View Full Version : Pokemon Adventure: The Pokeball Chronicals
March 17th, 2008, 06:21 PM
(note, that this fanfiction is about three pokemon trainers travling across hoenn.This story may have simalar events that are from the game: Pokemon Sapphire/Ruby.And also note that some of the characters names in this story may have different names than the ones in the cartoons.)
Intro: In this story, there are three friends: Alex,Jake, and Crystal.Living in Hoenn, the three friends decide to explore further and descover more towns and citys of Hoenn.But as everyone knows many wild pokemon live throughout the region.Being unsafe the three would need pokemon of their own.When they decide to visit Professor Birch's lab, the adventure unfolds:
Chapter 1: The Three Starters
Walking outside breathing the fresh air in LittleRoot Town, Alex the first one up early in the morning decided to visit Prof. Birch.Alex was a young boy with black Hair and Light brown Eyes,As he walked to the Professer's Lab there was a note on the door:
"I have gone outside for a while. ~Prof. Birch" As soon as alex finished reading the notice, Crystal startled him from behind.
"Hi Alex!"she said.Crystal had light brown hair and ocean blue eyes.Alex turned around with a scared look on his face.
"Whoa! don't scare me like that" Alex replyed.
"Sorry, Alex."She said.Alex told her that the Professer was out and that they would have to wait untill he got back to talk with him.
"But who knows how long he'll be outside."Crystal said.
"We've got to find him now, I can't wait all day!" Crystal continued as she began to run off the find the professer.
"Crystal wait!"Alex shouted.But Crytal didn't hear him.Alex then began to follow her untill they ran out of Little Root town.Crystal began to quickly look around for Pro.Birch.But she could find him.Alex looked as well.Soon the two almost began to give up hope untill they heard a cry for help.
"Help! heeelllp! a pokemon is attacking me!Help!"The voice said.
Alex,and crystal looked around a tree to see the professer being attacked by a wild Poochyena.
"Professer!" the two shouted.
"My bag, is over there! you can use my pokemon that are in it! hurry!"The Professer replied.Alex and Crystal then rushed over to the Professer's bag.When they opened it three pokeballs fell out.As the two didn't know what pokemon were inside them, they randomly picked a pokeball.
"alright, go!" the two said as they threw the pokeballs into the air.The two pokeballs sent out the two pokemon.Mudkip was sent from Alex, and Treeko was sent from Crystal.Mudkip, with a light blue shade of skin, and had orange gills on his cheeks.Treecko was a lizard-like pokemon with a tail that had the shade of a summer leaf.His skin shade was a light green.
"Mudkip, use tackle!" alex commanded
"Treecko use Leer!" Treecko's attack hit first lowering Poochyena's defence, while mudkips tackle was a hit.The wild Poochyena began to strike back with growl.It hit Mudkip and lowered his attack.But as commanded, treecko continued to use leer on Poochyena.Mudkip used one more tackle and defeated the wild poochyena.Poochyena then fainted as Alex and Crystal gave each other a high-five.
"Nice work you two!"The Professer said."Come on down to my lab,I have a surprise for you both"The Professer continued as he took his bag and the two pokeballs from the two friends.
To Be Continued...
March 17th, 2008, 07:40 PM
Chapter 2: The Adventure Begins
Alex and Crystal began to head back to the Professer's Lab, when suddenly Jake arrives."Hey guys! sorry I'm late my alarm clock must have been set a few minutes late so I woke up a little late.So are we going to explore or what?"Jake said.Jake was a boy at the age of 13.He had blonde hair, and dark green eyes.
"Actully we are going to Professer Birch's Lab, we had to use his pokemon to save him, so we might get to keep them!"Crystal replyed.
"No way!"Jake said back."Its true, Jake.Do you want to come along with us?"Alex said.
"Sure!"Jake replyed back.the three friends soon reached Professer Birch's lab.As they walked in the Professer was waiting for them.
"Seeing how you two handeled my pokemon and how great you were at saving me and deafting that Poochyena."
The professer then turned to his pokeballs on a near by table and looked back at the three.
"-I know this may be sudden but, I want you two to have one of my pokemon."He continued.
"Wow! really?! alex said with joy.
"Yes, with them you guys can travel across Hoenn and explore many places and go on adventures across this Region!"The professer replyed.Alex and Crystal took the pokeballs with the same pokemon they used before.
"Sweet!" Alex said.
"And jake, over the past few weeks I've noticed you being such a big help, watching after my lab while I was away at times and helping me study pokemon, so you may have the last one."The professer said as he turned to Jake.
"Thank You professer!"Jake replyed as he took the last pokeball.
"Now I also want you three to have these pokedexes.With them you can record pokemon data.
"The professer continued.As the three took the pokedexes the three knew that they were about to go on their biggest adventure ever.
"Good luck you three!" the professer said as the three walk out the door.The three friends waved to the professer and then walked off out of Little Root town.
"Wow! I can't belive we got our very own pokemon! this is going to be great!"Jake said with excitement.
"But remember Jake, a long hard adventure awaits us, it may take weeks mabe even months untill we reach the pokemon league!"Alex replyed.
"Isn't too early to talk about the Elite four? or the pokemon league? lets just focus on the gym battles for now you guys."Crystal said after Alex."Yeah, you're right."Alex replyed.
"After all me and my mudkip are going to rule at the gyms!"Alex continued.
"Wait, you got a mudkip?!"Jake said."
Then what did I get?"He continued as he threw the pokeball into the air.The pokeball sent out the pokemon: Torchic.
"Torchic!"The pokemon cried after being sent out.Torchic was a chciken-like pokemon.His color was orange, with yellow on his top feather that stood atop his head.
"Oh! I got a torchic?"Jake said while putting torchic back in its pokeball.
"Well thats cool, I've always been a fan of fire-types anyways!"He continued after that.
"Well that is true."Crystal replyed.
"Well com on! next stop its gonna be the first city, Petalburg city! there we can challenge the gym there and collect our first gym badge!"Alex said with excitement.
To Be Continued...
March 17th, 2008, 08:00 PM
wooooah, SLOW DOWN, Bucko.
this needs work.
first of, it looks very sloppy in one huge paragraph. break it into smaller Paragrphs! o_O
second, you need more description. in fact, we don't even know what to main characters look like! o_O
March 17th, 2008, 08:55 PM
Just as a note, it's not good to have your character profiles outside of your story. You should include that information somehow into your story.
Secondly, you should make your chapters longer.
Walking outside breathing the fresh air in Little Root town, Alex the first one up early in the morning decided to visit Pro. Birch.As he walked to his lab there was a note on the door:
Space after that full stop after "Birch". "Littleroot" is one word. "Town" is capitalized because it's part of the proper name. I've never seen "professor" abbreviated like that before; I've always seen it as "prof." And the lab isn't Alex's, so you should say that it's "his lab".
Start a new paragraph whenever someone new speaks. Add some sort of description to the battle. How do the Pokemon look when they attack? Heck, you could even describe what the Pokemon look like a bit.
Slow down. Write your story on a word processing program. Proof-read your work before you post it to the public. Add some more to your chapters. Look around for a grammar guide online to help you out some more (or wait to see if someone will give you a better review, since I don't have the time).
March 17th, 2008, 08:56 PM
Edit: Ok, Thank-You for the tip Astinus.And the Professer abbreviation, was a mis-type mistake, I've fixed it now.
Chapter 3: Hoenn, Here We Come!
As Jake, Alex, and Crystal headed to Oldale Town the three began to train with a few one-on-one battles with each other, if they were to win the gym in Petal Berg City.
"Ok! mudkip, use tackle!"alex commaned to his new pokemon: Mudkip.
"Treeko, dodge it, then use pound!"Crystal commaned.Treeko dodged mudkip's tackle and used pound.Mudkip was hit, and in return used growl to lower his foe's attack. Growl hit and as expected, lowered Treeko's attack. Treeko still continued to use pound, all hitting on mudkip.Finnally, Mudkip used a good tackle.Apearently being a huge hit, treeko, went down.Mudkip was almost defeated by his appearance.
"Great battle Alex!" Crystal said as she held her pokeball to return treeko.
"Thanks!"alex Replied back.
Jake came running back from up ahead.
"Guys! Oldale Town is just ahead! lets go!
"Alright!"The other two said with excitement.With-in minutes the three had reached Oldale town.
"Hey look! a pokemon center is here!" alex said just as he noticed the center.Then Crystal and Alex took their pokemon to the pokemon center, once all healed-up, the two came out and began to explore Oldale town with Jake following.
"To tell the truth, I've haven't been to Oldale Town much."Alex Admitted.
