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Glitter Stain
October 15th, 2008, 12:32 PM
Sadly, this poem is no longer available. =[

And lol, this thread is full of fail and AIDs. Thanks for ruining my thread, guys. =]

hawksworthy77
October 17th, 2008, 05:22 AM
i think this is really bad

Glitter Stain
October 17th, 2008, 11:48 AM
i think this is really bad
Well, considering this is your only post and the fact that you didn't give any reason why you thought it was bad, your opinion is moot as of now. Unfortunately for you, the chances of you having any idea how to properly criticise poems is incredibly small.

Although, I hope you have a great evening. :]

Syaoran
October 18th, 2008, 08:46 AM
i think this is really bad

I'm inclined to agree.


So basically, you took the definition of Boomerang and explained it to the readers.. you didn't tell us anything new, nor exciting. It's like you focused on the structure to make the "poem" seem clever and interesting.. unfortunately, that didn't work out at all, as I'm wondering why I wasted my time reading it.

Syaoran
October 18th, 2008, 10:16 AM
Wow, so...I don't know who you think you are, but you obviously have little, if any, knowledge about poetry. It's hilarious that you actually took Mobile's work and compared it with that poem. Oh, and just because a certain poem is famous doesn't mean it should be good in everyone's eyes. I personally don't enjoy unnecessary poems that don't make me think or try to arouse the slightest emotion in me. BTW, I studied expanded literature & poetry in high school, so yeah, I like to think that I actually -have- a clue, having analyzed a nice amount of well known poems (most are not by english authors).

The poem you posted is very far from Mobile's. It keeps a certain ambiguity as the content gives different details while not making a clear relevance. That already makes the reader look into the words and have a second or even a third glance at the poem. What Mobile did is just ridiculous.. it's almost as she was trying to sell me a boomerang - giving instructions of how to use it.. well, ain't that genius. I just can't find anything that makes me want to read it again, because it's just that boring. If you have a problem with that, then keep it to yourself. You should be rating her poem, not my comment. My comment is not up for rate here. If you have a problem with it, ignore it and post a praise of your own.. although I wouldn't expect much from someone that only came here to attack, and you certainly did, in the first sentence of your post.

Necromancy
October 18th, 2008, 02:45 PM
Jeez, "this is really bad", that's bs. I actually think this is quite a strong piece of writing, despite being so short and simply being about a Boomerang. I really enjoyed reading this, and relating to what you meant by it. I especially like the formatting of right to left, and then centered at the bottom like it actually did fall. Very clever.

I can't really explain why I liked it so much, but I just did. I hope what the other two have said doesn't put you off writing. It certainly wasn't a waste of time, for me anyways. I also hope I get to read more stuff like this from you again soon. ^_^

Oh, and to reply to what has been said:

So basically, you took the definition of Boomerang and explained it to the readers.. you didn't tell us anything new, nor exciting.

Well that's not really the case, because she took the fact that you always expect a boomerang to come back, and you're shocked when it falls, and gave it depth. It's a simple concept, yes, but I feel it worked quite effectively. It's like when you think you can depend on someone and that they're reliable, and suddenly they let you down. So, in essence, this is personification in a sense.

Syaoran
October 18th, 2008, 05:07 PM
Well that's not really the case, because she took the fact that you always expect a boomerang to come back, and you're shocked when it falls, and gave it depth. It's a simple concept, yes, but I feel it worked quite effectively. It's like when you think you can depend on someone and that they're reliable, and suddenly they let you down. So, in essence, this is personification in a sense.

Even if she did "succeed" (according to you) to provide a strong message (lol?), then it was done very poorly and the wording is just smothered around the entire poem, very repetitively, uninspiring.

EDIT: I had it erased for a reason. It's not relevant to the thread, it's just us arguing. If you post it again, you'll receive an infraction. >_> - Popwar
EDIT: It's actually extremely related to the topic, and provides further explanation to my criticism on Mobile's poem. You should be infracted as well if you deleted your own post, because then it counts as "spam". Not only that, it shows how you attacked me personally about my knowledge in poetry.



Wow, so...I don't know who you think you are, but you obviously have little, if any, knowledge about poetry. o_o; There have been many writers who create poetry just like this and they have become famous for it. E.E. Cummings is a most righteous example. Read his poem r-p-o-p-h-e-s-s-a-g-r if you want proof. That poem literally makes no sense and yet people read it and write reports on what it could be interpreted as. It doesn't even have rhythm.

There's plenty of works of poetry that work to create a picture in your head, have no real purpose, and are just there to inform the reader, you, of what the poem is about. This is exactly what Mobile Tsk was trying to do. It wasn't an attempt to create a statement about something and fill the poem with metaphors. It was just to inform us readers as to what the subject does and how the subject goes around.

