Scars of Humanity (PG-13)

[iLike2EatPiez]

Prologue

Dry and crackled was the soil of the earth. Dull in color and hue when concealed beneath the dense foliage of the Eterna Forest, but as sunlight shined down on its surface it beamed a bright reddish shade. It was as if the land was still ablaze, smoldering and burning and torching in the blackened ashes of what was once known as society. Not even a wind dared blow. All was silent in death.

In the midst of this utter destruction, a pair of figures shuffled along. One horizontal in build, the other mainly vertical, yet hunched over in a rather awkward manner. Dust clouded around them, making their bodies appear as gray shadows. Lonely, was perhaps the proper word to describe this pair. No other life stirred, and the dusty tan fog hung, depressed and gloomy, in the thick yet dry air.

But these two symbolized something, in their lone solitude. A sudden, disastrous ending. A new beginning, just waiting to flourish. For indeed, as they both were aware, some day this tattered landscape would be green and bright. Once, perhaps in another lifetime, the scarred land would sprout with new life, and all the pain endured and all the blood spilled by the earth would be merely a faint memory of a lost, faded past.

Both of them came from this sorrow-filled world of memories. Both of them were heading for this grand future; a world without strife nor senseless destruction. But to get there, they would have to journey through the torn and tattered abyss that was the world of the present. A transitional world. A time for nature to rebuild. Start anew. Heal the wounds of time, after eons of slow, painful dying.

One of the figures (the taller, more vertical one) looked up at the sky in a soft, delicate manner, noticing only a faint light in the distance and recognizing it as the sun. If there were any blackened trees, ruins of buildings, or pieces of cracked concrete nearby, they went unnoticed in the dense, foggy void.

"There's nothing left," it whispered solemnly, as if speaking more to the earth than to anybody or anything else. The long-bodied figure at what could only be the feet of the whisperer uttered a low growl in acknowledgment of the words. Both now turned their gazes to the sky, squinting slightly, trying in vain to see more of the sun, the life giver. The real God. But, of course, it could be years before the dust cleared enough for the Earth's inhabitants to actually catch a glimpse of it once again. Possibly decades, even. Until then, no life would continue. Until then, the Earth would be caught in this state of lonely depression.

And despite that grim truth, the pair was determined to move on. Forge a new life. Leave behind the pain they once knew. Because one day, no matter how long that day would take to arrive, this world would be forever ridden from the scars of its past. That was enough to create inspiration. Slowly, silently, the pair vanished into the fog. Perhaps, one day, they would be witnesses to this new future...

***

I've always had a "problem" with making my Prologues too short... Anyways, I'm always looking for constructive critisism, so any you have to provide would be greatly appreciated!

[Blue Angel]

You are right, short Prologue, but I forgive ya.

It was a very well described prologue, especially in the quality of the words used.

Obviously because it was short and didn't give major information(a good quality of a writing piece, leaves the reader wanting more - suspense), it left me wondering, curious, ready for more ;p

No real spelling or grammar errors.

Good Luck, and I hope you get more reviews.

You could always try posting it in the Annoucement thread.

[iLike2EatPiez]

Thanks for the "review"! I was really trying to make it a vague Prologue, just because... well, those are both fun to write and good for getting readers interested. And I probably will post in the Announcement Thread... maybe after the first chapter.

[the bitter end.]

Short, but sweet (That's how my stories are), I can't wait for chapter 1

[iLike2EatPiez]

Ehm... first chapter? Woot?

***

Chapter One-The Victor, the Loser


A small turtle-like creature lay against the flooring of the arena, crumpled and defeated, its pale green hide marked by various scratches and wounds. A much more powerful beast stood above it. Its body was wrapped in navy-blue scales and sharp-edged fins. Two powerful legs held it up, and two thin arms tipped with ivory-white claws extended from it. Upon close inspection, one would find small traces of bright red blood at the tips of these natural weapons.

