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Taylor5
March 20th, 2008, 11:29 AM
Pokémon silver

Chapter 1: hello chickoreta!

“Taylor. Wake up Taylor.” Taylor woke to his mom’s voice and her pounding on his door. “I’m up mom.” Taylor replied to his mother. “Good. Now hurry up or you’re going to be late.” Pointed out his mom. “AAAAAHHHHH! That’s right! I start my Pokémon journey today! WWWHHOOO!” “Okay. Just get dressed and then come down.” Laughed Taylor’s mother. Taylor lived in the johoto region. Taylor was just a thirteen year old boy but he was more than ready for this. Taylor had short dirty blonde hair that always liked to spike down. Then he grabbed his dark blue jeans and slipped them on his legs. Then Taylor slid on his black, sleeveless shirt. “I got to hurry.” Taylor said to himself as he rushed out his door and down the steps. Just as Taylor got down the steps his mom stopped him and said “You might want to take this Taylor.” “Huh? Awesome! A cell phone!” Taylor exclaimed. “You doknow how to work a cell phone right.” “Uuuuhhhh I’m pretty sure I do.” Answered Taylor uncertainly. “Good. So I don’t have to explain it?” asked his mom. “Nope. Well I’m out of here.” Taylor told his mother. “Oh and Taylor before you go I need you to go and give this to Tyson’s mom. Okay?” “Yeah whatever mom.” Taylor replied. “Do you know where he lives?” “Yes mom. Now can I go?” Taylor sighed. “Fine. I’m just so worried about you.” “Come on mom! Now bye.” Taylor told his mom as he walked out the door. Tyson was Taylor’s best friend. He always wore his favorite khaki shorts. Tyson loved to wear his blue short sleeved shirt. He wore a red baseball cap over his black hair. “Finally I can get started! Now which should Pokémon I choose?”Taylor asked himself. “There is the water one, toadidail. The fire one, Cytiquil and the grass one chickoreta. Taylor said as he thought about each one of them. “I’ll think about it later. Oh yeah I have to stop by Tyson’s house to give him this. But I should get my first Pokémon before I visit Tyson. That way I can rub it in his face.” Taylor told himself as he started to walk towards the forest. [5 minutes later]: “I’m so bored. Taylor complained. “Huh what’s that up there? YES! It’s Tyson’s house! All right! Yeah! Whoopee!” Taylor cheered! Taylor Spirited heading straight for his friend’s house. When he got there he barged in yelling “Tyson. Where are you?” Then he saw that the house was trashed and Taylor ran up to Tyson’s room and saw Tyson lying on the ground all bruised up. “Tyson what happened?!” Taylor shouted. “A Pokémon Trainer showed up and just started to wreck the place. Me and Cytiquil weren’t able to handle him.” Explained Tyson. “You’re starting your journey too Tyson?” Asked Taylor. “TAYLOR!” yelled Tyson. “Oh, right. Sorry. Now what did he look like?” Asked Taylor “He had long red hair. And his name was Jack.” Tyson coughed. “Okay. I’ll find him. But first I need to get my first Pokémon.” Taylor said. “That’s a good idea Taylor.” Tyson replied. Taylor ran down the stairs into Tyson’s living room and out the door rushing to the Lab. “The lab is just up the hill.” Taylor struggled up the hill and into the lab. The professor was expecting him. He wore a long white coat and had short brown hair with dark green eyes. “Ah, Taylor you’re finally here. The Pokémon are all over here. There is the water Pokémon, Toadidail.” He said as he picked up the ball on the left and showed Taylor. “There is also the fire one, Cytiquil. He mentioned as he picked up the one in the middle. At that very moment a red haired boy ran in and stole Cytiquil right out of the professor’s hand. Just as the boy run by Taylor noticed that he was the boy that Tyson described. “Stop him!” Yelled the Professor. “That’s jack!” Shouted Taylor. “Who?” asked the professor? “No time to explain sir.” Said Taylor just as jack ran out the door. “Just take Chickoreta and go on him!” “Yes sir.” Taylor said as he accepted the poke ball and ran out of the lab. Just when he ran out he saw Jack run back towards Tyson’s house. “There he is!” Taylor mumbled to himself as he started a chase. Jack saw that he was being followed by Taylor and sped up. Taylor did the same. “Hey, stop! Jack! Stop!” Yelled Taylor. “How does he know my name?” Jack mumbled as he was running through the forest. “I’ll battle you for that Cytiquil!” Taylor yelled. That stopped jack right on the spot. “Humph, so you want to battle me for it huh?” asked Jack. “Yeah. You heard me. So how ‘bout it?” asked Taylor. “Fine. Go Cytiquil!” Jack said as he sent out Cytiquil. “Come out chickoreta!” Taylor said as Chickoreta was sent out of his poke ball. “Cytiquil, use Tackle along with ember!” Jack commanded as Cytiquil rushed towards Chickoreta. “Dodge it chickoreta. Then use razor leaf!” Taylor said as Chickoreta Whisked itself into the air. “Now” “Now” they both yelled at the same time. Cytiquil launched an Ember at Chickoreta. Chickoreta Used Razor Leaf. The two Attacks collided in midair. “Awesome!” Taylor shouted. “Wow you really are pathetic. Just like you’re little friend said.” Jack told Taylor. Jack had mad Taylor angry