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Mew-Three
April 16th, 2008, 02:00 PM
Episode 1: The Starting Point

It was a butifull morning in Sunnytown the home of many new upcoming trainers and it just so happened that today a new trainer named Silver was on her way to the Sunnytown Lab home of renown Pokemon Researcher, Prof. Clark.

Silver was running as fast as she could, so fast that she ran into the wall of the Lab before she enetered.

"Quiet down children, now all 50 of you there is 50 Pokeballs here, 12 Bulbasuars, 13 Squirtles, 12 Chickarita, 5 Charmanders, 6 Totadiles, and 1 Cyndaquil," announced Prof. Clark.

"How come theres only 1 Cyndaquil, is it because there afraid of there own shadows," asked a kid named Goono that Silver disliked because of his rotten attitude towards other kids that are smaller than him, like Silver who was even at the age of 10, only 4 Feet 5 Inches tall.

All the kids rushed to get there pokemon and when the kids started to walk away, Silver saw a Totadile left that she really wanted, but Goono got in the way and took it, leaving Silver with the Cyndaquil which she didn't really want but still thought it was cute so she named it Ruby since she saw that it was the only girl of all 50 Starters.

Episode 2: The Challenge

Not wanting to dwell on what Goono said, Silver immediately began training Ruby, in hopes of proving Cyndaquil is a good Pokemon. So, she set off for Route 501 to begin.

Almost immediately, a wild Weedle fell out of a tree. Seizing the opportunity, Silver released her Cyndaquil from its ball.

"Ruby, tackle!" she cried. Stunned from the sudden attack, the Weedle took massive damage from Ruby's tackle. Going over her 2 choices, Silver decided to catch the weakened bug, instead of defeating it. Weedle made no attempt to resist the Pokeball.

"Catching weak bug Pokemon, I see," came a voice behind Silver. She turned and saw Goono walking toward her. "There's a reason you got that pathetic Cyndaquil. You'll never be as good a trainer as me."

Silver tried to remain silent, but could no longer restrain her thoughts. "You better watch what you say, Goono, because I'm going to become the next Pokemon Master."

"Back those words up!" said Goono. "I challenge you to a battle!"

Episode 3: Silver vs Goono

Silver commanded Cyndaquil to use Tackle in there 1 on 1 btattle against Goono and his Totadile.

"Totadile use Water Gun."

Cyndaquil fainted and Silver rushed it to the Pokemon Center and as it healed she stopped and ate some soup.

The Next Morning Silver was training and now she had caught a Caterpie, a Ledyba, a Venonat, and a Pichu.

Silver went off on her next adventure hoping it to be a better day than today.

Episode 4: Victory Comes From Evolution

Silver decided to train her new Pokemon team harder. She went back to Route 501 and released all her Pokemon. She commanded them to line up facing a tree.

"Ruby, tackle," Silver said to start the session. The Cyndaquil hit the tree with all its might, then ran back in line.

"Okay, now Weedle use poison sting." The Pokemon obeyed, and went back in line. Silver continued this routine for an hour.

Just as she was telling Pichu to use thundershock, a wild Pidgeotto flew from the tree and headed right for it. The baby Pokemon was helpless, and when the Pidgeotto hit it, Pichu fainted.

"Ruby, Venonat! Tackle!" Silver cried. The two did as they were told, but Pidgeotto used wing attack, knocking them both out. Ledyba was tired out from training, which left only Caterpie and Weedle.

"Weedle, Caterpie! You're the only two left! I'm counting on you!" said Silver. The two Pokemon dodged the Pidgeotto's attack like it was nothing. Weedle and Caterpie used string shot, leaving Pidgeotto open to attack. Weedle used poison sting, causing Pidgeotto to become very weak. But, just as Weedle turned its back, Pidgeotto broke free of its silk trap and came at it with a wing attack, hitting it directly. Next went Caterpie who, when hit, was sent flying. Just as Pidgeotto was about to finish them off, a bright white light shone around Weedle.

