueless as to why Curtis got so serious all of a sudden.
Is Curtis ready to extract revenge on those bullies? Or do the bullies have more in store for him than revenge? Stay tuned for the next episode.
February 18th, 2008, 06:39 PM
hey i'm back with episode 5. I'm gonna need some commentary before I post Episode 6. so if you wanna read the rest of the story leave some comments on the ones I already have posted up. Oh yea....and Jax I'm still waiting for your review =).....lol
PKX Episode 5
Curtis arrived at Viridian City. He realized that Mystical and Herbert were way behind him so he decided to stop at the “Welcome to Viridian City” sign.
“Damn. Could you guys hurry up?” Curtis said.
“Why? What’s the rush?” Mystical said.
“Yeah, I know. Curtis you know running like this isn’t good for your health.” Herbert added.
“Herbert, walking down a step isn’t good for your health. In any case suck it up, cause there’s a reason why I rushed all the way other here.” Curtis said.
“Why? Is there a discount on steak and cheese sandwiches at PokeWay?” Herbert said, with drool about to drip down from his mouth.
“No, fat ass. One of those punks from the playground incident called me and said that they were in Viridian City. They said we had better stay away from here if we know what’s good for us.” Curtis said.
“Whoa!! That doesn’t sound good. Curtis, maybe we should leave.” Herbert said.
“No!! I’m gonna find those jerks and when and I do me and Riolu are gonna beat their asses to the ground for what they put us through.” Curtis said spitefully.
“I dunno man. Those dudes looked dangerous. Who knows, they might have guns ready to blow our heads off.” Herbert said.
“No they won’t. We have our Pokemon for protection.” Curtis said.
“Excuse me; I don’t think my Charmander is strong enough to be dodging laser sniper rifle headshots.” Herbert said.
“Well if it can’t then I guess you should turn back then, or go to PokeWay and get yourself that sandwich, while I show those *******s the true meaning of payback!!” Curtis said with his tone rising with each word he said.
“Hey!! Can I interrupt for a second?” Mystical said. “Curtis did that guy even tell you where in Viridian City he was?”
“Well….ummm…no.” Curtis said scratching his head.
“Goddamnit!!” Herbert yelled. “You always do this ****!! You always get all excited to do something and don’t know how or where to do it!! Some **** never changes with you don’t it.”
“Yeah, it’s just like your weight, you f—king fat ass!!” Curtis yelled back.
“Quiet!!” Mystical interrupted. We should definitely head to the Pokemon Center to heal our Pokemon, and then we can sort this whole mess out.”
“Aww, Mystical. How can you talk about sorting out Herbert like that?” Curtis joked.
“Enough, dude. Let’s just get going.” Mystical said.
With that said, they began walking to the Pokemon Center, but they were unaware of the dangers that lurked around them, or shall I say; above them.
The gang walked into the Pokemon Center. They headed to the counter, where they found a little boy who was worried about his Pokemon talking to a Nurse Joy.
“Nurse Joy, please. Can you help my Pokemon? They got hurt battling in the Trainer House.” The boy said.
“The Trainer House??” Curtis interrupted. What’s that?
“The Trainer House is a place in Viridian City where trainers hold weekly battles to determine who gets the title of “Trainer of the Week”. The rules state that whoever can manage the “Trainer of the Week” title for seven consecutive weeks, will win the Trainer House’s secret Champion Grand Prize.” Nurse Joy said, while taking the young boy’s Pokemon.
“Yeah, the trainer has to beat anyone who challenges him before 6 o clock at night, for him to get the weekly title. This new trainer is about to be on his second consecutive week, he has creamed me and all my friends.” The boy added.
“Well he’s not gonna cream me.” Curtis said as he handed Nurse Joy his Pokemon. Nurse Joy would you mind healing my Pokemon, we have a battle to win.”
“Sure, that’s what I’m here for.” Nurse Joy said. “Do your friends need their Pokemon taken care of too?”
“Sure, guys get your Pokemon rested up so we could challenge the Trainer House.” Curtis said.