"Well I'm sure that we arn't very far from Petal Berg now you guys" Said Jake.
"Oh, wait a second!"Jake said as he reached into his Bag.I forgot I brought a map! this will show us all the locations at hoenn!
"Yeah, good Idea, we will really need that map jake!"Alex said after Crystal.
"I still feel like mudkip needs some more work before we hit the gyms"Alex said.
"Alex, stop worrying, you're always nervous in events like this, I'm sure you'll do fine!"Crystal Replyed.
"Well you can't blame me, I mean this is our first gym battle you guys.And who knows how tough it will be..
"Alex replyed back."Hmmm...Well by the look of it, Pettal Berg Gym is pretty far away, Alex."Jake said while taking a look at his map.
"It might take a few days, so I'm sure we'll have plenty of time to collect more pokemon, meet other trainers, and train our pokemon.
"He continued."Hey you look like pokemon trainers!" said a voice."huh?"the three said, wondering who or what said that.
"Hi, my name is James, I Travel Regions looking for battles with other trainers.You guys look like great trainers, would you like to have a battle? James was a young man that stood with blonde hair as if it was made of gold, and icey blue eyes.
"sure!" alex answered.To alex, this was just what he wanted, if he could win this battle, he might be albe to beat his first gym..
To Be Continued...
March 25th, 2008, 07:18 PM
Ok, here is the next chapter, I've edited my previous chapters and I've made this chapter a little longer.If it needs to be any more longer or needs anymore ajustments, please just let me know.
Chapter 4: Alex VS. James
"Zigzagoon, come on out!" James threw his pokeball into the sky as a pokmeon came out.It was Zigzagoon.Zigzagoon, had the appearance of a raccon, but instead of black and gray, it was brown.Zigzagoon stood strong as he shouted, prooving he was ready for battle.
"Mudkip! go!" Alex tossed his pokeball forward and mudkip was sent out.
"You may attack first if you wish." James said.
"Ok, thanks!" alex replyed.
"Ok, now mudkip, use Tackle!" Alex commanded.
Mudkip used tackle, a powerful hit as well it seemed.Taking extra damage from zigzagoon.
"Zigzagoon, you use headbutt!" James commaned to his pokemon.
Zigzagoon then rushed to mudkip with his head pointing to his foe.Mudkip was hit hard by zigzagoon's attack, but he was still standing.
"Mudkip, use growl!"
Mudkip, then growled making zigzagoon's attack fall slightly.This could also help mudkip stay in battle longer, and a smart move seeing as how strong zigzagoon was without the growl affect.
"That growl may have weakened my zigzagoon's attack, but I can still win! if I play my cards right.Mabe mudkip could fall quicker than expected!"James thought to himself, as james thought out the battle plan quickly he then commanded zigzagoon to use one of his attacks: Tail whip.After the command zigzagoon whiped his tail in a cute way, hitting mudkip and lowering his defence.Mudkip's growl attack was now nothing but a wasted turn..
"Mudkip, tackle!" Alex commanded to mudkip.
"Mudkip!" mudkip cried, then using tackle once more on his foe.But zigzagoon continued to use tail whip, as mudkip's defence began to fall lower, and lower.after serveral turns, mudkip used one more tackle, but sadly, the attack missed..Seeing this, James then commanded his pokemon to use headbutt.All of those tail whips had finnally paid-off when zigzagoon landed his headbutt attack on his foe.Mudkip, then fainted..The battle was then, finished.
"Not bad, not bad at all.You were pretty good, but in the end I guess my zigzagoon's tail whips paid-off!" James said smiling and while returning his pokemon.
"Yeah I guess so, you're zigzagoon was a really strong pokemon, congrats!" alex replied.
Alex then headed over to the same pokemon center, after healing his pokemon, he sat down at a nearby table.
"Well, I guess I'll wait here untill Jake and Crystal get back." Alex said to himself while looking out of the pokemon center's window.
"The mistake of that battle..If only I hadn't commanded mudkip to use that growl attack, I might have won the battle..But I'll get better next time!" Alex thought to himself as he looked down at the glass-topped table.He then turned around to see Crystal and Jake enter the pokemon center.
"Hey alex!" Jake said as he ran over to the same table, he sat down with alex.
"Are you guys back already?" Alex said to jake.
"already? no its been like what, five minutes or so.Me and Crystal both battled that guy, James.But he sure is one tough cookie."
"You mean you lost?" Alex questioned.
"Yep, both of us.Who knew someone's pokemon could be that tough!" Jake replied.Alex turned to the door to see james walk in.
"Hey james!" Alex shouted as he got up from the table.
"James, that was a great battle, I just wanted to say congrats again."Alex continued when he got to james.
"Thanks, you're mudkip was pretty good too you know." James replied.
"Oh, yeah! I don't think I caught you'e name." James continued.
"My name is Alex, those are my friends Jake and Crystal." Alex replied.
"Well alex,mabe we'll meet again sometime.I haven't even gotten my first gym badge from here, so we might run into each other again."Alex grinned and nodded his head.
"If we do you can expect I'll be stronger!" Alex replied.
"Can't wait!" Jake said after getting his poekmon back, now fully healed.Jake the walked outside as alex watched him.
"Yep, next time i'll be even stronger..You can be sure of that!" Alex said to himself.
Jake and crystal then walked up to alex.
"So, are you ready to get you're first gym badge, alex?" Crystal asked as she turned to alex.
"You know, mabe we should take it slow, like jake said, we have plenty of time to get more pokemon.I probably can't win a gym battle with just mudkip." alex replied.
"Then lets roll! we better go to the pokemart to buy some supplies!" Jake said as he ran out.
alex and crystal followed jake to the pokemart to buy more supplies for their adventure.
Now showing alex just how tough a gym battle might be, alex is now ready to collect more pokemon and train them for their first gym battle, but untill then, the adventure continues!
To Be Continued...
Post Office Buddy
March 25th, 2008, 09:30 PM
okay, it looks like you fixed some of your grammar mistakes. I see you don't use a lot of descriptive language in your writing, mostly just dialogue. You should describe the actions of the trainers and pokemon a little bit more throughout the story. Split up dialogue with short sentences telling the reader the demeanor and expressions of the trainers, along with a longer description of the pokemon's attack. For example:
"Pikachu, use thunderbolt!" Jared cried. Pikachu's body bristled with static energy as it hurled a bolt of lightning at the Squirtle. The Squirtle let out a surprised yelp as it tried to dodge the blow, but failed and took a direct hit. The Squirtle fell to the ground in a faint.
"Squirtle, return," Karen said, disappointment showing in her hazel eyes. She looked at the pokeball in her hand with sadness, and reluctantly handed Jared his prize money. She left the clearing downcast, staring at the ground in embarrassment.
Descriptive language like that will enhance your story and will make it easier for the reader to figure out what's going on. It also paces the writing more, which yours needs. At the moment it feels like your rushing the story. I like it so far, but it does need improvement.
I hope my advice helps you. I'll continue to read and help you on other problems you run into.
March 26th, 2008, 04:09 PM
Ok, got it.I'll put in more Description for these future chapters.Thanks for the advice.
Chapter 5: Catching A Ralts
As Alex, Crystal, and Jake finished shopping from the pokemart, the three began to head over to route 102.
"so have we gotten everything?" Crystal asked to the Alex and Jake.
"Yep, me and Jake bought lots of Potions and Revives!" Alex answered with a grin.
"I bought ten revives and fifteen potions.You never can be too safe!" Jake said after Alex.Jake showed a small grin as well knowing at how much he bought.
"Remember though, we have to limit our shopping, we don't have much money you know."Crystal said. looking ahead to route 102.
"I can't wait, our first gym battle is only a day away!"Alex said with excitement.Alex smiled as he looked ahead along the long road to PetalBerg City. The three soon entered route 102 there were there was a long feild of tall grass and hundreds of trees.
"Well its begining to get dark, should we set up camp here?" Jake asked as he looked into the colorful dusk sky.
"Good Idea, we can continue in the morning."Crystal Replyed looking back at Jake.Crystal then packed up a few potions that she was carrying and put them into her bag, alex and jake did the same.Within a few hours the three had set up their camp site, with some supplys they had bought from the pokemart before.Later that evening though, there was a sound from a nearby brush.
"What was that?"Crystal asked as she quickly turned around to were the sound had came from with a shocked look in her face.The three turned around as well and stood up looking at the bush.It continued to shake slightly. And with in seconds, a cry could be heard.It was surely a pokemon.A pomemon then jumped out of the bush, it was a Ralts! A pokemon with a white body, and it had small red points on its light green head.The pokemon cried in suprise it wasn't expecting to see three trainers outside of the bush.
