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Superjub
March 2nd, 2008, 12:43 AM
This is my first poem (and first thread :) )

I remember that time,
That time in late May.
When I first met you,
I didn't know what to say.

Finally I had the courage,
We soon became close friends.
Soon it became love,
But then it was the end,

We soon grew apart,
And it grew more long.
When I went to visit you,
I found out you were gone.

I was distraught,
Then I could see.
I thought you had gone,
And had left me.

But we were still in touch,
And both were still in love.
We sent each other text messages,
About rosies and about doves.

At first we were still in touch,
By email and by phone.
But then you sent me a shocking email,
Which hurt me in every bone.

You said it was over,
between you and me.
And how it wouldn't work,
And now I could see.

We first met in May,
But it ended in July.
We were both in love,
Then we both said goodbye.

Hope you like it :):t257::t385::t257:

BeachBoy
March 2nd, 2008, 12:49 AM
I think it's great, but change

"By email and by bone"
To "By email and by phone"
Also change "did'nt" to "didn't" in the beginning. I think I'm right on this, but also would'nt to wouldn't.

Honestly probably maybe typo, but I must say I really can somewhat relate to that poem and I enjoyed reading it...I thought it had fine flow, and really did well. Also I think I'm right but who knows I might be wrong on the 'nt to n't. I 95% sure im right though.

Great poem ;D

Superjub
March 2nd, 2008, 12:59 AM
Yeah the email and by bone was a typo :)
I just made this up as I went along.
Anyway I've corrected it now.
Thanks for the comment :)

Superjub
March 3rd, 2008, 02:54 PM
I've decided to add another poem (Because I was bored :) )

As time goes on,
You make new foes.
You make new friends,
But some friends go.

Some are friends,
Who are always there.
But then there are foes,
Who never care.

You get the foes,
That you dont want to know.
You get the friends,
Until the end.

There are friends,
Who are always there.
Which you do thing with,
Like a dare.

Then the foes,
Treating you unfair.
Being annoying,
That dont care.

There are friends,
There are foes.
Which is which?
Only you will know...