View Full Version : The Journey
February 15th, 2008, 02:08 AM
The Journey is about a Boy named Micheal who 1 Day dreams of becoming a Pokemon Master!
Chapter 1,Act 1. First Pokemon!
Micheal was you're normal 10 Year old boy,He liked Pokemon,TV and Video Games just like any other normal kid,but the difference was that he was destined to become a Pokemon Master!
Micheal was told that now he was 10 he could go Professer Ash's Lab to get his first ever Pokemon! At 6 O Clock,He got up and scrambled about looking for his rucksack that his Mum gave him for his adventure,He got that which contained,A Region Map,A Lot of Drinks and meals,Snacks,Clothes,3 Poke Balls,1 Great Ball,3 Potions and 1 Super Potion! Micheal (At the first chance he got.)ran down the stairs said bye to his 2 Brothers and to his mum and then he ran full throttle to Proffesser Ash's Lab.....
The Lab was desserted except from Proffesser Ash who was studying a Darkrai that the Elite 4 Champion had caught...Suddenly the door crashed open and almost fell off it's own hinges! The proffesser's work was interrupted by Micheal's antics. The Prof. was Pretty P'od but he didn't want to upset Micheal so he didn't talk about it....
"Prof. am I Late? (Huffing and Puffing due to exhaustion)" Huffed Micheal.
"No for that matter you're the first one here!" Said the Prof. With expression.
"Well let's get on to the 2nd most inportant subject...(Proffesser Points to 3 Poke Balls laying there on the table.)
"2nd most important subject?!?!?????"said Micheal sounding puzzled and confused.
"You'll see......" Muttured the Prof.
"OK here are the Poke Balls...One contains Chimchar The Fire Pokemon,The Next contains Treecko the leaf Pokemon and finally this one contains Squirtle!" Said the Prof.
"OK I Choose Chimchar!" Shouted Micheal!
"OK there you are Micheal now the Main Subject....
Next Time....Chapter 1,Act 2
February 15th, 2008, 02:54 AM
Chapter 1,Act 2. The Pokedex!
Suddenly the Prof. pulled out what seemed like a High-Tech Device and showed it to Micheal...
"This Micheal is the Pokedex,It automatically gives you data on every single different Pokemon you encounter,Fron Pidgey all the way to Ho-Oh! You,I Think are destined to becoming a Pokemon Master and that is why I would like to entrust with the Pokedex! The Problem is you only have 1 Pokemon on there...Chimchar....But anyways do you accept my offer of the Pokedex?"
Micheal was flattered,He never thought someone would refer to him as a Pokemon Master,I Mean come on he's a 10 Year old kid for Pete's sake..........
"Yes I Accept I Would love to have the Pokedex Prof. and believe me I will not let you down!
"Wait Micheal before you go I need to do 2 things with the Pokedex... First he grabbed the Hand of Micheal put it on the Pokedex and it read his finger prints then he put Chimchar inthe gaze of the Pokedex and read it's data,"Chimchar the Fire Pokemon Chimchar evolves into Monferno and then into Infernape!" Said The Pokedex!
"OK Bye Micheal!" Shouted the Prof. as Micheal walked off into the distance....
Next Time Chapter 2,Act 1!
February 15th, 2008, 01:01 PM
Chapter 2, Act 1. Ninja Attack!
Micheal had spent some more time with Chimchar,but still they had not encounted a Battle or anything along those lines... But all was about to change... Jumping out a tree a Ninja came out with a Pokeball in one hand and a Potion in the other...
"I am a Ninja and I Choose you to be the next on my victim list (Cackling)" Muttered the Ninja,Very confidently...
"I accept and now we will battle! Go Chimchar!!!!!" Shouted Micheal!
"Go Starly!" Shouted the Ninja!
Both Pokemon crawled out there Poke Balls and both Trainers called there attacks....
"Ember Chimchar!" Instructed Micheal
"Tackle Starly!" Instructed The Ninja
Chimchar was heating up,sparks and little fires sparked from Chimchar's body and then the sparks hit Starly! Starly looked near enough to Fainting but it would still fight!
Pumping it's self up and breathing in an appsolutely giant breath in one fell swoop it hit Chimchar and Chimchar seemed in Middle condition.
They called there attacks once again....
"Scratch now Chimchar!" Instructed Micheal!
"Quick Attack Starly!" Instructed The Ninja!
Starly found all the speed that he could and pushed himself so hard that Starly was pretty much a Black and White blur! Chimchar was close to fainting but Micheal used a Potion!
Then sharpening it's claws and getting Fired up Chimchar delivered a Scratch to Starly! Starly Fainted!
"Damn,beaten by a Kid....Take this it should be yours..." Said the Ninja handing over a Potion.
"Thanks, I'll be on my way...." Said Micheal and like he said he was on his way.....
February 16th, 2008, 12:07 AM
Chapter 2,Act 2. Route 1 PT 1
Micheal walked down Route 1 with no problems at all until he saw a Trainer with 2 POKE Balls in her hands luckily she never asked for a battle,maybe she thought he was too good or that she was so good that he'd be no match for her....... Anyway moving on... Suddenly a Wild Starly popped out the cold,green,Bushes.