30 seconds later, the light faded, revealing Kakuna. Pidgeotto attacked it relentlessly, but to no avail. Kakuna's body was too hard for the attacks to cause any damage. Pidgeotto gave up and turned toward Caterpie.

No luck. Caterpie had evolved as well, into Metapod. Tired and worn out, Pidgeotto had no choice but to surrender.

Silver saw her chance and threw a Pokeball at it, capturing it right away.
"You'll be a good member of my team, Pidgeotto," she said. "I'll have to come up with a good name for you."

After getting all her Pokemon back in their respective ball, Silver headed off to heal them in the Pokemon Center and continue her journey.

Episode 5: A Rocky Battle

Silver had arrived in Boulder City where she would challange the first gym, her pokemon line up was as she had caught a Poliwag with a Super Rod.

Quilava
Kakuna
Metapod
Venonat
Pidgeotto
Poliwag

She went in side the gym and directly challanged the leader Mike to a battle.

"This shall be a Offcial 2-2 league Battle with no time limit," declared the Referee.

"Ill Go first shall I, GO GEODUDE CRUSH YOUR OPPONENTS FLAT," exclaimed Mike.

"Go VENONAT, use Leech Seed," answered Silver who was both nervous and excited to be in her first Gym Battle.

The Leech Seed drained some energy from Geodude before it broke free and on Mikes orders used a Rock Tomb attack knocking Venonat out cold.

"Alright then, Go Poliwag, Poli use Bubblebeam," exclaimed Silver.

Geodude fainted, but Mike sent out a Onix which quickly started to use Bide, and all the Bubble Attacks that hit Onix allowed it to release a huge Bind attack which quickly fainted Poliwag.

"Nice Try Little Lady, you can come back together if you can prove you deserve a Statue Badge."

"Alright you can count me in, I shall train harder than ever and come back to defeat you Mike," exclaimed Silver in a exauhsted tone.

Episode 6: Training Hardships

"Ruby, flamethrower!" Quilava shot a stream of fire at a wild Roselia, knocking it out on contact. "Good job," said Silver. "Poliwag, your turn!"

She trained the Pokemon for an hour. Within that time, Poliwag learned water gun. Silver gave Poliwag some food and let it rest for 5 minutes before resuming training.

Shortly after the break was over, another Roselia appeared. "Poliwag, water gun!" But before Poliwag could unleash it, Roselia used Petal Dance. It sent Poliwag up in the air and slammed it to the ground.

"Poliwag, get up! That attack was nothing! Now move!" Silver yelled. Ruby was still out of her ball and sensed the anger in her trainer's voice. Poliwag did not move. It was too tired.

"Fine, if you won't fight, Ruby will. Flamethrower!" Nothing happened. Silver looked at the Quilava in disgust. "Attack. Flamethrower. Now." Still nothing. Furious, Silver started yelling. "I'm your trainer and you'll do as I say! Flamethrower!"

Ruby growled in defiance of Silver. She was a completely different person from the time they first became trainer and Pokemon. "Ruby, what are you doing?" asked Silver, suddenly shaken. Without a sound, the Quilava turned and ran deeper into the forest. She did not look back.

The Roselia left. Time stood still. Silver fell to her knees, eyes wide open staring in the direction Ruby ran. Then she looked at Poliwag. It had gotten up, but was hiding by a tree. She knew it was wary of her.

Silver looked down, deep in thought. "What have I done?" she said to herself. "I'm treating my Pokemon like tools of war." Just then, Goono's laughing face appeared in her head. "He's the reason. I let his words get to me, and I didn't bother to shove them away. I was so focused on being the best, I didn't treat my Pokemon fairly. I was too proud."

She looked over at Poliwag. It was cautiously coming closer to her. "I'm sorry, Poliwag," she said. "I pushed you too hard." Poliwag stopped and stood there. For a full minute there was silence. Suddenly, a white light enveloped Poliwag. It forgave Silver by evolving into Poliwhirl.

