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Nuke
March 2nd, 2008, 12:26 PM
Okay I'm either really brave or really stupid posting this.

This is the first in, I hope, a series of 'Sonic Legends'.

So presenting The Master Of Time...

Chapter 1: The Master Emerald

Sonic laid on the soft sand, his blue hair flickering in the wind. Lying near him was his friend, Tails, a yellow fox with two tails which could propel him into the air. Lying further away was Knuckles, a red echidna, who had spikes on his fists. Sonic looked up at the beautiful night sky and saw vast arrays of glistening stars. Suddenly, a green flash appeared in the sky, blinding Sonic for a few moments. Once Sonic regained vision he could see heaps of sand rushing towards him. The sand buried him, Tails and Knuckles. Sonic pushed up through the sand and stood up. “Eugh… what was that? We don’t have sandstorms on beaches do we?” Sonic said as he spat to get sand out of his mouth. Sonic emptied sand out of his red boots and looked at Tails. “Tails what just happened?” he asked. Tails mulled it over and took a while thinking about it. “There is only one possible thing I can think of, something big, huge, must have crashed here” Replied Tails. Sonic looked around to find what had crashed but couldn’t see anything. “Are you sure, Tails? I don’t see anything, how big are we talking?” Asked Knuckles. Tails frowned at Knuckles, Tails didn’t like it when Knuckles disagreed with his thoughts because he knew he was so much more intelligent. “Yes I’m sure, I think it would be around 10ft at least to have made such an impact.” Tails replied confidently.

The same green glow appeared from behind some palm trees.
“Thats the glow I saw before the impact, we should follow it.” Suggested Sonic. Knuckles quickly ran on ahead not caring what Tails would say. Sonic then ran on after him so Tails couldn’t argue and had to follow. A shriek of pain was heard by the three of them despite the distance apart. “What the? Knuckles!” Yelled Sonic as he ran up to his full speed, which was rather quick as he was the fastest in the universe. “Knuckles! Are you in pain!?” He yelled again. Sonic stopped as the green glow got brighter and brighter as he ran. ‘I cant take it. Agh!’ Sonic thought. Sonic had to run on though, Knuckles could be in trouble, he closed his eyes as he ran and hoped. He banged into something hard and fell flat on the sand, knocked out. Knuckles appeared from nowhere and hovered over Sonic who laid on the floor, unconscious. “What happened to him?” He said to himself. He turned around to see a gigantic emerald with green rays of light shooting from it. “What? How?...How?... The master emerald?” He stuttered. Sonic groaned loudly in his sleep. Knuckles noticed a small figure similar to Sonic’s figure lying in the darkness next to the emerald, two small blue lights shone from the figure. Sonic groaned again but Sonic wasn’t opening his mouth, his mouth wasn’t moving at all. The figure’s groan was exactly like Sonic’s. It must have been a hedgehog. Another hedgehog… What was Knuckles going to do?


I realise it isnt great so I respect all of your opinions.

Nuke
March 12th, 2008, 09:02 AM
Okay I'll have to repost the second chapter.

Third chapter coming up today and user friendly descriptions tommorow.

Second chapter Repost:

Chapter 2: Lifting Knuckles / The Figure Revealed

Knuckles stared blankly for a few moments before shouting out for Tails, Knuckles may not have always agreed with Tails but, he knew that Tails was intelligent. “Tails!” He yelled at the top of his voice. A few moments later, the yellow fox emerged from some tall palm trees. “Sonic is unconscious, the master emerald is what crash landed and another figure, similar to Sonic’s, is lying over there. Ideas?” Explained Knuckles.
Tails took a while to take it in. Sonic and the figure each groaned painfully a couple of times before Tails came up with something. “Well you can carry Sonic and the figure home. I suppose we’ll have to hide the master emerald but how?” Tails Replied.
Knuckles picked Sonic up and cautiously walked over to the figure before picking him up too. Knuckles started to walk away carrying them in his arms. Tails stayed back to guard the emerald. It was starting to get late and Tails started feeling drowsy. Tails tried to stay awake, first by slapping himself then by forcing his eyes open with his fingers but, it was in vain and Tails soon fell asleep lying beside the gigantic emerald.

Knuckles returned an hour later to find Tails sleeping beside the emerald. “Good thing I brought some coffee.” Said Knuckles to himself as he took a sip from his mug.
In the morning, Tails woke up and opened his eyes to see all green, the sun’s rays reflected off the emerald into Tails’ eyes. Tails shrieked in pain before shuffling sideways to dodge the light. “Good nights sle…eee…pp?” Knuckles stuttered as he shook from caffeine. Tails turned around and there was Knuckles, the red echidna, shaking. “What happened to you?” Tails asked. Knuckles slid to the floor and shook in the sand. “Too..muuu..uuch..c..c…coffee” Stuttered Knuckles. Tails shook his head.
‘What am I going to do? Three casualties.’ Tails thought. ‘Well I’m going to have to get some help’ Tails took off a backpack that he had taken to the beach the night before.
Tails pushed a few buttons on the mobile he took out and heard the dial tone. ‘Pick up, pick up.’ Tails thought. “Hello, Amy, its Tails, I need some help. Come to Palmer Beach ASAP.” Tails said through his red cell phone.