On one side of the arena, a lean girl smirked, tossing back her raven-black hair. The Pokemon standing before her merely stared at its defeated opponent. A pair of reptilian eyes, colored an eerie yellow, reflected no expression whatsoever. The girl was pleased. Turtwig lost. Because it was weak. Gabite won. Because it was strong. Simple as that may have been, this truth brought her a feeling of accomplishment. She was superior to the trainer standing on the other side of the arena. Not only Gabite was powerful; she herself shared that strength, in this respect.

"Turtwig, return," said Gardenia, the Gym Leader, in a firm tone. She seems disappointed with herself, Rachel thought. Hmph. She should be.

The Leader held out her hand. In this hand was a red-and-white sphere with a gleaming metallic surface. The sphere split open, casting a burst of red light upon the crippled Pokemon that had been defeated. Turtwig. The loser. It faded into the light, and there was no trace left of it when the Pokeball came shut. Good riddance.

"Well," Gardenia began, her eyes shifting from Gabite to its trainer. "I must say, I'm impressed by your battle skills."

Sorry I can't say the same for you, the girl wanted to growl. She held her tongue.

"... But it's not just skills that come into play..." the Leader added. "I'm surprised your Pokemon obey you at all. Gabite seemed to be listening to you almost... blindly. As if it were afraid to disobey... And Dustox--"

"I just got Dustox this morning," the girl cut her off. "In a trade. It's no surprise it doesn't listen to a word I say. And Gabite seems fine if you ask me. Now, if you'll excuse me; I came here for a Gym badge, not a critique on my battling style, thank you very much."

Gardenia looked appalled. Disgusted, almost. A firm scowl formed on her formerly soft face. Rachel sighed in disdain. Should've held my tongue that time, too. Crap.

The Gym Leader stared long and hard at the girl. The victor. Her superior. Silence seemed to echo endlessly through the Eterna City Gym. Green trees, bushes, and other foliage that filled the large building stood tall and indifferent, yet strangely oppressing. And as the Leader stared, prying for something unseeable in the girl's eyes, her challenger glared back coldly. She wanted to get this over with. That was apparent.

"Fine," sighed Gardenia, breaking the silence. She tucked a hand into a pocket and pulled it out, revealing a small metal piece that gleamed green and silver. "You want the badge? Here it is."

Still glaring, the girl recalled her Gabite, much in the same way as Turtwig, and headed across the battle arena with a careless look about her. Her footsteps rang out as they passed over the flooring. Tap... Tap... Tap... Tap... Aside from that, silence. The same silence that had filled the Gym before. Eerie. Cold. Resenting.

Upon the girl's approach, Gardenia slipped the badge into her hand, then simply stood, firm and serious. Smiling slightly with a feeling of, yet again, superiority, her challenger turned away, walking toward the Gym's exit. The Gym Leader's eyes fixed onto her, watching carefully.

"Wait..." muttered Gardenia. The girl stopped, but did not turn to face her. "What's your name, again?"

For a quiet moment it seemed the girl would not reply. "Rachel," came the emotionless response. And with that, she continued walking toward the Gym's exit.

Within the next few minutes, the same teen-aged girl was at the counter of a Pokemon Center, handing a pair of identical red-and-white orbs to a pink-haired lady whom everyone knew, of course, as "Nurse Joy". Few if any words were exchanged between them. Trainers came to heal their Pokemon, and as such it was common for the nurse to take Pokeballs without even speaking to the trainer... Or, at least, when it came to Rachel. Those cold blue eyes seemed too dark to question. As if they just dared you to speak, but left you unwilling to do so...

The nurse nodded and carried off the Pokeballs to a back room. Rachel proceeded to go sit on a nearby couch in the plain, yellow-and-pink room, and wait. Ugh. How she loathed waiting. Such a boring and dreary process. So empty. So dull.

To pass the time, she almost subconsciously slipped a hand into the pocket of her blue jeans, pulling out an elliptical object. A cell phone.

'New Voice Mail.' These words lit up on a white screen. Rachel's eyes widened for a moment. She hadn't expected any actual calls... So far on her journey, there had been few. Her mother insisted she brought a phone, just in case she happened to need it. Hah. Just a sorry excuse for her to pretend like she cared whether or not her daughter was safe. Of course, the voice mail message was from her mother. Who else? Holding the device to her ear, Rachel listened to the dry-toned voice (her mother always sounded like she had a cold, for some reason or another).

