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~Night
April 17th, 2008, 05:45 PM
I decided to make a fanfic version of Pokemon Firered and Leafgreen. Hope you like it!


Pokemon Firered and Leafgreen
Chapter 1

A nine year old girl with hazel eyes and dark brown hair was watching TV. She had tan skin and was wearing her PJs. She was staring at the TV screen and thinking hard.

“Hello, I’m Prof. Oak.” An old man on the screen said. “Today we will talk about Kanto’s starter pokemon. On a child’s tenth birthday, they will com to my lab and choose their first pokemon. The starter pokemon are Squirtle, Charmander, and Bulbasaur.” Prof. Oak pulled out a giant poster. Three pokemon were on the poster. The first one was a blue turtle with a yellow belly and red eyes. Under it read “Squirtle”. The next pokemon was an orange salamander with blue eyes and a flame at the tip of its tail. Below it read “Charmander.” The thrird pokemon was a mini-green dinosaur with a giant bulb on its back. Below it read “Bulbasaur.”

Suddenly, the door opened and the TV was turned off.

“Allison, if you want to wake up in time to get to Prof. Oak’s lab tommorow, then you’ll have to go to bed now.” Allison’s mom had black, curly hair and brown eyes. Like Allison, she had tan skin.

Allison went to bed. All night she thought of which pokemon would be the best. Squirtle would have a great advantage over Charmander, Charmander would be able to comepletely destroy Bulbasaur, and Bulbasaur could pulverize Squirtle. Not only that, but Bulbasaur was a poison type pokemon as well as grass type.

Allison woke up bright and early that morning. She quickly ate breakfast and rushed out the door, but not before her parents could say a quick “Happy Birthday!” She walked to Prof. Oak’s lab and knocked on the door. An assistant brought her to Prof. Oak.

“So Allison, which pokemon would you like?” Prof. Oak picked up three pokeballs and pressed the button in the middle of each one. Three red lights flashed and Squirtle, Charmander, and Bulbasaur appeared. Each one looked up expectingly at Allison. She didn’t know which one to choose. Each one was so cute and ended up being strong pokemon. Maybe she would have an advantage with a duel type pokemon like Bulbasaur. Or maybe a rare fire type like Charmander. If Charmander learned Metal Claw, then Allison could change a disadvantage around at the first gym. Squirtle would be great at the first gym with a total advantage in the first gym, and once it learned Bite, it wouldn’t be so bad against the second gym. The third stage evolutions of each pokemon were pretty strong, too. A Blastoise could hurt any pokemon with Skull Bash, Charizard could learn dragon moves and flying moves, and Venasaur, well Venasaur wasn’t much different than Bulbasaur, so Bulbasaur was definentally out of the picture.

“So, which one?” Allison hadn’t realized how much time she was taking choosing her pokemon.

“Um…Which one is the easiest to train?” Allison looked at the two pokemon that she wanted. They both look cute and innocent.

“Squirtle is really easy and is really good at ajusting to a trainer, while Charmander is really stubborn. Bulbasaur is really protective of other pokemon, so it may be hard to train, but not as hard as Charmander.” Prof. Oak replied.

“OK. Then I pick Squirt-” Allison stopped talking as she saw the look on Charmander’s face. It had watery eyes and looked like it was about to cry. She then realized that Squirtle was the pokemon that everyone wanted as their starter pokemon. Both her mom and her dad had started with a Squirtle. Even her older brother and sister picked Squirtle. Allison’s best friend, Caitlyn, was always talking about how strong her Squirtle was and that fire type pokemon were nothing compared to it. A few of her friends chose Bulbasaur, but none of them had chosen a Charmander. This Charmander must have been waiting and waiting for someone to choose it, but no one did and it was about to give up hope. Allison looked at Squirtle and saw a look of triumph on its face. Bulbasaur didn’t seem to notice and was probably thinking that it would be picked by the next trainer. “I meen, I pick Charmander.” Charmander looked up into Allison’s eyes and seemed to say 'really?'. Squirtle’s mouth fell open and Bulbasaur still didn’t seem to notice.

