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Toblerone
August 22nd, 2008, 12:02 AM
This is just a poem i found lying around that i wrote a few years back. What do you guys think of it?

Could it be, that it was never to last?
You Poisnous Kiss reveals the past.
Could it be, we were never to love?
Your Poisnous Kiss destroys the "wuv".
Could it be, our love never begun?
Your Poisnous Kiss reveals your done.

I'm writing more (i've actually found some emo poems i wrote years back), but what do you think of this one?

MrRandomIDon'tCare
August 22nd, 2008, 11:41 PM
nice, very nice. keep working at it Toblerone :)

Toblerone
August 23rd, 2008, 12:16 AM
Thanks, Vidler! It's one that i found (it's a few years old), like i said, i have more that i'll probably post here, if you think this one is good XD.

MrRandomIDon'tCare
August 23rd, 2008, 09:13 AM
Sure, look for them, lol! This one's great!

Glitter Stain
August 26th, 2008, 01:48 PM
Using words like "wuv" and love to rhyme isn't the best thing to do; it generally indicates a forced rhyme. Other than that, the poem was pretty pleasant except for the fact that some of the lines are slightly unrelated.

FrosslassSorbet
August 26th, 2008, 01:52 PM
:O Poison Kiss sounds like a Pokemon move! *Makes it so*

Toblerone
August 27th, 2008, 03:50 AM
Lol, yes, it does, Froslass.

Mobile Tsk, your right "wuv" wasn't a good word to use XD. It was made 4 years ago, so what ya gonna do? I find forced rhyming very common in the poems i've found, any tips you could give me to correct these?

MrRandomIDon'tCare
August 27th, 2008, 04:36 AM
Lol, yes, it does, Froslass.

Mobile Tsk, your right "wuv" wasn't a good word to use XD. It was made 4 years ago, so what ya gonna do? I find forced rhyming very common in the poems i've found, any tips you could give me to correct these?

just let it flow. if you can't think of a rhyme, try a word that means sort of the same thing to the word you cannot rhyme, and see if there is an easier word to rhyme it with.

But with "love", you could have used "above" for the rhyme. you'd have needed to change the line, but at least it wouldn't be a forced rhyme.

But if this doesnt work, then type "rhyme" into google, and the first result is something called www.rhymezone.com , this is very useful, just type in the word, and click find rhymes.


Hope this helps.

:)

Glitter Stain
August 27th, 2008, 12:47 PM
Yes -- Rhyme Zone and other rhyming dictionaries should be your best bet on correcting the problem. Forced rhymes may be common but they are very distracting oftentimes.