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View Full Version : Warning:Some disturbing content.


lugialief14
October 10th, 2008, 01:36 PM
In these few lines that I won't delete,
I explain a terrible fate to meet.
Sinking down, down through the waves,
Calling for help, no one can hear, no one can save,
I kick upwards till I can't anymore,
I faint but end up on the shore.
Some see me there, panic will arrise.
Some are scared, no one cries.
They don't save me, they hardly try.
When in Heaven, I might cry.
"Why didn't they try, why did they turn away?"
"They did try, my child, but I made that fail."

Glitter Stain
October 10th, 2008, 01:55 PM
What's disturbing about it?

It's a nice poem, but it starts and ends really abruptly. Short poems can pay off, but I don't think it works very well here.

lugialief14
October 10th, 2008, 01:58 PM
Well, come to think of it, its not really that disturbing.