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Ult.Strike.
February 24th, 2008, 08:08 AM
Pokemon: Level Z

(Based on: Dragon Ball Z, Pokemon, Digimon, and Super Mario bros. Z)
(I'm new here, but I've been member of other sites like this so, here goes)

Part 1: The Shard Pieces


It was a typical Summer day in the realm of Pokemon. The sun was bright, the windy breeze blew, and the green land was nice and healthy.

A young Budew decided to take a nature walk in the woods. After packing up a little lunch and supplies, it went on its way.
The tiny grass Pokemon walked through the woods for an hour before it found a nice big rock to have its lunch on.

After sitting down and unpacking, Budew began to feast on the half of an apple it brought.
“The landscape looks its best during this time of the year.” It thought.

As it gazed upon the area, its eyes fell upon a shiny object lying on the ground.
“What is that?” It said as it climbed down and approached the item.

When the object came into view, Budew realized that it was a shiny shard piece.
“Wow, that’s a pretty piece.” It said while glancing around, looking to see if anyone was nearby.

“Well… if nobody is going to claim it…” Budew said. “…Then I guess I’ll take it.”
The grass Pokemon lifted up the shard piece and started to go home.

However, before it could take one step, the sound of landing footsteps reached its ears.
Budew turned around to see itself staring at a tall hooded figure.

“Give me the Mystic shard.” The figure said in a croaked voice.

Budew was shaking with fear, but somehow these brave words flew out of its mouth,
“I don’t see your name written on it.”

The figure didn’t reply, it just stood there, staring at the Pokemon who just sassed it.
“Fine,” The figure said suddenly. “Have it your way.”

Budew didn’t see it coming. The strange being rushed forward and kicked the shard piece out of small Pokemon’s grasp high into the air.

“Yow!!” Budew cried, for its clamp was in great pain from the kick.
It was too occupied with that to notice the figure raise its hand towards it and concentrate a ball of energy.
After the pain calmed, Budew turned just to see the energy ball being launched right at its face.

On contact with Budew, the ball of energy caused a tremendous, wide radius explosion.
The ground rumbled and debris flew everywhere.

When the dust finally cleared, the strange being was still standing, unharmed by the blast.
It raised its hands and caught the Shard Piece it kicked away from the tiny Pokemon.

“One down, nine to go.” It said.

The hooded figure took off into the sky, leaving behind a ruined area and the charred remains of Budew…

________________________________________________________________________


Meanwhile, miles away from the sad incident, a great festival was taking place. Today was ‘Legend Day’. Centuries ago, legendary Pokemon came from the Heavens and destroyed a great evil that threatened this world. The Pokemon were so grateful, that they held this festival to thank the legends.

However… none of these Pokemon knew that the festivities would be cut short by a power far greater than theirs.

“I win!” Chimchar cried at a ball-hurdling contest.
The fire Pokemon’s friends, Piplup, Treecko, Aipom, and Pikachu clapped for their pal.

“That’s a new record!” Pikachu exclaimed as Chimchar took its prize.
“You’ll be famous!” Piplup exclaimed.
“Aright, alright, enough of the praising.” Treecko muttered. “We’re going to miss the main event.”

Although the fun activities were important, the real reason was to honor the Pokemon from the past for what they had done to save the world.

Inside a large coliseum built long ago, Pokemon from all over the world come to see what the Legendary Pokemon had given us before they departed, a Shard Piece that glittered and Shined brightly. The legends told them to keep it safe from all harm.

Without asking any questions, the Pokemon agreed.
The five friends hurried over to the coliseum to grab good seats. Luckily they got there in time just before the rushing crowd burst in.

Everyone was shouting, fighting, and shoving to snag a seat.
“Good thing we got here on time.” Pikachu said.

When the large crowd finally settled down, the Mayor of town, Slowking, began to speak.
“I’m glad that all of you could make it.” It said through a homemade voice-amplifier.