"Wow, what kind of pokemon is that?"Crystal said, excited. alex had already pulled out his pokedex that the Professer had given him.
"Its a Ralts!" Alex answered also excited.
"Hey I think I've heard a Ralts is super rare around this route as well!" Jake added.
"Well in that case I've gotta catch it!" Crystal responded. Crystal threw her pokeball into the air as it landed, a bright white light flashed as her pokemon: Treecko was sent out. Treecko let out a battle cry and stood strong and ready for battle.
"Alright Treecko, use absorb!" Crystal commanded. Treecko's body then begin to glow a light green as it then absorbed Ralts energy.Ralts let out a yelp as it was hit by Treecko's powerful absorb attack. When the attack was finished treecko returned to normal but with more health.Ralts then used its move: Double Team.The pokemon then began to move faster and faster until copies of itself was created this raised Ralt's Evasiveness, allowing it to dodge more attacks.This was begining to become bad news for Treecko's future attacks.
"Alright Treecko, use leer!" Crystal then commaned her second attack, as treeko's eyes begin to flash brightly. The super bright flash hit Ralts and as a result; It lowered its defence.Ralts began its attack with Confusion. Ralts then unleahed a small psychic pulse that hit treecko with great power.Appearently being a critical hit as well.To make matters worse, the attack confused treecko, Treecko now began to act as if it were dizzy drifting back and forth.
"Ahhh!" Whats wrong with Treecko guys?" Crystal then turned around with a confused look on her face.
"I think Treecko may be confused." Jake replied while staring at Treeko and his current condition.
"Confused?" Alex questioned.Alex turned his head over to jake while saying.
"Yep, thats when you're pokemon may hurt itself instead of attacking, but sometimes it won't hurt itself though.I also heard that you can simply return you're pokemon back into its pokeball and it will go back to normal!" As Jake explained Crystal turned back at the battle with a worryed look in her eyes.
"..If I command an attack, treecko might get hurt..But I don't have time to return him either, or Ralts might flee!.." Crystal looked down while thinking, and then looked back at alex and jake.
"Alright..Treecko, use absorb!" Crystal closed her eyes and hoped for the best, but sadly..Treecko was hurt. By mistake treecko hurt itself in its confusion.Ralts used confusion once again and hit Treecko with another psychic pulse.As a result, Treecko fainted..Falling to the gorund with a blank look in his eyes.
"Oh no!" Crystal shouted.The worst had happened as Ralts fled back into the bush.Crystal looked downwards once more with disapointment in her eyes..She then held out her pokeball returning treeko back.With the battle over the three went back into their tent located back at camp. The next morning the three awaoke, preparing to continue their adventure.
Soon the three firends set off again, after packing up. Crystal continued to stare at the ground thinking about the battle that night..Thinking about the other choice she could have made.
"Are you still thikning of that battle Crystal?" Jake asked.He turned to crystal who still had her head down.
"Yeah..Mabe I should have returned treecko afterall.." Crystal replied in a slight mumbling voice.She looked back up, looking up at the clouds in the sky.
"Well I'm sure you can catch it again before we leave here!" alex said turning his head over to her, tring to cheer Crystal up.
"But we probably won't, like Jake said, Ralts was a rare pokemon here, and we will be in Petal bergCity in a few hours now..That was a chance of a lifetime.." Crystal began to frown and continued to look into the sky.Within a few hours the three were about to leave route 102 and enter PetalBerg City. Crystal took one last look at the route before leaving it.Untill, all of the sudden, there was another sound..!
"Huh, whats that?" Crystal said as she turned around quickly. she looked at a tall patch of bushes just at the end of the route.She stood with hope in her eyes..Hoping that it would be another Ralts..And it was! another Ralts then jumped out of the patch of bushes.But it didn't seem to be very suprised, it appearnetly was the same one that battled that night!
"Its..Its Ralts!" Crystal cried with joy. she then pulled out her pokeball with a determended look in her eyes, she quickly tossed her pokeball into the air.It landed and treecko was sent out.
"Treecko!" It cried once again as it was sent out.
"All right Treecko, this time we won't mess up! now, use absorb!" Crystal commanded with confidence. Treecko then glowed a light green color and just like last time, drained Ralts's energy. Ralts then returned the favor with confusion.As treecko was hit once more with the psychic pulse.But thankfully it wasn't confused this time.Crystal then commaned her pokemon to use pound, as it hit Ralts then used confusion once more, hitting Treecko.
"now if I attack, Ralts may get hit but Treecko might faint again! hes looking pretty weak, so I have to use my pokeball!" Crystal then pulled out a pokeball from her bag and tossed it onto Ralts. As Ralts was put into the pokeball, it began to shake...One...Twice...And Three times. Ralts was then Caught!
"Alright! this Ralts is now mine!" Crystal grabbed the pokeball and held it high as she showed an excited look.
"Wow! way to go Crystal!" Jake and Alex both said while rushing over to her.
Now with two pokemon in her team, the three are now ready to face PetalBerg City and Tackle the challenges that await ahead!
To Be Continued...
Post Office Buddy
March 26th, 2008, 05:04 PM
very good, I enjoyed that chapter greatly. I'm glad to see some description used in the battles and peoples feelings and expressions shown more through descriptive language. I have to commend you on your work as it has improved greatly withing two chapters. I look forward to the next chapter and see how much more you can improve.
March 26th, 2008, 08:54 PM
Ch. 5 was pretty interesting,i liked all the description,it kept hooked on to the screen.
I aws a few grammar errorslike "alex" it needs to be capitalized in a few sentences and a few others.
It was well done and i really enjoyed it.
March 27th, 2008, 12:58 PM
Oh yeah, sorry about that.Sometimes I forget to capitalize their names.I'll go back and edit my chapters and capitalize them.
Anyways, here is the next chapter. I hope you enjoy it.
Chapter 6: One Locked Gym, One Big Forest
Soon our heroes finnally reach PetalBerg City.With all three excited to have their first gym battle.But sadly, they may have to wait a bit longer... Alex and his friends soon find the PetalBerg gym, but to their suprise there was a note on the door.
"Attention All Trainers: This gym will be closed for awhile, due to repairs.Please come back again later.We are expecting to be finished soon. ~ Norman, PetalBerg Gym Leader."
"What?! there closed??" Alex shouted as he finished reading the note. Crystal follwed behind him reading the note as well.
"Yep, I guess we came all the way over here just for a locked gym.." Crystal frowed slighty after reading the note after Alex.
"Actually, we can still get our first badge you guys!" Jake said with excitement while reading his trusty map. Crystal and Alex turned around after what Jake had said.
"But I don't understand how, this gym is closed." Alex replyed with a disapointed face.
"No, its not this gym, but we can hit the next gym, in Rustboro City!" James explaided as he lowered his map a little bit.
"RustBoro City?" Crystal questioned with a very confused look in her eyes.
"I didn't even know that there was such a city." Crystal continued still having the same look.
"Well, how do we get there?" Alex asked as he turned around to Jake, who was still reading his map.
"...Hmmm..Well by the look of it, we can get there by simply crossing the PetalBerg Woods that is just up ahead!" Jake answered while begining to smile.
"So how far his PetalBerg Woods Jake?" Crystal asked.
"According to my map, three days if we move now!" Jake answered showing a grin.
"..And to think that I thought running into a locked gym was bad.."Alex mubled to himself quietly. The three friends soon headed out of PetalBerg City and soon reached Route 104, at that Route PetalBerg Woods would be waiting for them.
"Hmm, my map also says that there are some rare pokemon that live in those woods!" Jake then became excited and continued to look at his map for more information on PetalBerg Woods.
"Well by the looks of it, we should be reaching PetalBurg's Woods tomorrow!" Crystal said with a smile.
"How can you tell?" Alex asked as he turned over to Crystal.
"hmmm.." Crystal looked around the location untill she spotted a tall hill nearby.
"Ah-ha! come over here guys!" Crystal shouted as she rushed over to the tall hill. Alex and Jake wasted no time and followed right behind her untill they reached the nearby hill.When they walked to the top they could see the rest of the entire route!
"Do you see that little forest way over there?" Crystal asked to Alex and Jake as she pointed to the location.
"Yeah!, is that PetalBurg Woods?! thats gotta be a least five miles away!" Jake said in suprise, he wasn't expecting PetalBerg Woods to be that close.
"So if we just walk on foot all the way over there, we can reach PetalBurg Woods by tomorrow?" Alex questioned.
