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View Full Version : I Feel a Change in Heart!


Honest
November 10th, 2008, 02:59 PM
Hiya!!!!! I made this song while makin my sig. I wanna know how you people like it. It might sound wierd, but your just readin it. Put some rytem to it!!!!!! Rate it out of 10.

We live our life forever
Not knowin' whats ahead
But we know somthing's comin'
Death's cold rotting hand

He made a choice
and came to me
but then he saw you
and then I was Free

Hook:
Why, why, why
Death, why, why
Why did you choose her
and not I

Chorus:
Death had change in heart (Echoed again)
Death had change in heart (Echoed again)

Chorus

She's now in heaven
While im stuck here
I dont deserve this
Living is my fear

Hook:

Chorus:
Chorus:

I feel demented
A demon in skin
Im leavin' my life
Death, you win

Chorus:

Hook:

Now Im with her
My life's love
By my life is over
Death you've won
(echo) you've won
(echo) you've won





This is a rock song, BTW. LOLz

DarkPrince_
November 10th, 2008, 03:11 PM
Wow. I absolutely love this song. I am not being sarcastic this is good! I rate it 15/10. Dude you gotta make more songs like this...I love them.

Honest
November 10th, 2008, 03:13 PM
Wow. I absolutely love this song. I am not being sarcastic this is good! I rate it 15/10. Dude you gotta make more songs like this...I love them.

I made this song up!!!!! LOLz. Thanks!

Bluewarwolf
November 10th, 2008, 03:34 PM
It's ok.... keep working though.

Spinor
November 10th, 2008, 04:49 PM
You need more lyrical vocabulary sense. It is very good for an amateur song, but to really get it just a bit more "abstract", I reccomend a higher range of vocabulary and unique parts. For example, don't repeat the chorus a lot. DragonForce makes 7 minute songs and only repeat the chorus like 3 times. Also, put more words that express emotion. We get that you did not want a loss, but what in detail do you FEEL? Good songs have original similes that express feelings of an event, add more emotions and would be worthwhile as a love-rock song like "Duele el amor", except... more gringo XD.

Over all, this song is a 7/10, re-touch some of those lyrics.

marz
November 10th, 2008, 07:57 PM
This is a really cryptic song. But, the lyrics are very juvenile and overused. Repeating "death" and "why" isn't very lyrically and meaningfully deep. It almost seems like a wanna-be emo/punk rock song. It needs a little more time and dedication in my opinion, but it's definitely not zero. I just think you need to work at it a bit a re-post later on when you think it's really outstanding and expresses your feelings to the fullest.

Since I feel that it is incomplete, I won't be rating it.

Signomi
November 10th, 2008, 10:57 PM
Right, this may be a forum for polls, but this thread is way out of place. Something like this belongs in Poetry, which seems closest for song lyrics in my opinion.

~Moved

Honest
November 11th, 2008, 09:06 AM
Ok, I dont mind the ratind and all. But whats up with the tags. And yeah, im still fixin it.
Made another song, BTw. called Take My Arm.

Pachireecko
November 11th, 2008, 09:59 AM
Wow! You should be a song writer! To write a song is one thing but to make a good song is another. Nice one! 10/10

Honest
November 11th, 2008, 10:16 AM
#1pkmnmaster, you are really nice........
10/10, i dont deserve it...

ANARCHit3cht
November 11th, 2008, 10:30 AM
4/10. The Lyrics, are a bit meh. It doesn't flow well, so that is meh. The Point of it is good. The Repeating Chorus, is to much. Well, at least you tried. You will get better with practice. My advice, use more emotional words, and maybe try stepping the voacbulary up a notch. You words are like a second graders words to know.

Honest
November 11th, 2008, 10:36 AM
4/10. The Lyrics, are a bit meh. It doesn't flow well, so that is meh. The Point of it is good. The Repeating Chorus, is to much. Well, at least you tried. You will get better with practice. My advice, use more emotional words, and maybe try stepping the voacbulary up a notch. You words are like a second graders words to know.

Um, Thanks? Well, yeah. I always go to Papa roach for words and advice and stuff. :)

Cassino
November 11th, 2008, 10:43 AM
-1 for apparently love-centric theme.
-1 for apparently emo-centric theme.
-1 for the lyrics being English.
-1 for short chorus.
-1 for repetetive chorus.
+1 for some good lines.
+2 because I think this would sound good musically.

So with a natural default of 5/10, the final result is 3/10.


Edit: Accidentally gave 4/10 on the poll.

Honest
November 12th, 2008, 02:32 PM
-1 for apparently love-centric theme.
-1 for apparently emo-centric theme.
-1 for the lyrics being English.
-1 for short chorus.
-1 for repetetive chorus.
+1 for some good lines.
+2 because I think this would sound good musically.

So with a natural default of 5/10, the final result is 3/10.


Edit: Accidentally gave 4/10 on the poll.

Ok? Thats a lot of stuff. And, yeah. Im, not emo myself, but i think emo:( (Wierd)
And it bring English??? Im American! Or is it that your not? And I talk about love Often. :)

storm393
November 28th, 2008, 09:35 AM
nice job blood x u really should become a song maker/writer and make ur own band along with it :D nice job!

Honest
November 28th, 2008, 09:37 AM
Hmmm..........

I dont know if i should. Most people didnt like it.