“Remember to pay a lot of attention to Charmander because it has been alone and without anyone to befriend it for a long time.” Prof. Oak recalled Charmander back into it’s pokeball and handed it to Allison. He also handed her five empty pokeballs and a red box shaped machine. “Here are your pokeballs and your pokedex. Remember to record lots of data onto it.”

When Allison got outside the lab, she looked up Charmander’s moves. Instead of having to read, the pokedex read it for her. “Charmander the fire pokemon. This Charmander’s moves are Ember, Scratch, and Growl.”

‘This Charmander must have learned Ember over time.’ Allison thought. Allison saw a sign that said ‘Route 1’ on it. She marched through the grass with ease until she came across a wild pokemon. It was a brown bird pokemon with a pinkish-brown beak. She got out her pokedex to see what it was.

“Pidgey, the bird pokemon. It doesn’t like to fight. Pidgey hides in tall grass and so on, foraging for food such as small bugs.” Allison put her pokedex away.

“I definentally don’t want to get a pokemon that doesn’t like to fight, but I might as well train Charmander with it,” She said. “Go, Charmander!” She threw out Charmander’s pokeball and it opened up. A red flash came out of the open pokeball and Charmander appeared. “Use Ember!”

Charmander just stood there staring blankly at the Allison. “Char?”

“OK then, use Scratch!” Charmander finally realized that Allison was talking to him and not the Pidgey and charged towards it. Charmander jabbed the Pidgey with his extra sharp claws.

“Pidge!” The Pidgey flew into the air and dived down to Charmander and used Peck right on Charmanders head. Pidgey’s beak had glowed white when doing that. Pidgey kept using Peck on Charmander and Charmander started shooting Ember at Pidgey, but it dodged every single one. ‘No wonder no one chose Charmander,’ Allison thought, ‘It stinks!’

“Charmander, use Growl!” Hearing Allison’s command, Charmander stopped using Ember and started using Growl. Big red zigzag sound waves shot towards the Pidgey. It was blasted back into the air and Allison saw her chance. “Use Ember at full power!” Charmander opened his large mouth and tiny fireballs came out and shot towards the Pidgey. Just as Allison thought, it was a direct hit and the Pidgey fell to the ground.

“Go, pokeball!” Allison threw a pokeball at the Pidgey. The pokeball hit it, then a red flash surrounded it and got sucked up into the pokeball. It started moving and finally, it stopped and the center button flashed red. Allison picked up the pokeball. She does’t say, 'I caught a Pidgey!' and strike a pose like dumb trainers do. She just picked up Pidgey’s pokeball and latched it onto her bag strap. After returning Charmander into his pokeball, she finally found her way to Viridian City.

~Night
April 17th, 2008, 07:17 PM
Chapter 2

The first place Allison went to was the Pokemon Center. A lady with pink hair and blue eyes was at the front desk.

“Hello, I’m Nurse Joy. Would you like to give your pokemon a rest?” she asked. Allison handed her two pokeballs containing Charmander and Pidgey to Nurse Joy and went to the waiting room. A few minutes later a Chansey came out holding Allison’s two pokeballs. It handed the pokeballs to Allison and Nurse Joy called out, “We hope to see you again!” and waved good-bye.

Allison then headed to Route 2. There weren’t many pokemon there, so she proceeded to Viridian Forest. All around her were trees.

“Wow!” Allison had never seen so many trees in her life. Whenever she went shopping for anything, she always flew there on one of her parent’s flying pokemon to Celedon City.

Allison walked threw the grass to get to the end of the forest, but she just kept walking around in circles.

Suddenly, a bugcatcher walked up to her and said, “I was swinging around my net to catch a bug, but I caught this stupid Pikachu instead! Go, Pikachu!” A yellow mouse pokemon came out of the bugcatcher’s pokeball.

“Pika!”

“Why are you blaming me for it!?!” Allison shouted, but the bugcatcher just ignored her. ‘Whatever.’ “Go Pidgey!” The bird pokemon appeared infrot of Allison. “Use Peck!” Pidgey flew towards Pikachu with it’s beak glowing and it rammed into it.

“Pikachu, use String Shot!” Pikachu had no idea how to use String Shot. “OK,” said its trainer, “why don’t you try Poison Sting!” Pikachu was even more confused. Pidgey was flying back for another Peck attack when small sparx appeared in Pikachu’s red cheeks.

“Chuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!” Electricity surrounded Pikachu’s body and travelled into the air and hit Pidgey. Pidgey fell to the ground, fainted.

“Return.” Allison held out her pokeball and a red light sucked Pidgey back into its pokeball. “Go, Charmander!” She released Charmander from its pokeball. “Use Ember!”

Charmander opened his mouth and fireballs came out and hit Pikachu. After Pikachu fainted, Charmander made quick work out of the bugcatchers bug pokemon.

“Great battle! I’m Troy,” the bugcatcher shook hands with Allison while she introduced herself. “You look lost, do you need a map?”

“Yah!”

“Well, to bad. I don’t have one.”

‘Then why ask?’ she thought.

“But I do know the way to Pewter City.” Troy guided Allison all the way through Viridian Forest for the rest of the day.

When they got to Pewter City it was already dark and they had to get rooms in the Pokemon Center. The next morning, Allison went to the Pokemon Gym. Infront of the building, a sign said, “Pewter City Gym.” Allison walked in and saw a boy who looked like he was about 16. The room was dark and it was hard to see anything.

“Hi, I’m Allison and I would like to challenge your gym!” The 16 year old looked at Allison and suddenly, the lights turned on. Allison saw that the battle area was comepletely rocky.

“I am Brock and I accept your challenge,” he said. Now that it was light, Allison could see that he had dark skin, brown hair, and for some reason never opened his eyes. “Go, Geodude!” A floating rock with arms and eyes came out of the pokeball.

Allison got out her pokedex. “Geodude, the rock pokemon. Geodude’s round form makes it easy to pick up. Some people have used them to hurl at eachother in a snowball fight.”

“Go, Charmander!” Allison said. “Use Ember!” The tiny fireballs hardly did anything. “OK then, use Scratch!” Charmander tried to scratch the floating rock, but not only did it not do anything, but it also broke the sharp part of Charmander’s nail off.

“Charrrrrrr!!!!!!!!” Charmander wailed in pain.

“Come on, Charmander, don’t give up!” Then, Charmander’s claws turned steel. Charmander scratched Geodude with the steel claws and Geodude fainted. “Great job, Charmander, you learned Metal Claw!”

“Go, Onix!” The next pokemon was like a giant snake made out of boulders.

“Onix, the rock snake pokemon. If Onix gets angry, it will stop at nothing to destroy its attacker,” said Allison’s pokedex.

“Onix, use Rock Tomb!” The Onix slammed its tail onto the rocky ground and rocks surrounded Charmander. “Now, use Rock Throw!” Onix did the same thing except made the rocks fall onto the rocks that Charmander was trapped in. Charmander fainted and Allison recalled it into its pokeball.

“Go, Pidgey!” Allison threw out its pokeball and Pidgey appeared. “Use Gust!”

Pidgey started flapping its wings. At first it was just a soft breeze, but then it turned into a tornado and Onix fainted.

“I you have earned the Boulderbadge. You are now one step towards the Pokemon League.” Brock handed Allison a badge in the shape of a boulder. She got out her badge carrier and placed the badge into it. She had her first badge. Now, Allison knew the excitement of being in a truly hard battle. Even though she won the battle, she knew that this was only the beginning of her journey and much harder battles awaited her.

Sal Kar
April 17th, 2008, 07:20 PM
I like it.
Ghud job.
^__^

~Night
April 17th, 2008, 07:37 PM
Thanks!

~!~Miss Cow~!~

~Night
April 18th, 2008, 11:08 PM
Chapter 3

After visiting the Pokemon Center, Allison headed towards Route 3. A brown haired girl with a blue ribbon in her hair walked up to Allison.

“Do you like my hair? I’m sure my pokemon do!” she randomly said. “Go, Pidgey!”

Allison, who was now getting used to people saying random stuff instead of saying ‘Want a battle?’, said, “Go, Pidgey!”

“Pidgey, use Gust!” the girl’s Pidgey started flapping its wings and a mini tornado appeared.

“Pidgey, try to make an even stronger Gust!” Allison’s Pidgey worked its wings like there was no tomorrow. The girl’s Pidgey’s Gust backfired, and with the help of Allison’s Pidgey’s Gust, the girl’s Pidgey fainted.