“As you may know, centuries ago, our world faced extinction to an evil force that outclassed us in every way. However, Pokemon from the heavens came and saved us all from the evil. We were so grateful, that we couldn’t express our gratitude.” Slowking spoke into the amplifier.

“But these Legends could not stay forever, but they did give us something to remember them by.” The Mayor said.

A Duskull and Shuppet flew over to the Mayor and handed it a red, gold laced case.

“Behold!” Slowking held the box high into the air and opened it.

Inside the box, was the Shiny Shard Piece, and it was glowing brighter than usual.
The crowd marveled at the treasure given to them long ago.

“It is sad that I must take away something you are so attached to.” A croaked voice said from above.

Everyone gasped and looked up into the sky.
It was the strange figure that had taken Budew’s Shard!

The strange figure landed in front of the mayor and demanded the shard.
“Never!” Slowking cried as it closed the box and held it tightly. “The Legends trusted us with this treasure, and I won’t let them down.”

“Very well.” The figure said. “I suppose this means you want to die.” It started to charge up an energy blast.

“If you want the shard, you’ll have to kill me first!” A voice called.

The figure turned to the voice, and saw a Lucario standing on the field.

“What’s going on here!?” Aipom cried.

TO BE CONTINUED

DarkKnight541
February 24th, 2008, 05:59 PM
Nice first part, can't wait for the rest.

Ult.Strike.
February 25th, 2008, 06:28 PM
Thanks for your post DK.
But I need more posts on this thread so I can see more people like this.

IceDragon2439
February 25th, 2008, 08:48 PM
That was a very nice beginning and I can't wait to read more. There wasn't any grammer mistakes that I saw firsthand but I'll check again tomorrow. Anyways, can't wait to read more.

DarkKnight541
February 29th, 2008, 02:54 PM
That was a very nice beginning and I can't wait to read more. There wasn't any grammer mistakes that I saw firsthand but I'll check again tomorrow. Anyways, can't wait to read more.
Should you be talking about grammar mistakes when there is one in you post?

conicteam
March 1st, 2008, 03:22 PM
Awesome! It`s a wonderful story!

killin_kobra
March 1st, 2008, 08:14 PM
This is a great story! Go,Chimchar! Ball hurdling Champion!

Anyway I am starting a fanfic site and i would like your story to be the first story on it.

How's that for a review?

Blastinus
March 1st, 2008, 09:24 PM
Should you be talking about grammar mistakes when there is one in you post?
Should you be talking when there is one in your post? ;D

Anyhow, Humantorches, since we're on the topic of grammar, how about I point out some errors in your chapter?

“Give me the Mystic shard.” The figure said in a croaked voice.
The sentence "The figure said in a croaked voice" is modifying the dialogue, right? So, since it's adding to the description of the dialogue, it goes in the same sentence. This means that the full stop after "shard" (which should be capitalized, since it's part of the name of the item, so it's Mystic Shard) should become a comma and that "the" should be lowercased. So it will look like this:

“Give me the Mystic shard,” the figure said in a croaked voice.

The same thing holds true for question marks and exclamation points.

“If you want the shard, you’ll have to kill me first!” a voice called.
And that's how it's done.

But when you don't have a dialogue tag (he said, the figure said, Budew said) then the sentence after the dialogue is its own sentence.

“Behold!” Slowking held the box high into the air and opened it.
And that's correct!

You also use said a whole lot in this chapter. Spice up things with different dialogue tags. It's good to do so sometimes.

Good luck with the rest of the fic!

Ult.Strike.
March 3rd, 2008, 08:36 AM
Thanks for all the comments and corrections everyone!
I don't get alot of time to write, so the chps might come a little late.
(Oh, and killin_kobra, I'd be honored if this fic was on your site. Just let me know when its up.)

Mako64
March 23rd, 2008, 12:00 PM
Huh, this is a orginal fic.
This beginning seems to be a (No offense) test to see if other members'll like it.
With that said, I can't wait to read the rest!