"That's one Pokemon that forgives me. I sure wish Ruby-" All of a sudden, Ruby ran out from behind a nearby tree to Silver. "Ruby! You forgive me, then?" asked Silver excitedly. Ruby shrieked in approval. When that was over, Silver put each one back in their ball and left.

"Tomorrow we face Mike again," whispered Silver. "And we'll win as a team."

Episode 7: Rematch

Silver and Mike were faceing eachother again now that Silver had proven that she cared more for her Pokemon than winning.

"Once again this shall be a 2-2 Official Pokemon League Battle with no time limit," exclaimed the Referee.

"Go Poli, show him how much we've been training," exclaimed Silver.

"So your Poliwag evolved into Poliwhirl, this is going to be good, so I quess ill have to kick my game up a notch, so GO GRAVELER, USE ROLLOUT."

The Rollout attack kept smacking Poliwhirl around until, Silver commanded a Ice Beam from Poli freezing the rolling rock pokemon solid, and then Poli used a Bubblebeam to finish Graveler off.

"O well, GO ONIX CRUSH THAT POLIWHIRL."

Mike's Onix came out and started to use Bide, and as Poli attacked, Onix got stronger then unleashed the attack, sending Poli out of the match.

"arg, well I quess I should have known it was going to be hard so, GO Ruby."

"HAHA, a fire against a rock, man girl you are desperate to get that Statue Badge," laughed Mike, "Onix use Iron Tail and Headbutt in a combo attack."

"Ruby dodge and use Dig," exclaimed Silver, as Ruby dug underground then came up with the Super Effective attack, then used Flamethrower which when combined with all the damage Onix took earlier allowed Ruby to take Onix down.

"I quess you win Silver," said Mike. Later that day Mike gave Silver her badge and told her to treat her pokemon with love and compassion.

Silver celebrated by saying, "I got a Statue Badge," as the sun set.

Episode 8: The Road to Oceania City

Early the next morning, Silver set off on Route 502 to Oceania City and her next gym battle. It was a long trip, so she let her Pokemon out to walk with her.

About halfway there, Silver decided to stop and rest. She gave her Pokemon snacks, and they ate them up quickly. She also let them play.

As soon as they were about to leave, however, a wild Tauros darted out in front of them. It ran towards Metapod and Kakuna, but was stopped by Pidgeotto's wing attack. Grunting in anger, Tauros tried again. Once more, it was stopped, this time by Poliwhirl's water gun. Seeing they had to help, Kakuna and Metapod began to evolve.

It didn't work. Right as they were ready, Tauros slammed into Pidgeotto and Poliwhirl, sending them flying toward the two bugs. Tauros charged again, but was hit with a wall of fire. Ruby had enough.

While the Quilava was holding Tauros off, Kakuna and Metapod tried again. Success. Emerging from the light came Beedrill and Butterfree. They were ready to fight.

"Beedrill, fury attack! Butterfree, stun spore!" Silver yelled. Ruby leapt out of the way, leaving Tauros open to a direct hit. The stun spore quickly paralyzed it, and Beedrill went in to finish it.

After Beedrill was done, Tauros had very little strength left. Silver threw a ball at it, capturing it with ease.

Late that evening, they set off again. By nightfall, they reached their destination. Standing at the top of a hill, Silver and her team gazed at the magnificent port of Oceania City.

"This is where we get our next badge," said Silver. "Beedrill, Butterfree, you ready?" The two Pokemon chirped in acknowledgement. With that said, they went down to the city.

Episode 9: Come Forth Melody

Silver was looking at a closed sign due to the leader Sara being on Vacation.

Silver was walking grumpily when Goono ran past screaming Bloody Murder.

Silver was staring when she spotted the cause of Goono's departure it was a young girl and she had just had her Pikachu shock a Pidgeot into Submission with 1 attack.

"Is there anyone who can beat me, um no one well how about you Girl you a good trainer," announced the Girl who had defeated Goono. Silver was surprised but qiuckly excepted the challange and so she asked the rules and introduced herself.

"This shall be a 3-3 Pokemon Battle with no Time limit, so Silver are you ready to lose to me, whose name is Melody, go Pikachu."