“All right then, Go, Pidgey!” the girl sent out another Pidgey and she was dumb enough to do the same thing as before. “My hair is messed up!” she shouted, even though there was nothing wrong with her hair.

The next trainer was a bugcatcher named Bobby who claimed that he had battled Allison before even though he hadn’t. Allison made fast work out of him and then moved on to the next trainer. The next trainer was a kid who looked like he was eight years old.

“You aren’t wearing shorts!” he shouted and then lost a battle with Allison.

After a quick trip back to the Pokemon Center, she was challanged by the next trainer. He was another bugcatcher who thought that he was the Pokemon League Champion. The battles didn’t get hard until a blonde girl with a pink ribbon decided to battle.

“I may be blonde, but I’m still smart!” Her only pokemon was a Jigglypuff, but it kept using sing and putting Allison’s pokemon to sleep. Allison lost, but after a trip to the Pokemon Center she beat the blonde haired girl.

Eventually, Allison got to a cave entrance. Right next to it was a sign that said, “Mt. Moon” and a Pokemon Center. In the Pokemon Center, a crazy old man gave her an offer.

“I will give you this Magicarp for $500. Magicarp is a powerful pokemon! It even has “Magic” in its name! So, what do you say? Do you want it?” the man said. “It lays golden eggs and can make you rich!”

Allison had heard that Magicarp only could know the moves Splash, Tackle, and Flail, which were very weak moves. “If you can become rich by it, then why are you selling it?” Allison teased.

“Uhh… Because I have more than one?” he said, and Allison walked away.

Allison walked into Mt. Moon to find it surprizingly light. She had just taken about two steps when a girl in a brightly colored dress walked up to her and said, “I’m lost, do you know the way out?” even though the entrance was right infront of her. “Go, Clefairy!” A pink pokemon with brown hornlike ears appeared.

“Go, Charmander! Use Ember!”

“Dodge and use Metronome!” Clefairy easily jumped away from Charmander’s attack and started moving its fingers side to side. Eventually, Clefairy stopped and used Leech Seed. Vines shot from Clefairy’s fingers and tide up Charmander, then Clefairy used the vines to suck the power out of Charmander.

“Use Ember again!” Charmander sent fireballs flying in all directions and made Clefairy faint.

“Now I’m so hot!” the girl said.

Allison travelled through Mt. Moon and ocasionally found a Moonstone. When she was allmost out, a man in a Team Rocket uniform walked up to her.

“Don’t mess with our affairs!” he said. “Go Zubat!”

After Allison won the battle, she got to these mini stairs. She walked up them and a guy in a nerdy outfit walked up to her and said, “Those are my fossils, back off!” After beating his Grimer, Voltorb, and Koffing, the nerd gave one fossil to Allison which he called the Dome Fossil. Finally, she got to the exit of Mt. Moon and into Route 4.

In Route 4, Allison caught a Sandshrew, then continued on to Cerulean City. There was a building with a sign that said, “Pokemon Gym”. Next to it was a Pokemon Center which Allison revived her pokemon at. She saw a bike shop and decided to check it out.

“How much for a bike?” she asked the man behind the counter.

“One bike is $1,000,000,” he said. “It may be a little expensive, but these bikes are extra nice.

“They look like normal bikes to me!”

“They…Er…Go extra fast,” the man said uncertainly, and Allison left the store.

Allison decided to challenge the nearbye pokemon gym. When she walked in, she saw a giant swimming pool and a girl in a dark blue smim suit swimming in it with a bunch of water pokemon.

“Oh, you must want a battle,” she said. “I’m Misty and I’m the Cerulean City gym leader. My specialty is water pokemon, do you have any?” Misty sent out a Staryu, which was a brown starfish pokemon with a big, red gem in the middle. Allison hardly got through it. Her Charmander and Sandshrew were fainted and her Pidgey was weak from battle.

“Go, Starmie!” A purple starfish with extra legs and a red gem in the middle came from Misty’s pokeball.

‘This is hopeless,’ Allison thought, ‘I hardly got through Staryu, and now I have to get through its evolution?’ but she might as well just finish the battle. “Pidgey, use Gust!” Pidgey flapped his wings hard and produced a small tornado, weak and small, but good enough. The Gust seemed to hurt Starmie a little, but not a lot.

