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MollyHaleIsMyFriend
February 28th, 2008, 10:13 PM
Trick Or Treat

Ash is playing the piano at home

"I'm going to be a contestant on a game show, I could win lots of new furniture" said Ash

"Trick Or Treat is a great game show" said Tracey

"Good luck, Ash" said Brock

Molly is walking through a pumpkin patch

"I hope to find a bathroom soon" said Molly

"Go to the bathroom then go to the playground for your swinigng lessons, I will contact you when your friends need you" said Professor Oak

Ash is on the stage of the game show "Trick Or Treat" the costumes are as follows

Ash = Musketeer
Misty = Princess
Brock = Robin Hood
Tracey = Musketeer
Max = Egyptian Mummy
May = Princess
Richie = Superman

Ash is winning the game

Ash and his friends have an emergency

Ash has to forfeit the game

The 7 friends go out to stop Team Rocket

"We will be back after this commercial break" said the host of Trick Or Treat

"Prepare for trouble" said Jessy

"And Make it double!" said James

"To protect the world from devastaion" said Jessy

"To unite all people within our nation" said James

"To denounce the evil of truth and love" said Jessy

"To extend our reach to the stars of above" said James

"Jessy!" said Jessy

"James!" said James

"Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light!" said Jessy

"Surrender now or prepare to fight!" said James

"Meowth, Thats Right!" said Meowth

"you're a loser, twerp" said James

"I was nearly winning" said Ash

Professor Oak contacts Molly

"Next up, Molly Hale" said the host of the swinging contest

Molly leaves the playground

"Molly Hale has to forfeit the swinging contest, making the winner by defauly Katie" said the Swinging Contest host

"You must join your friends, Molly" said Professor Oak

"I'm outta here" said Molly

"She's only 5!" said Jessy

"I may be 5, but, i am still good at pokemon, and these are my friends" said Molly

Pikachu shocks Team Rocket for a full 10 minutes

"Team Rocket's blasting off again!" said Team Rocket

back at the stage

"Ash, you have won every single prize on the stage" said the host of Trick Or Treat.

"In total, $47,950" said the host of Trick Or Treat

back at the restaurant after ash ate his cheeseburger with Lettuce, Tomato, Mayo, Onion, Pickle, And Mustard, a woman comes to ash

"We made a mistake, you actually won $147,950 on Trick Or Treat; and you've won every single prize on stage and $100,000" said the woman

"Way to go, Ash!" said Molly

"Congratulations, little buddy" said Brock to Ash

"I win some, I lose some" said Ash

"Trick Or Treat, Ash" said Molly

the 8 friends go trick or treating and get lots of candy, Ash only gets fruit flavored candy.

THE END

New Age Retro Hippie
February 28th, 2008, 11:41 PM
Um... okay. This story is virtually purely dialogue, with absolutely no description at all. I used to do this sort of thing when I was eleven. Try and write a story with no dialogue at all to practice describing. You've got to pretend your readers know nothing. Who is Ash? Is he a tree? What about Molly? Who is Pikachu, and why does someone have such a stupid name? Shocking someone (With what? A cattle prod? You didn't explain) for a full ten minutes would probably give someone permanent paralysis.

Another little quirk is your grammar- Write it out on Microsoft Word to get rid of errors and such: you seem to lack capitalisation in places.

Oh, and it's "Jessie", not "Jessy". Keep practising, though.