"Go Ruby, use dig," answered Silver.

"Pikachu dodge and use Iron Tail," exclaimed Melody, the attack hit and then, "Pikachu finish off with Thunder."

Ruby fainted but Silver being determined sent out her Poliwhirl who's Ice Beam and Surf attacks quickly took Pikachu out.

"arg, well alright then Go Scizor," answered Melody to Silvers barrage. "Scizor use Metal Claw, Steel Wing, and Quick Attack in a combo move.

The Attack finished Poliwhirl off. "Go Pidgeotto use Wing Attack."

"Scizor use Hyper Beam."

"Dodge and use Aerial Ace."

The attack finished Scizor but then Melody sent out a Charizard and commanded a Blast Burn the most powerful Fire Attack there is, the attack finished Pidgeotto and the match off.

"I quess thats one more win which makes 100 Wins 0 Losses in just the past 2 Weeks," exclaimed Melody.

"O well it was fun, so Melody what brings you here."

"Silver what brings me here is the Gyms and now I have 3 Badges, how about you what are you here for," answered Melody.

"3 Badges, and I have only 1, hopefully 2 Tomorrow but you never know," said Silver.

The Next Day Silver challanged the Gym Leader Sara with her new friend Melody but Melody would be going a seperate way than Silver she just wanted to see how well Silver did.

"This is a Official 3-3 Pokemon League Battle," exclaimed the Referee.

"Go Goldeen, Goldeen use Horn Attack the moment your opponent appears," yelled Sara the Gym Leader.

"Go Beedrill, use Poison Sting," yelled Silver. The Horn Attack and Poison Sting fainted the opposing Pokemon.

"Return Goldeen, Go Psyduck, use Confusion on Butterefree(The Pokemon Silver sent out after Beedrill fainted.)"

"Butterfree use Sleep Powder then Psychic."

The Attacks fainted both pokemon once again.

"Return Butterfree, Go Pidgeotto use Areial Ace on Starmie(The Pokemon Sara sent out after Psyduck fainted.)"

"Starmie use Counter attack."

The Attack sent Pidgeotto flying as the episode ended. Will Silver gain the Aqua Badge or will she suffer another defeat, stayed tune.

Episode 10: And the Winner Is...

Pidgeotto hit the floor hard. "Pidgeotto, get up!" said Silver. It streggled, but was finally able to stand. "You got guts," said Sara. "Starmie, finish this with rapid spin!"

Starmie threw itself at Pidgeotto. But, a split second before they collided, Pidgeotto flew into the air. "Alright, Pidgeotto!" exclaimed Silver. "Now use wing attack!"

"Starmie, dodge it!" Sara yelled. But Starmie was too slow. It took a direct hit from Pidgeotto's attack. But the battle wasn't over yet.

"Starmie, water gun!" said Sara. "Pidgeotto, dodge and use aerial ace!" countered Silver. Pidgeotto did so swiftly, and Starmie was thrown back by the aerial ace.

"Okay, now finish it off with air cutter!" Starmie was too weak to move. The air cutter hit it hard, and it fainted.

"Good job, Pidgeotto. Return," Silver said. "Congratulations," said Sara. "You've earned this Aqua Badge and my respect as a trainer."

"Thanks. That was an intense battle," Silver replied. She healed her Pokemon and set off once again.

But, standing on the path, was Goono.

Episode 11: A Heated Battle

Goono and Silver were facing off now in a Double Pokemon Battle.

"Go Gyarados and Swellow," yelled Goono.

"Go Pidgeotto and..." Silver paused, "Butterfree."

"Gyarados use Flamethrower on Butterfree, Swellow use Aerial Ace on Pidgeotto," The attacks fainted Silver's Pokemon, proving she was still behind Goono in skill.

"Thats one more win, now Listen Silver, Loveing your Pokemon wont help you have to be cruel in training them, then you'll win every battle."

The Next Day Silver was in Bumper Town and she had now won 10 Battles when she met a guy named Jack who was practicing for a Pokemon Contest.