"Go Chimchar!" Micheal Instrusted
"Scratch Now" Micheal Shouted and Instructed
The Starly had chosen to Tackle.
The Starly getting pumped up and raising it's wings and it's shoulders it attempted to apsolutely destroy Chimchar with a Strong Tackle,but it missed!
Chimchar held out it's claw and swiped the opponent executing a Strong Scratch,it was near fainting! (The Starly)
"Ember Now" Instructed Micheal
The Starly had chosen to perform Growl
Taking in a Deep Breath and letting it out Starly Exucuted a Growl lowering Chimchar's attack!
Making Sparks around him and making little flames and flikkeres Chimchar pushed the fire against the Opponent exucuting a Strong Ember knocking Starly Out........
February 16th, 2008, 12:47 AM
Uhhhhm...You really need to add a lot more description, and the name Professor Ash does not make sense, wouldn't it be Professor Ketchum. And also your grammar and spelling is awful. I think if you put this through a basic word processor this could fix it...uhhhm, do you have windows, if you have Microsoft Word maybe you could copy and paste it there and fix some gramma errors.
There is nothing I see positive in this.
You really need to improve greatly.
EDITED: Oh yeah, it looks pathetic when you don't spell your main characters name correctly. It's Michael, not Micheal. I should know, my name is Michael. Also his surname? It is hard to know what the hell is going on. And it is very un-original to say the least. Because you spelt the main characters name wrong. It is not. So you may want to change that, it would make all people called Michael happy and will make you look more professional.
EDITED, AGAIN SIGH: Am sorry but this is a bit silly, "2nd most important subject?!?!?????" Yeah because in real books a character says ?!?!????? it just looks childish. Just do a simple ? and it would look better if you wrote second not 2nd, a lot of ?!?!?! make the reader get fustrated, it is like, ok we know he is screaming, stop overusing it. One exclamation mark is the most you are actually supposed to have, any more and the grammar becomes incorrect.
But -3/10 although that is bad, I hope you improve your fanfiction and make it better.
February 16th, 2008, 01:06 AM
Constructive Critisism is OK but that was definately Not constructive... And Ash does make sence remember that in the other games they have names of trees.........
February 16th, 2008, 01:37 AM
It actually, IS, constructive. I critised your work and then politely told you how to improve it. I could of been immature and said. "This is terrible, bad grammar, spelling. It's basically ****" But no I didn't.
February 16th, 2008, 06:55 AM
I Understand... It was Constructive................................
February 16th, 2008, 12:02 PM
Chapter 2, Act 3, Route 1 PT 2
After that battle,Michael thought it was time to run,he had recently discovered that Chimchar had learnt Taunt,and now he found a Abra,Abra's hated the move Taunt,Infact if it was even used just once in a battle with a Wild Abra,it could be caught,Very,Very Easily... Michael ran towards the Abra and quickly and efficiantly asked Chimchar to come out of it's poke Ball after a brief hesitation out it Popped!
"Taunt now Chimchar!" Instructed Michael in a kind of stern voice,something you would not expect Michael to do especially because he's instructing a Pokemon....
Chimchar pulled out it's finger and brung it back asking for the defenceless Abra to come closer,luckily for Michael it got angry by the Taunt and then at the first chance he got Michael ruffled through his backpack while Chimchar was performing taunts at the now extremely angry Male Abra,as he ruffled through desprately through every single pocket he could find,looking for a poke Ball he eventually found one...still after minutes Chimchar was Still taunting the very,very easily angered Abra now out of no where a Poke Ball was tossed about 10 Yards to meet with the Angry Abra.
Michael was so nervous he didn't know how this would pan out and he really wanted another Pokemon to have by his side and well who would blame him!
It shook once more and BAM!
It was caught!
He was so happy that he now had two Pokemon now he ran though the dence Forest and then at the end said:
"Here we are..."
February 16th, 2008, 12:04 PM
February 16th, 2008, 02:12 PM
um... yeah... *sweatdrop*
this could use improvement. and LOTS OF IT.
perhaps you can add some more description? and also, you could make it longer...
February 16th, 2008, 11:26 PM
Thanks for that in the future I'll put in more description....
February 17th, 2008, 07:53 PM
The bold font made my eyes hurt before I could read it. Try and make it in the forum font, or atleast a reader-friendly one.
February 17th, 2008, 11:52 PM
OK if my Fic is rubbish please say because it helps...I'm only 9...
February 18th, 2008, 12:03 AM
Never got past the first post actually. The whole bold font threw me off. However, judging from the first post, it could be interesting.
And like Charchic said, try spell checking it before you post it.
February 19th, 2008, 11:23 PM
Next ep posted today... Chapter 3, Act 1
February 20th, 2008, 04:43 PM
OK if my Fic is rubbish please say because it helps...I'm only 9...
You don't need people to tell you that it's no good, you need people to tell you how it can be better.
My main advice is to make it less like the video game. I'd try developing Micheal's character more. Think outside the box, you don't need to be limited to the video game's basic plot. Be creative!
I doubt that any of the older members of this forum could write perfectly when they were kids, so ask your parents for help if you're stuck with grammar.
And most importantly, don't get discouraged!
February 21st, 2008, 05:39 PM
Wow! Great job. And thanks for reading mine. :) I like yours. Its really good!