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The Confuzzler
April 8th, 2008, 08:09 AM
Hi since the original of this was put in to the revision bin i tried to make it better with better detail longer chapters and a better plot well enjoy! rated Pg 7 for mild violence nnd some shippy moments :)

Section 1 The introduction

Chapter 1 A new Adventure

This story is about a young boy named Jack and his Pokemon adventures.

One day in the kids orphanage in Pallet Town There was a young boy, named Jack. Jack had brown hair and blue eyes as blue as the beautiful ocean. He had a Fleece with a pokeball on it and a matching T-Shirt.He wore black jeans and a pair of red trainers. He had a cap with a Pokeball on it. He wanted to be the Pokemon league champion.
" Jack Roberts! " Shouted the scary man in charge of the orphanage. His name was Marco,the kids called him Menacing Marco. He was very strict and always had to get the last word in. He especially hated Jack. " Jack Roberts!!! " Marco shouted. " Get up now! " He shouted. Jack was still half asleep and couldn't even say anything because he was too tired.

" Back off you old hag. " Said a voice. It was Jack's friend Megan Megan wore a pink baandana with a necklace around her neck. She had beautiful green eyes. She also had a secret admirer, Jack! They had both promised when they turned 10 they would become Pokemon trainers and now since it was Jack's birthday they could get their first Pokemon. She wore A black T-Shirt and dreamed to be a top coordinator. Megan grabbed Jack. Jack and Megan ran for the door. Marco chased them.

" Go pidgeotto! " Shouted Marco. " Chase those worthless kids! " Pidgeotto jetted through the orphanage avoiding every obstacle. Pidgeotto zoomed round the corner and saw Jack and Megan. Pidgeotto started to speed up. It charged for Jack.

" Jack watch out! " Shouted Megan. Megan got caught by the pidgeotto. Jack was so close to the door, what to do? Then Jack had an idea.

" Megan i'll be back soon! " Shouted Jack and with that he ran out the door. He ran out to the town. The air was crisp and the sun was shining. Jack ran through the streets of Pallet Town and went straight to the lab. He looked at the lab - which looked more like a mansion. - He opened he huge black gates and climbed up the staircase. He looked at the glass doors in amazement. They were so shiny. He ran into the lab. Inside there was scientists hard at work, Pokemon running around and of course in the middle of it all was Professor Oak.

" Good day young man. " Said Professor Oak. " How may i help you? " Professor Oak had a white lab coat on and had brown eyes. He was a kindly old man who was quite tall. He had a passion for Pokemon research.

" I'm here for a Pokemon " Jack said with confidence. He was so nervous talking to the world renouned Pokemon Professor, Professor Oak.

" Hold up young man! " Said Professor Oak. Jack was shocked. Then he remembered, they weren't giving Pokemon out today. " If you want a Pokemon at this time of year you'll have to do a quiz. " Said Professor Oak. Jack felt saddened by this. " Do you want to take the quiz? " Asked Professor Oak. Jack had to if he wanted to save Megan.

" Yes i do. " Answered Jack. He couldn't help but feel he'd do bad but he had to at least try after all how else was he going to save Megan? This quiz was going to be hard.

" First question. " Said Prfessor Oak. " You see a Pokemon lying on the road in the rain, what do you do? " Jack was thinking hard. Then he replied.

" I'd pick it up and take it to the Pokemon center. " Jack said. He was a person who would do anything for the things he cared for.

" Second question. " Said rofessor Oak. Jack was ready but he knew this question wouldn't be as easy as the last. " Your Pokemon is poisoned, what do you do? " Jack was thinking harder. "

" I'd use an antidote considering i had one. " He replied nervously. Jack was ready for the final question. He had to get a Pokemon he just had to. This was it here came the final question.

" You're in a battle and you lose, what do you do? " asked Professor Oak. Jack really had to thnk carefully. Then the final answer came. The one that would decide if Jack got his first Pokemon.

" I'd.. " the answer was coming and everythig was silent. Then Jack gave his reply. " I'd tell the Pokemon it did great and bring it back to it's Pokeball." All was still silent. Jack was nervous but he had to remain calm. Then finally Professor Oak opened his mouth.

" Well done you can choose your Pokemon, what's your name young man? " Asked Professor Oak. Jack had done the quiz so he might as well give him his name.

" Jack Roberts. " Said Jack with confidence. Professor Oak looked surprised. Jack was thinking what starter he would choose

The water pokemon Squirle, the fire Pokemon Charmander or the grass Pokemon bulbasaur? find out on the next chapter of Jack's Pokemon adventures : The Kanto Saga




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So did you Like it? please post rate and comment

The Confuzzler
April 9th, 2008, 01:43 AM
chapter 2 is now up so enjoy

chapter 2 We'll Squirt Our Way To Victory

Jack had to think hard as this choice could change his life. All was silent except for the occasional roll of chairs. Even the Pokemon were completely silent. Jack finally after 10 long minutes made his decision. " I'll take.. " He knew he was making the right choice. " Squirtle! " He said with confidence.

" Okay " Professor Oak said. " You made the same choice as your father " Said Professor Oak under his breath.

" What did you say? " Jack asked. Jack knew he heard father for sure. He had to find out what Professor Oak said.

" Nothing " Said Professor Oak with a nervous tone to his voice. " here you are young man " He said. " Here is Squirtle's Pokeball. " He said still nervous.

Jack looked at the Pokeball in silence. He had his first Pokemon. He was ready to go save Megan. He charged for the door . Then there was a voice.

" Stop! " said the lab assistant. Jack was furious. He had to go get Megan. The Lab assistant had a white lab coat on with some kind of glasses. He had red boots and he looked like he really needed to give something to Jack. " This is your Pokedex " said the lab assistant. Jack looked puzzled.

" What's a Pokedex? " He asked. What was this assistant going on about? Jack was so confused. He was going on about hi-tech stuff - which Jack wasn't very good at.

" A Pokedex is a Device that can record Pokemon data whenever you catch that Pokemon " Said the assistant. Jack looked at the Pokedex. Who knew something so small could store so much data? Jack was fully prepared for the orphanage - and his journey. -

" Goodbye Professor Oak! " Said Jack thankfully. He was ready to save Megan.

