December 2nd, 2008, 02:03 PM
Like I promised, here is my article on the Game Consoles!
The attached is my work. Enjoy!
December 2nd, 2008, 02:10 PM
...not only did you post this thread in the wrong forum, I do feel it would be best suited for people to just observe what you've written and add anything on that you might have overlooked. In any case, this is relevant to Gaming consoles, so its respective forum would be Other Games.
December 2nd, 2008, 05:08 PM
My criticism might come off as slightly (read: very) harsh.
Holy crap that was painful to read/ skim through. I understand that it was written for people who don't know anything about consoles, but geez, you have to at least assume something about the reader's intelligence. Passages such as:
The Xbox 360 was created by Microsoft. It has three different models. The cheapest is the Xbox Arcade, worth $199.99 in the U.S. The second is the Xbox Premium or Pro, worth $299.99 and the most expensive is the Xbox Elite, worth $399.99.
made me cringe. The writing is terribly dry, and gives only the barest facts without any sort of variation or interest. The captions are no better.
This is a picture of the Xbox 360 with its controller
You don't say? I certainly wouldn't expect to see and Xbox 360 while reading about the Xbox 360, nor would I expect it to also have a controller! And I certainly wouldn't understand that it was a picture.
And don't get me started on the format. The three-column format looks cluttered, and having tiny pictures interspersed into the text just looks distracting. The article was made to compare all of the current gen consoles and handhelds, right? Why not make a chart, or a table? It would keep your information organized, and would make it easy for a reader to compare or contrast different aspects of each consoles.
But hey, you're a 13 year old writing (most likely) for a school paper, so odds are, this is completely irrelevant to you.
Part of me feels greatly ashamed for bothering to write this.