View Full Version : Lackluster

September 11th, 2008, 9:58 PM
I've been trying to write a poem for the past few days to pass time.
It's been increasingly noticeable to me that I have lost all inspiration.

So, anyways, even though I shouldn't have done so, I forced myself to write this.

It's missing something and I need to fix a few lines and add better transitions near the end.
For now, comments and discussion.

edit Read it myself a couple of times and I realize now that this is a terrible poem XD

[css-div="border: solid 1px black; width: 400px; padding: 20px; background-color: white;"]Lackluster
My Muse has died and gone to Hell
For plaguing me with ingenuity.

The seiren song resounds,
The shore beckons, hissing.

A wise man once told me -
Gazing the horizon
Brings ample pleasure
To the simple-minded,
For, what they don't know
Cannot hurt them;
Cannot kill them.

Why then, does the horizon choke me?

Vomiting words of death
and swallowing sorrow,
A master of macabre,
Is a Micawber at heart.

He fears the words he utters
May bring him to the shore.
He fears the thoughts he ruminates
Might bring him to before.

To Poseidon, progenitor;
Earthshaker, the Flood.

The Muse has died and gone to Hell,
So what has he to fear?
No thoughts; no spark; no guiding voice.

A mortician once told me -
The horizon is an endless plain;
The boundary of Earth and sky;
The stairwell to the heavens.

But, my Muse has died and gone to Hell;
I follow her.

The saline taste of Lethe;
The sweet symphony of the sea;
The silenced seiren song.
They summon me.

The endless horizon draws in
And wraps around my neck.[/css-div]

Glitter Stain
September 13th, 2008, 4:44 PM
edit Read it myself a couple of times and I realize now that this is a terrible poem XD
No, it's not. It's a good poem, with depth that few other people can achieve in a poem. I commend you. I like how in some of the stanzas you sacraficed rhyme for deep meaning.