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Vegeta™
September 23rd, 2008, 05:00 PM
Influenced by the realist, screaming blank the world if you don't feel us
ima young man, tryna escape this world my brain's all wrapped around the killers
also screaming blank the world, my dead eyes attached to the gold
i lost my father, so how am i to know where im supposed to go?
on and off the drugs like daily, im drinkin on liquor and smoking twenty fo seven,
lay me down for a while, finish my smoke then drink til it's eleven
creek towards the window, wonder and free my mind smoke off an endo
my last joint, all i was taught to smoke til i die, so ima choke til there's nothing left,
and when im nothing less, time to hustle hustle hustle for mo now feel me
il tell ya, you better pray to god that yo ssa gets saved, before you try to kill me

Glitter Stain
September 23rd, 2008, 06:30 PM
Influenced by the realist, screaming blank the world if you don't feel us
ima young man, tryna escape this world my brain's all wrapped around the killers
also screaming blank the world, my dead eyes attached to the gold
i lost my father, so how am i to know where im supposed to go?
on and off the drugs like daily, im drinkin on liquor and smoking twenty fo seven,
lay me down for a while, finish my smoke then drink til it's eleven
creek towards the window, wonder and free my mind smoke off an endo
my last joint, all i was taught to smoke til i die, so ima choke til there's nothing left,
and when im nothing less, time to hustle hustle hustle for mo now feel me
il tell ya, you better pray to god that yo ssa gets saved, before you try to kill me
I'm not sure how to blank reply to this poem. Numerous typos, grammatical errors, words like "ya" and "yo" that distract from the poem but add absolutely nothing to it. I had a hard time finishing this poem. It didn't make a whole lot of sense... just someone who gets tempted into bad things and nearly dies.

Vegeta™
September 24th, 2008, 05:24 AM
It was moved to this section, it aint poetry its my lyrics and blank is supposed to be ****

Mikau1
September 24th, 2008, 10:55 AM
right, in my opinion is not bad but like noble tsk said, too much grammar problems

Glitter Stain
September 24th, 2008, 11:57 AM
It was moved to this section, it aint poetry its my lyrics and blank is supposed to be ****
OK, first of all, I'm not dumb. I know what blank represents. Second of all, lyrics/songwrites are poetry. I don't know where it used to be, but I can't think of another section that would suit this kind of thread better. Lyrics are poetry. It's that simple.

SamuraiMaster
October 7th, 2008, 10:15 AM
I'm not sure how to blank reply to this poem. Numerous typos, grammatical errors, words like "ya" and "yo" that distract from the poem but add absolutely nothing to it. I had a hard time finishing this poem. It didn't make a whole lot of sense... just someone who gets tempted into bad things and nearly dies.


I agree with this dude. It's kinda clumped...