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destinedjagold
August 30th, 2008, 03:27 PM
The time's passing by...
I watch it as it silently fly...
the place of gloominess where things grow slow...
everything here's no friend but foe...

chained by the memories of the past...
barely reaching the key to be free at last...
my arms stretched but failed to reach my future...
i felt the pain which never plan to make me endure...

my life is slowly drifting away from me...
no one to help and no one to flee...
just me alone...
in this place I have never known...

engaged in the battle of faith...
i failed to survive the trials I faced...
coming towards the end of the view...
ever coming close near the edge of the lace...

hope has left me all alone...
like a predator leaving behind broken bones...
survival is where I dream to survive...
but now I am slowly slipping from being alive...

MudMast
August 30th, 2008, 03:34 PM
wow, that was great.
It suits your quiet personality.
Also a quick reply.


Keep up the great work Time.

Kishijoten
August 30th, 2008, 03:56 PM
aww...that poem was so sweet and soothing. it was sweet to read.

N-XIGE
August 30th, 2008, 04:30 PM
Some grammatical errors, but this is a real poem; I mean...it has substance!

Hope you dont mind me rating it...8/10

Vintage Arachnid
August 30th, 2008, 04:38 PM
Heyy That's how I feel sumtimes. ;3
Sorryy that's not good, overrall it was a veryy nice poem.

Avey
August 31st, 2008, 05:23 AM
Hm, I quite like this. It's very slow at first and builds up into something pessimistically hopeful, if that even makes sense. You made a few grammatical errors:

The time's passing by...
I watch it as it silently fly...

Surely time flies?

i felt the pain which never plan to make me endure...

And that doesn't really make sense at all. If you want it to make sense, it should be magically edited into something along the lines of this:

I felt the pain which I never planned to endure.

Other than that, it was good. Remember though; you only need to do one period/comma at the end of a line, not three.

destinedjagold
August 31st, 2008, 06:06 AM
Hm, I quite like this. It's very slow at first and builds up into something pessimistically hopeful, if that even makes sense. You made a few grammatical errors:



Surely time flies?



And that doesn't really make sense at all. If you want it to make sense, it should be magically edited into something along the lines of this:



Other than that, it was good. Remember though; you only need to do one period/comma at the end of a line, not three.

"Surely time flies" is correct in grammar, however, I do not think my line there's grammar's wrong. YOu can also check if it's wrong through MS Word.

"i felt the pain which never plan to make me endure... "
I felt the pain --> meaning myself, the victim of the pain.
which never plan --> meaning the 'pain' is the one who plans, not me. 'plan' refers to all time period.

the three dots represents that I am not feeling happy that time.