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Dialga VS Palkia08
September 10th, 2008, 01:01 PM
I wrote some of these for this girl i really like.


Your Name

I wrote your name in the sky,
but the wind blew it away.
I wrote your name in the sand,
but the waves washed it away.
I wrote your name in my heart,
and forever it will stay.

Love Is ...

Love is the greatest feeling,
Love is like a play,
Love is what I feel for you,
Each and every day,
Love is like a smile,
Love is like a song,
Love is a great emotion,
That keeps us going strong,
I love you with my heart,
My body and my soul,
I love the way I keep loving,
Like a love I can't control,
So remember when your eyes meet mine,
I love you with all my heart,
And I have poured my entire soul into you,
Right from the very start.

I Will Love You Forever

I love you so deeply,
I love you so much,
I love the sound of your voice
And the way that we touch.
I love your warm smile
And your kind, thoughtful way,
The joy that you bring
To my life every day.
I love you today
As I have from the start,
And I'll love you forever
With all of my heart.

Last 1:
All the love that history knows,
is said to be in every rose.
Yet all that could be found in two,
is less than what I feel for you.

3 more:

My Love

My love is like an ocean
It goes down so deep
My love is like a rose
Whose beauty you want to keep.

My love is like a river
That will never end
My love is like a dove
With a beautiful message to send.

My love is like a song
That goes on and on forever
My love is like a prisoner
It's to you that I surrender.

A White Rose

The red rose whispers of passion,
And the white rose breathes of love;
O, the red rose is a falcon,
And the white rose is a dove.
But I send you a cream-white rosebud
With a flush on its petal tips;
For the love that is purest and sweetest
Has a kiss of desire on the lips.

Love

Love is like a lump of gold,
Hard to get, and hard to hold.
Of all the girls I've ever met,
You're the one I can't forget.
I do believe that God above,
Created you for me to love.
He chose you from all the rest,
Because he knew I would love you best.


Ok
[EDIT]

SHE SAID YES SHE SAID YES>
I FINALLY HAVE A GIRLFRIEND
WOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOO.

Ill write more after some comments.

Gymnotide
September 13th, 2008, 12:31 PM
[css-div="border: solid 1px black; background-color: white; width:400px; padding: 20px;"]Sorry to be a spoil-sport, but I'm here now.

There's this quality to love poems which make everything have to seem monotone, which is part of the reason I hate to rate them.

I see no problem with "Your Name" so let's start with "Love Is..."

Love is like a play,

This line bothers me. A play is where someone dons a costume for others to watch as they impersonate someone who they're not. Think about this.

I love the way I keep loving,
Like a love I can't control,

The first line implies that the narrator just enjoys loving people in general, which may or may not mean that the other is just another target to dump said love.

The second line implies that the love is uncontrollable. This could be interpreted badly in a few ways, such as "I want to leave, but I can't." or "I want this relationship to go faster/slower, but I can't make that happen." or "This love is unstable." None of these are your intended interpretation, so I'll bet you'd want to change that.

When you read the two lines together, the meaning changes somewhat due to the syntax of the words. Not only do the two lines have nothing to do with loving another person, but they are completely focused on the way the narrator loves. The second line implies they are weak, since they have no control over the relationship. Together, the two lines mean that the narrator likes to love weakly and passively.

So remember when your eyes meet mine,
I love you with all my heart,

"Meet" = "met"?

You need a better transition between these two lines. They have no relevance to one another.

- - - - -

Overall, it's not a bad poem, otherwise I'd have really turned it inside-out.

Those few lines I pointed out detract from your goal.

The only real problem is that it's a generic love poem filled with metaphors and phrases which I'm sure everyone has heard once before.

I may get to the others if I have time later.[/css-div]

Sounds
September 14th, 2008, 10:44 AM
congratz on having a gf i guess
those poems were very beautifull
but the others r kinda right