“What?! Curtis, didn’t you hear what that kid said, he said that he and his friends got creamed.” Herbert objected.
“So what? They probably suck.” Curtis said.
“Yeah, well your not such a hot shot trainer yourself so you shouldn’t really be talking.” Herbert said.
“Whatever man. I’ll just take the challenge myself. I need to gain some more experience before I meet those cowards again.” Curtis said.
After his Pokemon were healed. He grabbed them back from Nurse Joy and headed out to find the Trainer House.
“I guess we better follow him, just to see how he does.” Mystical said.
“Yeah, we should but I really wanted to get that steak and cheese sandwich.” Herbert said.”
The two headed out after Curtis.
Mystical yelled “Curtis!! Do you even know where the Trainer House is?!”
“Oh ****!!....Can you get me directions?!” Curtis said.
*Herbert and Mystical fall down Anime style”
“F—king airhead…” Mystical said under her breath.
The three trainers eventually found the Trainer House thanks to directions from Nurse Joy. Curtis confidently walked in and went to the service desk to set up the battle. It seemed that no one had battled the trainer since that little boy at the Pokemon Center.
“The trainer was getting bored waiting for the next victim” the person at the desk said.
“It’s alright; when he battles me he will be entertained until he is defeated.” Curtis said confidently. “Where do I go?”
“The room on the left, he’ll explain all the rules to you.”
“Ok, let’s do this.” Curtis said as he entered the room. “Hello!! Anybody home?!”
He looked around the battlefield which was basically like a basketball arena and saw a male trainer sitting on one of benches playing with his Sidekick 15.
“Hey, kid.” Curtis yelled. “Are you the one I’ve been hearing about who’s beating all these little kids’ asses?”
The boy got up and made eye contact with Curtis from far away. “Yeah, dog. I’m the ***** that has been sending these little bustas crying home to their mommas.” The trainer said. He was an African-American with braids, a fitted cap with “WC” printed on the front, an old school Kobe Bryant Laker’s Jersey and blue baggy jeans.
“I come from the West Coast. I just moved into the Viridian City Projects. I decided to get out the drug game and become a Pokemon trainer. I heard that’s the new hustle that’s going on around these parts, so I decided to get into it.” The trainer said.
“So…” Curtis said. “So, the “WC” on your cap stands for West Coast?”
“Nah, dog.” The trainer laughed. “Those are my initials. I’m Wesley Coleman.”
“What’s up, Wesley Coleman. I’m Curtis Charles.” Curtis said.
“Yeah, Yeah. So I heard you wanna battle little homie?” Wesley said.
“Yeah, I came to knock you off your spot for Trainer of the Week.” Curtis said.
Wesley laughed. “Knock me off? Hahahaha, you’re funny son. But hey when I battle I don’t joke so you better be ready.”
“I’m not joking either, you better be ready too.” Curtis said.
“Alright then, homeboy. I’ll make the rules, and the rules are; two on two singles match. Go all out, no holding back.” Wesley said.
“Ok then. After all, I’ve been through too much for me to start holding back now.” Curtis said.
“Alright, let’s begin!! Go Chikorita!! Wesley yelled as he sent out the grass starter Pokemon from the Johto region.
“Whoa, how’d you get a hold of a Chikorita?” Herbert said standing in the background.
“I stole it….uh…I mean I got it as a gift from Professor Elm III when he came to visit Viridian City..hehehe.” Wesley said nervously.
“Whatever. Go Pidgey!!” Curtis yelled as he sent his Pidgey out.
Both Pokemon and Trainers faced each other on the battlefield.
“Why don’t you make the first move, boy?” Wesley said.
“My pleasure. This is my Pidgey’s first battle so I’ll enjoy testing out its pilot skills on its advantage. Now, Pidgey use your Gust attack.” Curtis said.
Pidgey began to flap its wings repeatedly to create a gust of wind and send it towards Chikorita. What will be the outcome of Pidgey’s attack? Stay tuned for the next episode.
February 22nd, 2008, 05:39 PM
alright before you guys forget about me let me jus post episode 6...but i will need feedback....
