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View Full Version : How Pikachu entered Super smash bros


blubergate
March 18th, 2008, 12:23 PM
Ash was dead even in a battle against Gary
"Come on Pikachu hit Eevee with thunderbolt!" Cried Ash
"Dodge now!" Shouted Gary. Eevee jumped away in the nick of time, and crashed into a middle aged man in dungerees and a moustache!
"Mama Mia!" Cried the man "what is the meaning of all this, I in the middle of an amazing a fight and a you come and a ruin it WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?????"
"Shut up! Who are you what are you doing in kanto?" asked Ash.
It was too late, the man was choking pikachu to death and while Ash didn't like to hurt someone he gave the command for Pikachu to use Thunder.
Zapped, the strange man recovered. "So you wanna play rough do ya! well bring it!
" Pikachu lets go!" Cried Ash
"I'll leave this to you" Smirked Gary, as he walked away to go to johto.

Next time... Jigglypuff meets Link...

bobandbill
March 18th, 2008, 10:30 PM
...

... ok, I'll try to think.

...

... honestly, does this make sense to you even?
It's very short, Mario's appearence is somewhat... odd, and not really that funny, and I'm left with the feeling that you wanted to go on, or do something, but just.. left it.

If these stories are going to comprise of random characters fro Super Smash Bros randomly appearing and starting to chock Pokemon (and since when did Mario choke people???), and each story end in such a 'non-ending' (Gary... leaves, and that's the end of it?)...well, it just seems that you've wrote this up in two minutes and didn't even try to make a believeable plot, or put any real effort into making this funny.

Add in more description, events, try to back up the events, and think yuor fanfiction through far more, as it doesn't seem like it has had much effort put into it.

blubergate
March 19th, 2008, 12:02 AM
I know about this and i was sort of just trying out possible stories, my jigglypuff one will hopefully be MUCH better.
Another thing, it's not really supposed to be funny aside from little quirks

Avey
March 19th, 2008, 09:53 AM
I know about this and i was sort of just trying out possible stories, my jigglypuff one will hopefully be MUCH better.
Another thing, it's not really supposed to be funny aside from little quirks



Then I would advise you to realise the expectations this sections holds for it's authors, rather than just write something down in two minutes because you're bored.

Astinus
March 19th, 2008, 11:59 AM
I know about this and i was sort of just trying out possible stories, my jigglypuff one will hopefully be MUCH better.
Another thing, it's not really supposed to be funny aside from little quirks


Try out possible stories without showing them to the public unless you're ready. If you knew that it wasn't good, why post it?

That said, this fanfiction does not meet the standards of the community, and thus it will be closed. Once you have a fic that you aren't just trying out, then post it.