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Anxiety.
February 23rd, 2008, 07:06 PM
Okay, it's not a game, I was just thinking, anyone want to guess who the two people are in my poem (It's one of my fave pairings XD)

MILD REFERENCE TO SMEXY TIME

The secrets kept behind the locked door,
I can hear you beg for more and more,
My heart is rushing, with anticipation,
You’re in my reach, within temptation,
You’re lips are soft, as mine touch yours,

Orange and blue, do not mix,
Something no-one can fix,
Hot and cold, fight always,
Curses thrown, always going their separate ways,
Always ending up in the same place,
One familiar whiskered face,

This isn’t right; we were born to fight,
I’ll lash out, with all my might,
But in this place, a sanctuary,
Everything, is so merry,

Rivals at day, lovers at night,
A horrid sound, a cry of fright,
But never mind, it’s better now,
Once behind a locked door, let your feelings come out,
Oh yeah, one more thing,
The loving rivals, are both guys.

PLEASE GIVE AN ACTUAL REVIEW ON THE POEM AS WELL AS A GUESS AT THE PAIRING!

Romance Hero
February 23rd, 2008, 08:06 PM
>.> I have no clue who the pair is... I'm guessing they're competitive battlers?

Artistic poem by the way, but I was more concentrated on who the pair was. Keeps me guessing. :)

Astinus
February 23rd, 2008, 08:17 PM
xD I know who it is!

SasuNaru, or Sasuke x Naruto

The poem's rhyme scheme was good. When you had the line about going separate ways, it felt like the rhythm was off. But I'm not sure about that.

One basic grammar thing. You have a lot of commas. The entire poem is one sentence. See if you can break it up in places. (Make one stanza a sentence, perhaps?)

Anxiety.
February 24th, 2008, 03:31 AM
xD I know who it is!

SasuNaru, or Sasuke x Naruto

The poem's rhyme scheme was good. When you had the line about going separate ways, it felt like the rhythm was off. But I'm not sure about that.

One basic grammar thing. You have a lot of commas. The entire poem is one sentence. See if you can break it up in places. (Make one stanza a sentence, perhaps?)

You were correct, that was the pairing I had in mind ;)

melod.ii ous demyx~♪
March 1st, 2008, 07:16 AM
n_n Cute~ <3
Heh, I love the pairing, it makes me want to write my own~
>_o The "Whiskered face" line gave it away for me. NxS forever and ever. *-*

Anyway, Poem!
I really liked how you described their personalities through the words, if that makes sense.
Something I didn't like was the word choice on some parts. "merry" and "guys" at the end. It gets the point across, but it just seems too flaky and simple compared with the rest of it~

Anyways, it was cute and I liked it. Wonderful read ^^