" Bye and good luck on your journey " Said Professor Oak.He was relieved Jack didn't find out what he had said. Jack ran out the doors and took a breath.

" Come on out, Squirtle! " shouted Jack. He was going to meet his very first Pokemon right now. He could hardly wait.

" Squirtle! ( Hello ) " Squirtle said. Jack already liked Squirtle and vice-versa. Jack picked up Squirtle and walked through the streets of Pallet Town. The whole time he felt like somebody was watching them but it was probably just because he was going through the alleyways. It didn't matter what happened he was gonna get Megan. Then he walked down the last street and there it was, the old beaten up orphanage. Jack walked to the doors and he was ready for anything and so was Squirtle.


Will Jack save Megan? And will he beat Menacing Marco? Find out on the next chapter of Jack's Pokemon Adventures The Kanto Saga!

***************


so did you like it? remember to post rate and comment!

The Confuzzler
April 9th, 2008, 04:23 AM
i need to post this chapter! i'm so excited about it!

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chapter 3 The First Battle

Jack was ready. There was a gentle breeze in the air. Jack knew he would win with Squirtle by his side! He opened the orphanage doors and got ready. " Marco! " Shouted Jack. Then he heard very loud footsteps. Marco was coming and Jack was nervous. What if he lost? But for now he was ready. Then Marco came down the last step, Jack got increasingly nervous. " i challenge you.. " Jack's heart was thumping very hard. " To a Pokemon battle! " He said with what seemed to be confidence. All the kids in the orphanage turned to look at Jack they looked surprised. Marco smirked.

" ke ke.. " laughed Menacing Marco. Jack gripped his Pokeball. " Okay! " Said Marco, his eyes gleaming at Jack. " Go Pidgeotto! " said Marco with a smirk. Jack was prepared. He knew he had to save Megan. " Just one last thing " said Marco, his eyes still gleaming at Jack. " What happens when one of us wins? " Marco asked. Jack had an answer, and he was ready to say it.

" If you win.. " Began Jack it was a risk but he had to take it. " Me and Megan will stay here... " He said, he was determined not to let that happen. " But if i win.. " Jack began yet again with his heart thumping and his spine chilling he was ready. " You let me and Megan go! " He stated with confidence. He knew he could do it if he trusted Squirtle and he did trust Squirtle. Marco smirked yet again, he was ready too but he wasn't as nervous as Jack was. " Okay.. " Jack said, he knew he could do it. " Go Squirtle! " he shouted. Now the battle starts. " Squirtle tackle! " Jack shouted.

" Pidgeotto grab that thing! " Marco said smiling. This was going to be a tough battle. Jack was shocked.

" Squirtle bubble now! " Said Jack with his heart pounding. He was ready now.

" Squirtle! ( No problem! )" * bloop bloop bloop bloop * the bubble sent Pidgeotto flying. Pidgeotto crashed in to the ground. Pidgeotto was trying to get up but it was limping. It was feeling bad because when Pidgeotto loses it usually gets shouted at by Marco. " Squirt! " ( So far so good. ) "
Then surprisingly Pidgeotto stood up! Jack couldnt believe it.

" Pidgeotto quick attack now! " Ordered Marco in a nervous way. Jack had to save Megan he just had to. Then he noticed a weak spot. For a brief moment while Pidgeotto was charging it stopped. Pidgeotto hit Squirtle and Squirtle couldn't take much more. Pidgeotto flew back. " One last quick attack! "Shouted Marco with confidence. Pidgeotto started to charge and surely enough it stopped.

" Now Squirtle! " Jack was ready to finish this battle. " Full power bubble! " Squirtle was getting bubbles in to it's mouth. Pidgeotto was about to start charging again. Then within a blink of the eye Squirtle shot a bubble at Pidgeotto. Pidgeotto was about to charge but it didn't make it. " Yay! " Shouted Jack with glee, but that wasn't the end of it.


" Guards get that boy! " Shouted Marco he was a bad winner and a bad loser. Jack had a lot of guards on his tail, it was bad but he had to save Megan. He got to the staircase and the guards almost had him. Jack was sweating. As if the battle wasn't bad enough.

" Squirtle bubble on those guards! " Jack was nervous. He knew where Megan's room was so he only had to go a little farther but then.....

" Squirtle! squirt! " ( I'm being kidnapped! ) Jack turned around, he was shocked and he couldn't do anything about it.

Will Jack save Squirtle and Megan? Will he ever start his journey with Megan and Squirtle? Find out on the next chapter of Jack's pokemon adventures: The Kanto Saga!


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so did u like it? please rate and comment

Post Office Buddy
April 9th, 2008, 09:55 AM
I like that you revamped the story so that Jack has not-so-ordinary roots, and that you made their predicament seem much more pressing. Although you have started off rather strong, you can certainly do much better.

There is a lack of detail surrounding events that occur, like when Jack escapes the orphanage and when he meets Professor Oak. You say that Jack is nervous about speaking to Professor Oak because he is world renowned, but Professor Oak knows who he is. Also, I don't understand how Professor Oak was so willing to give Jack his first Pokemon at the drop of a dime; some introductory dialog would have allowed you to ease the reader into this.

You have a tendency to mix up commas and periods in some spots, but this is an easy fix; all you need to do is proofread everything you post. You can also edit previous chapters if you feel you need more detail or need to fix some stuff.

I like the idea that Jack starts off in an orphanage, but the fact that you are making it another kid-tries-to-become-Pokemon-league-champion sort of fan fiction will limit the amount of readers you will pick up unless you have Jack go through some experiences not shared by most trainers. You could do this in many ways; creating a side conflict, making the quest to be the league champion a side conflict and creating a much deeper story, or throwing in a lot of random things to spruce up the story. I am curious as to whether or not you will follow this advice, and I will continue to read no matter how I feel if for no other reason than to help you with grammar and description errors.

Anyway, feel free to post your next chapter anytime. I'm not really going anywhere.

The Confuzzler
April 9th, 2008, 10:23 AM
I like that you revamped the story so that Jack has not-so-ordinary roots, and that you made their predicament seem much more pressing. Although you have started off rather strong, you can certainly do much better.