Episode 12-Fierce Competition Part 1

"What are you doing?" Silver asked. "Practicing for a Pokemon contest," Jack replied. "Grovyle, return!" Red light enveloped Grovyle, and it was brought back into its ball. "Last time I entered here, this guy named Martin came out of nowhere and won. I was so close, too. But this time, I have a better chance, because he's well on his way to the next competition." Their conversation lasted late into the evening, and Jack decided he had to go home. "Grovyle and I need to be completely energized tomorrow for the contest," he said.

"Hey, I'm staying here for a few days to train. Why don't I come see how you guys do?" Silver suggested. "That's very nice. Sure!" said Jack. Then they left.

"Aw man! The contest is starting soon! I'm gonna be late!" Silver sprinted down the road to the contest hall. 5 minutes later, she made it. She ran through the doors and up to the counter. "Has the contest started yet?" Silver asked, out of breath. "You're just in time," the receptionist replied. "It's about to start soon." "Thanks," said Silver. She walked through the doors and sat down in the bleachers. "Ladies and gentleman," the announcer said. "The Pokemon contest is about to begin!"

The room filled with cheering. "Now welcome our contestants!" he said. "First, Sara and her Seaking!" A 12-year-old girl came out and let her Pokemon our. "Next, Hugh and his Exploud!" An old man, about in his sixties, came out and smiled. His Exploud walked behind him. "Third is Jack and his Grovyle!" Jack walked out confidently, Grovyle walking beside him. "Fourth is Cody, with his Linoone!" A small, 8-year-old boy walked out grinning and released his Linoone. 16 more people walked onto the contest floor. "Okay, all the contestants are out! It's time to begin!"

Will Jack finally win this contest? Find out next time.

I have to make this short sorry

Episode 13: The Big Day

It was half way through the contest and now it was the battle rounds.

Silver made it through to the final round where she fought Jack in a 5-Min time battle and quickly Jack won and won the ribbon.

Silver headed out for the next Gym which was in the next town.

Episode 14- The 3rd Battle With Goono

After deciding she didn't like contests, Silver said goodbye to Jack and continued training.

She trained for a full day, resting periodically, and had fantastic results. Pidgeotto was ready to evolve, and Venonat evolved into Venomoth. Ruby was ready to evolve, but was content with being a Quilava.

Late that evening, they went to the Pokemon Center to get some rest. Silver wanted Pidgeotto to evolve the next day.

The next day, Silver went to the same spot. But, there was Goono, standing and glaring at her.

"I watched you train yesterday," he said. "Your methods are pathetic." "And how's that?" Silver asked, annoyed. "You're too nice!" he continued. "You can't love your Pokemon and expect them to be strong at the same time!" "Battle," Silver mumbled. "What?" Goono asked. "Let's settle this with a battle!" Silver yelled. Goono started laughing. "My Feraligatr will tear your puny, weak Quilava to shreds!"

"Go Venomoth!" Silver said. "Venomoth? Ha!" said Goono. "It's no match for my newly evolved Pokemon. Go Arcanine!" "Venomoth, stun spore!" Silver cried. "Arcanine, flamethrower!" Goono answered. "Venomoth, dodge and use poison powder," Silver whispered, just loud enough for Venomoth to hear. Venomoth obeyed, flew out of the flamethower's path, and hit Arcanine with poison powder. "Arcanine, shake it off and fire again! Flamethrower!" Goono yelled. Arcanine was sluggish from the poison. "Venomoth, finish it off with toxic!" Silver cried. Arcanine and Venomoth attacked at once, causing both to fall. "Arcanine, get up now" Goono yelled. It didn't move. "Return," he said. He was angry when he saw Venomoth back in the air.

"Feraligatr, crunch!" Goono yelled. Feraligatr sprang out of its ball and attacked the severely damaged Venomoth. In less than a second, Venomoth fainted. 3 more of Silver's Pokemon fainted afterward.

