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View Full Version : Umbreon and Lapras *Not official title*


fredlocks
March 20th, 2008, 10:17 PM
“Don’t be too long!” Jared’s mother yelled as he run down the street chasing after his Umbreon. “Hopefully he’ll cooperate this time Mum.” Jared yelled back. “Slow down Umbreon!” Jared called out, but it was useless, his Umbreon wasn’t very obedient. As Jared and his Umbreon reached the end of the street, they both stopped and stared out over into the river.

The river wasn’t at its normal state, it was filled with Lapras. “Lapras, the river is filled with Lapras.” Jared spoke slowly as he was amazed. “I’ve done a lot of study on this particular type of Pokémon, and this isn’t normal, there must be something wrong.” Jared knew that the Lapras would be moving north at this time of year because it would get to cold here and their food won’t be in season. “Come on, we’d better be getting home, we can tell Mum about this over dinner.” Jared said, walking away, checking over his shoulder to make sure that his Umbreon was coming.

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Please tell me what you think xD

Sydian
March 28th, 2008, 07:44 AM
Well, I love Umbreon. But, the thing is...I don't see how this Umbreon isn't obediant, consdiering they evolve from trust and friendship...but that must be some kinda defiant nature.

Anyway, I think this'll be nice...but, please, don't name it Umbreon and Lapras. xD That's a name that would lead me to believe they're gonna be best friends, or get into some kinda ship. X.x

And by 'ship', I don't mean the boat kind. O.o

fredlocks
March 28th, 2008, 04:10 PM
I'm going to name the Title of it "Umbreon and Lapras" I haven't thought of a name for it yet or do you mean don't name the Pokemon Umbreon and Lapras and instead give them nicknames??

Sydian
March 31st, 2008, 01:40 PM
I'm going to name the Title of it "Umbreon and Lapras" I haven't thought of a name for it yet or do you mean don't name the Pokemon Umbreon and Lapras and instead give them nicknames??

That's actually a nice idea you've got there. 'Umbreon and Lapras' doesn't have too much of a ring...but naming them is kinda like...I dunno, TV shows? Like Phineas and Ferb, Kenan and Kel, stuff like that. Gives the audience an interest to know who they are.

But it's your fic, but you've come up with a good concept. I was just giving you the pros on it. Do whatever you feel like.

iLike2EatPiez
May 26th, 2008, 05:28 AM
It seems sort of interesting, but could use some more description. Describe the Umbreon, physically as well as personality-wise. Even more important, considering Umbreon could have been introduced and described earlier, describe this group of Lapras. I mean, we don't even have an idea of how many there are in this river (which is also not described). When writing fanfiction, or any kind of writing for that matter, you should make it apparent what characteristics everything has, be it a Pokemon, a person, or the road they walk down every day.

Also, "Umbreon and Lapras" doesn't tell us what the fic is really about. Sure, it implies there's an Umbreon in it and a Lapras in it, but it doesn't grab your attention and make you want to read it. Nicknames will do little if any difference to change that. Think of a book you've read, for instance, that was a very great story. If that book had simply been called "Character A and Character B", would it interest you nearly as much? A title should make people want to read the fic; after all, when it's surrounded by all those other fics in the main forum and all you can see is titles, you kind of have to make it interesting if you hope to get any good reviewers to come your way.

So... I probably shouldn't just start giving you title examples, since writing is a creative process, but just think about the story's plot, which you know right now and we don't. What happens that makes Lapras so important? Well, if you can relate that to the title, it might seem more unique. Plenty of fics use titles that are very hard to understand until you read most of the story. Just be creative and show that you're putting a lot of thought into it. Good luck, by the way.

Astinus
May 26th, 2008, 12:51 PM
Piez bumped. D=

Check the dates there of the last post, Piez. You missed the month-close off date by two months.