There is a lack of detail surrounding events that occur, like when Jack escapes the orphanage and when he meets Professor Oak. You say that Jack is nervous about speaking to Professor Oak because he is world renowned, but Professor Oak knows who he is. Also, I don't understand how Professor Oak was so willing to give Jack his first Pokemon at the drop of a dime; some introductory dialog would have allowed you to ease the reader into this.

You have a tendency to mix up commas and periods in some spots, but this is an easy fix; all you need to do is proofread everything you post. You can also edit previous chapters if you feel you need more detail or need to fix some stuff.

I like the idea that Jack starts off in an orphanage, but the fact that you are making it another kid-tries-to-become-Pokemon-league-champion sort of fan fiction will limit the amount of readers you will pick up unless you have Jack go through some experiences not shared by most trainers. You could do this in many ways; creating a side conflict, making the quest to be the league champion a side conflict and creating a much deeper story, or throwing in a lot of random things to spruce up the story. I am curious as to whether or not you will follow this advice, and I will continue to read no matter how I feel if for no other reason than to help you with grammar and description errors.

Anyway, feel free to post your next chapter anytime. I'm not really going anywhere.
Okay thanks for the advice and yes i was planning a side conflict and a little surprise too i'll probably edit my previous chapters and then make chapter 4 thanks for the help! :)

Post Office Buddy
April 9th, 2008, 12:41 PM
did you take my advice from the other thread and read some of the fics I suggested? Those will help you write your own fic better and they present a good example of how a fic should be organized and the kind of description used in it

The Confuzzler
April 10th, 2008, 12:46 AM
did you take my advice from the other thread and read some of the fics I suggested? Those will help you write your own fic better and they present a good example of how a fic should be organized and the kind of description used in it

I'm going to do it today and then edit then start chapter 4 thanks for the help! :)

The Confuzzler
April 10th, 2008, 03:42 AM
Ok here is chapter 4 hang on to your seatbelts it's gonna be good! :) i think it's my best chapter yet!

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Chapter 4 Chaos let loose

At Pallet Town Orphanage......

( kid screams ) " Jack is still stuck indside! " Screamed the kids of the Pallet Town Orphanage as havoc was unleashed. Chairs were knocked over, kids were screaming all because of one thing that happened after the guards got squirtle and Megan...

Flashback

" Squirtle squirt! " ( I'm being kidnapped! ) Jack stood still in a state of shock. Then he looked at Squirtle; he had to save him! He ran downstairs but Jack heard something...

* BOOM! *

There was a girl's scream. " No it can't be..... " Said Jack to himself. " Megan! " Jack ran outside in a panic and on his way out he told Squirtle to use bubble on the guards. The guards went flying and Squirtle jumped in to Jack's arms. He ran out and a scene of havoc was waiting for him. A gas station had exploded and Megan was in the middle of the chaos.

Without thinking twice about what could hapen Jack finally told Squirtle to use bubble on the blaze. The flames died down quite a bit, just enough for Jack to get in. Jack ran in and Squirtle ran after him. Then Jack saw it, Megan in the middle of the blaze. He ran in to save her but as soon as Squirtle and Jack got in the fire closed up.

" Squirtle squirt squirtle!" ( I'm sorry! ) said Squirtle. Then Jack wondered, how did the flames go up? He looked up and his answer was right there... the legendary bird of fire, Moltres! The situation was getting increasingly dangerous. The whole time it looked like Megan wanted to say something to Jack.

"Jack I.. " but before she could finish she fainted. All this time Squirtle was using bubble and the path opened. Jack picked up Megan and ran out. He put her down where it was safe but then remembered, Squirtle! He ran in to the fire to see Squirtle crying. Then Jack picked up Squirtle and let him run out the path. Jack tried to run out but the path closed. Jack looked at Moltres and it flew away quickly.

End Of Flashback.

Fire engines and some Paramedics were at the scene. Jack was still stuck in the fire.Then the squad of Blastoise made it to the scene. Squirtle the Wartortles and some Blastoises were trying there hardest to put the fire out. Megan was still unconscious and Marco had a sad look on his face. " The first person in years to give me a challenging Pokemon battle is now stuck in a fire.. " He thought to himself sadly. Then a path opened through the fire. There was Jack, unconscious. The paramedics rushed in and took him to hospital, along with Megan. They let Squirtle go with Jack but he stayed in his Pokeball.

4:21 pm unknown location...

" Did you get that boy? " Asked the commander in the chair of some kind of HQ. The place seemed sinister on a deserted island. " Well? " Said the commander , he wasn't very patient. Then the answer finally came. The man thought the commander was going to have some crazy idea.

" Sir he is currently in the Pallet Town Hospital. " Said the man. The Commander threw his coffee at the electrical system to the left of him. He didn't seem very happy. He then adressed the situation.

" Send a full force to the hospital.... " He said. " Tell them the leader of Team Elemental wants that boy and the girl pronto! " The commander said. The man was shocked.

" Uh.. Sir yes sir! " And with that he ran out the room.

Will Jack and Megan survive? And what's this about Team Elemental? Find out on the next chapter of Jack's Pokemon Adventures: The Kanto Saga!

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i thought that was my best chapter yet! what did you think? Please remember to rate and comment!

Post Office Buddy
April 10th, 2008, 05:52 AM
There were some minor spelling mistakes in this chapter, and you could have added more color to description. I'll show you what I mean...


(kid screams) " Jack is still stuck inside!" screamed the kids of the Pallet Town Orphanage as havoc was unleashed. Chairs were knocked over, kids were screaming all because of one thing that happened after the guards got squirtle and Megan... (An ellipses is only three periods, not several).

Flashback

" Squirtle squirt! " (I'm being kidnapped!) Jack stood still in a state of shock. Then he looked at Squirtle; (Bad comma; they are two separate ideas so they are joined by a semicolon.) he had to save him! He ran downstairs but then something was heard from outside... (Again with the ellipses problem).

BOOM! (Bold explosions and stuff like that. It grabs the readers attention better. I also suggest giving such things their own paragraphs).

There was a girl's scream. "No... It can't be...." Said Jack to himself. "Megan!" Jack ran outside in a panic and on his way out grabbed Squirtle (Umm, restructure this). He ran out and a scene of havoc was waiting for him: A gas station had exploded and Megan was in the middle of the chaos. There was a rope hanging from Megan's bedroom window. (Unnecessary, and you didn't build on it either).

