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Trainer-Matt
April 9th, 2008, 05:18 PM
NOTE: I cant spell check right now, but I will check later.

Chapter 1

It was an oridnary day for Matt. He was on Pidg, his Pidgeot. He liked to nickname his pokemon by the part of there name that stayed after evolution. "Thats it Pidg, soon we'll be in Snowpoint City" Matt said quietly. In a matter of time, they arrived. Pidg landed, right in front of a cave. "Here it is. By legend, one who ownes the three Regi pokemon can unlock the legendary Regi." Matt said to himself. "Matt, what are you doing here" Natasha asked. Natasha was a girl, the same height as Matt, 5 feet. She had long blond hair and blue eyes. "So what, I decided to come look at the statue again. What are you doing here, you dont live in this region" Matt said. Both Matt and Natasha came from the Hoenn region. "well, after you left that dumb crew of yours followed me as a competed in pokemon contest" Natasha said. "Wait, so Base Territory is open for anyone!" Matt said screeming. Base Territory was north of Rustburrow City. There were a ton of places to make bases using the move "secret power". Matt and a crew of pokemon trainers set it up there. Matt was the best trainer, having 8 badges and led it at the top on part of a mountain. Next to him was Natasha's base, she didnt have any badges, but had some ribbons, from contest. She was very strong though.

"Relax, Sendu's watching it" Natasha said. Sendu was Matt's best friend. He was the third strongest. "Good. So, how was your contesting?" Matt asked. "Good, I wont a ribbon for my main preformers, in all the contest, And I came to sinnoh for the the contest here" Natasha said. "yea, so where are you going" Natasha asked. "Well, I'm on my way to Professor Rowan's. I finished the Sinnoh Pokedex" Matt said. "No you didnt, did you?" Nataasha asked. "Yep, exept the legendary pokemon called Dialga and Palkia, but It's impossible to get them" Matt said "But i'm here because of something more. All the pokemon professors are meeting in Rowans lab. Me, and anther trainer are supposed to meet there, to discuss something very seriouse" Matt said.

"Man, we were in the city, but professor Rowan HAD to call us away" Ash said. He was called to Rowans lab to talk about something very important. "Relax, it might be good to get more training in before your last gym battle" Brock said. It was just the two of them. Dawn had met with May, another of Ash's cordinater friends. May and Dawn stayed at Sunnyshore city with May to trtain for the grand festivel. "Well, were almost there" Ash said. There boat landed in Twinleaf Town, to get to Sandgem town they needed to pass through it. They got to the professor's lab and entered.

Well, were here. Eon, this is Sandgem town, were Rowan lives" Matt said to the baby Evee on his shoulder. Pidg landed in front of the lab. Matt entered. "Hello" Matt said. "Hey, kid, do you have pokemon, help me" Ash said. He was in a net hanging from the cealing. "Listen is that a voice I hear" "It's speaking to me loud and clear" Jessie and James started there signature moto. "enough, let Pikachu and my pokemon go" Ash said. "No way, your pokemon are in my special trunk, they cant get out. There pokeballs wont open and it's pokeproof" Meoth said.

"Well, lets go, Eon, Secret Power!" Matt said.

Post Office Buddy
April 9th, 2008, 06:00 PM
It's a bit too short for my liking, and dialog between different people is supposed to be split into separate paragraphs. The spelling was fine most of the time, but you used "there" wrong in the first paragraph; it was supposed to be their. If you would have structured your first paragraph (I'm just going to call it a block) correctly, then it would have looked something like this:

It was an oridnary day for Matt. He was on Pidg, his Pidgeot. He liked to nickname his pokemon by the part of their name that stayed after evolution. "That's it, Pidg; soon we'll be in Snowpoint City," Matt said quietly. In a matter of time, they arrived.

Pidg landed right in front of a cave. (Describe the cave here)"Here it is. By legend, one who owns the three Regi pokemon can unlock the legendary Regi," Matt said to himself.

(Natasha comes out of nowhere, so kind of introduce her here instead of after she speaks. Describe how she approaches Matt, since I doubt they landed on the ground next to her without either party noticing them.)

"Matt, what are you doing here" Natasha asked. Natasha was a girl, the same height as Matt: 5 feet. She had long blond hair and blue eyes.(maybe more description of her. ex: What is she like? How does Matt know her?)

"So what, I decided to come look at the statue again. What are you doing here, you don't live in this region!" Matt said.("said" is bland, try other words like "exclaimed" or "responded".) Both Matt and Natasha came from the Hoenn region. (More on where they came from, ex: what town?)

"Well, after you left that dumb crew of yours followed me as a competed in pokemon contest" Natasha said. (I have no idea what you meant to say here... Please clear up your dialog and make it easier to understand.)

"Wait, so Base Territory is open for anyone!" Matt screamed (Probably should have used exclaimed here though). Base Territory was north of Rustburrow City. There were a ton of places to make bases using the move "secret power". Matt and a crew of pokemon trainers set it up there. Matt was the best trainer, having 8 badges and led it at the top on part of a mountain. Next to him was Natasha's base, she didnt have any badges, but had some ribbons, from contest. She was very strong though.More elaboration on some parts would have been helpful. I restructured your first block above to fit how most fanfic writers structure their own fics to make them easier for the reader to read. I normally don't even bother reading a fic unless it's structured this way unless I feel it needs some serious help.

Anyway, your idea is better than some I have seen, but I advise you to add a plot twist later on. I will be happy to help you if any help is needed, so keep writing. I would suggest you edit what you have as soon as you see this according to the format above (just click the edit button). I look forward to it looking cleaner and more organized.