“Starmie, use Water Pulse!” A jet of water with rings around it shot from the red gem in Starmie’s center. It was a direct hit and Pidgey fainted.

After a visit to the Pokemon Center, Allison decided to work on her strategies. She went to the Nugget Bridge north of Cerulean City. Before she could get to the bridge a familier face stopped her.

“Hey, Allison, long time no see.” Her old rival. What was she doing here?

~Night
April 19th, 2008, 07:16 AM
Chapter 4

A beautiful girl with dark brown skin, black hair, and bright green eyes was standing there. Her hair was pulled back into a bun and she had silver and green earings shaped like stars.

“Caroline? What are you doing here?!”

“Well, I decided that after I beat the 3rd gym I would check out that dungeon over there,” she pointed to a giant cave with a man with blue hair standing infront of it. “but I guess I can’t cause he’s still there. Since I’m here, want to battle?” Allison thought she had seen the last of her old rival when Caroline got her first pokemon a month before her, but apparently, she didn’t.

“You’re on!” Allison longed to beat Caroline in something. When they were in anything together, Caroline always won. Allison knew that Caroline had much more expeirience with battles, but she had started out with a Bulbasaur to match her green eyes.

“Go, Ivysaur!” The pokemon that appeared infront of Caroline was none other than Bulbasaur’s evolution. It was way bigger than a Bulbasaur and instead of a bulb on its back, a bud was there.

Allison knew that she give in now that she had accepted the battle, but now she wished that she hadn’t accepted it. “Go, Charmander!” Charmander looked up at his oppenent and tried to run. “No, Charmander, this is your battle,” she whispered.

“Ivysaur, use Razor Leaf!” Leaves shaped like hooks came out of Ivysaur’s bud. They shot across Allison and Caroline’s battlefield and hit Charmander. To Allison’s surprise, they did a lot of damage.

“Charmander, use Ember!” Instead of using Ember, Charmander glowed a bright white light. The light changed form and then the glow went out infront of Allison was a Charmeleon! Just what Allison needed to beat an Ivysaur! Charmeleon opened his mouth and Ember came out and they hit Ivysaur in the face. It did some damage. Not as much as the Razor Leaf did to Charmeleon, though. The two pokemon exchanged moves and finally, both were weak from battle, but not fainted yet.

“Ivysaur, use Leech Seed." The vines were sucking the last bit of power out of Charmeleon and Allison couldn’t do anything, unless…

“Charmander, try to use Ember on the vines surrounding you.” After a few tries, it worked, not only did it stop Ivysaur from sucking out Charmeleon’s health, but it also travelled along the vines and hit Ivysaur. Ivysaurs eyes turned into spirals singnalling that it was defeated.

“Return, Ivysaur,” Caroline held out her pokeball and a red light surrounded it. “Go, Butterfree!” a purple butterfly with black and white wings appeared.

“Charmeleon, use Ember!” Charmeleon used the last of his energy to send fireballs spiralling towards Butterfree. Butterfree easily dodged the Ember and on Caroline’s command, used Confusion. A green glow surrounded Charmeleon and then went away with Charmeleon left fainted. After recalling Charmeleon, Allison sent out Pidgey. “Use Gust!” a strong tornado whacked Butterfree in the face leaving Butterfree with spiraling eyes.

“Go, Alakazam!” A giant brown and yellow pokemon holding two spoons was sent into battle. “Use Phycic!” Caroline was really frustrated now that she was being beated by a girl with only one badge. A blue light surrounded Pidgey, but instead of going away, it kept smashing Pidgey into the ground. Pidgey had spiralling eyes, but Alakazam kept smashing it.

“Stop! Its fainted!” Allison cried out. “Don’t hurt it!” tears were in her eyes. Allison felt like she had betrayed Pidgey.

“Do you forfit, then?” Caroline could be so mean! One time, someone wrote one more word than her on an essay, and she kicked his a** after school. Caroline looked sweet on the outside, and the inside, well, we don’t want to go there.

“Yes!” Pidgey lay there flat on the ground. Pidgey was returned to its pokeball and sent to the Pokemon Center.