Without thinking twice, Jack put down Squirtle and told it to use bubble. It opened a path and Jack and Squirtle ran in but then the path closed. Chaos was let loose. Squirtle's bubble wasn't strong enough. (This entire paragraph is awkward. Try revising)

" Squirtle squirt squirtle!" (I'm sorry!) cried Squirtle. Then Jack wondered, how did the flames go up? (Set thoughts off of dialog and description by italicizing or by another means). He looked up and his answer was right there... the legendary bird of fire, Moltres! (Nice noun absolute, but restructure it how I have shown you and it will sound better). The situation was getting increasingly dangerous and Megan was about to say something. (You kind of jump from how the situation is dangerous and the fact that Megan wants to say something...)

"Jack, I... " but before she could finish she fainted. All this time Squirtle was using bubble, and the path opened. Jack picked up Megan and ran out. He put her down where it was safe but then remembered, Squirtle! He ran in to the fire to see Squirtle crying. Then Jack picked up Squirtle and let him run out the path. Jack tried to run out but the path closed. Moltres flew back to his nest in the Sevii Islands. (Kinda random near the end. I suggest revision).

End Of Flashback.

Fire engines and some Paramedics were at the scene. Jack was still stuck in the fire.Then the squad of Blastoise made it to the scene. Squirtle, the Wartortles, and some Blastoises tried their hardest to put the fire out. (A little awkward).

Megan was still unconscious and Marco had a sad look on his face. The first person in years to give me a challenging Pokemon battle is now stuck in a fire... He thought to himself sadly. Then a path opened through the fire. There was Jack, unconscious. The paramedics rushed in and took him to hospital, along with Megan. They let Squirtle go with Jack but he stayed in his Pokeball.

4:21 pm unknown location... (Again with the ellipses...)

"Did you get that boy?" Asked the commander in the chair of some kind of HQ. The place seemed sinister on a deserted island. "Well?" Said the commander; he wasn't very patient. Then the answer came. (Organize better, should add some description).

"Sir, he is currently in the Pallet Town Hospital." Said the man. The Commander threw his coffee at the electrical system to the left of him. He didn't seem very happy. He then addressed the situation. (Replied was a weak choice)

" Send a full force to the hospital... " He said. " Tell them the leader of Team Elemental wants that boy and the girl pronto! " The commander said. The man was shocked.

" Uh... Sir, yes sir! " And with that he ran out the room.


I thought the chapter was really good, but I still think you need to revise it some. More detail and more careful proofreading with help you impress a larger audience. As for the plot, I find myself sort of liking what I know about so far. Just continue writing and I will help you in any way I can

P.S. - You have a tendency to put a space before and after quotation marks. When placing dialog within quotation marks, it should look like "this", not " this ". doing it the second way makes it harder to read. Also, if Squirtle says something that ends in an exclamation mark, the translation should end in one too.

The Confuzzler
April 13th, 2008, 10:38 AM
ok i'll edit it and as always thanks for the help!

The Confuzzler
April 16th, 2008, 04:19 AM
now the long wait is over chapter five is up! :) remember to rate and comment =)

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chapter 5 Havoc in the Hospital

In the hospital in Pallet Town...

It was midnight and frankly Jack was worn out. The day had been tiring. What happened was in the news with headlnes like "Moltres bird of fire Rampage" or "Flames of Moltres contact." Jack then remembered what the nurses said, he was allowed to walk tomorrow. The moon was gleaming and it looked like it was sparkling. Jack looked over to Megan's bed and saw Megan, sleeping like a log. He looked at the sidetable and saw Squirtle's Pokeball. He was hoping Squirtle was okay. He thought he should get back to sleep so he rolled over and got to sleep straight away.

The next day in Pallet Town Hospital...

The hospital was buzzing with people. There was doctors, nurses and some visitors coming to speak with the patients. Jack looked over to Megan's bed and it looked like she had got up. Jack thought he might as well get up and look for her. Jack stood up and went to the main hallway. He thought she might have went to a different floor so he took the elevator to the first floor. He looked in the the lounge and saw her reading a book. He ran over to her. "Hey Megan are you okay?" He asked with a worried tone to his voice. She looked up from her book and looked at Jack.

"Yeah i guess so." She said with an annoyed look on her face. Jack knew how she felt ater all this was a boring hospital. Then again so was the orphanage. Then Jack remembered something he meant to ask her.

"What was it you were going to say in the fire?" he asked. Megan looked surprised Jack had remembered it. Megan turned silent. Jack was curious. "Me-" but before he could finish Jack and Megan heard something.

* BOOM! *

There was a loud noise and it didnt sound very good. Then a bunch of nurses and doctors came running downstairs.

"Something has happened in the basement!" they shouted. The lounge was filled with people screaming, babies crying and a lot of smoke. Megan Jack looked at each other. They had to find out what had happened. They ran for the elevator and opened it. They got in and Jack pressed the button to go to the basement. The elevator was creeking as if it was going to fall. Jack and Megan were ready. Then they finally got to the basement and saw a few bad things. One the Moltres was back. Two the basement was full of smoke and Three Jack forgot Squirtle and last but definetaly not least there was an army of people stealing the medicene. The people were wearing T-shirts with thunder, fire and ice on them. Then the people noticed Jack.

"Hahaha Jack Roberts" said a voice. Jack had heard this voice before but he didnt know when. Then he remembered although the truth was grim. "Good to see you." Said the voice. There was a long pause then the voice spoke again. "I am Marco one of the five commanders of Team Elemental." Jack knew it was him but he couldn't believe it.

"You monster!" shouted Megan. She was so angry with Marco but they couldn't do anything after all Squirtle was stuck upstairs. Then Marco grabbed Megan.

"Megan!" Jack shouted. Marco smirked. He was ready to get Jack but he only needed one more thing. And that thing was going to be bad.

"Moltres get his Squirtle and bring it to me then destroy this hospital." He said with confidence. Jack was sweating bullets and he couldn't do anything. Then Marco said something. " Any last things to tell Megan? " asked Marco. Jack was almost at his break point so he had to say one last thing.