now. “Alright use Tackle!” Taylor shouted in fury. “Cytiquil dodge”- At that moment Cytiquil was pounded by Chickoreta. “Yes, hit.” Taylor shouted “No way!” Jack yelled in surprise. “Now Razor Leaf Chickoreta!” Taylor told Chickoreta. Cytiquil was hit with a Razor leaf from Chickoreta. “No. No. No. No how can I be losing to you! Now use ember Cytiquil!” Jack demanded. Cytiquil shot out small flames from its mouth. Chickoreta had been hit by the Ember. “Hang in there Chickoreta.” Taylor told Chickoreta. Chickoreta flinched. “Now use Scratch Cytiquil!” Jack demanded. But Cytiquil didn’t move. “What the heck?! Move you useless animal!” Yelled Jack. “It won’t move because it’s not yours Jack.” Someone said from behind the bush. Then the Professor came out and put Cytiquil back into its poke ball. “Fine. Have your stupid thing.” Jack said as he ran away. “Hey wait!” Taylor said as he started towards Jack. But the Professor held Taylor back. “Taylor you do not need to go after him.” “Why?” Taylor argued. “Because that would just lead to a whole ‘nother chase.” Explained the professor. “Oh.” Answered Taylor. “Now you and Chickoreta made a great team plus she seems to really like you.” He said as Chickoreta was rubbing agents Taylors leg. “I think you should keep Chickoreta.” The Professor offered “Really? No way! Ah, man this is awesome!” At that moment Chickoreta leaped up on to Taylor’s head. They started playing around like they knew each other for years. “So you accept?” Asked the professor. “Yeah. Of course I do!” Exclaimed Taylor. “Good then you’ll need this.” The Professor said as he handed Taylor Chickoreta’s poke ball. “Now when you’re done playing with chickoreta here why don’t you head down to my lab. Oh, and bring Tyson okay?” The professor asked. “Yes, sir!” Taylor shouted. “Okay you guys just come back soon.” The Professor told Taylor as he disappeared into the sunset. A little after the Professor left Taylor suggested that they head back to the lab. Chickoreta agreed. “It’s way too dark to see anything. Huh, Chickoreta?” Taylor exclaimed. “Chick-chick” Chickoreta agreed. “Yeah. I’m getting hungry too. Taylor said as his stomach growled. “Taylor! Taylor! Over here!” Tyson shouted “Huh? Who said that?!” Taylor shouted into the dark as if he saw someone there. “It’s me Tyson.” Tyson said as he appeared out of the dark. “Oh it’s just you.” Taylor said. “Your mom got worried and sent me to go find you.” Tyson explained “Yeah. But before we get home we have to get to the professor at his lab. He told me to get you and stop by.” Taylor explained. Tyson nodded. “Let’s go then.” Tyson said as he started to head back to town with Taylor. It was almost mid-night when they got back to the lab. The professor was standing outside looking as if he had been there for hours. “The old fart looks like he about to fall asleep.” Taylor whispered into Tyson’s ear. Tyson jabbed Taylor in his side lightly with his elbow. “Taylor, Tyson what took you so long?” Asked the professor. “Well. You see. We kinda got lost in the forest.” Explained Tyson. “Do you have any food?” Taylor blurted out. “Yes we have food Taylor. Now come on inside. I have to talk to you both about it.” The professor said very seriously. The two boys followed the professor in. There were more people in the lab than usual. They were all on computers except a few who were pacing back and forth franticly. All of them looked worried. “What’s with everyone professor?” Asked Taylor. “There have been reports of a Lugia and Ho-oh sightings here in Johto. If you do not already know they are the mythical Pokémon of Johto. I have called you two here because I have an errand for both of you two. I need each of you while you’re on your journey. Taylor I want you to find Lugia. When you do, send the data right to me. Tyson I want you to find Ho-oh.” requested the professor as he picked up two pokedexs. “I will do my best sir.” Tyson said “me too!” added Taylor. “Here are your pokedexs.” The professor said as he handed them each a pokedex. “Thank you sir.” Tyson obliged. “Yeah, what he said.” Taylor agreed. “Taylor we have to get home before your mom gets worried about me too!” Tyson remembered. “Oh ya. Let’s hurry.” Taylor exclaimed. Right at that moment Taylor grabbed Tyson and ran out. “See yeah tomorrow professor.” Tyson shouted as he was being dragged out. The professor sighed. Taylor and Tyson were running through the pitch darkness towards what Taylor made out as a couple of houses. “Hey Tyson, look it’s Newbark town! YYYEEEAAAHH! See ya in the morning.” Taylor shouted as he ran into the dark near the faint lights. “Yeah. See ya, Taylor.” Tyson yelled. Taylor was long gone by the time he heard Tyson. Taylor was opening the door to his house when he heard a faint howl come from the sky. He looked up startled to see a silver bird like Pokémon flying over the town. “What the-?” the mysterious creature howled again. Then it disappeared back into the clear night sky just as suddenly as it had appeared. Taylor then crept into his house puzzled and scared. Taylor didn’t sleep that night. He was too overwhelmed by the creature that had passed over before.

