PDA

View Full Version : daniel's adventure part 1


pokefan12
February 18th, 2008, 02:17 PM
daniel is on a boat from hoen to Sinnoh to do a different adventure because he wants to be a pokemon master.Then he saw mysterious creatre with a pink face, a light blue body and two light blue tails.At a blink of an eye it disaperd."bing bong"the captin said "the boats at the region Sinnoh!"Daniel jumped off of the boat happy."YEA!" Im at SINNOH!



when he got off someone came to him and said"are you new here? If you are here take a town map and go to sandgem town!" "ok" said Daniel. "ok im at sandgem now I need to find the lab." then Daniel found a a girl with a white hat and long black streamy hair.
Daniel went up and said "wheres the lab?" "yes,I was going there also.""follow me."

Tyranitar07
February 18th, 2008, 04:38 PM
i think this is too short you should check out mines...it's like 4-5 pages in microsoft word......

pokefan12
February 18th, 2008, 06:17 PM
im sorry my next one willl be better

Light Yagami
February 18th, 2008, 06:37 PM
This is my first attempt at correcting grammar, so I could probably miss a few things.

daniel is on a boat from hoen to Sinnoh to do a different adventure because he wants to be a pokemon master.
Your main character's name and Hoen should be capitalized, because it's a proper noun.

disaperd
Yeah, that's disapeared.

"bing bong"the captin said "the boats at the region Sinnoh!"Daniel jumped off of the boat happy."YEA!" Im at SINNOH!
You are supposed to capitalize the first word in a sentence. That's a sound effect I presume? "Captain" The abuse of capitalization isn't needed and "yea" is spelled yeah.

Other than that common grammar mistakes such as capitilization and spelling mistakes can be avoided by running the fic through spell check on Microsoft Word. Instead of writing it here on PC.
I'll keep on an eye on this, just make sure to write chapters longer and more descriptive.

Astinus
February 19th, 2008, 10:29 AM
SharinganFlames, if you're going to correct other people's spelling, make sure that you also spell the word correctly.

Hoen
Two n's on Hoenn.

disapeared
"disappeared"

And Pokefan12, your fic needs improvement in other ways than just spelling and length. Grammar is important here if you want people to read your fic. If it's not readable, then no one will read your fic, and then what's the point of posting? You should learn proper capitalization, spacing, how to punctuate correctly. It's a lot of work, but it can be done. Read other people's fanfics to see how things are done. You can even see if you can find a beta reader to read over your chapter and help you improve it before you post it.