" Megan i rea- " but he couldn't finish because he fainted. Marco smiled. Then Moltres came crashing into the basement and gave Marco Squirtle. Then Marco put Megan and Jack in a van and took them away and the army followed on some other big trucks. Moltres used flamethrower on the hospital and it went up in flames.

What will our heroes do now? will the escape from Marco or will they be captured forever? Find out on the next chapter of Jack's pokemon Adventures: The Kanto Saga!

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so how was that chapter? remember to rate and comment! =)

Post Office Buddy
April 17th, 2008, 05:50 PM
Good content, but bad proofreading. I saw plenty of spelling and grammar errors. I think you just need to look through it again and you should be able to fix them. Keep on writing and don't feel discouraged by my review.

The Confuzzler
April 25th, 2008, 06:34 AM
Ok i fixed them. Chapter 6 will hopefully be up tomorrow! :)

The Confuzzler
May 3rd, 2008, 03:33 AM
Ok chapter 6 is up now so get ready!

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Chapter 6 the great escape

Jack looked out of his old glummy prison cell. The guards had went off to home and Megan and Squirtle were on the top floor while Jack was in the basement. He stood up as the cold night started to come in. His mind was flooding with thoughts that he couldn't take. And he felt like this was the end so he just decided to go to sleep.

Meanwhile on 1 island of the sevii islands...

the sevii island winds breezed as the moon fell into place. Most people were in bed except one professor for a reason, a very good reason. He had finally figured out the mystery of why the elemental birds had gone bad. " I've finally figured it out " he said grinning. But just as he was taking the fruit of his studies to the harbour to get to Kanto he heard something ear-piercing.

" Ahh! " a girl screamed. The professor ran outside to find helicopters surrounding the island. Then a helicopter rushed to the volcano. Professor Tilal was in the the middle of it. He was so surpised that his glasses started to slip. His long blonde hair was swaying from the confused atmosphere around him. Then he remembered something, The scream! where did it come from? His answer was lying on the ground in front of him a girl lying down, unconcious...

The next day in Team Elemental's base...

The sun was shining and Pidgey could be heard from outside singing bird song. Jack didn't have a clue what city or town he was in. The guards were patrolling and all seemed quie. Then one of the guard's shifts was over. Another guard came down the stairs. He had a long black beard with a red T-Shirt and navy blue jeans. The guard whos shift was over to the guard who had just came downstairs. " I'll take it from here " said the guard who was wearing the red T-Shirt.

" Thank you sir! " he said as he ran up to the cafeteria for breakfast. The guard started to walk up and down the narrow corridor. Then the siren sounded.

INTRUDER ESCAPED ON TOP FLOOR said the computerised voice. Jack was shocked. Could it have been Megan and Squirtle? suddenly a blast of bubbles hit the guard on patrol and he dropped the keys. Jack's face lit up. It was Megan and Squirtle.

"Jack!" Megan said running over to the keys with Squirtle in her arms. She continued to pick up the keys and unlocked Jack's cell door. Jack hugged Megan and Megan hugged Jack. Squirtle was standing there.

"Squirtle squirt?! ( dont i get any love?! )" Squirtle said angriy. Jack picked up Squirtle and smiled. Tears of joy ran down his face.

"Now let's get the heck outta here!" said Jack smiling. They rushed for the door but just then the guard from earlier came down. Jack Megan and Squirtle stopped dead in there tracks.

" Not so fast kids " he said walking towards them. Jack and Megan both looked at each other like they had a plan. They nodded and got ready.

Meanwhile aboard Team Elemental's submarine...

Professor Tilal and the girl were taken onto Team Elemental's submarine. Professor Tilal had a feeling Team Elemental would come but he was still getting prepared for them but sadly they got there very quick. The submarine was black with fire ice and thunder on it. The driver was none other than Marco. Professor Tilal was just sitting. They were nearly at Kanto. Little did Marco know Jack Megan and Squirtle were trying to escape.

Back in Team Elemental's base...

Jack was worried but had a plan. " Squirtle use bubble! " he commanded with a nervous tone. Squirtle done as asked and The guard fell. Just then the guard with the red shirt got up. Jack and Megan looked behind and started to run upstairs with Squirtle.

Meanwhile on the top floor...

" Sir the prisoners are escaping! " said the guard that was head of security. The commander sat on his chair and chuckled.

" Evacuate the building and set off the self- destruct system " He said laughing. He knew they wouldn't get out. The guard opened his mouth and gave a reply.

" Okay sir! " he said as he saluted the commander. He ran off and the commander got up from his chair and walked out the room.

meanwhile on the first floor...

Jack Megan and Squirtle ran down the corridor quickly. They ran out of the corridor and realised it was extremely quiet. " SELF DESTRUCT SEQUENCE IN 1 MINUTE " said the computerised voice. Jack and Megan kept running with Squirtle and saw the exit. Megan fell down a little underground hole that was like a tunnel but they didn't know where it leads to. The exit was there and they ran up to it. But it wouldn't budge.

" Squirtle bubble! " said Jack worried. There was only 15 seconds left. Squirtle made a hole but there wasn't enough time for all of them to get through maybe only two of them. Jack was shocked and there was only ten seconds. Megan and Squirtle climbed through but there was only three seconds left.

" Jack hurry! " screamed Megan. There was only two seconds left.

Jack was scared. Then his mouth opened. " Megan i reall- " but he couldn't finish. The main door and front was collapsing but the middle and back hadn't done so yet.

* BOOM! *

Megan and Squirtle's eyes started to fill with water. " Jack! " shouted Megan. There was no reply. Megan and Squirtle started to cry.

How will Megan and squirtle do without Jack? Is this really the end of Jack and his adventures? find out next time Jack's Pokemon adventures: The Kanto Saga!

P.S remember everything you read there because there is a clue in there to weather Jack is alive or not :) - i know i'm evil :/ -

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TurtleKing
May 3rd, 2008, 07:40 AM
Too many * BOOM! *'s, lol. If you ask me.

The Confuzzler
May 3rd, 2008, 10:19 AM
yeajh i think i'll cut down on the booms in the chapters to come lol :laugh:

Ninja Caterpie
May 4th, 2008, 03:27 AM
Man oh man... please make him die or get ripped from the story a while...
It's a good twist...Seriosuly.