JX Valentine
March 20th, 2008, 12:39 PM
Eep. o_o

First off, at the risk of mini-modding, when Astinus said the main forum, she meant this one (http://pkmncommunity.com/forumdisplay.php?f=20).

Second, huge blocks of text usually don't get many readers. I personally can't read it because by the time I'm in the middle of the story, my eyes start to wander or lose focus. If you could separate your paragraphs out (hit the enter key twice every time you start a new subject or switch speakers, the way I've separated my paragraphs in this post), then I'll be able to give you a proper review. It's just easier to read if you do it that way.

Astinus
March 20th, 2008, 12:42 PM
Also make the font bigger. Because my eyes are horrible from being on the computer all day. And no one really wants to read itty-bitty text that's all smooshed together. I think my eyes screamed in pain when I saw that post.

I'm moving this to the main forum, which I meant in my post. Thanks, Jax.

Alli
March 20th, 2008, 12:59 PM
I don't want to sound rude, but I didn't even read it. I saw a big block of words and said uh-uh.

Chop this thing up. It's easier on the eyes. And...you spelled Chikorita wrong.

Once this is chopped up, I'll definatley read it. I love Silver version.

EDIT: Hun, it's Cyndaquil. X.x

Taylor5
March 20th, 2008, 02:12 PM
i tryed to space it into paragraphs but my computer won't let me. i know how It just won't let me!

Taylor5
March 20th, 2008, 03:03 PM
how's this?