“You shouldn’t battle that hard!” scolded Nurse Joy, “It could have been wounded for life if you hadn’t stopped battling just when you did!”

After an hour of waiting, Pidgey came out from the treatment room. “Pidgey!” Allison hugged it. “I was so worried!”

“Pidge!” Allison and Pidgey left the Pokemon Center and headed for the bridge. A boy holding a bugcatcher net walked up to her.

“I ordered a 12inch net,” he said, “but I only got a 9inch! Go, Caterpie!”

Allison sent out her Sandshrew and the battle began. “Use Scratch!” Sandshrew almost cut Caterpie in half. It didn’t even have a chance to attack before it fainted. The same followed for the rest of the bugcatcher’s pokemon.

After the battle, the bugcatcher said, “I am the weakest of the top five trainers in Cerulean City, so be warned that they will not be easy to beat!”

The next trainer was a girl with blue eyes and hair. “I got in the top five! No one’s going to take my title, now!” Her pokemon were Pidgey, Oddish, and Bellsprout. Bellsprount was a grass pokemon with a yellow bell for a head and a stem for a body. A few leaves were Bellsprout’s arms and legs. After beating her, was a youngster named Jimmy. She soon moved on to a girl with red hair and brown eyes.

“OMG! OMG! OMG! You’re not wearing a skirt! We have to fix that.” Allison, unlike most girls that she knew, was wearing geans and a plain red top. She had two Nidoran, which were poisond pokemon. They were small and looked like they had rabbit ears. Her girl Nidoran was blue and the boy was purple. After beating her, a rich looking blonde haired boy in a blue suit walked up to her.

“How much money did you spend on your pokemon?” he said. He had a strong Mankey, but it wasn’t strong enough. After beating the fifth and final trainer on the bridge, a man walked up to her.

“Congratulations on beating the five trainers. Here is this golden Nugget as your prize!” the man handed Allison a piece of gold. “Now, I have an offer for you. I know that you could easily become a strong member in Team Rocket. We are a group of people who take pokemon and sell them for money. The more pokemon you give to the boss, the more money you get! So, what do you say?”

“No, pokemon aren’t ment for selling to make money, they’re supposed to be your friends, not your pets!” said Allison.

“Don’t see it my way, eh?” the man got an evil look on his face. “Then you’ll have to beat me to get away! Go, Ekans!” His pokemon weren’t nearly as hard to beat as the rich boy’s was. Ekans was a purple snake with a yellow ring around its neck. His other pokemon was a Zubat, which was a blue bat with no eyes. “The boss isn’t going to be happy about this!” he shouted, then ran away.

Jak
April 19th, 2008, 07:55 AM
I'm just going to point out a few things that stuck out to me.

Caroline could be so mean! One time, someone wrote one more word than her on an essay, and she kicked his butt after school.

This sentence doesn't make a lot of sense. 'kicked his butt' is really...an odd term to use.

“I ordered a 12inch net,” he said, “but I only got a 9inch! Go, Caterpie!”

Oo; Twelve inch; nine inch.

“Congradulations on beating the five trainers. Here is this golden Nugget as your prize!”

Congratulations is the correct spelling.

“Dodge and use Metranome!”

Metronome.

Allison had heard that Magicarp only could know the moves Splash, Tackle, and Rapid Spin, which were very weak moves.

Magikarp; Flail, not Rapid Spin.

“Ivysaur, use Leech Seed. The vines were sucking the last bit of power out of Charmeleon and Allison couldn’t do anything, unless…


You didn't end her sentence with a quotation mark...therefore, it looks like she's still talking.

Might wanna fix all that stuff. >.< And the battle description is pretty fair...

solopy567
April 19th, 2008, 08:02 AM
I like it, its like an exact replica of what happens in the games...Its incredibly fast paced.

~Night
April 19th, 2008, 10:05 AM
I'm just going to point out a few things that stuck out to me.



This sentence doesn't make a lot of sense. 'kicked his butt' is really...an odd term to use.



Oo; Twelve inch; nine inch.



Congratulations is the correct spelling.



Metronome.



Magikarp; Flail, not Rapid Spin.



You didn't end her sentence with a quotation mark...therefore, it looks like she's still talking.