The Confuzzler
May 5th, 2008, 03:02 AM
chapter 7 is up :)

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chapter 7 the mysteries of the ruins

Megan and Squirtle stared at the ruins for a while. They cried for two hours. dust filled the air and the wind was breezing in Megan's hair. She started to walk into the city with Squirtle. Megan had to find out what city she was in so she ran to the Pokemon Center. She walked up to the nurse Joy who was singing to herself. "Excuse me Nurse Joy but what city is this?" Megan asked feeling stupid. The Nurse Joy gave her a weird look.

"Viridian City sweetie" said the Nurse Joy still giving Megan a weird look. Megan was free of the Orphanage at last! but sadly Jack wasn't there to celebrate with her. Megan still thought Jack was alive so she thought to check the ruins for clues.

"Thank you" Megan said still down at what had happened. And with that she ran out the door. She ran to the top of the hill where the ruins were. She started to look inside the debris. She looked around for half an hour and found something. It was Jack's pokeball hat! But that wasn't important what was important was where it was.

Flashback

Jack and Megan kept running with Squirtle and saw the exit. Megan fell down a little underground hole that was like a tunnel but they didn't know where it leads to.

End of Flashback

It was right next to the tunnel! She was onto something and she knew it. She ran down the tunnel with Squirtle following her. She was walking through the tunnel when she heard a voice. "Moltres chase that girl!" said a voice. It was Marco and Megan could hear Moltres wings flapping. then she heard another voice, a woman's voice.

"Milotic, hydro pump" said the voice as Moltres was jet speeding through the tunnel. then a huge water blast went right past Megan. the hydro pump hit Moltres and Moltres went flying into Marco. Megan then figured out who the voice came from, the top coordinator Laura! Laura had long blonde hair with a blue suit. She had black Jeans and black training shoes. She was kind of a tomboy like Megan. Megan was nervous as Laura aproached her "Having trouble Megan?" she asked. Megan was very nervous. "Milotic return" said Laura.

"Kind of" replied Megan. "But what are you doing here?" continued Megan. Megan was wondering after all this place was underground.

"I am training here" replied Laura smiling. Megan was still nervous but then remembered something and it started to annoy her.

" Um.. miss Laura.. how do you know my name?" Megan asked confused as ever. Laura looked nervous.

"squirtle squirt! ( that's right!)" said Squirtle agreeing. Laura looked extremely nervous but there was no time for questions.

"Team Elemental get them!" commanded Marco. Megan and Laura began to run as Moltres began to get up and a squad of Team Elemental began to chase them. They kept running and finally found the exit. They ran up and Megan was shocked at where they were it was Pallet Town.. but in ruins! Megan looked at the ruins.

" Gyaaoo! (You aren't getting away that easily!)" shouted Moltres ready for anything. Moltres flew up from the hole as Megan Squirtle and Laura started to step back. The Moltres was ready. Then marco came up.

"Now Moltres, flamethrower!" commanded Marco. Megan had fear in her eyes. She was done for.

"Go Milotic now use iron tail!" Laura commanded in the heatof the battle. Milotic done as asked and used iron tail on the flamethrower. The flamethrower went flying back at Moltres. " Now hydro pump!" she shouted. The hydro pump knocked Moltres out. Marco looked shocked.

"Moltres return" said Marco sadly. Marco was shocked at Milotic's power. He had never seen anything like it. "I'll get you next time!" he shouted and with that he rean back down the hole. Megan was relieved. Then Megan thought of something if the tunnel was leading to Pallet Town it would mean this was where Jack was!

"Well i have to go" said Laura. "Ihope our path cross again" and with that Laura ran down route 1.

"Bye!" shouted Megan waving. Squirtle stood there waving too. Megan walked through the ruins of Pallet Town in search of more clues.

Is Jack still alive?Will Megan find out why Laura knew her name? find out the answer to these questions - but not the second one - in Jack's Pokemon adventures:The Kanto Saga!

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So how was that? remember to rate and comment and post! :D

The Confuzzler
May 6th, 2008, 10:24 AM
Chapter 8 is up now so enjoy! :) It's pretty short but it'll be longer next chapter :D
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Chapter 8 Pallet Town panic!

Megan started her search of Pallet Town. Dust filled the air as Squirtle was aware of everything happening. Megan then thought of something maybe she should try the lab. She ran to where the lab was and it was still standing. Megan ran in and saw something terible. Jack but he was unconcious! "Jack!" she shouted as Squirtle stared in horror. Then she heard something from the second floor. Megan looked straight up at the second floor and then she saw the impossible, Professor Oak also unconcious! She ran up with Squirtle as they pondered on the mystery. Professor Oak lay unconcious as Megan heard a door slam. "Who's there?" she asked in horror. Then a big figure ran past with a Milotic as it shot a hydro pump at Squirtle.

"That i cannot say.." said the figure as they ran past Megan. "You will not be stopped.. yet" said the figure. Then Professor Oak woke up. He looked in his pockets furiously as Megan stared at the Milotic. Squirtle had fainted. Megan got ready and then Professor Oak got the stone.

"Take..this..stone..Viridian..Cit-" But Professor Oak couldn't finish as he drifted off again. Megan rushed to pick up the stone. She took it as she stared at Jack. She turned around and the figure was clutching their Pokeball. They were about to throw it.

"Go Zapdos!" they said laughing. Zapdos had thunder surrounding it as it's ear peircing screech deafened Megan.

"GYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOO!!! ( I'LL GET HER NOW!!! )" screeched Zapdos as thunder came crashing through the roof. Megan was staring in horror.

"Zapdos full power thunder on that girl!" commanded the figure as the thunder crashed quickly through the roof.

"GYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOO ( AS YOU WISH,MASTER )" Zapdos screeched charging thunder through it's body. Megan looked horrified.

There was a flash of light and Megan closed her eyes but didn't feel a thing. She opened her eyes and there was jack, standing in the way of the attack. "Jack!" Megan screamed. Jack fell to theground as the figure shook their head.