Pokémon silver




Chapter 1: hello Chikorita

“Taylor. Wake up Taylor.” Taylor woke to his mom’s voice and her pounding on his door. “I’m up mom.” Taylor replied to his mother. “Good. Now hurry up or you’re going to be late.” Pointed out his mom. “AAAAAHHHHH! That’s right! I start my Pokémon journey today! WWWHHOOO!” “Okay. Just get dressed and then come down.” Laughed Taylor’s mother.
Taylor lived in the johoto region. Taylor was just a thirteen year old boy but he was more than ready for this. Taylor had short dirty blonde hair that always liked to spike down. Then he grabbed his dark blue jeans and slipped them on his legs. Then Taylor slid on his black, sleeveless shirt. “I got to hurry.” Taylor said to himself as he rushed out his door and down the steps.
Just as Taylor got down the steps his mom stopped him and said “You might want to take this Taylor.”
“Huh? Awesome! A cell phone!” Taylor exclaimed. “You doknow how to work a cell phone right.”
“Uuuuhhhh I’m pretty sure I do.” Answered Taylor uncertainly. “Good. So I don’t have to explain it?” asked his mom. “Nope. Well I’m out of here.” Taylor told his mother.
“Oh and Taylor before you go I need you to go and give this to Tyson’s mom. Okay?” “Yeah whatever mom.” Taylor replied. “Do you know where he lives?” “Yes mom. Now can I go?” Taylor sighed. “Fine. I’m just so worried about you.” “Come on mom! Now bye.” Taylor told his mom as he walked out the door.
Tyson was Taylor’s best friend. He always wore his favorite khaki shorts. Tyson loved to wear his blue short sleeved shirt. He wore a red baseball cap over his black hair.
“Finally I can get started! Now which should Pokémon I choose?”Taylor asked himself. “There is the water one, toadidail. The fire one, Cydaquil and the grass one chikorita. Taylor said as he thought about each one of them. “I’ll think about it later. Oh yeah I have to stop by Tyson’s house to give him this. But I should get my first Pokémon before I visit Tyson. That way I can rub it in his face.”
Taylor told himself as he started to walk towards the forest. [5 minutes later]: “I’m so bored. Taylor complained. “Huh what’s that up there? YES! It’s Tyson’s house! All right! Yeah! Whoopee!” Taylor cheered! Taylor Spirited heading straight for his friend’s house.
When he got there he barged in yelling “Tyson. Where are you?” Then he saw that the house was trashed and Taylor ran up to Tyson’s room and saw Tyson lying on the ground all bruised up.
“Tyson what happened?!” Taylor shouted. “A Pokémon Trainer showed up and just started to wreck the place. Me and Cydaquil weren’t able to handle him.” Explained Tyson. “You’re starting your journey too Tyson?”Asked Taylor. “TAYLOR!”“Oh, right. Sorry. Now what did he look like?” Asked Taylor “He had long red hair. And his name was Jack.” Tyson coughed. “Okay. I’ll find him. But first I need to get my first Pokémon.” Taylor said. “That’s a good idea Taylor.” Tyson replied.
Taylor ran down the stairs into Tyson’s living room and out the door rushing to the Lab. “The lab is just up the hill.” Taylor struggled up the hill and into the lab. The professor was expecting him. He wore a long white coat and had short brown hair with dark green eyes.
“Ah, Taylor you’re finally here. The Pokémon are all over here. There is the water Pokémon, Totodil.” He said as he picked up the ball on the left and showed Taylor. “There is also the fire one, Cydaquil. He explained.
At that very moment a red haired boy ran in and stole Cytiquil right out of the professor’s hand. Just as the boy run by Taylor he noticed that he was the boy that Tyson described.
“Stop him!” Yelled the Professor. “That’s jack!” Shouted Taylor. “Who?” asked the professor? “No time to explain sir.” Said Taylor just as jack ran out the door. “Just take Chikorita and go get him!”
“Yes sir.” Taylor said as he accepted the poke ball and ran out of the lab. Just when he ran out he saw Jack run back towards Tyson’s house. “There he is!” Taylor mumbled to himself as he started a chase.
Jack saw that he was being followed by Taylor and sped up. Taylor did the same. “Hey, stop! Jack! Stop!” Yelled Taylor. “How does he know my name?” Jack mumbled as he was running through the forest. “I’ll battle you for that Cydaquil!” Taylor yelled.
That stopped jack right on the spot. “Humph, so you want to battle me for it huh?” asked Jack. “Yeah. You heard me. So how ‘bout it?” asked Taylor. “Fine. Go Cydaquil!” Jack said as he sent out Cydaquil. “Come out Chikorita!” Taylor said as Chikorita was sent out of his poke ball.
“Cydaquil, use Tackle along with ember!” Jack commanded as Cydaquil rushed towards Chikorita. “Dodge it Chikorita. Then use razor leaf!” Taylor said as Chikorita Whisked itself into the air. “Now” they both yelled simultaneously. Cydaquil launched an Ember at Chikorita. Chikorita Used Razor Leaf. The two Attacks collided in midair.
“Awesome!” Taylor shouted. “Wow you really are pathetic. Just like you’re little friend said.” Jack told Taylor. Jack had mad Taylor angry now. “Alright use Tackle!” Taylor shouted in fury. “Cydaquil dodge- At that moment Cytiquil was pounded by Chikorita. “Yes, hit.” Taylor shouted “No way!” Jack yelled in surprise.