Here's a poem by William Carlos Williams, which shows a prime example:

so much depends
upon

a red wheel
barrow

glazed with rain
water

beside the white
chickens.

This poem has no purpose, it doesn't have anything "new" or "exciting" as you call it, yet it is a highly popular poem, because you can picture it in your head and create an image of the scene. It doesn't need to be filled sky-high with secrets and metaphors for what the stanzas could actually mean. So, you've got no reason to call Mobile Tsk's poetry poor or say it wasted your time.


Wow, so...I don't know who you think you are, but you obviously have little, if any, knowledge about poetry. It's hilarious that you actually took Mobile's work and compared it with that poem. Oh, and just because a certain poem is famous doesn't mean it should be good in everyone's eyes. I personally don't enjoy unnecessary poems that don't make me think or try to arouse the slightest emotion in me. BTW, I studied expanded literature & poetry in high school, so yeah, I like to think that I actually -have- a clue, having analyzed a nice amount of well known poems (most are not by english authors).

The poem you posted is very far from Mobile's. It keeps a certain ambiguity as the content gives different details while not making a clear relevance. That already makes the reader look into the words and have a second or even a third glance at the poem. What Mobile did is just ridiculous.. it's almost as she was trying to sell me a boomerang - giving instructions of how to use it.. well, ain't that genius. I just can't find anything that makes me want to read it again, because it's just that boring. If you have a problem with that, then keep it to yourself. You should be rating her poem, not my comment. My comment is not up for rate here. If you have a problem with it, ignore it and post a praise of your own.. although I wouldn't expect much from someone that only came here to attack, and you certainly did, in the first sentence of your post.


-----

Good day.

Glitter Stain
October 18th, 2008, 05:39 PM
I'm inclined to agree.


So basically, you took the definition of Boomerang and explained it to the readers.. you didn't tell us anything new, nor exciting. It's like you focused on the structure to make the "poem" seem clever and interesting.. unfortunately, that didn't work out at all, as I'm wondering why I wasted my time reading it.

K, I know you're mad at me and all, but what you're doing is only helping me. I'd actually appreciate it if you gave bad advice on my poetry threads from now on, because it seems to really attract attention.

Even if she did "succeed" (according to you) to provide a strong message (lol?), then it was done very poorly and the wording is just smothered around the entire poem, very repetitively, uninspiring.


And in regards to what Popwar Bunny doesn't want you all to see, luckily I have it saved (I can predict when someone is about to delete my post).






Wow, so...I don't know who you think you are, but you obviously have little, if any, knowledge about poetry. It's hilarious that you actually took Mobile's work and compared it with that poem. Oh, and just because a certain poem is famous doesn't mean it should be good in everyone's eyes. I personally don't enjoy unnecessary poems that don't make me think or try to arouse the slightest emotion in me. BTW, I studied expanded literature & poetry in high school, so yeah, I like to think that I actually -have- a clue, having analyzed a nice amount of well known poems (most are not by english authors).

The poem you posted is very far from Mobile's. It keeps a certain ambiguity as the content gives different details while not making a clear relevance. That already makes the reader look into the words and have a second or even a third glance at the poem. What Mobile did is just ridiculous.. it's almost as she was trying to sell me a boomerang - giving instructions of how to use it.. well, ain't that genius. I just can't find anything that makes me want to read it again, because it's just that boring. If you have a problem with that, then keep it to yourself. You should be rating her poem, not my comment. My comment is not up for rate here. If you have a problem with it, ignore it and post a praise of your own.. although I wouldn't expect much from someone that only came here to attack, and you certainly did, in the first sentence of your post.


-----

Good day.
Popwar Bunny doesn't attack people. LOL

That's like someone calling Master Kwesi a troll. IT JUST DOESN'T HAPPEN.

I just think this full-fledged attack on not only me but also Popwar Bunny is just an attempt to attract negative attention to this thread, but it's doing exactly the opposite. The only people who don't like this are you and Mr. 1+, so I'm not convinced that it's as bad as you're representing it to be.

By the way, what on Earth did they teach you in that class? How to spell poetry? Because you've not given a single hint that you can even begin to analyze a piece.

Syaoran
October 18th, 2008, 05:56 PM
I don't think it's allowed trolling people here. Not reading a single word I said (or just simply misunderstanding it due to lack of brain) while replying with further offensive accusations and insults.. --> yeah, that's definitely trolling. I'm just making sure everyone sees what you're trying to do.