Might wanna fix all that stuff. >.< And the battle description is pretty fair...

Thanks, I'll try to pay a little more attention next time.

~!~Miss Cow~!~

Post Office Buddy
April 20th, 2008, 06:18 PM
I usually don't pay any attention to trainer fics, but I decided to read it just because it was based off of the game. I thought it was pretty decent. A bit fast paced, yes, but you managed to hook me for a while. When I read Silver's post and saw that you had given Magikarp Rapid Spin, I nearly laughed trying to imagine what a Magikarp using Rapid Spin would look like.

Overall, you did a good job. I'm too tired to really point out any mistakes, so feel spared for now. When I get the chance, though, I will do a thorough review on this fic, and I will say sorry in advance if I find a lot and end up making you cry. I don't think you have to worry too much about that, though, since I didn't see anything obvious when I read through it.

~Night
April 23rd, 2008, 02:58 PM
Chapter 5

Allison saw a sign that said “Route 25.” It was an area with lots of small bushes. Allison saw a man in a hiker suit right next to a patch of grass. She walked up to him, and as she expected, he was a trainer just waiting for a battle.

“I just came from Mt. Moon, but I think I still have some gas in the tank!” he said. “Go, Machop!”
A light blue huminoid pokemon erupted from the pokeball.

Allison got out her pokedex. “Machop, the fighting pokemon. Machop loves to build muscles. It trains in all styles of martial arts to become even stronger.”

“Go, Sandshrew!” Sandshrew appeared infront of Allison. “Use Poison Sting!” Sandshrew closed his hand, then re-opened it. In his palm was a mini needle. The needle was coated in a purple liquid. Sandshrew hurled the needle at Machop. The needle stuck into Machop’s shoulder and it cried in pain.

“Machop, use Karate Chop!” The Machop held his hand out and chopped Sandshrew in the head.

“Shrew!” Sandshrew cried in pain as Machop’s hand collided with Sandshrew’s head. Machop cringed in pain from the after affects of Poison Sting.

“Hang in there!” Allison encouraged. “Use Slash!” Sandshrew’s claws started to glow as he raced towards Machop. Claws from both hands ripped through Machop, leaving the blue huminoid fainted. The man’s next pokemon was a Geodude. After the battle, Allison continued on. She had no idea where she was going, but she got to beat a lot of trainers on the way.

Finally, she got to a little house. Allison walked in to find a Jigglypuff.

“Hello, I’m Bill, the creator of the PC system! (PC system is what you use to send your pokemon that you’re not using to Prof. Oak)” said the Jigglypuff. “What’s with that look? Sorry, I got combined with a pokemon with one of my experiments. Can you help me out?” Allison followed the directions that Bill told her and in no time, Bill was his normal self. “To show you my thanks, let me give you this S.S. Ticket.” Bill gave Allison a ticket with the words “S.S. Anne” on it.

Allison started heading back to Cerulean City when an odd looking pokemon appeared. It looked like a smaller version of Caroline’s Alakazam except without the spoons.

Allison got out her pokedex and it said, “Abra, the phycic pokemon. Abra sleeps for 18 hours a day. Even when awake, it teleports itself while remaining seated.”

“Cool, an Abra!” Allison exclaimed. “Go, Pidgey!” After the bird pokemon appeared, she said, “Use Quick Attack!” Pidgey started charging towards Abra, but at the last moment, Abra vaninshed and appeared somewhere else. “All right Pidgey, use Gust!” The tornado crashed into Abra and it fainted. Allison threw one of her pokeballs at the Abra. Abra was now a member of Allison’s team.

Finally, Allison got back to Cerulean City. She was finally ready to challenge Misty and this time she knew she was going to win. Allison walked into the gym to see Misty waiting for a challanger.

“Here for another battle?” Misty said. “Go, Staryu!” Now that Allison had seen Misty’s stratagy and trained up a bit, she knew what to do.

“Go, Abra!” Allison’s newest pokemon appeared infront of her.

“All right, Staryu, let’s start this out with Water Gun!” A jet of water shot out from Staryu’s center gem, but Abra was to quick for it.