"Yep, but by the looks of it, I think it might be sooner that I thought! if we hurry, we could get there before sundown!" Jake answered while looking at PetalBergWoods.
"Well come on then, theres no time to waste!" Alex said as he rushed down the long slope of the large hill. Crystal and Jake followed but couldn't catch up with Alex's speed. within a few minutes of runing down through the hill and past the route it wasn't long before our heroes were only seconds away from entering PetalBurg Woods!
"Well, we're here guys!" James said proudly.
"And by the look of it, we still have a few hours of sunlight left too!" Jake added while looking up at the sky. Jake was first to enter PetalBurgWoods, Alex and Crystal followed behind him.
"I can't wait, through this forest, we will get to battle our real first gym!" Crystal Said with joyful look on her face.
"Yeah, with any luck, the next gym won't be locked." alex aded.
Now finnally reaching PetalBurg woods, the three friends are now ready to face the forest and soon move on to RustBoro City.But what will they run into while in PetalBurg Woods? Only time will tell..
To Be Continued...
Post Office Buddy
March 27th, 2008, 07:18 PM
A few spelling mistakes, some grammar errors, but overall a great chapter. One thing, though. You should try to make your chapters longer by adding in some other things, like some small pokemon battles with other trainers or something. The way you have it now makes it run mostly on dialogue and kind of makes it pass by too quickly. Adding some minor or major conflict in each chapter that takes up a good half page (preferably more) would help provide some depth to the chapters. I hope this helps you a bit. I will look back soon to see what happens next.
March 28th, 2008, 07:56 AM
Nice to see your improvement, dahlin'.
Now finnally reaching PetalBerg woods, the three friends are now ready to face the forest and soon move on to RustBoro City.But what will they run into while in PetalBerg Woods? Only time will tell..
But here...it's Petalburg, not 'PetalBerg'. O.o
March 28th, 2008, 09:24 PM
Oh, I always thaught it was spelled with an 'e', Sorry about that. >.< And sorry about the grammar mistakes, to be honest I never was the best at spelling.I'll use the spell check for these chapters. (at first I didn't notice there was a spell check) Also, I'm planning on adding some trainer battles soon in these chapters.
Well, Here is the next one, Enjoy!
PS. I'll edit my previous chapters.
Chapter 7: A New Friend
As Alex, Jake, and Crystal begin to explore the forest before heading on, the three are suddenly startled by a loud noise coming deep with in the forest..
"What in the world was that?!" Alex said quickly turning around with his eyes wide open.
Jake and Crytal turned around as well with a scared look on their face.
"That noise...It sounds like a pokemon!" Jake shouted as he rushed into the deep into the forest.
"Wait, Jake come back here!" Crystal shouted to Jake as she began to chase after him, but however, Jake wouldn't listen, and he continued to run to the noise.Alex followed close behind as the three ran through a maze of trees that seemed endless, untill something horrible happened, as Alex and Crystal, lost Jake while rushing through the dark maze of trees..
"Jake were are you?!?" Crystal and Alex shouted, they both tried to call for him many times, but it was useless.For the forest's trees were too thick and blocked most of the sound. Meanwhile in another part of the forest Jake ran untill he finnally came to the source of the noise, it was a pokemon called: Wurmple.Wurmple was a small pokemon that looked like a red worm, it also had yellow spikes on its rear and one on its head.The pokemon seemed as if it was lost.
"Hey, so you're then one who has been making all this noise?" Jake asked to the lonely pokemon.Wurmple barely even responded to what Jake had said and just looked down to the forest floor.
"..Are you lost little guy?" Jake asked to the lonely pokemon, this time Wurmple began to lift its head a little bit and began to listen to Jake.
"If you're lost, you can follow me, I'm sure we can find our way out together!" Jake said with a smile.With that, Wurple followed Jake as they tried to find the exit. Meanwhile, Alex and Crystal continued to walk along the long narrow path of the forest, still calling for Jake. Untill suddenly, two trainers were seen above a small hill in the forest, one was a boy, the other was a girl The boy trainer had short black hair and dark blue eyes, while the girl triner had long dark red hiar and brown eyes.And a light was also at the end, the exit was near as well.The two trainers turned around and saw Alex and Crystal walking towards them and the exit.
"Wait, stop!" one of them said.
"You can't get through here." He continued.
"Why, whats wrong Crystal said as she ran to the top of the small hill to see a huge army..Of Wurples! Over a dozen Wurples stood, blocking the exit.
"They won't let us through here for some reason." The other trainer said. walking up to Crystal and Alex.
The army of pokemon began to march towards the four trainers in an atempt to scare them away, but as they continued, they finnally began to show no fear and prepared to attack.
"Mudkip go!" Alex threw his pokeball into the air to send out his mudkip for protection. Crystal and the other two trainers did the same, for the army of wurmples were begining to get closer and closer.
The boy trainer sent out a Poochyena, while the girl trainer sent out a Seedot. Seedot had the simple appearance of a small acorn, but with tiny feet and a face.
"Mudkip, use tackle!", "Teecko, use pound", "Poochyena, use bite!", Seedot, use pound!" all the trainers commaned to their pokemon, one after the other.However, all attacks missed and the army dodged all the attacks. Six of the Wurples used string shot and tied up all of the pokemon in a sticky web, with so many string shots, all of the pokemon could not move.
"Well, I guess this is it.." alex said while he began to slowly back up, the others did the same, but the wurmples were getting faster, untill all of the sudden a familar vioce shouted:
"Hi guys!!" It was Jake as he and his Wurmple leaped off of a nearby cliff. The two leaped in front of the army of pokemon and stopped them. Jame's wurnple began to talk with them, after a few seconds, the wurples seemed to understand and slowly cleared a path for the rest.
"Wow, that was cool!" alex said with a big smile.
"Is that pokemon you'res?" Crystal added.
"Well, no I've never thought about catching him, I just wanted to help him." Jake replyed while looking down at Wurmple. Wurmple looked back up as it cried in a happy tone.
"Well it looks to me like he likes you, Jake!" Crystal said with a smile.
"Yeah, well do you want to come along with us wurmple?" Jake asked, while looking down at wurmple. Wurmple looked up and began to hop in an excited way as if saying "Sure!"
"Ok, but we're gonna have to battle it out since I'm a pokemon trainer ok?" Jake said with a grin.Wurmple agreed and prepared to battle.
"Alright, Torchic go!" Jake shouted as he tossed his pokeball forward. Jake's Torchic was then sent out. Torchic let out a battle cry and stood strong as he waited for Jake's command.
"Alright, use scratch!" Torchic then scratched wurmple with it's sharp claws. Wurmple then attacked back with poison sting, wurmple then shot dozens of small, tiny, purple pin missles that carried poison.They all hit Torchic, but thankfully, he wasn't poisoned!
"Torchic use focus energy!" Jake commanded next. Torchic then began to glow several times building up his critical hit chance. Wurmple then attacked once more with tackle. Wurmple then charged to its foe at a fast speed, but as Jake commanded Torchic to dodge it, it missed as expected.
"Alright, now use scratch again, Torchic!" Torchic once again scratched its foe, Wurmple with its claws.And it seemed it was a critical hit!
"Alright, now lets go pokeball!" Jake then tossed a pokeball on to wurmple and it began to shake...Once...Twice...and finally Three times.Wurmple was now caught!
"Alright! I got a wurmple!" Jake shouted with joy as he held his pokeball high.
"Wow that was an impressive catch!" One of the trainers from behind said.
"Oh, and by the way, we forgot to introduce ourselves the other one said.
"Yeah, m name is Max!"
"And I'm his sister, Ruby!"
"So how about we battle up the road, theres a large bridge over nearby that would be good battle spot." Max
"Ok, we'll meet you there!" Jake said with a smile.As the other two trainers headed off out of the forest, Jake and the gang slowly followed.
"Congrats Jake, now you have a new pokemon!" Alex said with joy while looking over to Jake.
"Thanks alex!" Jake said turning his head to him.
"Yep, I caught a new pokemon..A new Friend!" Jake said to himself.
So now, off to face the trainers of the forest, our heroes move on to the other side of Route 104, were they are soon to enter: RustBoro City!
To Be Continued...
April 1st, 2008, 07:31 PM
Ok, here is the next chapter, I hope you all enjoy it!
Chapter 8: A Battle For Two; A Double Battle!
After the battle in PetalBurg Woods, and adding a new member to the team, Alex and his friends our heading on to the other side of route 104, were they will battle the two trainers that challenged them in the forest...