PKX Episode 6
“Chikorita use Vine Whip!!” Wesley commanded.
Chikorita whipped out two vines from the seed-like appendages on the side of its neck. It used the vines to clip Pidgey’s wings and stopped the Gust attack.
“Now Chikorita, slam it on the floor and use Tackle!!” Wesley commanded.
Chikorita violently slammed Pidgey into the floor, then pulled back its vines to its neck and began to charge at it.
“Pidgey use Tackle before it reaches you!!” Curtis commanded.
Pidgey couldn’t get up as it was recovering from Chikorita’s last assault. With no way to dodge the attack Pidgey was hit and knocked back to Curtis’ feet.
“Pidgey!!” Curtis yelled, but Pidgey didn’t even budge.
“Hehehehe. It looks like your Pidgey is out cold. I’m no Pokemon Battle official but I know when a Pokemon is knocked the f—k out.” Wesley boasted.
“Shut up.” Curtis said. “Pidgey, return.”
Curtis returned Pidgey into its ball while shaking his head.
“Riolu, it’s up to you now!!” Curtis said as he released his old friend from its Poke Ball.
“Hmmm. So you have a rare Riolu? Wesley said. “This should be interesting. Aight Chikorita return.”
“What?! You’re switching!! That’s not fair!!” Curtis exclaimed.
“All is fair in love and ass-whoopings, homeboy. Hahahahaha” Wesley laughed.
“Dammit. I hope he doesn’t choose anything too strong for Riolu.” Curtis thought to himself.
“Go Totodile!!” Wesley commanded.
“A Totodile?? Lemme guess another “gift” from Prof Elm.” Curtis said.
“Umm…yeah….just shut up and make a move.” Wesley said nervously.
“Alright, I will. Riolu use Mach Punch!!” Curtis commanded.
Riolu initiated the attack.
“Totodile use Water Gun!! Quick!!” Wesley commanded. But it was too late, before Totodile could open its mouth all the way; Riolu hit its jaw with a swift right-fist Mach Punch.
“Oh ****!!” Wesley yelled as Totodile recovered from the Mach Punch.
Totodile continued its assault by launching another Water Gun attack at Riolu.
“Riolu dodge using Quick Attack!!” Curtis said.
Riolu maneuvered itself around the Water Gun and charged itself right into Totodile’s chest, sending Totodile to the floor.
“Riolu has gotten pretty fast, wouldn’t you say Mystical?” Herbert said.
“It’s not its speed. It’s its confidence.” Mystical replied.
“That’s it Totodile!! Bite its f—king head off!!” Wesley said frustrated at the battle.
Totodile jumped up from the floor, into the air, and started charging at Riolu acrobat style with its mouth open, showing its sharp teeth.
“Riolu quickly use Counter!!” Curtis commanded.
Riolu started glowing red. Totodile landed its Bite attack on Riolu’s head. In a quick second Riolu’s Counter sent Totodile flying into a pair of doors at the other side of the court.
Riolu was proud, because for once it wasn’t itself that was doing the flying.
“Yeah!!” Curtis said. “Now I’m not a Pokemon Battle official, but I know an instant knock out when I see one, homebooooyyy!!”
“Dammit, this ain’t over yet!!” Wesley yelled.
“Yeah well you can bring out that Chikorita, I’m sure Totodile is getting lonely on the other side of those doors.” Curtis said cockily.
As soon as Wesley went to throw Chikorita’s Poke Ball into the field a sudden explosion happened in the ceiling. It left a huge hole in the roof of the Trainer House, a hole big enough for a hot air balloon with four shady characters to land through it.
“What the hell is going on?!” Curtis yelled.
“I don’t know!!” Wesley said.
As soon as the smoke cleared the four characters were revealed.
“It’s you!!” Curtis said with anger in his voice.
“Oh no, it’s them!!” Herbert added with nervousness in his voice.