"Go Pidgeotto!" Silver cried. "Wing attack!" "Feraligatr, hydro pump!" Goono countered. Pidgeotto was blasted out of the air before getting close enough to attack. "Give up," said Goono. "You'll never measure up to me-agh!" Pidgeotto was surrounded in white light. Then, Pidgeot emerged, ready to fight. "Pidgeot, air cutter!" Silver said. The attack hit Feraligatr in the face, knocking it over. "Now, aerial ace!" Pidgeot used all its power, and the attack caused Feraligatr to faint. 3 more of Goono's team were defeated by Pidgeot. "This is my last and newest Pokemon," Goono said. "Go Vibrava!"

"Pidgeot, return!" Silver said. "Go Ruby!" "Vibrava, sand storm!" Goono yelled. "Ruby, flamethrower!" Silver cried. Ruby, being the stronger of the two, unleashed a powerful flamethrower that ripped through the sand and hit Vibrava hard. Vibrava fell to the ground. It fainted.

"You just got lucky that time!" Goono sneered. "I'll destroy you when we next meet." Without another word, he stormed off.

After healing her Pokemon, Silver decided to give them a day off training and have some fun. The next day, she headed for the next gym and her next badge.

Episode 15: vs. Pupitar

Silver was training again when a wild Pupitar poped out and used Headbutt on Ruby, sending Ruby into a tree, then Pupitar prepared for another attack.

Ruby charged forward on command from Silver with a Flame Wheel, knocking Pupitar back but it then hit Ruby with a Earthquake attack, taking Ruby out.

Silver sent out Poliwhirl and told it use Water Gun, remembering that Pupitar were very weak against water, but it dodged each time with a detect attack.

Pupitar used a Rock Slide attack to barry Poliwhirl and then came down on the rocks with a Headbutt, taking Poliwhirl out.

Silver sent out her new pokmon which she had just caught, a Dusclops whcih was her best pokemon right now, and it used a Shadow Punch and a Shadow Ball combo sending Pupitar flying but it got up and used a Headbutt but it just went threw Dusclops allowing Dusclops to hit it with another Shadow Punch.

Pupitar got really mad and unleashed a furious Rock Slide, but Dusclops dodged and used a Hyper Beam attack.

Pupitar finally went down and Silver threw a Hyberball (Ultraball) and captured Pupitar after a couple shakes. The next day she sent her Venomoth and Butterfree home so that she could keep Pupitar and Dusclops with her.

The next Day she stood in front of the Gym and entered hoping to have a good fight with the gym leader.

Dixie Kong
April 17th, 2008, 06:43 AM
Yikes! I'm sorry, but this story is quite like...a bad hair day, if you will? Ok, -cracks knuckles- lets get started, shall we?

It was a beautiful morning in Sunnytown, the home of many new upcoming trainers and it just so happened that today a new trainer named Silver was on her way to the Sunnytown Lab home of renown Pokemon Researcher, Prof. Clark.

Ok, first of, it's beautiful, not 'butifull'. But, nothing against you for that; I just learned how to spell it correctly. :o

The bold sentence...is a bit run-on. And never abbreviate 'professor'. You need to type/write it out. ^^

Also, when I saw the name 'Silver'(which is what everyone calls me) I kinda just...-headdesk- xD So I'm picturing me going through the adventure, seeing as Silver is female in this story.

"Quiet down children, now all 50 of you there is 50 Pokeballs here, 12 Bulbasuars, 13 Squirtles, 12 Chickarita, 5 Charmanders, 6 Totadiles, and 1 Cyndaquil," announced Prof. Clark.


Now, really. Common sense. A Professor wouldn't have that many of those Pokemon, would they? You need to make this more believable.

Also, like the word professor, you need to type/write out the numbers. So it would be: twelve Bulbasaur(the plural of any Pokemon is the same as the singular), thirteen Squirtle, twelve Chikorita(you need to spell that right), five Charmander, six Totodile, and one Cyndaquil.

"How come theres only 1 Cyndaquil, is it because there afraid of there own shadows," asked a kid named Goono that Silver disliked because of his rotten attitude towards other kids that are smaller than him, like Silver who was even at the age of 10, only 4 Feet 5 Inches tall.