"Your little boyfriend saved you this time but not the next!" the figure said angrily. "Zapdos return!" they said and with that they ran out the lab.

Megan started to blush like a ripe red tomato. she didn't believe what had happened.

What will happen now? Will Jack and Professor Oak be okay? find out on the next chapter of Jack's pokemon adventures: The Kanto Saga
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So was it good? Remember to rate and comment! :D

The Confuzzler
May 8th, 2008, 10:13 AM
Chapter 9 is up! enjoy!

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chapter 9 Megan's first Pokemon

Megan was shocked at what had happened but her and Jack got to stay over night at Professor Oak's lab. Megan was still awake while Jack was sleeping like a log. The moon shined in her beautiful black hair. She was confused at what Team Elemental's plans were but she had to relax. She went back to bed and got to sleep while the moon shined on her bed.

On Team Elemental's submarine...

Marco had told Professor Tilal to wait on the submarine. the girl who was unconcious had woke up happily enough. Professor Tilal was looking for a way out. He then saw a hatch. He then walked over to the hatch and started twisting it round.

"Professor Tilal when will we get back to island 1?" asked the young girl. Professor Tilal looked down at the floor frowning.

"I..don't know.." he sulked sadly as he continued to twist the hatch. The hatch was opening. "Get ready to swim!" he warned grabbing the girl's hand. The hatch fell and Professor Tilal and the girl swam to Vermillion City harbour.

the next day at Professor Oak's lab..

Jack woke up happily. He couldn't believe he survived the thunder attack so he was very happy. He looked out the window as the sun shined. He looked over to Megan's bed and she wasn't there. She must have went downstairs he thought so he grabbed Squirtle's pokeball and ran downstairs. He saw Megan recieving her starter Pokemon, Bulbasaur! Jack smiled and walked in. "Hey you two!" he said smiling.

"Jack!" called Megan happily. " Like my Bulbasaur?" she asked smiling. Jack looked at Bulbasaur and Bulbasaur smiled.

"Bulb-a saur saur! ( hello! ) " said Bulbasaur smiling. Jack smiled back.

"Ah Jack!" said Professor Oak. "I've heard many good things about you!" he said smiling. Jack smiled back. " Well just for it i'll give you and the young lady five potions each." he continued smiling.

" Thank you!" they both said taking the potions and running to route 1 both smiling as there adventure was beginning finally.

So our heroes adventure has finally started a journey filled with friends courage secrets and pokemon is about to begin. Want to know what happens? Then see the next chapter of Jack's pokemon adventures the Kanto Saga!

end of section 1

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shiny_Riolu
May 8th, 2008, 10:39 AM
you're good i like the booms but a bit to many on a couple of chapters alltogether ur great!

ash

The Confuzzler
May 8th, 2008, 10:44 AM
Thank you very much! Chapter 10 will probably be up tomorrow and thanks for the help,advice and nice comments everyone! :)

The Beast
May 8th, 2008, 11:47 AM
Your story is really great, I can't wait for chapter 10.

The Confuzzler
May 8th, 2008, 11:50 AM
Wow thanks very much! :D i'm so happy! :)

The Confuzzler
May 11th, 2008, 02:21 AM
chapter 10 - the start to section 2 - is here!

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section 2 the rocky rumble to Pewter City!

Chapter 10 swirling circumstances! Poliwag's battle!

Megan and Jack walked into route 1 where the atmosphere turned to aggresion. Jack and Megan walked along the route, smiling. Jack and Megan walked past a lake when a Poliwag jumped out.

"Poli wag wag! ( battle me! )" it exclaimed. Jack clutched Squirtle's pokeball. He wanted to battle the Poliwag.

"Go Squirtle!" Jack commanded trying to impress Megan. The Poliwag stared at Squirtle and vice-versa. "Ok start with tackle Squirtle!" Jack ordered. Squirtle ducked its head inside the shell, ran up to Poliwag and hit it.

"Poli wag wag! ( my tackle will obliterate you! ) " Poliwag exclaimed, grinning. Poliwag ran up quick. it was a tough fighter.

"Tackle it now!" Jack commanded vigorisouly. Squirtle and Poliwag were about to colide when Jack got a good tactic in. " Now jump behind and tackle from behind!" Jack exclaimed.

"Squirtle squirt ( gotcha ) " Squirtle said grinning. Squirtle knocked Poliwag into a nearby tree. Just then Poliwag ate an oran berry that fell from the tree and jumped back up again. Jack was shocked.

"Tail whip Squirtle!" Jack ordered. Megan stared at Jack. She blushed a little but didn't realise it. Jack turned around. "Megan do you have a cold?" he asked. Megan giggled a little.

"No.. i'm fine.." she said still blushing. She tried to hide her face so she got her hat and pulled it over her face.

"Um.. okay!" he said laughing. Squirtle whipped Poliwag hard but Poliwag had something in store. Poliwag shot a water gun at Squirtle, knocking him down hard. Jack was shocked. Squirtle jumped back up nearly down for the count while Poliwag grinned. Jack knew he had to do something and fast! Jack had a plan that would finish it for good. "Squirtle, go inside your shell and use water gun backwards!" Jack said knowing this would finish Poliag. Squirtle did and it acted as a spinning top. " Now while spinning tackle Poliwag!" Jack ordered. Squirtle hit Poliwag hard and as a result Poliwag fainted. Squirtle and Jack smiled and so did Megan.

"squirtle squirt! ( we won! ) " squirtle said enjoying the golry. Jack ran to Megan, smiling happily.

"So how was i?" he asked grinning like monkey. He was happy for Squirtle who had grown from the battle.

"You did great!" Megan replied happily. Jack smiled. He returned Squirtle and him and Megan kep walking down route 1 in hopes for seeing some more Pokemon!

When will Jack catch his first Pokemon? and will squirtle grow enen stronger? Find out on the next chapter of Jack's pokemon adventures:The Kanto Saga!

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So did you like it? remember to rate and comment! :D

Saltare.
May 11th, 2008, 05:11 AM
Nice story really like it:)

Ryuzaki_Lawliet
May 11th, 2008, 05:16 AM
What makes this even better is that you can go ten chapters without letting your character catch a single pokemon! I couldn't do that for my life xD

The Confuzzler
May 11th, 2008, 10:35 PM
hehe.. thanks a bunch guys chapter 11 will be up today! :D

The Confuzzler
May 12th, 2008, 08:36 AM
ok chapter 11 is now! :D

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Chapter 11 Megan's first catch! Pidgey's battle!