It was the bullies from the playground incident, but this time they brought some help, in the form of agents from the evil Team Hades. One was a tall Spanish male with long brown hair that was wrapped in a ponytail, and the other was a slightly shorter Caucasian female with long black hair, reaching down half-way through her back. They were both slim in stature and both in a black and red jumpsuit-like uniform with a flaming red “H” labeled on their chests. They were in a hot air balloon that was shaped like the head of Lucifer himself.
The bullies stepped ahead of the agents.
“So just like we thought you decided to be dumb and go to Viridian City to try to find us.” One of the bullies said.
“Well it looks like you were looking for us too.” Curtis said. “It’s good because now you can take your ass-whooping up front, instead of me having to look for you losers.”
“Ass-whooping?! Don’t make me laugh!!” The bully said. “But allow us to introduce ourselves, I’m Jackalson, but all the weaklings call me J-Killer.”
“Yeah, so I guess I’ll be calling you Jackalson then.” Curtis said.
Jackalson grunted at the insult. “This is my partner in crime Stevenson, but you can call….”
“I’ll call you guys pieces of ****!!” Curtis interrupted. “I’m in the middle of a battle; I don’t have time for your bullshit introductions, just get out your Pokemon and let’s get this over with.”
“Slow down little man.” The male agent said as he and his female accomplice stepped up. “If you want a battle we’re the ones you should talk to, not them.”
“What?” Curtis said surprised.
“The Killer brothers had us bail them out of jail and as payment they told us how we can get our hands on a rare Riolu, which I’m guessing you have.” The male agent said.
“Please don’t tell him. Please don’t tell him.” Herbert whispered under his breath.
“Yes I do have it.” Curtis said.
“Aww, ****!” Herbert said out loud.
“But I’m going to need an introduction from you guys. My mother told me not to give candy to strangers.” Curtis said with a confident smirk on his face.
The male agent chuckled. “I’m Donald Killer”
“And I’m Jane Killer” the female agent said.
“So you guys are all siblings?” Curtis asked.
“Not quite. We’re cousins. Our fathers work together as the CEO’s of Team Hades. So you know family comes first.” Donald said.
“I see.” Curtis said.
“But let’s not get into our family tree, we much rather have your Riolu get into our clutches.” Jane said.
“Never.” Curtis said. “If you want Riolu you’re gonna have to battle and force it out of my possession. I’ll tell you now, it’s not gonna be easy.”
“It was easy for my Sneasel to whip your weak little Riolu.” Jackalson said. “Donald and Jane are stronger trainers than us, so if you expect yourself to be a challenge to them or us, you should just hand over the Riolu now and save yourself the embarrassment.”
“Like I said Jokelson, they’re gonna have to battle.” Curtis said.
“It’s alright Jack, we like when we have to pound our opponents into the ground, it’s more fun than them just handing over their goods. I actually like a little resistance. But this is no game when we want something we’ll stop at nothing to get it and we definitely don’t plan on stopping at you. You ready Jane?
“Yeah!!” Jane said. Go Ekans!!”
The six-foot snake Pokemon came out of its Poke Ball and gave a sinister hiss.
“Now!! Go Koffing!!” Donald commanded as the Poison Gas Pokemon came out of its Poke Ball and onto the battlefield.
“So they use Ekans and Koffing. These guys seem more like Team Rocket rejects than anything else.” Mystical said.
“So is this going to be a 2-on-1, or is one of your pathetic friends going to help you?” Donald said.
“Sure, I know my homie got my back.” Curtis said as he looked around for Wesley. “Where the hell did he go?”
It seemed that Wesley ran away during the confrontation.
“Awww. I thought he was a G.” Curtis said as the situation got from bad to worse.
“Don’t worry Curtis, I’ll help you out.” Herbert said as he stepped into the battlefield. “These guys kinda scare me, but we’re a team no matter what the obstacle is. I gotcha back…Homie.
“Herbert.” Curtis said. “Don’t ever say that again.”
They both turned back to the battle….
To Be Continued….
March 16th, 2008, 01:51 PM
i'm back...if anyone cares...here's episode 7....
PKX Episode 7
“Alright, Charmander Go!!” Curtis said as he released Charmander from its ball.