"Alright, Torchic, use Ember on Seedot, Wurmple use Tackle on Poochyena!" Jake commanded to both of his pokemon with a confident look in his eyes. As Jake commanded, Torchic sent out a small flame that hit Seedot. Seedot, being a Grass-Type Pokemon, also took a lot of damage from the Fire-Type move. Next, it was Wurmple, Wurmple began to charge at Poochyena.However the attack had missed as the trainer commanded the pokemon to dodge the attack. As Ruby commanded her Seedot to use Pound on Torchic, Max commanded his pokemon, Poochyena to use Bite on Torchic as well. Torchic was then hit twice by the two pokemon, However He still stood strong.
"Torchic, use ember again on Seedot, Wurmple use poison sting! at Poochyena" Jake then commanded his second attack. Seedot, was again hit by Torchic's Ember attack, to make matters worse for Seedot, it was then burned! Meanwhile, Wurmple then shot dozens of purple needles at Poochyena, all hitting him.And by luck, Poochyena was poisened! Poochyena would then be hurt every time everyone made their turns.
"Now Poochyena, Use Bite on Wumple!" "Seedot, use Bide!" Max and his sister commanded their pokemon's secons attack the a serious look on their face.They were stuck in a tight corner, as both of their pokemon had a stat problem that would hurt them as the battle went on. Seedot began to glow once showing that he was storing his energy. Poochyena rushed over to Wurmple and unleashed a strong bite. Wurmple could not take the attack, and fainted! Wurmple then fell to the ground below with a blan look.
"Wurmple return!" Jake said while holding out his pokeball, returning his pokemon.
"Alright, Torchic, use Scratch on Seedot!" Jake commanded after returning Wurmple. It was now up to Torchic to win this battle. As Commanded, Torchic the exposed his claws and scratched Seedot with great power. Seedot then continued to store its energy, but it then took damage from its burn.As a result, Seedot then fainted.
"Alright Seedot, return!" Ruby held out her pokeball and returned her pokemon with a disapointed look. It was now Jake aginst Max!
"Poochyena, use tackle!" Max cried.
"Dodge it, Torchic, then use Ember!" Jake commanded his pokemon to return the favor and dodged the attack, Torchic then unleashed several flames at his foe, hitting Poochyena. Poochyena was then hurt by his poison. And just like Seedot, the poor pokemon fainted from too much damage. Jake had then won the battle!
"Wow, you're pretty tough!" Max said while giving Jake his prize money.
"Yeah, hey I have an Idea! if you guys want to battle more, you guys could come on over to our house and battle our family!" Ruby added.
"You're family?" Alex asked while him and Crystal walked up to the group.
"Yeah, we live just past this bridge here, if you can reach the end of this bridge and look over that hill over there, you can see our home!" Max explained while pointed to the hill that stood a few steps after the bridged's end.
"Speaking of wich, we better get back home, before it gets too dark!" Ruby said looking over to her brother.
"Yeah, you're right!" Max replyed then turned over to Jake and his friends.
"Well, we gotta go back home you guys, remember you can come by anytime to battle us!" Max said to the three.
"Ok, bye!" Alex Jake and Crystal said at the same time while waving back at Ruby and Max. As the two began to leave the bridge and walk over the big hill, alex and the gang began to follow.
"Well, congrats Jake on winnig that battle!" Crystal said while turning over to Jake and smiling.
"Thankls Crystal! to tell you the truth, I wasn't sure if Torchic was going to make it or not, its a good thing Poochyena becamed poisoned." Jake replyed while looking back to Crystal. Soon the three friends reach the edge of the tall hill, there seing many yards away.
"Wow, this hill sure is pretty high! I think I can almost see RustBoro City from here! Alex said with excitement as he scanned the vally back and forth.
"And look! that must be Ruby and Max's home!" Crystal shouted as she pointed down the tall hill and on to a small, blue house.
"Its gotta be, its the only one in this vall by the looks of it." Alex added as he finished looking around the vally below.
"Well, come on! lets get going! I feel like battling some more before it gets dark!" Jake said as he began to run down the long slope of the hill.
"Hey wait up!" Alex said following Jake. Crystal wasted no time and followed as well.And soon the three friends reached the house of Ruby and Max. As Jake knocked on their door, a man came out He stood with short brown hair, and light green eyes.
"Oh hellow! are you three the trainers my children were talking about?" The man said.
"Yes, I'm Jake, and these are my friends, alex and Crystal. Ruby and Max said that we could visit here for a battle.
"Ahh! then please, come on in!" The man said with a grin, he opened the dorr wider so that the htree could come in. Their house had long and shiny wooden floors, a path of stairs and a fireplace that was near the door.
"My name is Patrick and I'm quite famouse for my pokemon breeding."
"Wow, you're a pokemon breeder?!" Crystal asked in suprise.
"That sounds like a really cool job!" She added.
"It is, I enjoy what I do, and my Children are great trainers, they said that they would try to battle the Elite Four when they got stronger." Patrick replied with a grin.
"Oh hey, guys!" Max said while rushing down thir homes stairs.
"Hi max!" Jake replied, waving to Max.
"Ruby should be down in a minute, she is busy giving her pokemon some potions and stuff.I've already finished so my pokemon are all healed up.
Hey, while we are waiting, why don't we have a battle out side?" Jake said while bringing out his pokeball.
"Sure! lets g-" Max was interupted by his sister Ruby as she came down from her room that was upstairs.
"Hi everyone! my pokemon are all healed up!" Ruby said while getting off the stairs.
"Alright! hey Alex, would you like to battle with me in this double battle?" Jake asked as he turned to Alex with a grin.
"Sure, lets go for it!" Alex answered while smiling.
So now about to challenge Max and his sister once again, Jake is now going to be teamed up with Alex in the next double battle.There is just one question for now though: Wich team will win this time??
To Be Continued...
Post Office Buddy
April 1st, 2008, 07:51 PM
Nice job. The beginning of chapter eight looked much more refined, but you kind of tapered off after the first few paragraphs. Try following a systematic pattern of adding detail by asking yourself, "what is this Pokemon doing?" or "What kind of face is the trainer making?" Answering these sorts of questions will help your writing and make it clearer.
Another thing, I will give you some advice that I was given in my Fanfic: capitalize the "p" in Pokemon, or anything "Poke" related.
Other than that, you just need to add spaces after periods. If you see a red line under it in Word or Open Office or whatever you use, just right click where the red line is and look at the suggestions. If there is nothing there that you want to use, then just keep changing it until the red line goes away. Sometimes there is no fix to the problem, in which case just leave it how it is and see what other people say about it.
Your writing is surely shaping up to be a great fic, and I am eagerly awaiting your next chapter. I hope you take my advice close to heart and incorporate it into your story. Until next time...
April 7th, 2008, 11:30 AM
Ok, thank you for the advice, I'll do that. And I'm sorry for not having an update here in awhile, its a long story, so I'll just post in this chapter.
Here it is, I hope you all enjoy it!
Chapter 9: Two Friends, Four Pokemon, One Double Battle
"Alright, Wurmple, go!" Jake smiled and threw his Pokeball into the sky, as it sent out wurmple, the pokemon gave out an excited cry, prooving it was ready.
"Mudkip, you come out too!" Alex shouted throwing his Pokeball up right after Jake did.
"Mudkip!" The pokemon cried, with a prepared look in its eyes, Mudkip began to stand tall and strong, ready for his first command.
"Alright, Wurmple, you use Poion Sting on Seedot!" Jake commanded with a smile on his face. Wurmple then unleashed dozens of tiny purple poison pins that were heading to Seedot at great speed.
"Mudkip, use Mud Slap on Poochyena!" Alex showed confidance in his eyes as he sharply commanded his pokemon to use its first attack. Mudkip then unleahed a beam of mud that hit Poochyena and also, lowering its accuracy, and making it more likely to miss when attacking.
"Seedot, use harden!" Ruby cried with a serious look in her eyes commanded after Alex, but seedot went first, just before Wurmple could use poison sting, giving Seedot the extra denfence. Seedot, then began to glow several times, making its body harder and raising its defence. However, Seedot was still hit, and a super-effectine attack as well.
"Poochyena, use Bite on Wurmple!" Max cried as his Pokemon, Poochyena russhed over to wurmple, preparing to bite his foe.
"Dodge it Wurmple then use poison sting!" Jake shouted. Jake then realized that since Poochyena's accuracy was lowered, he could dodge it. Wurmple then leaped to its left, dodging Poochyena's Bite attack. Then after the dodge, Wurmple then shot the tiny poison needles all hitting Poochyena.And just like last time, Poochyena was poisoned once again!Poochyena was then hurt by its poison, as it closed its eyes and tried to endure the pain.
