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Midori Chi
March 24th, 2008, 05:57 PM
Hello! used to write poems a looooong time ago, but some things have happened, and I feel like poetry would help me. Please critisize. : )
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Weeping in the Darkness

I sit in the corner
in the dark of night.
The clouds cry with me,
the rain falls hard.

Why am I weeping?
I'm punished, I'm cursed.
My smile fades fast,
with words and with actions.
I weep because I'm hurt.
The darkness consumes me.
A slow melody plays.

I did not deserve this.
You make me sick.
My spirits are crushed,
my eyes are red.

You see me weeping.
You say nothing.
You walk by me.
You ignore me.


Why am I weeping?
I'm punished, I'm cursed.
My smile fades fast,
with words and with actions.
I weep because I'm hurt.
The darkness consumes me.
A slow melody plays.

The melody stops,
so I whipser a tune.
I want you to hear it.
You'll come to me then.

When you arrive,
I'll stay in that corner,
and you'll see red.
Weep for me like I wept for you.

I'm weeping because I'm hurt.

Klippy
March 25th, 2008, 09:27 PM
This is very nice, Midori.

I'm not going to say what I think the words signify and mean, but I have an opinion about it.

I like that you were able to pull off a poem without having it rhyme and it still sounds easy on the ears and isn't strenuous to read/say.

Well done! Post more. :D

Midori Chi
March 26th, 2008, 05:28 PM
Thank you. : )
I will. XD

22sa
March 26th, 2008, 07:08 PM
I liked the simple choice of words (very beautiful)

I mean I just read some other poems in this forum too and my brain exploded with confusion everytime :x (plus distaste)

... *out of words*

*bows in admiration & runs*

melod.ii ous demyx~♪
March 27th, 2008, 05:26 PM
;-; That was so sad~!

Midori Chi, I agree with 22sa, I love your simple wording. It's really effective in this poem~ <3 It flowed really beautifully~

Oh, I loved the "chorus" part. Or the stanza that repeats itself~ <3 It sounded so pretty.

Ah, I dunno, emo-ish things aren't really my favorites. But this was sweet, and had a point to it. So, nice work!

83 Do post more!

Midori Chi
March 28th, 2008, 06:28 PM
Thank yaz! : 3

I usually write happy poems, so the next time I write it'll be happy. XD