“So we’re going up against a puny Riolu and a wimpy Charmander. Jane said. “Donald, let me make the first move.”
“Go ahead; I got your back if they try anything funny.” Donald replied.
“Ok!! Now Ekans lets finish this quick. Use Poison Sting on Charmander!!” Jane commanded.
Ekans opened its mouth and shot out long poisonous needle-like projectiles at Charmander.
“Charmander, quick counter it with Ember!!” Curtis commanded.
Charmander quickly launched its attack and it clashed with the Poison Sting.
“Now, Charmander use your Ember to force it back to Ekans.” Curtis said.
Charmander powered up its Ember and started to force the Poison Sting back to Ekans, while Ekans struggled to fight it back. Donald, noticing Ekans was losing the struggle decided to step in.
“Koffing use Tackle on Charmander and then move out of the way quick!!” Donald commanded.
Koffing quickly charged at Charmander and hit it directly in its stomach, cancelling its Ember attack and allowing Ekans’ Poison Sting to hit Charmander dead-on. Charmander looked like it took a bit of damage but was still in battling condition and did not suffer from the side effect of a Poison Sting attack.
“Ha! You thought your little counter attack was going to work.” Donald boasted. “Well I’m sorry to tell you as long as I’m here none of those tactics are going to work.”
“Yeah, well how about this tactic?!! Riolu use Quick Attack on Koffing and then on Ekans.” Curtis commanded.
“What?!” Both Donald and Jane yelled.
In a quick dash, Riolu charged into Koffing and then quickly charged into Ekans.
“Ha! To that!! I got a couple tricks up my sleeve too you know.” Curtis said. “It seems your Pokemon are too slow for my Riolu.”
Donald and Jane both had an annoyed look on their faces.
“Damn you!! You’re not gonna make a fool out of us like this!!” Donald yelled. “Koffing use your Smog attack!!”
Koffing opened its mouth and let out a thick and poisonous cloud of smoke.
“Herbert!! It’s heading your way” Curtis yelled.
“Charmander move out of the way and use your Scratch attack.” Herbert commanded.
Charmander dodged the attack and started charging towards Koffing with its claws sharpened and ready to scratch.
“Ekans stop that Charmander with a Wrap attack!!” Jane commanded.
Ekans intercepted Charmander with its long tail and started wrapping itself around its body and squeezing it.
Charmander tried its best to break free from the Wrap but Ekans grip was too strong.
“Now Ekans, use your Leer!!” Jane commanded.
Ekans eyes started glowing as it made fierce eye contact with Charmander. This maneuver weakened Charmander’s chances of getting out of the Wrap.
“Dammit, Charmander get out of there!!” Herbert yelled.
“Don’t worry Herb, I’ll help you out.” Curtis said. “Riolu aim your Mach Punch towards Ekans’head.”
Riolu tightened its fist and charged towards Ekans landing a swift punch on its head and making it lose control over its Wrap attack.
“Alright, Herbert Charmander’s free.” Curtis said.
“Now Charmander use Scratch on Ekans!!” Herbert commanded.
Charmander scratched Ekans in the same spot Riolu punched. Ekans became stunned as it fell back to the ground.
“Ekans get up!! Donald, why aren’t you helping me out here!! Jane yelled.
“Alright!! You want me to help you out!! I’ll help us both out!! Koffing lets wrap this up, use Smokescreen!!
Koffing started to release a huge amount of thick smoke from the holes in its body. The smoke filled the whole battlefield. Even Mystical who was on the sidelines couldn’t see anything.
After a few minutes the smoke cleared and the Killer family was gone.
“Where the hell did they go?! Just as I suspected, there just another couple of losers just like their cousins” Curtis said…..
Where did the Killer family go? Will they return? Stay tuned.
March 20th, 2008, 05:05 PM
Quite profaine, aren't we, dahlin?
Anyway...the concept is nice. Lots of yelling...some quotations are not ended...and I'm not even gonna start with the fake dex thing. Jax already covered it before I could get to it.
But, for those of us just tuning in, maybe you should go back and space up chapters one and two...my eyes exploded upon seeing those blobs of words.