“Now Razor Leaf Chikorita!” Taylor told Chikorita. Cydaquil was hit with a Razor leaf from Chikorita. “No. No. No. How can I be losing to you! Now use ember Cydaquil!” Jack demanded. Cydaquil shot out small flames from its mouth. Chickoreta had been hit by the Ember. “Hang in there Chikorita.” Taylor told Chikorita. Chikorita flinched.
“Now use Scratch Cydaquil!” Jack demanded. But Cydaquil didn’t move. “What the heck?! Move you useless animal!” Yelled Jack. “It won’t move because it’s not yours Jack.” Someone said from behind the bush.
Then the Professor came out and put Cydaquil back into its poke ball. “Fine. Have your stupid thing.” Jack said as he ran away. “Hey wait!” Taylor said as he started towards Jack. But the Professor held Taylor back. “Taylor you do not need to go after him.”
“Why?” Taylor argued. “Because that would just lead to a whole ‘nother chase.” Explained the professor. “Oh.” Answered Taylor. “Now you and Chikorita made a great team plus she seems to really like you.” He said as Chikorita was rubbing agents Taylors leg. “I think you should keep Chickoreta.” The Professor offered
“Really? No way! Ah, man this is awesome!” At that moment Chikorita leaped up on to Taylor’s head. They started playing around like they knew each other for years. “So you accept?” Asked the professor. “Yeah. Of course I do!” Exclaimed Taylor. “Good then you’ll need this.” The Professor said as he handed Taylor Chikorita’s poke ball. “Now when you’re done playing with Chikorita here why don’t you head down to my lab. Oh, and bring Tyson okay?” The professor asked.
“Yes, sir!” Taylor shouted. “Okay you guys just come back soon.” The Professor told Taylor as he disappeared into the sunset. A little after the Professor left Taylor suggested that they head back to the lab. Chikorita agreed. “It’s way too dark to see anything. Huh, Chikorita?” Taylor exclaimed. “Chik-chik” Chickoreta squeaked. “Yeah. I’m getting hungry too. Taylor said as his stomach growled. “Taylor! Taylor! Over here!” Tyson shouted “Huh? Who said that?!” Taylor shouted into the dark as if he saw someone there.
“It’s me Tyson.” Tyson said as he appeared out of the dark. “Oh it’s just you.” Taylor said. “Your mom got worried and sent me to go find you.” Tyson explained “Yeah. But before we get home we have to get to the professor at his lab. He told me to get you and stop by.” Taylor explained. Tyson nodded. “Let’s go then.” Tyson said as he started to head back to town with Taylor.
It was almost mid-night when they got back to the lab. The professor was standing outside looking as if he had been there for hours. “The old fart looks like he about to fall asleep.” Taylor whispered into Tyson’s ear. Tyson jabbed Taylor in his side lightly with his elbow.
“Taylor, Tyson what took you so long?” Asked the professor. “Well. You see. We kinda got lost in the forest.” Explained Tyson. “Do you have any food?” Taylor blurted out. “Yes we have food Taylor. Now come on inside. I have to talk to you both about it.” The professor said very seriously. The two boys followed the professor in. There were more people in the lab than usual.
They were all on computers except a few who were pacing back and forth franticly. All of them looked worried. “What’s with everyone professor?” Asked Taylor.
“There have been reports of a Lugia and Ho-oh sightings here in Johto. If you do not already know they are the mythical Pokémon of Johto. I have called you two here because I have an errand for both of you two. I need each of you while you’re on your journey.
Taylor I want you to find Lugia. When you do, send the data right to me. Tyson I want you to find Ho-oh.” requested the professor as he picked up two pokedexs.
“I will do my best sir.” Tyson said “me too!” added Taylor. “Here are your pokedexs.” The professor said as he handed them each a pokedex. “Thank you sir.”
Tyson obliged. “Yeah, what he said.” Taylor agreed. “Taylor we have to get home before your mom gets worried about me too!” Tyson remembered. “Oh ya. Let’s hurry.” Taylor exclaimed. Right at that moment Taylor grabbed Tyson and ran out. “See yeah tomorrow professor.” Tyson shouted as he was being dragged out.
The professor sighed. Taylor and Tyson were running through the pitch darkness towards what Taylor made out as a couple of houses. “Hey Tyson, look it’s Newbark town! YYYEEEAAAHH! See ya in the morning.” Taylor shouted as he ran into the dark near the faint lights. “Yeah. See ya, Taylor.” Tyson yelled.
Taylor was long gone by the time he heard Tyson. Taylor was opening the door to his house when he heard a faint howl come from the sky. He looked up startled to see a silver bird like Pokémon flying over the town. “What the-?” the mysterious creature howled again. Then it disappeared back into the clear night sky just as suddenly as it had appeared.
Taylor then crept into his house puzzled and scared. Taylor didn’t sleep that night. He was too overwhelmed by the creature that had passed over before.