Right before the water could even touch Abra, Allison said, “Use Teleport.” Abra teleported out of the way in the last second, and that’s how the rest of the battle with Staryu went. Staryu eventually fainted out of exaustion and Misty sent out Starmie. Allison tried to use the same tactics with Starmie as she did with Staryu, but Starmie was way to quick. Its attacks always hit Abra before Allison could even say anything, and finally Abra fainted. “Go, Pidgey! Use Gust!” Pidgey’s Gust hit Starmie hard.

That’s when Misty decided to use a different move. “Starmie, use Swift!” Tiny stars appeared and shot into Pidgey.

“Dodge it!” Pidgey jumped into the air to dodge Swift, but they just followed it. Pidgey was knocked out of the air and crashed into Starmie, leaving them both fainted.

“Here is the Cascade Badge.” Misty handed Allison a badge that looked like a drop of water.

Allison stayed a night at the Pokemon Center and then headed to Route 5. Allison had to walk through a house to get there, so she opened the door and was shocked by what she saw. The house was in ruins. A man in a hiking outfit was sitting in the corner and shaking like crazy.

“Come to steal something else?” he said.

“What!?! Why would I steal something?” Allison asked.

“Well,” said the man, “I was sitting here, minding my own business when the lights turned off. When they finally turned back on, the whole house was destroyed and the pokeball with my Mankey was gone!”

Allison decided to walk through the giant hole in the back of the house and find the man’s missing Mankey. A Mankey was a monkey pokemon that looked like it had just swallowed a watermellon whole. It had a pig nose and off-white fur. When Allison got outside, a man in a black uniform was running. The man suddenly realized that Allison was chasing him, and he turned around. On his black clothes, a giant, pink “R” was printed on his shirt.

“What do you want, kid?” the man said. “Don’t you know not to walk onto other people’s property?”

“Then who are you?” Allison asked.

“Me? I’m a caretaker.” When he saw Allison’s face, he realized that whatever he said, he wouldn’t fool her. “Oh, fine, I’ll battle you. Go, Zubat!” A blue bat appeared infront of the man.

“Go, Sandshrew!” The shrew pokemon appeared infront of Allison. “Use Poison Sting!” Sandshrew threw a poison needle at Zubat before it even could notice. Zubat emediatly fainted and the man had an embarassed look.

“Go, Ekans!” The purple snake appeared, and started hissing and spitting at Sandshrew. “Use Bite!” The Ekans bit Sandshrew, but it didn’t do anything.

“Use Scratch!” Sandshrew started glowing instead. When it stopped glowing, it wasn’t a Sandshrew anymore. Attached to its arms were giant claws as hard as steel. Brown spikes poked out of its back.

“Sandslash!” Sandshrew had finally evolved.

“Use Slash!” Sandslash charged at Ekans and used its giant claws to slash it. Ekans had fainted.

The man returned his fallen Ekans and said, “Oh take this Mankey back, it’s a common pokemon anyway.” Allison brought Mankey’s pokeball back to its owner, and continued on her way to Vermilion City.

Red1530
April 23rd, 2008, 04:55 PM
An interesting story so far. I also noticed that you are paying attention to grammar and spelling. Keep it up.

TurtleKing
April 23rd, 2008, 04:57 PM
Yawn. It's like same old - same old. Basically, you copied the dialogue from the game and pasted it into your fic. It's rather boring, but nonetheless some people will find it interesting.

~Night
April 23rd, 2008, 05:47 PM
An interesting story so far. I also noticed that you are paying attention to grammar and spelling. Keep it up.

Actually, I'm not paying any attention at all for grammer and spelling.

Yawn. It's like same old - same old. Basically, you copied the dialogue from the game and pasted it into your fic. It's rather boring, but nonetheless some people will find it interesting.

Yah, I just took the stratagy guide and turned it into a story. No one else I know likes pokemon, so I can't get any story ideas from them.

~!~Miss Cow~!~

TurtleKing
April 23rd, 2008, 07:10 PM
Yah, I just took the stratagy guide and turned it into a story. No one else I know likes pokemon, so I can't get any story ideas from them.


>.> Have fun with that. But seriously, if you want anyone to take your fic serious, you should at least detail more scenes and add original ideas to the story to extend it. Otherwise, a reader could just play the game, rather than read your fic.