"Hope your Pokemon journey is going well... Missing you... Good luck... Yadda-Yadda-Yadda." Predictable. Common. Not surpirsing in the slightest. Basically, her mother was repeating things she'd said every other time she'd called over the past three months. Rachel never called back. Ever. The whole reason she left on this journey was to escape from her life.

"Even Jake is missing having you around..." the message went on. At this Rachel sighed. Jake. Jake the bastard. He was always going on about how his father left when he was too young to know him. How he had to grow up without a daddy. Sad, really. Mostly because he actually seemed to think he himself could be a father. Without ever having one himself. If there was any man Rachel despised, it was Jake. While she knew deep down it wasn't his fault, she still blamed him for how screwed up her life had been. He dragged her mother away from her real dad. At least, that was how it felt. Jake was a man of replacements. Rachel's real daddy gave up, and so he tried to replace him. He was a horrible father, so he tried to replace his horrible parenting skills with a rare Pokemon. And thus began Rachel's journey.

The message concluded with a soft 'goodbye', sorrowful in tone, mainly because it was painfully obvious Rachel of all people had no interest in calling back. She was, in every aspect, a loner. Others were supposed to understand that. Fourteen years was enough time for it to sink in with her own mother.

For the next ten minutes or so she sat there idly, pushing random buttons on her phone or occasionally letting out a bored sigh. An absent glance from her icy eyes was cast up to Nurse Joy, who barely caught the look in between accepting the Pokemon of another trainer. The pink-haired woman lifted her head.

"There is a TV there, you know..." she called to Rachel (only, the 'call' was more of a soft mutter).

Rachel blinked. She then noticed a rectangular shape on a nearby table, and a flat-screen television against the back wall. Really, she'd seen it before. She just didn't particularly care. TV had never interested her much. Not only that, but the nurse's words had made her feel entirely patronized; a feeling she loathed and despised with every fiber of her being. All the same, she was bored. Boredom could, in some cases, be worse than being patronized.

The room's silent atmosphere was broken as Rachel lifted the rectangular object (a remote), and turned on the television. Hunched lazily against the arm of the couch, she listened in and out to the news while mentally cursing the long and uneventful commercial breaks. There was some story about wild Pokemon acting oddly around the Eterna area. Bleh. Who cared? Lame. Uninteresting. Not worth a whole darn news report, she thought to herself. What was worse was that this particular news event seemed to be lasting forever... Once again boredom started to wrap itself around Rachel's mind, trapping its victim in cruel coils...

"Um... Rachel, was it? Rubison?"

The nurse's voice rang out through the Pokemon Center, causing Rachel to jump in surprise at her name being called. Expressionlessly, she rose and walked over to the counter.

"Yes?" she asked simply.

Joy set a pair of Pokeballs on the counter. "Your Pokemon."

No further words were passed. Rachel took them both, clipped them onto her belt, and left. The automatic doors of the building set her free from her boredom and waiting, and once again Rachel was on the road. The next city, and the next Gym badge, awaited her. Whoopie...

[Blue Angel]

Most of the time, I try to procrastinate and avoid reading a story till later.
This one pulled me in, so I had to finish reading it. Definitely a good quality in writing. Keep it up.

I would have liked to see you try to write a Battle, but I could still see how heartless Rachel was, and how Gardenia loathed having to give a girl without sympathy for her Pokemon, a badge. One of the things Ash experienced, was Gym Leaders giving tips on their battling styles and etc.

Obviously, Rachel should have listened, but being the non-caring and heartless person she seems to be, she didn't take it.

BTW, the last "sentence" with the parenthesis, get rid of the stuff and the parenthesis. You don't need them. We all know what a Trainer belt does :P

Great story, I'll be waiting for more.

Since I am normally absorbed in the reading, I wouldn't be surprised if someone else points out more errors though. Still takes a really good story to distract me from errors ^^

P.S. If I ever give you a post with a bunch of quotes and corrections on spelling, etc. then that is a review (in reference to your above post) but that also means that the author is really bad at those things. Take it as a compliment that I haven't had to do that for you ^^