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tsuchi-chan
May 26th, 2008, 01:18 PM
Broken Moon Solemn Stars
For Ichi-chan
Stars smile
Down at the face that loves them so
Down at the eyes that sparkle with the moons reflect
The lights send back with a deep regret
At the rooftop below the sky
At the smile of the heart
Below their sky
The stars all cry
The tears fly
Shooting stars across the moons face
Glisten at the face
At the heart
It’s the start
Of a true loves start

Avey
May 29th, 2008, 01:51 PM
I have to admit, this poem really gripped me, in the way that I could feel the person or being inside of it wanted to redeem his/herself.


Below their sky
The stars all cry
The tears fly



I don't know why, but these three lines gave me a sudden impulse to search up the Green Day song, Are We The Waiting?

Anyways, good poem.

LipstickTraces
June 2nd, 2008, 07:38 AM
It's got an interesting title. Oddly enough, to me it sounds like your view on global warming. Because the stars are looking down, it's like the earth is looking back feeling sorry for itself and in regret that what we have caused it. And as a result the stars feel sad too. And at the end where it describes the start of a love, this can be interpreted as the beginning of the end for humans... this can be interpreted in many ways, but I think it's a poem more directed towards love. It has an irregular structure, but it carries well and the flow isn't entirley disrupted.

Only thing I'd suggest is adding commas and full stops where necessary.

Good stuff :)