Lash
March 20th, 2008, 03:34 PM
It only looks slightly better now to the readers eyes, but my eyes wanted to explode when looking at how crunched up it still is, no offense. May I set an example?

View 1:

Taylor was long gone by the time he heard Tyson. Taylor was opening the door to his house when he heard a faint howl come from the sky. He looked up startled to see a silver bird like Pokémon flying over the town. “What the-?” the mysterious creature howled again. Then it disappeared back into the clear night sky just as suddenly as it had appeared.
Taylor then crept into his house puzzled and scared. Taylor didn’t sleep that night. He was too overwhelmed by the creature that had passed over before.

View 2:

Taylor was long gone by the time he heard Tyson. Taylor was opening the door to his house when he heard a faint howl come from the sky. He looked up startled to see a silver bird like Pokémon flying over the town. “What the-?” the mysterious creature howled again. Then it disappeared back into the clear night sky just as suddenly as it had appeared.

Taylor then crept into his house puzzled and scared. Taylor didn’t sleep that night. He was too overwhelmed by the creature that had passed over before.

This (http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b201/Norellicus/Forum%20Pictures/396889a6.jpg) key is there for a reason. Press it twice, like how the example is set in view 2.

Hope the next version of the chapter turns out better and not as explosive to the eyes.

Alli
March 20th, 2008, 04:23 PM
And a reminder...it's Cyndaquil. Might wanna go back and change it...oh, and you don't have to repost the chapter; Just click edit.

Interesting choice of names...much better than mine, Trevor and...well, I can't find my rival. And Crystal it's Avery and Diploid. X.x Like I said, much better name choices.

Mike Ukiuki
March 21st, 2008, 01:09 PM
Yah it is funny but the next one should be longer and make more sense.