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Gymnotide
September 7th, 2008, 03:00 PM
I think I'm going to use this one in a poetry contest in the future. Wish me luck.
I wrote it for fun... No reason, really.

@DeviantArt: http://gymnotide.deviantart.com/art/Abandonment-97322433

It's... About war.

[css-div="border: solid 1px black; width: 400px; padding: 20px; background-color: white;"]Abandonment
Radiance, rebirth, the break of dawn,
Suffering forgotten; suffering foregone.
"Warriors awaken! Tomorrow awaits!"
Sword and shield face osseous gates,

The fallen throng, the mental thrall.
Redemption forgotten; an unearthly squall.
The jawbone, the ribcage, the lifeless dirge,
Marching, relentless, the mourning scourge.

Willow, fatui, brimstone light,
Ensiferous heart spills brimstone life.

Two swords collide in vorpal wrath,
Two kingdoms collide in polar paths.

Your brother I have slain.
He falls; I remain.
Lament, repent, forget, forgive,
The slayer is the victim.

A blade for a blade, an eye for an eye,
The tears of the widow, the tears of the sky.
To murder for justice and die for honor,
That is the way of the soldier.

Providence,
Where are you now?
Your might, your faith
I disavow.[/css-div]

Counterfeit
September 7th, 2008, 03:18 PM
That's fantastic! ^^

We were given the task of writing a poem in my English class, and that right there is miles better than any that our class came up with.

Top o' the class! ;)

N-XIGE
September 7th, 2008, 06:31 PM
This poem had rhytm (44%)...soul (16%), and the perfect words (40%)...

It was a masterpiece unlike any I have seen since I returned to Poetry...and the very first to steal my...10/10. Full mark!

Keep it up...I guess you didn't release this poem as a freestyle; it's a decent effort.

Goodluck.

Avey
September 8th, 2008, 06:37 AM
Wow, Gymnotide. That just blew me away. Wonderful, wonderful. There's really nothing more to say.

Kuchiki Byakyuya, I'm going to have to comment on your reviewing style. You take random digits out of the air to make your reviews sound smart but really they are quite lacking. And it's spelled rhythm. Just post your thoughts on the poem in question; anyone who is a decent reviewer knows that you are just making up random percentages. Don't do it.

Vie
September 8th, 2008, 06:40 AM
wow, its really good. I like the story.
I also write poems sometimes, but they arent like that. youre good :D

N-XIGE
September 8th, 2008, 10:20 AM
Kuchiki Byakyuya, I'm going to have to comment on your reviewing style. You take random digits out of the air to make your reviews sound smart but really they are quite lacking. And it's spelled rhythm. Just post your thoughts on the poem in question; anyone who is a decent reviewer knows that you are just making up random percentages. Don't do it.

Well...the only person I see complaining is you...and I guess it doesn't do any harm; and besides; I didn't pick random words...if you did a little more thinking you would notice that I picked random 'estimated' percentages...I don't do anything plain random...and If this has anything to do with you or you poems...just tell me to stop posting in their threads...that's a lot easier.

the bitter end.
September 15th, 2008, 06:11 PM
Okay, this is good poetry here, you should have this like published, better poetry than I could write, great job =D

PokeProphet
September 16th, 2008, 08:14 PM
I think its pretty good, alot better than i can do, you should keep writing, i'd love to read more.