Tails waited for an hour for Amy to come before the pink hedgehog jumped out of a palm tree. “We need to lift Knuckles home. I can’t do it alone.” Tails explained to Amy. Amy walked over to Knuckles, who was still shaking. Amy then picked him up slowly with Tails. Tails started to sweat quickly, Knuckles was still very heavy. “So why is he shaking?” Amy asked as she continued lifting Knuckles in the air. “Long story.” Tails replied. Tails and Amy got slowly off the beach and on to a road filled with cars. Tails just managed to get a finger out to press the traffic light button. The green light came on and Tails and Amy tried to cross over quickly. Tails pointed straight ahead at a tall building. “That’s where our apartment is.” Tails said to Amy. They walked passed an ice-cream stand then, a drinks stand then, a burger stand before getting to the building. “Just our luck.” Tails grunted. Tails pressed the elevator button for floor ‘17’. They shuffled Knuckles into the elevator then, enjoyed a short rest. The elevator doors opened. Tails and Amy picked up Knuckles again and got out of the elevator. Tails turned the doorknob for room ‘17-01’. Tails and Amy dropped Knuckles on the sofa and immediately went to the fridge for a drink.

After a few minutes of resting, Tails went over to the other sofa where the figure slept.
The figure was hidden under a blanket. Amy appeared over Tails’ shoulder. “I thought you were going to tell me what happened.” Amy said to Tails. Tails nodded.
“Blaze, Blaze…” Said the figure in its sleep before Tails could explain. Tails turned from the figure to Amy. “It might be better to examine this figure first” Tails said to Amy. Tails lifted the blanket. It was a hedgehog, similar to Sonic and Amy only this one had its hair stuck up at the front. It was silver with shining amber eyes. It wore yellow wristbands and yellow, black and bright blue boots. “I think it may be better not to wake him up.” Tails said as he lifted the blanket back over the silver figure.
“Better check on Sonic.” Tails suggested. Tails opened the door to Sonic’s bedroom.
Sonic was running around the room as normal. “Glad to see your okay, Sonic.” Tails
said, feeling some relief. “You have a visitor.” Tails added as Amy appeared in the room. Tails walked out the room to see the silver hedgehog rummaging through the fridge. “Sit. Your clearly not well, if you need food let me get it.” Tails said to the silver hedgehog, who walked slowly back over to the sofa. “So what is your name?” Asked Tails. The silver hedgehog put the blanket back over himself before replying.
“Silver, Silver the hedgehog.” It replied.

Nytkoi
March 13th, 2008, 01:17 PM
Chapter 1 is sorta short and I see a few errors.

Nuke
March 15th, 2008, 05:23 AM
Yeah, it'll be longer from now.

Chapter one might be a bit more of a prologue.

And if you see a few errors can you point them out?

Nytkoi
March 15th, 2008, 05:40 AM
Sure, Ill be glad to help out ;)

Idle.
March 15th, 2008, 02:03 PM
I have sort of the same thoughts as Kai. about the first chapter but I don't see any errors.I understand it's a prologue and I think it looks like one because it outlines what is to come in the next chapter and maybe in the whole story.Chapter two is good and I think it was a good idea to reveal the figure as soon as possible but maybe you could have revealed the figure in Chapter three so as to build up the tension in Chapter two and to make the reader think a little bit about this mysterious figure.So anyway.In a short rundown, Chapter one is a nice prologue but could be lengthened a bit more with some extra detail and Chapter two is very good but could also have some more detail added to it.

Phew.That took ages :P xD

Nytkoi
March 17th, 2008, 02:52 PM
Well its a good idea. I like sonic ;D

Nuke
March 18th, 2008, 07:40 AM
Thanks for the support.

I'll see where I can lengthen the first chapter.

And revealing the figure wont be a major part of the story so I didnt think I should prolong it.

I do most of my work for these on weekends.

THIS EASTER WEEKEND: Blaze?

Kylo
March 20th, 2008, 05:11 AM
It's pretty good, but I think you should work on dividing your paragraphs. I can't stand reading everything in one paragraph because it all looks muddled up. Aside from starting new lines, everything else seems good enough.

Nuke
March 21st, 2008, 03:37 AM
It's pretty good, but I think you should work on dividing your paragraphs. I can't stand reading everything in one paragraph because it all looks muddled up. Aside from starting new lines, everything else seems good enough.

There is paragraphs?

The first has two and it is a short chapter and the second one has 3?

If I'm not too addicted to Sega Superstars Tennis expect the third chapter along with improved first and second chapters today.