I've been telling you more than once that poems need a lot more than just a pretty font or text placement to actually convey a message.. after all, when reading them out loud, nobody will know your text settings. My messages have been nothing but helpful. The really sad thing here is that you take things so personally, to the point you actually do everything you can to make the other person feel unhappy (be it bad reps for ART or just simple accusations when you can't accept your own wrongs). I -really- hope you do not act like that in real life, because it will slap you in the face someday. Of course, being so young plays a big part in your current behavior, but these signs of character aren't pretty. Holding a grudge for an inactive member, bad repping them for their own art (when you think you can get away with it doing it anonymously) - while being just the tip of the iceberg - I want to hope I'm the only one you treat this way, for your own good.

Good day.

Glitter Stain
October 18th, 2008, 06:09 PM
I don't think it's allowed trolling people here. Not reading a single word I said (or just simply misunderstanding it due to lack of brain) while replying with further offensive accusations and insults.. --> yeah, that's definitely trolling. I'm just making sure everyone sees what you're trying to do.

I've been telling you more than once that poems need a lot more than just a pretty font or text placement to actually convey a message.. after all, when reading them out loud, nobody will know your text settings. My messages have been nothing but helpful. The really sad thing here is that you take things so personally, to the point you actually do everything you can to make the other person feel unhappy (be it bad reps for ART or just simple accusations when you can't accept your own wrongs). I -really- hope you do not act like that in real life, because it will slap you in the face someday. Of course, being so young plays a big part in your current behavior, but these signs of character aren't pretty. Holding a grudge for an inactive member, bad repping them for their own art (when you think you can get away with it doing it anonymously) - while being just the tip of the iceberg - I want to hope I'm the only one you treat this way, for your own good.

Good day.
Sorry to burst your bubble, but I don't rep inactive members. I may have given someone in the Art forum bad rep not knowing they were inactive, but I don't see:
1) Why that matters
2) How you know that
3) Why that's even a bad thing

You're bringing up some really irrelevant and just plain out-there points.

Maybe I shouldn't have treated you the way I did, but your vulgar responses (that went un-punished on Shoddy) weren't any better. I'm tired of you attacking me whenever you get a mood swing, and I'm REALLY tired of Kayashi defending you and flaming the hell out of me. This situation wouldn't even happen if you and everyone else on the S&M board knew how to behave. (Speaking of the S&M board, I can tell you're linking everyone on the Shoddy Battle server to this thread. What can YOU possibly can from that?)

And, in response to your only real on-topic comment, nothing you gave me was helpful. You may have tried to be helpful, but you weren't.

Now, I'm tired of you using every outlet you can to "jump" me. You, Luke, and Kayashi apparently have a long-standing problem with me that one of you pulled out of your ass. I don't care who did it, I just want it to end now. If you don't like my poetry, that's fine, but you don't have to stalk me on MSN, Shoddy, and PC.

Syaoran
October 18th, 2008, 06:37 PM
Look at you being all defesive-little-fragile-girl. I'm gonna burst into tears soon. It doesn't matter if you don't like my help (as long as I do try to help), because you obviously can't take criticism. It also doesn't take a brainy to see that. Maybe some day you will be a part of a more understanding (and mature) community that actually has a clue about poetry/literature, then just maybe you'll learn to take criticism from other people.
Everything I'm bringing is VERY relevant because it is what defines your actions towards others, only being based on personal grudge and loathing. You're the one stalking MY inactive threads trying to seed your hate wherever possible. If you have any personal problems with the S&M members you shouldn't be dragging it here to call your friends and warn/infract me for everything petite that was already over a month or two (when you should have been banned for far worse issues, like posting pornography in a chat filled with people under 18). I suggest you look harder into your own actions to see where you were wrong and why so many people dislike you over there.

I'm done with this, hoping you have come to an enlightenment. Anything else will be addressed through higher ups.

Good day.

Glitter Stain
October 18th, 2008, 06:47 PM
Look at you being all defesive-little-fragile-girl. I'm gonna burst into tears soon. It doesn't matter if you don't like my help (as long as I do try to help), because you obviously can't take criticism. It also doesn't take a brainy to see that. Maybe some day you will be a part of a more understanding (and mature) community that actually has a clue about poetry/literature, then just maybe you'll learn to take criticism from other people.
Everything I'm bringing is VERY relevant because it is what defines your actions towards others, only being based on personal grudge and loathing. You're the one stalking MY inactive threads trying to seed your hate wherever possible. If you have any personal problems with the S&M members you shouldn't be dragging it here to call your friends and warn/infract me for everything petite that was already over a month or two (when you should have been banned for far worse issues, like posting pornography in a chat filled with people under 18). I suggest you look harder into your own actions to see where you were wrong and why so many people dislike you over there.

I'm done with this, hoping you have come to an enlightenment. Anything else will be addressed through higher ups.