"Alright, now, Wurmple, use Poison sting again on Poochyena!" Jake commanded with another smile. Wurmple once again shot out the poison needles all hitting Poochyena again.
"Mudkip, use Tackle on Poochyena!" Alex then commanded after Jake with a determened to defeat Poochyena, since it began to look weaker and weaker. Mudkip then chraged at Poochyena with great speed, then ramming his foe hard. Poochyena was then hit by both attacks.With so much damage, Poochyena could take no more.As a result; Poochyena then fainted. The pokemon then fell to the cold hard ground with a blank stare in its eyes.
"Alright, Poochyena, return!" Max then held out his Pokeball, returning his Poochyena.
"You did good my friend, good job." Max then said at his Pokeball after returning Poochyena.
"Alright, Seedot, use Bide!"Ruby commanded to her Pokemon with a confidance falling slightly. She was getting nervous, as she would have to be lucky to win aginst two other Pokemon. Seedot began to glow red once.It then began stroing its energy for a future attack.
"Now Wurmple, use Tackle!" Jake commanded with his confidance growing unlike Ruby's.This could actually be Wurmple's first win. Wurmple then charged to Seedot, and hitting his foe with great impact. But Seedot was still standing.
"Ok, Mudkip, you use tackle as well!" Alex cried out with a grin on his face. Then just like Wurmple, Mudkip then Charged Quickly at Seedot.
"Dodge it Seedot!" Ruby cried right in the middle of Mudkip's attack.Seedot was begining to get too weak and could dodge the attack. It took damge from Mudkip's attack, however, then Seedot then began to glow a deeper red, a much more dark red.This was showing that after the next set of attacks, Seedot would unleash all of its power.
"Ok, Mudkip, use Tackle!" Alex commanded first this time, and Mudkip obeyed his trainer's commanded.
"Dodge it Seedot!" Ruby cried out after Alex's command she showed a determend look in her eyes, if she could just keep this up, Seedot could possibly unleash enough power to cause one of the two pokemon to faint on contact. Seedot dodged Mudkip's Attack this time, and leaped into the aair as Mudkip passed his foe.
"Wurmple, use poison sting!" Jake commanded after the dodge, with a serious look in his eyes, he was the team's last hope in defeating Seedot before the power would be unleahed. Wurmple, then shot out the dozens of Poison needs that all hit Seedot. And to Alex and Jake's surprise, Seedot had finnally fainted! The Pokemon fell to the ground like its teammate, Poochyena, and showed a blank stare..
"Ok, Seedot Return!" Ruby held out her pokeball and retured her pokemon, Seedot with a another disapointed look, as last time.
"well, you beat us, here you can have some more prize money!" Max said while giving Jake and Alex their prize money.
"That was a good battle you guys, you were great!" Crystal said while walking to her two friends.
"Well, would it be ok, if I battled you two as well?" Crystal asked while turning over to Ruby and Max. Ruby then turned over to the sun that was slowly setting.
"Well, I guess we have another hour or two before night fall..Sure! what do you think Max?" Ruby replied and then turning to her brother.
"Sure, it sounds good! but first since there isn't a Pokemon Center for a few miles, mabe we should heal up or Pokemon ourselves before we battle." Max replied turning over to his sister.
"Yeah, good idea." Ruby agreed
"But this time, my Seedot, won't lose!" Ruby added with more confidence.
Now with Alex and Jake claiming victory in thier double battle with Ruby and Max, Now its Crystal's Turn to challenge in her first double battle!
To Be Continued...
Post Office Buddy
April 7th, 2008, 03:06 PM
Good chapter, but I saw a lot of comma errors in it. If you would like, then I could send you a private message with the commas revised. Just reply if you want me to do so.
But as I have already said, this was a good chapter. Keep up the good work and keep on writing.
April 9th, 2008, 03:04 AM
I like it good job! im rating a good score! keep writing this is great!
April 9th, 2008, 11:43 PM
Well, the comma errors are possibly from miss-typing, I have a habit of Doing that alsot, especially when I'm rushing. I know I've probably been rushing these past few chapters, so I'll try to slow down a little.
Well anyways, here is the next chapter. If there are any mistakes or any ajustments that need to be made, please just let me know. I will fix them ASAP.
Chapter 10: A Powerful Team
As Ruby and Max quickly ran back inside to gather more of their Rivives and Potions, Jake, Alex, and Crystal waited outside near their home..
"This is so exciting you guys! this is going to be my very first double battle! I can't wait!" Crystal seem overjoyed and happy as she awaited her battle with Max and Ruby.
"Just be careful though, double battles can be tough, Crystal." Jake replied looking over to Crystal who was still showing a lot of excitement.
"Yeah, double battles can be pretty tough Crystal." Alex added after Jake
"Yeah I guess you're right, but I'm sure I'll do great." Crystal replied lowering her excitement a little and showing a slightly bigger smile. Crystal has Always been know to show a prepaired and positive look, especially at times like these.
"Ok, we're all set you guys!" Max shouted out as he and his sister, Ruby exited their home.
"Alright then, lets go!" Crystal said when everyone was ready for battle.
"Seedot, Go!" Ruby shouted as she tossed her Pokeball forward. Ruby showed a more confident look this time hoping that she might get a chance at winning this battle. Max threw his pokeball next, sending out his one and only; Poochyena.
"Alright Poochyena, are you ready for this buddy?" Max asked to his Pokemon with a grin on his face. Poochyena let out a short, loud cry in a positive reply.
"Ok, Treecko and Ralts, come on out!" Crystal shouted throwing both of her pokeballs into the dusk sky. Two bright white flashes were unleashed as Crystal's Pokemon were sent out for battle.
"Alright, Poochyena, use Bite on Ralts!" Max cried with a serious look growing in his eyes. Poochyena the charged quickly to Ralts prepairing to bite down.
" Ralts dodge it quick! then use Confusion on Seedot!" Crystal sharply commanded to Ralts with a grin. Ralts then jumed high into the sir and dodged Poochyena's Bite attack. Then it turned its attention to Seedot. As commanded, Ralts then unleahed an invisible psychcic pulse that hit Seedot with awesome power, prooving a critical hit.
"Seedot use Bide!" Ruby commanded with a sharp tone to Seedot. After the hit from Ralts, Seedot then began to glow indicating that it was storing up its power.
"Treecko, use Pound on Poochyena!" Crystal shouted with another grin. It seemed as if Crystal had already thought out a battle plan wich would explain why she was so relaxed as well. Treecko the rushed quickly to Poochyena, then pounding his foe hard with his hand. It seemed like another critical hit as well as Poochyena slid back from the powerful impact from Treecko's Pound attack.
"Poochyena use Tackle on Treecko!" Max commanded to his Pokemon for his second attack. Poochyena then rushed quickly at hight speed and rammed into Treecko with a powerful force, almost matching the power of Treecko's pound.
"Ralts use Confusion on Seedot, Treecko use Absorb on Seedot as well!" Crystal then commanded both of her pokemon to attack on one foe with a serious look that had changed from the slight grins that where being shown before. Ralts then unleahed a second psychic pulse that hit Seedot, while Treecko then stepped in and pounded his foe with his hand just like Poochyena.
Ha, you're just doubling my Seedots power for when it attaks on its next turn!" Ruby mumbled in a low tone to herself.
"Now Poochyena, use bite on Treecko!" Max cried out on his pokemon's next attack.
"Treecko dodge it then use Absorb on Poochyena!" Crystal commanded back to her Treecko with the same look as before. Treecko jumped and dodged the Bite attack just like Ralts did. Then glowing a light green Treecko absorbed Poochyena's health. Poochyena then began to resist the absorb attack and began to weaken a little. However then something happend. Poochyena then began to glow a solid white color and began to grow, shift, and change form! As the white glow faded away, Poochena had then evolved into Mightyena!
Poochyena's new form, Mightyena, had a thick, black coat of fur on its back and paws.It also had light gray fur around is side, face, and ears.
"Wow, Poochyena evolved!" Jake said from the battle's sidelines in a surprised face. Alex also got up in surprise as he saw Poochyena's new form.
"Alright! now lets show these guys how its done! Mightyena, use Bite on Ralts!" Max commanded with a lot of excitedment. Max's excitedment was expected of Poochyena's new evolved form. Mightyena then let out a loud and sharp cry and rushed over to Ralts with great speed, then striking a quick Bite attack on his foe. Bite, being a Dark-Type move was a big hit on Ralts. It prooved to be a super-effective attack!