Jack and Megan continued down the route as a Pidgey flew down off a tree, ready to battle. Jack clutched his Pokeball but as he got ready to throw his pokeball Megan pushed him away. She clutched Bulbasaur's Pokeball. "Let me take this one amateur!" she exclaimed laughing. Jack sent Squirtle out to see how he was and he was laughing...

"what's so funny Squirtle?" asked Jack angrily. Squirtle ducked inside his shell, Jack looking over the turtle Pokemon's shell.

"Squirtle squirt.. ( I was laughing because you really are an amateur)" the sea turtle Pokemon said bravely. Jack coukldn't help but smile, after all Squirtle was nice to Jack. The sea turtle pokemon popped his head out as Jack returned him.

Megan and Bulbasaur stood ready for anything. The Pidgey came in for a tackle. "Bulbasaur,dodge!" ordered Megan smiling. She was ready to take this Pidgey into her team as she got a pokeball out her bag.

"Bulba-saur-saur! ( no problem!) he said as the Bulb Pokemon stepped to the right with ease. The Pidgey crashed into a nearby tree and got angry. Bulbasaur was so busy soaking up the glory it got hit behind by a fierce quick attack. Megan frowned desperately. She turned around while Jack sat down laughing it up with Squirtle. Megan's face turned ino her angry look. She was gonna show him how to do a Pokemon battle!

Pidgey came charging and that's when Megan thought of something. "Wait until last minute Bulbasaur!" she commanded. Bulbasaur nodded as he stared a the on coming Pidgey. The Pidgey was close now and that's when Megan gave another command. "Jump behind it!" she yelled as Bulbasaur sprung itself into the air. Pidgey knew not to slam into the tree so Megan had to make the tree come to it. "Vine whip around the tree!" she commanded again. She knew this would work. Pidgey had no idea what was going on and neither did Jack or Squirtle. The bulb Pokemon started wrapping vines round the tall tree. "Now pull at it!" she commanded. Bulbasaur started pulling. The tree was coming off it's roots but just then..

"Pid-gey-gey Pidg!!( oh no ya don't!)" exclaimed Pidgey charging for Bulbasuar. The Pidgey hit Squirtle with a strong tackle, sending Bulbasaur flying fir the tree. Megan had to act fast.

"Let the vines go and use the tree for a jumping pad!" she ordered. Bulbasaur landed on the tree and jumped off."Now tackle!" she exclaimed. Pidgey was knocked flying through the knee height grass."now, Pokeball go!" she said. The pokeball trapped it inside.

Tick..tick..tick

Pidgey was caught! Megan ran over to the pokeball and picked it up, inspired by what she had just done. She grinned."Return Bulbasaur" she ordered. Bulbasaur came back as Megan ran to Jack.

"Good job!" he exclaimed smiling. They walked a little farther and arrived in Viridian City, home to Megan's first contest!

How will Megan start her very first contest? And will Pidgey become a good Pokemon partner? Find out in the next chapter of Jack's Pokemon Adventures:The Kanto Saga!

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So did you like it? Remember to rate ad comment! :)

The Confuzzler
May 18th, 2008, 04:28 AM
ok here comes chapter 12!


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chapter 12 Two cities in terror!

Jack and Megan walked around Viridian City as the wind bew in their hair. It was getting dark out. Megan knew that the next day would be her first contest so they needed some sleep. Squirle, the turtle Pokemon and Bulbasaur, the bulb Pokemon walked alongside their trainers,also tired. Jack and Megan found a Pokemon Center. Then Jack remembered you could get rest here. megan looked at the Pokemon Center sign, trying to read it."Megan hurry up!"Jack exclaimed as Megan twisted her head. They never really had an education.

"Jack,what does this say?"she asked as Jack just stared blankly. Jack grabbed her arm and pulled her into the Pokemon Center as Squirtle and Bulbasaur followed,laughing hard at their trainers.Jack and megan checked in as the Nurse Joy smiled, showing them to their room. Jack and Megan were too tired so they returned their Pokemon, and went to bed.

In Vermillion City Pokemon center...

Professor Tilal and the young girl were soaked from the swimming. They had went to the Pokemon Center for some rest. Prodessor Tilal knew it was only a matter of time before Marco came so he had to think fast. The young girl was already in bed but Professor Tilal wasn't ready to go to bed, especially not after what he was about to hear."Tidal wave!"panicked the citizens of Vermillion City. Professor Tilal looked out the window as a black bird flew infront of a tidal wave flew over the city,as the tidal wave followed spreading destruction through the city. And then as Professor Tilal stared in horror as the Tidal wave started at the Pokemon Center.

In the Pokemon Center of Viridian City...

Jack and Megan were sleeping like a pair of logs. Jack moved about furiously in his bed. He was having a weird dream. Jack looked up at the clear blue sky. He knew this was a dream,after all the sky was never this nice and to top it all off there was a nice little rainbow. Suddenly,as if out of nowhere a bird with all the colours of the rainbow flew by. Jack looked amazed but just then the sky turned black. A huge black bird came up and roared. The three Elemental birds flew behind. They were all there, the phoenix bird Moltres,the ice bird Articuno and the electric bird Zapdos and the mysterious black bird and rainbow one. Jack stood up and looked above. the black bird shot a fierce type of shadow tornado at the rainbow bird,causing it to fall. The Elemental birds then chased after the rainbow bird,defeating it easily."Jack,Jack!" screamed Megan as Jack awoke. Jack was told to look out the window and it was morning and a clear day,a bit too clear. Just then a rainbow bird flew down and started shooting black flames everywhere. and then it shot some at the Pokemon Center bottom floor,setting the building on fire! The fire alarm went off as the rainbow bird shot fire everywhere. And now one was heading right for Jack and Megan.

What will happen to both cities and both teams? and how will our heroes get out of this mess? - if they can - find out on the next chapter of Jack's Pokemon adventures: The Kanto Saga!

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So did you like it? remember to rate and comment! :)