Ummm...if he's asking a question, where's his question mark? :o

And the height of Silver...is really unessecary. We really don't need to know her height. Instead, I'd like to know what she looks like, among other things. What does Goono look like? What doProfessor Clark, Cyndaquil, Totodile, Charmander, etc. all look like? There's no description at all.

"Catching weak bug Pokemon, I see," came a voice behind Silver. She turned and saw Goono walking toward her. "There's a reason you got that pathetic Cyndaquil. You'll never be as good a trainer as me."


I'll commend you for making the rival an unlikable tard face. 8D

Silver commanded Cyndaquil to use Tackle in there 1 on 1 btattle against Goono and his Totadile.

"Totadile use Water Gun."

Cyndaquil fainted and Silver rushed it to the Pokemon Center and as it healed she stopped and ate some soup.

The Next Morning Silver was training and now she had caught a Caterpie, a Ledyba, a Venonat, and a Pichu.

Silver went off on her next adventure hoping it to be a better day than today.


This battle was quick. :o But, despite how quick it was, it should have description. How did Ruby use Tackle? How did Totodile use Water Gun? Also, Totodile should not have Water Gun at such an early level. If all the rival battles in the games were like that, we'd never win. :/

The soup part is really not needed, as well. And what did Goono say at the end of this fight? The attitude you've given him suggests he would be arrogant about it.

Quilava
Kakuna
Metapod
Venonat
Pidgeotto
Poliwag


Venonat! :3

Silver threw a Hyberball (Ultraball)

Hum. Is it really called a Hyperball? I understand if it is in a another country, but...this is kind of an akward piece of the sentence.

Vibrava fell to the ground. It fainted.


Pretty blunt, eh? You could combine the two sentences to make it sound a lot better.

Well, I could go on...but, that'd mean I'd be reviewing almost every sentence in this. Dx

You need to work on description, grammar, spelling, typing out numbers and titles, and chapter length. This can be a great story with all the above added.

Good Luck.

-Silver

Post Office Buddy
April 20th, 2008, 03:06 PM
AAAAHHHH! This gave me a little headache. Silver covered a lot of good points in her review, but I will try to point out things she didn't cover. Lets start with some general things.

For one, you rush in many places. There were many points throughout the post that I saw extremely minimal description. One example of such is:

Silver commanded Cyndaquil to use Tackle in there 1 on 1 btattle against Goono and his Totadile.

"Totadile use Water Gun."

Cyndaquil fainted and Silver rushed it to the Pokemon Center and as it healed she stopped and ate some soup.

The Next Morning Silver was training and now she had caught a Caterpie, a Ledyba, a Venonat, and a Pichu.

Silver went off on her next adventure hoping it to be a better day than today.

In this passage, which Silver reviewed as well, you scrunched up the events of two days into five very short sentences. Everything you said in this should have amounted to four or five full pages of writing. You also spelled Totodile two different ways here, as if you couldn't figure out the correct spelling. From now on, if you are unsure of how to spell something, Google it. You should have written out the words "one on one" instead of typing "1 on 1". That's just lazy and looks messy.

The battle was way too short; you could have added in SO much description. You didn't tell the reader how Silver caught the Caterpie, Ledyba, Venonat, or Pichu, and you just skipped anything else that may have happened to her and ended with her going to her next adventure.

I think you made a sincere effort to describe some things, though. Some sentences are a bit too long for lacking a semicolon or other literary device. There are many ways to separate ideas, periods and semicolons being the most used. Commas were overused in your post, and there were places where a comma would have been appropriate but was absent.

Your "episodes" are also ridiculously short and are not detailed at all. You need to separate them with a method other than just naming the episodes. Posting each episode in different posts would work best, but an alternative is separating them with a line of "-" or "=". That would look something like
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or
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I think I have covered enough for now to give you a good idea on how to improve without making your brain explode. Just experiment with different styles and figure out one that works well for you and readers can understand.