Good day.
No, you're not being relevant... and pornography? What are you talking about? I don't look at pornography, much less do I post it.

And criticism isn't something I would use to describe your posts in this thread thus far. I'd call it bad advice. It's uninformed, sensationalist, and inaccurate. It's also defamatory, irrelevant, and rude. Nothing you have said about this poem has made me want to re-evalute/rewrite anything.

I don't carry out grudges all over the place. That's you. I searched for one of your threads. That's not stalking.

Merzbau
October 18th, 2008, 07:43 PM
A simple poem about a simple object with a simple purpose.

Not bad, overall, the only piece that fell flat was the last part, the "Oh, it fell."

That line messed up the entire poem for me. It was otherwise fine.

Also, no need to bicker, you guys. It's really immature. Whoever started it, stop it.

Syaoran
October 18th, 2008, 07:56 PM
No, you're not being relevant... and pornography? What are you talking about? I don't look at pornography, much less do I post it.

And criticism isn't something I would use to describe your posts in this thread thus far. I'd call it bad advice. It's uninformed, sensationalist, and inaccurate. It's also defamatory, irrelevant, and rude. Nothing you have said about this poem has made me want to re-evalute/rewrite anything.

I don't carry out grudges all over the place. That's you. I searched for one of your threads. That's not stalking.

Stop lying to yourself, jeez. I was gone for over 2 weeks. You admit to searching my old threads and giving a bad rep to poems, not posts, poems. Then when I express my opinion on this thread you call your friends to heat things up. Reversing the accusations doesn't make you look smarter, it only strengthens my belief that you obtain a seriously flawed characteristics. If you don't like the advice given to you, ignore it. Simple as that.

Don't forget that boomerang is somewhat like karma. It always comes back to you in the end.
I hope someday I will get to read your suicide poem. Good day.

Ausaudriel
October 18th, 2008, 08:03 PM
Mobile Tsk and Syaoran, cool it. Seriously.

Back off of each other and just cool it. Syaoran, reply here again and I'll just delete your post. (I'm not singling you out, but considering this thread is Mobile Tsk's, you not replying any more is much more sensible.)

Zet
October 19th, 2008, 02:29 AM
this was a nice short poem, it brings back memories of when I was a kid and first tried throwing a boomerang and it didn't come back xD but yeah I really like what you have written Mobile Tsk

Klippy
October 20th, 2008, 03:52 PM
I hope someday I will get to read your suicide poem.

Wow, really? o_o; That's almost sickening that you'd hope for someone to commit suicide, even if you dislike them. And you're 21? Grow up.

Along with that, Mobile, I know this is your thread, but you're not helping the matter by feeding the trolls as you have done. I know criticism isn't fun to get sometimes, but just accept it and grow from it. >_>; Lashing back and saying their point is invalid isn't right and if you're posting your works here, then you're opening your works up to being criticized by other members of the forum.

No more posting about whatever the matter it is you two are on about. If it's that big of an issue, take it to personal messages where none of the other members have to deal with it. Any posts from now on need to be strictly related to Mobile's poem. Nothing else. If anything else is posted, it'll be an infraction. >_>;

Careful With That Axe, Pichu!
October 20th, 2008, 07:17 PM
My personal opinion? It's a nice poem, nothing incredible, but cute.

Boomerang, what a word;
the concept sounds quite absurd.Rhyme's dandy, but not the rhythm. Can't really manage to make it work like that. It could've been much flowing if had it been the concept does sound quite absurd.

You throw it here
or somewhere near,
and it returns to you.
This stanza is perfectly rhytmic. Problem? Well, personally, not fond of the structure. I would've liked it as I quoted it, three-verse stanza, not two irregular stanzas.

But if you threw it from somewhere new,
would it still come back to you?
No... The first verse kinda ticked the rhythm off. Inevitably longer, it gets the idea through, though.

Give it a throw;
what do you know?

It still comes back to you.

Perfect. Oh , wait. no. I repeat what I said for the second stanza. Chuck them together, and it'll work much better. wtf that rhymed.

Throw it more
until you're sore;

don't stop until it stops...

I'm fond of this one, no big issues there.

Oh,
it fell.

Hate it or love it. I love it.

txteclipse
October 20th, 2008, 11:03 PM
This was fun to read, and I have a boomerang flying around in my mind's eye now. Not everything has to have epic meaning or be grammatically edgy or challenge structure preconceptions (or follow them, if you prefer).

Part of critiquing is understanding intent. This isn't intended to revolutionize the poetic world or be politically fervent. It's a whimsical escape, an enticing draw to relieve the burden of a mundane lifestyle for the short time in which you're reading it. In that light, this poem does its job quite well.