"Treecko, use Absorb on Mightyena!" Crystal cried as she showed a much more serious look than before. It was becoming clear that with time passing, and since Poochyena had evolved, she was becomeing more nervous.. Treecko, then absorbed Mightyena's power with its green glow once more. However, despite the fact that Poochyena had evolved, it began to look weaker, and weaker.
"Now Seedot, use you're Bide attack on Ralts!" Ruby cried in a confident tone. Seedot then rushed over to Ralts and rammed with double the force of all the damage he had taken throuhout the past three turns. The attack was so powerful, it pushed Ralts down several feet by at a great speed. Shooting right past Treecko, he quickly looked back a Ralts who had just fflew by, then turned to his two foes with his eyes a little wide. Ralts meanwhile didnot move, and had fainted during the Bide attack.
"Alright Ralts return!" Crystal gave a strong solid look to her pokemon as it was retuned. "You did great Ralts, take a good rest!" She said to her Pokemon who was inside its Pokeball.
"Alright, now Treecko use Pound on Seedot!" Crystal shouted as she quickly turned around with a determanded look in her eyes. Treecko then rushed over and Pounded Seedot with a strong force prooving a critical hit. As a result; Seedot had then fainted from too much damage.
"Alright Seedot, retuen!" Ruby held out her Pokeball and returned her Seedot.
"You did better, I'm proud Seedot." Ruby said holding her Pokeball in front of here, then putting it back.
Now with Seedot and Ralts out of the battle, its all down to Mightyena and Treecko..Just one question remains, who will claim victory..?
To Be Continued...
Post Office Buddy
April 10th, 2008, 05:57 AM
Don't try to rush your chapters, it will only make them seem like they are of poor quality. Take all the time you need to write them, since sometimes it helps to release them slow. If you release them slow, the readers keep wondering what will happen and it guarantees you a dedicated fanbase. Just look everything over a few times before posting, adding detail where it seems a bit lacking, and sprucing up the dialog a little bit. I look forward to your next chapter.
April 14th, 2008, 10:22 PM
Thank you for you're advice Jeffback, I'll try not to rush these chapters. Well here is the next chapter. Enjoy!
Chapter 11: A Loss And A Lesson
As Treecko and Mightyena stared off aginst each other, as they were the only two who remained in the battle, Crystal commanded first.
"Alright Treeko, use absorb!" Crystal cried as she showed a grin and pointed to Mightyena. Treecko then leaped into the air above Mightyena and began to glow a leaf green color. Then the glow became brighter and thicker as Treecko abosorbed some of his foe's energy. Treecko then fell back down in front of Crystal, waiting for his next comand.
"Mightyena, you use Bite!" Mike commanded next with a serious look in his eyes. As Mightyena grew weaker and weaker, he had to think fast to turn the battle around. As commanded, Mightyena then rushed at Treecko then unleashed a strong Bite. The attack seemed to take extra damage as well. Mightyena had scored a critical hit on Treecko.
"Alright Treecko, lets finish Mightyena off with pound!" Crystal then commanded with a confident look this time. By the looks of Mightyena's condition, being weak and showing signs of it, Crystal could win the current battle all with just one lucky hit.
"Mightyena, dodge the attack, then use Bite again!" Max cried out after Crystal had given her command. Just as Treecko ran over to Mightyena, he jumped aside and dodged Treecko's attack. And without question, Mightyena then quickly attacked. Using Bite once more on his foe. Then within a matter of seconds of the attack, Treecko could take no more, and fell to the ground apon the powerfull Bite.
"Yeah we won, Mightyena! we won!" Max cried as he showed a happy look and smiled. Max was trulely happy for this tight victory.
"Good Job, Treecko. You did great!" Crystal smiled and held her Pokeball facing Treecko, and returning it.
"Well, here you go, Max. Heres you're prize money!" Crystal said while smiling and handing Max his prize.
"Thank-You Crystal! great battle!" Max replied with a smile as well as he collected his reward. As the setting sun slowly began to fade into night, Alex Crystal and Jake waved goodbye to their new friends and adventured off. Soon however, they set up camp nearby. Before preparing for bed Alex and Crystal both folded out their sleeping bags and their tent as Jake did the same.
"Hey Crystal, I'm just wondering, but back at the battle with you and Max, arn't you a little disapointed that you lost? I know I would be if that was me." Alex questioned as he turned to Crysttal while folding out his sleeping bag.
"Well, I was kinda expecting that I would loose anyway. After Seedot's Bide attack, it all went downhill like I predicted. But I still tried to do my best and even if I lost, I did make it pretty far in that battle, more than I expected anyway." Crystal replied as she finished unfolding her bag. Alex sood as he listened to what Crystal had said and began to think about it. Ever since Alex was a little boy he had always hated losing. But he never thought about what Crystal had told him. The next morning Alex, Jake, and Crystal packed up and headed of quickly. Crossing over many hills, grassy plains, and small woods.
After several hours of walking across the vast land of Route 104, the three soon see many houses and buildings up ahead. The buildings and cities was none other than: RustboroCity!
"Guys look! thats gotta be RustboroCity up ahead! we've finnally made it!" Jake cried out in excitement.
"Finnally! lets go, quick! we are only a few yards away from our first gym badge you guys!" Alex said as he began to rush towards the last small forest that was standing inbetween the Route and RustboroCity.
"I'm telling you, this path is blocked kid!" said a voice.
The three turned around to see James in front of two people. One of them was a man the other was a woman. They both had on a blue short-sleeved shirt and had blue skull-printed cloths on their heads.
"No it isn't. you guys just got here and their is no reason for this path to be blocked. I'm not taking the main path either!" James replied in a sharp tone. James then looked at their hands to see that the two people had pokeballs.
"How about a battle, if I win you let me through, if I lookse then I'll take the other longer path." Jake said with a confident grin as he looked back up to the two people.
"Ha! you and what army?" Said the woman as she pulled out her pokeball.
"This army!" Alex shouted as he ran to the side of James.
"Alex? what are you doing here?" Jake question as he turned around to Alex with a surprised look.
"I'm here to help you out!" Alex replied still looking up at the two people.
"Well get ready, because were gonna teach you a big lesson in this battle!" said the man as he showed a grin and prepared to toss his pokeball.
Now its all down to another double battle. But this double battle, may be harder than the one with Max and Ruby..
To Be Continued...
April 21st, 2008, 03:53 PM
Here is the next chapter. Enjoy!
Chapter 12: Heroes Of Double Battles
Both seeming like grunts from a mysterious team, both the man and the woman grunt threw down their pokeball. For the man: Poochena, and for the woman: Mightyena.
"Go Zigzagoon!" James cried as he tossed his pokeball high into the sky, blocking the sun's light a little. Then with a bright flash of white light, his Pokemon, Zigzagoon was then sent out.
"Mudkip lets go!" Alex then tossed his Pokeball forward slightly, then with another white flash, Mudkip his only Pokemon was sent out.
"Mudkip!" Mudkip shouted as he returned back onto the solid ground of the earth. Mudkip then stood tall and strong ready for the battle that was about to start.
"Alright lets get this over with! Poochena, use bite!" Said the man. He pointed to Mudkip, showing his Pokemon his target. His Poochena then rushed over to Mudkip, then unleashing a power bite Mukip then tumbled back from the attack, but quickly got back up and returned to Alex's side.
"Alright, Mightyena use Swagger on Mudkip!" Said the woman as she also pointed to Mudkip with a serious look. Then Mightyena began to Taunt his foe making Mudkip angry, so angry that Mudkip's attack rose by a large ammount. However, after Mightyena's attack, Mudkip became confused.
"Zigzagoon, use Headbutt! on Poochyena!" James commanded with a grin and a confident look in his eyes. Zigzagoon began to run towards Poochyena faster and faster and lowered his head down slightly and then leaped forward and slammed inot his foe.
"I know Mudkip is confused, but I can't return him since I don't have anymore Pokemon left..I'll have to take a chance at this!" "Alright Mudkip, use water gun on Poochyena!" Alex then commanded and showed an unsure look he knew that Mudkip could get hurt but he also had no other choice at this point. Mudkip thankfully did not get hurt..This time. As commanded, Mudkip then unleashed a strong beam of water that crashed into Poochyena on contact, and prooved a critical hit as well!
"Poochyena use Sand attack on Zigzagoon!" said the man as he showed a sly grin. Poochyena then began to kick sand and dirt into Zigzagoon's face. With dust and sand blowing into his face, Zigzagoon's Accuracy was then lowered, making him more likely to miss attacks.
"Mightyena, use Howl!" Said the woman with a grin as well. She seemed as if she wasn't at all nervous and became more calm on every turn as if she already had a battle plan planned out. Mightyena the began to lift his head upwards and unleashed a loud cry. Doing so raised his attack a little and mightyena apeared stronger than before.
