View Full Version : Sleeping Beauty - Parody

Sweet Dreams
July 7th, 2008, 4:42 PM
I had originally written this poem for educational purposes, but I enjoyed it, so I thought I'd stick this here.

Note: The last bit turned out odd and slightly sadistic... I had to end it somewhere, somehow...


He rode triumphantly upon his horse,
Which still gleamed pearly-white, of course.
His adventure thus far had been a stressful one
And when it was over, he wanted some fun:
Money, booze, and a fair lady to boot,
For the rest of his life – it’s worth more than any loot.
Oh what a story he would have to tell
Those back home about whom he fell
With one great sweep of his sword,
Whilst tied up with a black cord.

The evil witch had kidnapped him
With her black cat, scratching wickedly, called Tim.
But even while he was bleeding an taunted,
He looked as a lord; and this he flaunted
To all he met on the road after
That her head now hung on the rafter.
So he rode on, confident and pleased,
Never knowing that wherever he went, he was teased
For his golden lock and big, blue eyes, thought girly
And half-expected to stop and do a little “twirly”.

Next, a dragon blocked him, breathing fire,
And the situation looked most dire.
Alas! His sword was taken
And for the first time, he was shaken.
At this part, to nobody would he confide
That but for the lack of tools, he’d have committed suicide.
Then, by chance, his steed bolted, right
Between the dragons legs; off a cliff and out of sight.
Trying to follow, the scaly creature fell,
His roar like the twinkling of a faraway bell.

Now, sword in sheath on belt, he walked,
Although at sight of stone castle, he nearly baulked;
Never to flirt shamelessly with pretty maidens,
Or get drunk with no money laden,
To gamble away at his heart’s desire
Without having to answer to scorching fire.
But he was a hero in all its glory,
Having faced witches and dragons and all things gory
To get to this point; he might as well go on,
Or some young chap might pull a cheap con.

He began to ascend the winding stairs,
Painted, oddly enough, with turtles and hares.
He took a deep breath and swung open the door,
Expecting a sleeping beauty and nothing more.
But what he saw made him doubt his sight
When gremlins grumbled and birds took off in flight,
Interrupted from their tea party with the lovely lady
By this very girly guy who felt rather shady.
And so the princess rose and looked him in the eye:
‘Hello, young miss; no, why’d you drop by?’

‘Miss?! I am a prince come to rescue you
From a deep slumber caused by a witch named Lu,’
He cried, waving a sword and trying to salvage his pride.
‘Surely not! You look most like a newly-wed bride!’
She gasped, turning away to scoff at him,
‘And besides, you look rather dim –
I would say that you don’t have a clue about Pythagoras’ Theorem.’
‘No, but I know how to spear ‘em!’
He tried to impress with rhyme and quick-wits,
But all he got were gremlins laughing themselves to bits.

‘But why are you awake? I thought you were sleeping.’
In the sudden stillness he heard a small beeping.
‘That witch you killed? She was my sister;
And for that, I have to say: goodbye, mister,’
At a gesture, her guests attacked,
Tumbling him out the window with one last smack.
Then she remembered something and took
A bomb, shaped as a clock, off some hook.
‘Don’t forget to take this with you!’
She called, throwing it down and watched as it blew.

From then on, more men met that fate,
Since they have been increasing, as of late.
She would hatch another dragon or hire a witch,
If she didn’t have so much fun holding a stitch
As she laughed at people’s folly
And tasted their death as if it were a lolly.

Glitter Stain
July 9th, 2008, 5:31 PM
The only thing that blatantly stood out was the word "lolly"; it sounds like you were trying to force a rhyme. Otherwise, it looks pretty good. The subject doesn't interest me, but the structure is nice.