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Diddy Kong
March 24th, 2008, 12:02 PM
Beaten, battered
Worn and tattered,
Sits the lonely lump

His fur abraded
Colors faded,
Sits the lonely lump

His cotton gushing
Cheeks still blushing,
Sits the lonely lump

His boys run by
With planes that fly,
And ignore the lonely lump

These new toys
Distract the boys,
From the lonely lump

They used to play
with him all day,
remembers the lonely lump

He watched their knowledge
send them to college,
goodbye to the lonely lump

And so their mother,
With a flutter,
Picked up the lonely lump

A screaming girl
With yellow curls
Grabbed hold of our lonely lump

She hugged and squeezed him,
How it appeased him,
Where are you taking our lump?

She named him Peter,
A new love to feed her,
Please don't take our lump!

Her father stitched him
And he fixed him,
A brand new lonely lump

No rip, no tear
A happy bear
No longer a lonely lump.

--

Yeah so, this is my first poem in awhile. XD;

Some constructive C/C would be nice.

Chikara
March 24th, 2008, 02:03 PM
Awwww Klippy <33

That's so cute, I loved it :D

Diddy Kong
March 24th, 2008, 02:08 PM
Awwww Klippy <33

That's so cute, I loved it :D

<3 Thank you, Resa. :D

I'm glad you did. :]

melod.ii ous demyx~♪
March 24th, 2008, 05:39 PM
^w^ Lump's a cute word~
A Lonely Lump's an even cuter word. xD

<3 hehe, it was darling, and just made me feel all warm and fuzzly~ ^-^
I loved the description and the repetition. Also your style for sure.
It was such a pretty piece of writing. n_n All of your writing's gorgeous though~

I really wanted to give you something constructive, or else my reply's pointless, but... I can't think of anything D8 it was too cute~

I'll just point out what I liked alots. x3

I really liked the intro and the ending. With the "Lonely Lump"
I like how you still referred to him as being lonely, even after it was fixed. Because even the kiddos here, turn their cheek after about five minutes of playing with their brand new toy! They never even seem to remember it's there until it's gone~ So, in the end, it was still lonesome. Heh, I don't know if you meant anything like that, but that's the meaning I got from it. And I liked it. And it was true.

The "Cotton gushing,
Cheeks still blushing"
part was my favorite, because... it started to sound like a stuffed toy~

Awwe, I liked the rhyming too, and the mystery of the lump until it reached the end. It was a very cute way to introduce it~
Wonderfully cute piece.

I always like to read your stuff <3
even if you haven't heard from me til now. D:

Midori Chi
March 24th, 2008, 05:43 PM
It was very well written and very cute. : 3 I was very connected with it.

Diddy Kong
March 24th, 2008, 07:05 PM
It was very well written and very cute. : 3 I was very connected with it.

Thank you very much! :D

^w^ Lump's a cute word~
A Lonely Lump's an even cuter word. xD

I don't even know how I came up with that. XD; I was reading a war poem and I got the "Beaten, battered" from it and it just clicked in my head.

<3 hehe, it was darling, and just made me feel all warm and fuzzly~ ^-^
I loved the description and the repetition. Also your style for sure.
It was such a pretty piece of writing. n_n All of your writing's gorgeous though~

I'm glad. XD; Thanks, I wasn't sure if it would sound good with the "lonely lump" at the end of each stanza.

That makes me feel awfully good. XD; Thank you~

I really wanted to give you something constructive, or else my reply's pointless, but... I can't think of anything D8 it was too cute~

That's alright, all these nice comments make up for it. XD

I'll just point out what I liked alots. x3

I really liked the intro and the ending. With the "Lonely Lump"
I like how you still referred to him as being lonely, even after it was fixed. Because even the kiddos here, turn their cheek after about five minutes of playing with their brand new toy! They never even seem to remember it's there until it's gone~ So, in the end, it was still lonesome. Heh, I don't know if you meant anything like that, but that's the meaning I got from it. And I liked it. And it was true.

Yes~ I'm glad you got the meaning behind it. <3 Except, in the end, he was happy to have a new owner. :x

The "Cotton gushing,
Cheeks still blushing"
part was my favorite, because... it started to sound like a stuffed toy~

XD; I wasn't sure if people would get it was a toy until the "Boys/planes" part.

Awwe, I liked the rhyming too, and the mystery of the lump until it reached the end. It was a very cute way to introduce it~
Wonderfully cute piece.

I always like to read your stuff <3
even if you haven't heard from me til now. D:[/QUOTE]

Thank you. :DDD

And, thank you, I'm glad someone enjoys what I write. XD I'll be sure to post more!

The Infinite Devil Machine
March 24th, 2008, 08:50 PM
My childhood bear was named Peter. I've been neglecting him so long. ;__; Hah, so yeah, I had an immediate connection to this poem. The assonance managed to work, without becoming repetitive. Well done~ :'D

El Gofre
March 25th, 2008, 03:49 PM
Wow, i like this. I like the ambiguity of the lonely lump, I for one dont know what to interperate it as. I think that maintaining the lonely lump up until the end stanza arther than reverting to lump halfway through would have had a bit more impact, but thats a petty criticism. This reminds me of my childhood, all those clouded memories you cant quite grasp. Very very good :)

Saryka
March 25th, 2008, 04:26 PM
I love the poem, Klippy <3 It actually brought back some nostalgia from when I was younger and I had a doll I cherished~

It's adorable. :3

Diddy Kong
March 25th, 2008, 06:05 PM
My childhood bear was named Peter. I've been neglecting him so long. ;__; Hah, so yeah, I had an immediate connection to this poem. The assonance managed to work, without becoming repetitive. Well done~ :'D

Hurry and hug him before you go to college and lose him...forever. :D

Wow, i like this. I like the ambiguity of the lonely lump, I for one dont know what to interperate it as. I think that maintaining the lonely lump up until the end stanza arther than reverting to lump halfway through would have had a bit more impact, but thats a petty criticism. This reminds me of my childhood, all those clouded memories you cant quite grasp. Very very good :)

Thanks Gofre. Glad you..liked it. XD

I love the poem, Klippy <3 It actually brought back some nostalgia from when I was younger and I had a doll I cherished~

It's adorable. :3

Thank you very much, Starship~

Go hug your doll now, please. :D



Uh, also... I've never had a bear or any sort of comfort toy. This was... an odd poem for me to write. >__>