"Mudkip, use tackle on Mightyena!" Alex shouted as he showed the same unsure look. However this time Mukip hurt himself in his confusion as expected.
"Zigzagoon, use Headbutt again on Poochyena!" James commanded with a shard, solid look. Even though his Pokemon's Accuracy was cut, he still had confidence. Zigzagoon then rushed quickly over to Poochyena and rammed into his foe hard with his own head. Hitting Poochyena without a miss too.
"Poochyena use Bite on Mudkip!" said the man grunt with a now more serious look.
"Mudkip, dodge it then use water gun!" Alex cried just after the grunt's command. Just as Poochyena was about to use his attack, Mudkip leadped high into the air dodging the attack from his foe. To make things even better, Mudkip quickly shook his head back and forth as he snapped out of his confusion. Then landing on the ground in front of Poochyena, Mudkip unleashed another blast of water that hit Poochyena with great force. Poochyena then was knocked back far and tumbled backwards through the grassy ground. Poochyena was not moving either and had fainted after the attack of Mudkip's second water gun.
"I know you could have done better Poochyena.." The man then returned his Pokemon as he showed a disapointed look. It was now two aginst one and Alex and James then gained the upper hand.
"Mightyena, use Bite on Mudkip!" The woman grunt then showed a look that quickly switched from a confident look, to a more noerous and serious look this time. Mightyena followed the command and ran to Mudkip, and chomped down. Mudkip then let out a short yelp of pain as he was bit.
"Mudkip use Tackle on mightyena!" Alex said as he pointed to Mightyena with a determend look in his eyes.
"Zigzagoon, use Headbutt again!" James added his commanded right after Alex with a confident look. Mudkip then Rushed at high speed and rammed into Mightyena, While Zigzagoon attack without a miss again and rammed into the same foe with his head adding more damage.
"Alright, lets finish this! Mightyena use tackle on Mudkip!" the woman commanded with a solid look, and a shardcommanding voice this time.
"Mudkip dodge the attack!" Alex cried as Mightyena began his move. In mid rush of Mightyena's attack Mudkip leaped up and landed behind his foe.
"Now use watergun!" alex added with a grin and turned to James and nodded his head. James did the same. Mudkip wasted no time and shot Mightyena forward with a blast of water. Mightyena was sent flying across the ground at great speed from the push of the water gun attack.
"Now Zigzagoon, use tackle!" James commanded with a grin as well and pointed to Mightyena. Then Zigzagoon leaped a few yards in front of Mightyena and began to rush forward and with the impact from the tackle, mightyena was sent flying through the air and landed hard on the ground. With a blank look and no movement, it was clear that Mightyena had fainted apon the attack.
"..I knew you wern't strong enough for this Mightyena.." Said the woman as she returned her mighyena through its Pokeball.
"Here, heres you're prize money..You better enjoy it." She added still having the disapointed look from her Pokemon, then giving both James and Alex their prize money.
"Fine kid you can pass through here, but next time you won't win aginst Team Aqua! With that, the man and woman grunt left the feild.
"James, who were those people?" Alex questioned as he turned to James with a confuesed look.
"I think their Team Aqua..I've heard about them. But I haven't heard much about them."
"Team Aqua?" a voice said from behind. Alex and James then quickly turned around to see Jake and Crystal walking up.
"I've heard of them too. There are nothing but trouble you know." Jake said as he walked to Alex and James pulling up his backpack.
"Well there gone for now. So I gues I'll go through." James said turning over to the trail that was once blocked by the Team Aqua grunts.
"Hey James, wait! why did you want to go through here anyway?" Alex asked as he ran up to his friend.
"Well this way I've heard is a shortcut to RustboroCity. You didn't think I'd go the long route did you?" James grined from the thought of going longer ways.
"Well I better get going, I've planed for getting to RustboroCity before the day ends again." James added as he continued to walk through the trail.
"Well good luck in the Gym." Alex replied watching James as he walked by.
"Thanks, Alex! and thanks for the help back there too!" James replied turned back and smiling.
"No problem!" Alex replied back with a grin.
With the pathway opened and RustboroCity just ahead, Alex and the gang are just a few hours away from their first Gym Badge!
To Be Continued...
April 29th, 2008, 12:21 PM
I'm sorry again for not posting up a new chapter, I've been a little busy lately and I've had barely any time to make this chapter. Well if there are any mistakes or ajustments that I need to make, please let me know. Enjoy the story!
Chapter 13: Enter: Rustboro City
Alex, Jake, and Crystal walked through a trail that curved past the small forest dividing Route 104 to Rustboro City. With hundreds of green trees and the sun peeking through into the small forest, the small woods began to light up with the sun's bright light. It seemed to be a great day with only few clouds in the bright sky. To make things even better, Alex and his friends were only a mile away from Rustboro City and their first Gym Badge!
"Wow, who knew this trail could be this long.." Jake said quietly to himself, while looking down to the hard ground of the trail. Jake continued to walk with the group as he began to scan the trees of the forest, looking back and forth along the sight of the trees they moved from a small breeze.
"Well, mabe we should have taken that short-cut that James took afterall." Alex confessed as he beggan to slow down and begining to put his hands into his pockets.
"Well we can't turn back now, Alex we've been walking here for more than ten minutes now. We have to be near the exit by now." Crystal replied turning her head over to Alex.
"Well.." Jake didn't finish what he was about to say he then pulled out his map at took a close look at it.
"It doesn't look like there is a short cut on this map.. I guess it wasn't marked on this map." Jake continued lowering his map a little and showing a slight confused look.
"However it does have the road that we are on listed here!" Jake added showing a grin.
"Well what does it say Jake? are we almost out of here?" Crystal asked as she looked back at Jake.
"Well lets see... Hmmm.. Well I can't say were we currently are, but I I can say that the trail isn't very long on this map. I'd say we only have a few minutes of walking left!" Jake answered with a growing smile.
"Wow, thats great!" Crystal said with a smile. Alex began to show a smile too as he heard the good news.
"Huh? hey wait a minute, whats that?" Alex's smile dropped as he quickly tilted a lttle trying to peek around a turn ahead. Alex then ran up to the turn in the trail to see the forest's exit!
"Yes! we are finnally out at last!" Alex said with joy as he smiled and ran forward through a long grassy feild. Crystal and Jake then came out too, both running and showing excited looks.
"And look! I think I can see Rustboro City!" Jake said with a smile as he pointed ahead. There was a small city that stood inbetween a group of trees. The three then rushed forward to Rustboro City. within only a few seconds of runing, the three friends had finally reached: Rustboro City! As the three walked through, they looked all around at the large city.
Bustboro City had dozens of homes and buildings and a long road that covered every corner of the city.
"Hey look! its James!" Alex said in surprise as he turned around and noticed James who was entering a Pokemon Center up ahead. Alex then rushed up to James just before he entered the Pokemon Center.
"Hey James!" Alex said slowing down as he got closer to his friend.
"Oh hey, Alex! what took you so long?" Jake said with a grin as he turned around.
"Well we decided to take the loger route through the forest, I guess that short-cut really was short if you've already arrived and beat the gym here." Alex answeredwith his eyes a little big at the though of James already beating the Gym Leader.
"What? Gym Leader? oh no, I haven't challenged the Gym here yet. I'm just coming here to make sure that my Pokemon are perfectly healed before I have a Gym Battle." James replied as hebegan to pull out his Pokeball.
"Oh! I thought you did since you were coming into this Pokemon Center and all." Alex said as he looked up at the Pokemon Center then looking back at James.
"Well after I make sure that my Pokemon are healed up, I'm going to challenge the Gym Leader. You know, you all should have a few battles here. I hear that the trainers here are pretty hard to beat since most of them have already battled the Gym Leader here. You could train you're Pokemon here before getting you're Gym Badge. The Gym Leader here is really strong I hear." James said as he slowly began to turn back and enter the Pokemon Center. Jake and Crystal then walked up after a quick look around the City.
"Well, I guess we could have a few battles before we go on.." Alex said to himself and thinking.
"So are we going to the Gym or what?" Jake said with a grin showing.
"You know, James suggested that we could have some battles before we go to the Gym here.. Mabe we should have a few battles!" Alex repliedturning around to his friends.
"Good thinking, Alex! thats what I would suggest as well!" Crystal said as she agreed with Alex and James's suggestion.
Now finnally reaching Rustboro City, our heroes are now ready to Challenge trainers from the city, and soon to battle the Rustboro City Gym!
To Be Continued...